Miru
More brown.
She added red to the mixture, with a tiny dab of black.
The hair was difficult. She had the sort of hair which did not fully curl, nor was it fully straight. Simple waves like a gentle sea. It galled her how she'd never realised this before.
The skin tone was another challenge. Miru was already doubting herself over how pale she was. It had changed considerably whilst they stayed in King's Landing. The sun was warmer here than it had been in the Westerlands. It had added a rosier gloss to her skin.
The expression was the worst part. She continued to question whether Barba should be smiling, frowning, or something else entirely.
Sister Jyzene was remarkably silent as Miru continued to toil at her painting. It was unnerving to Miru; the septa would normally have something to suggest or advise. Miru missed it as she painted in silence.
There had been no sign of Barba. Princess Jena had assured her that men were searching for her. Miru did not know how many men they were, where they searched, or for how long, but Barba continued to be missing.
For days, Miru had been so desolate that she could scarcely rise from her bed. She'd done much the same in the days following that terrible encounter with Brodda Hill. It had been this which had led to her family discovering the truth about what happened.
She would have done the same in the days following the fire, but she was bedridden anyway due to her ghastly wounds. She was still reluctant to look at her reflection.
"You're beautiful. One day, you'll find someone who will see it too."
Miru wept as she put down her brush. Barba had always said things like that to her. Why would she run away? Why would she abandon me?
"Miru," came a soft husky voice beside her. "Do you wish to stop for today?"
Miru shook her head. She wanted to finish her painting while she could still see Barba's face. After drying her eyes, she picked up her brush and resumed her work.
She had already begun to forget what Mama, Papa, Peony, and Matthias had looked like. Their voices were fading from her memory like echoes in the night.
Barba had once found her in great distress and persuaded her to explain what the matter was. When she had done so, Barba had looked thoughtful for a moment. Finally, she had grinned and given Miru a clap over the shoulder. "You can paint, can't you? Paint them now, and you'll have them forever."
She was still putting the finishing touches on those paintings. Truthfully, she was dissatisfied with them; she was still learning how to paint. She'd been tempted to ask Septa Jyzene for help, but how could she assist? She'd never known Miru's family. Describing them would do little good. Miru had to do it herself, just as she was determined to make this painting of Barba.
Barba had always liked to wear vibrant bright colours. Miru was only painting her from the shoulders up, but she made sure to give her a sky blue tunic. She always preferred those to dresses.
Miru and Sadog had not eaten with the royal children. As a son of Titus Dondarrion, Sadog might have been able to do so, but he had not bothered with that. He'd eaten supper with Miru instead, together with Caris and little Matthias in Lord Titus' chambers.
Caris was a kindly woman with a remarkable sense of humour. Her wit had always sent Barba, Sadog, and Miru into peals of laughter. She had taken Barba's disappearance as badly as the children, Miru could sense it, but she always put on a brave face before them, as Mama had always done.
She and Sadog knew little about her apart from what she herself told them. According to Caris, she had been an orphan raised by the Faith in King's Landing. She had been uninterested in becoming a septa, however. From there, she had found service in the Red Keep as a maid until Princess Jena had brought her to her brother as a wetnurse. That was how she had described why she'd left the Faith, but Miru noticed that she seemed to have an open dislike for septons and septas, even Jyzene.
Miru thought that a pity. She herself was no longer as devoted to the gods as before, but she still had an affection for Septa Jyzene. What had she done to Caris to deserve her dislike?
Whatever the case, this dining arrangement had spared Miru and Sadog from the poisonings. Those most affected were the members of House Targaryen. Queen Myriah herself had been dangerously close to death, or so the rumours went. All of the princesses had been poisoned except for Kiera, leading some to question whether the Tyroshi had committed the deed herself. Those rumours had quickly ended after a day or two.
It had been a deeply distressing event for Miru, even though she had evaded danger; the castle's inhabitants had all seemed to wait with baited breath to see whether those afflicted would live or die.
Thankfully, only a few had succumbed. Miru had been sad when Lady Gwenys Bolt had been one of them; she had gone to the Sept of Baelor to pay her respects on the third day of her lying in state. Later, she offered her condolences to a devastated Princess Jena.
The following days had been dreary for all. Miru heard many stories of Lord Bloodraven putting cooks, maids, and other servants to question. A few must have confessed playing a part in the scheme, for their heads were placed on spikes around the castle. A number of those heads were clearly Tyroshi, based on their elaborately dyed hair.
"What more can we expect," Caris grumbled once when she and Miru were alone with Matthias. "Tyrosh is where them Blackfyres come from, isn't it?"
"You think Princess Kiera…" Miru began, until a frightened Caris shushed her.
"Gods be good, girl," she hissed. "I never said that, and you didn't say it neither!" She raised her voice. "Princess Kiera is innocent of any evil, you know that!"
Miru had forgotten herself. Lord Bloodraven's thousand eyes and one were already feared throughout the city, and the realm besides. Whilst he and Lady Shiera thwarted the poisoning attempts, the Raven's Teeth had become far more prevalent in King's Landing. Even the goldcloaks yielded to their authority.
Despite all this excitement, and aside from all her worries for Barba's whereabouts, Miru also wondered what had become of Lord Titus, Andrew, Maric, and Cayn. She felt all their absences more than ever, and she was terribly apprehensive of what they would say when they learned about Barba.
"They'll look for her," Sadog told her once when she voiced her concerns to him for the fifth time. "But I don't think we'll ever see her again. Besides, she isn't the first one who's run off."
"Why would she abandon us?" Miru could not help asking that question again.
"Gods' sakes, Miru," Sadog suddenly exploded. "I don't know! How could I know?"
Miru flinched away from him. She recalled the last time that he'd yelled at her. Barba had smoothed things over, spoken to him, coaxed an apology out of him. Who will do that now that she's gone?
She had already begun walking away from him when he called to her in a lower tone.
"I'm sorry," Sadog had muttered. "I miss her too."
Still, she had learned to stop pestering folk about Barba as the days went on without a sign of her. Instead, she put her focus on painting. The realm might forget her, she reasoned, but I won't.
"*"** "*"* "*"* "*"*"* "*"*"* "*"*"*"* "*"*" *"* "* "*" *"**"* "*"*"* "*"*" *"*" *"*"*
She misliked how her painting of Barba turned out. Septa Jyzene praised it, as did Caris and Sadog. Even Princess Jena took the time to look at it as she was recovering from the attempt on her life.
It is marvelously done," she urged Miru. "I could not have made something like this when I was twice your age."
"It doesn't look like her," Miru couldn't help but murmur. Barba's likeness could not be captured in paint, or else she was not talented enough to do it.
Princess Jena was quick with her disagreement. "Art does not need to reflect that which is. That is what mirrors are for." She smiled faintly as she handed the painting back to Miru. "Do not let yourself be discouraged. If you continue to paint, you will continue to improve."
Miru nodded. She was not fully convinced of Jena's words, but she had no wish to argue.
The following day after she finally finished her portrait of Barba, there came word that Ser Titus was returning at last.
Caris, who was ever a source of gossip in the castle, eagerly told Sadog and Miru what she'd learned.
"I heard there was a great battle in the mountains," she whispered between spoonfuls of supper. "Lord Titus and Lord Baldric made common cause with Lord Caron. They broke the Vulture King between them, so they did!"
Miru had only a faint idea of war; she had heard stories of the great war from Papa and Mama. Her own grandfathers had been slain in the fighting. It was a strange sensation to her when men and women spoke of it as a glorious thing. Nor could she really imagine Ser Titus and his squires taking part in it. She thought of the others in Ser Titus' service, such as Ser Todrik, Ser Baelon, Ser Medgar, Ser Criston, and the others.
She was still thinking of them when Sadog burst into the chamber later that day, as fast as he could hobble.
"He's back!"
Miru took a moment to react. The painting slipped from her fingers and fell upon the floor.
Septa Jyzene spoke first as she regarded Sadog with surprise. "Who?"
"Cayn!"
Miru hesitated, torn between running out of the room and cleaning up her paint supplies, as Septa Jyzene always insisted she do. For once, however, the good septa paid it no mind and let her go with Sadog at once.
"I saw him leaving the godswood," Sadog explained as they hurried down the corridor as fast as he could go.
"Where was he going?" Miru demanded.
"I don't know, I left to tell you," Sadog protested.
How long has he been back, Miru wondered. And why hasn't he come to see us? Where are Maric and Andrew? Where is Lord Titus?
They made their way through the castle, calling Cayn's name as they went. They had little notion of where he'd gone, and they only found him by chance.
He was traipsing from the lower levels, where many of the servants slept. He looked bewildered and frustrated, calling out a name. "Bessie," he shouted. "Bessie!"
"Cayn," Sadog called.
When Cayn beheld them for the first time, his face was lit up by surprise. Then, his countenance became grim as they approached him. As they drew near, they saw that he was garbed in black, with a pale white dragon on his front. Bloodraven!
Sadog shouted Cayn's name, causing him to turn around and stare at them. Surprise quickly gave way to a grim countenance, far grimmer than Miru had ever seen on his face before.
"What are you doing?" Miru asked hesitantly. "Why are you wearing Lord Bloodraven's colours?"
"He is my master," Cayn answered defensively. "I have left Lord Titus' service."
That took Miru and Sadog aback. "Left?" Sadog repeated. "But why?"
"Ask him if he returns," Cayn suggested. "In the meantime, have you two seen Bessie?"
Neither of them knew what to say to that. Miru knew that Bessie was the servant girl whom Cayn had been fond of, but she could no longer recall what she even looked like.
When she and Sadog had no answer, Cayn grimaced. "Come on," he insisted. "Where is she?"
"We don't know," Sadog protested indignantly.
A terrible thought struck Miru. "Mayhaps she was one of the servants who died."
"Died?" Cayn stared at Miru. "What are you on about?"
"A few servants were poisoned," Sadog quickly explained. He sounded frightened of Cayn, and Miru did not blame him. The mere sight of him dressed like the Raven's Teeth was enough to shock them, let alone this talk of his having left Lord Titus, wherever he was.
"When?" Cayn turned on Sadog. For the first time since he'd begun speaking to them, he sounded vulnerable. "Was Bessie one of them?"
"We don't know," Sadog repeated. "But before the queen and the princesses, there were other poisonings. At least four servants died."
Cayn was silent, staring at nothing as he left Sadog's words to hang in the air. Then, without another word to them, he stormed away without looking back.
"What's gotten into him?" Sadog demanded as he leaned on his crutch. "What's going on?"
They did not receive an answer from Cayn, whom they did not see again except from a distance. He was a squire to one of Lord Bloodraven's captains, and he never paid either of them so much as a glance thereafter.
Miru and Sadog were left to ponder this mystery until Lord Titus returned a few days later.
It was an utter surprise to them both. They were sitting in his chambers, playing with Matthias whilst Caris watched over them. The door opened with a lurch, and Lord Titus stepped inside, looking wearier than Miru had ever seen him.
"Father!" Sadog cried out as he struggled to stand up. Lord Titus reached him and knelt down, holding Sadog in a tight embrace.
Miru, who still shied away from being touched, kept her distance as the tall marcher lord met her gaze. There was a strange look in his eyes, one which unnerved her as she watched Lord Titus rise to his feet again.
"I'm glad that you're safe," he exclaimed softly. "Jena told me about Barba's disappearance."
Miru was on the cusp of weeping again as she felt her hands curl into fists at her side.
"Cayn is with the Raven's Teeth," Sadog declared. "He says he's left us."
"I know of that too," Lord Titus answered heavily. "It is my fault that he is gone."
"What happened?" Miru asked, dreading what the answer could be. "Where are Maric and Andrew?"
The answer was worse than anything she could have expected. Lord Titus himself began to shed tears as he spoke in a voice choked by grief. "It was a terrible campaign, Miru. Andrew and Maric were killed."
Miru looked down as Sadog cried out in dismay. Matthias, perhaps sensing the drop in mood, began to wail as Caris hastened to pick him up.
Lord Titus sat down in one of the chairs. "The Vulture King is also dead," he explained without preamble. "My time on the small council has come to an end. I mean to leave these shores."
"Leave?" Sadog looked ready to let his crutch fall to the ground. "When?"
"As soon as possible," Lord Titus - is he still a lord? - replied. "But not for a few days at least. Until then, you must decide whether you will come with me or not."
Miru was bowled over by these words. She and Sadog glanced at each other.
"Milord," Caris replied, aghast. "This is all very sudden."
"I can only apologise," Lord Titus replied. After a pause, he gave a sigh. "And I'm no longer a lord, Caris. Just a ser again." He attempted to grin, but it only served to stretch his lips beneath his overgrown beard.
"Where are you going?"
Ser Titus looked at Sadog with sad eyes. "I will go to the Summer Isles. I once made a promise to go there, and it is past time that I fulfill it."
Miru was filled with wonder and apprehension. She recalled that day with Barba and Sadog, discussing the foreign lands in Sadog's book. Sadog had spoken of it like it was paradise. Still, she could not forget how far away it was. She had thought she'd travelled a long way to reach King's Landing, and that had been without crossing a wide ocean.
Sadog spoke again. "How long will you go there?"
"I do not know," answered Ser Titus. "But I don't expect to return to the Seven Kingdoms for a long time. In fact, that is my intention."
Something about the way he said it made Miru tremble. She could not forget that Barba was still missing, and might still be found. Nor could she forget that without Ser Titus, she had no idea where she would go. The castle or the city, Barba said. She chose the city, and Cayn chose the castle. Where will Sadog and I go?
She felt a pair of eyes upon her; Sadog was staring at her in confusion or diffidence, she couldn't be sure. She felt similar to him, with such a large decision placed in her lap.
"You need not make up your minds today, children," Ser Titus urged. "I will need a few days at least to prepare for my departure. I will not leave until you have made your choices." He glanced at Caris. "You are welcome to come with me as well. I will take Matthias with me when I go."
Miru glanced at Caris. The woman was pale and wide-eyed, and her arms seemed to grip Matthias harder. "Are you sure it will be safe, mil-ser?"
"Nay," came the laconic answer. "But he is my son. I will not abandon my child."
"Will you abandon us?"
Ser Titus stared at Sadog. A hurt expression formed on his face, but he spoke no words.
"Why did Cayn leave?" Sadog demanded. "What happened?"
The marcher knight did not answer for several moments. He seemed to shrink down, his torso leaning heavily on his forearms. Finally, a soft reply left his lips.
"I learned that Cayn was in league with Lord Bloodraven. And I believed that he had played a part in killing Andrew. I was cruel to him, and I will regret that action for the rest of my days."
Neither Sadog nor Miru had anything to say to that. They stood where they were, as if rooted to the spot by the emotions coursing through them.
Finally, Miru spoke aloud, asking an old question which reentered her thoughts as she looked upon Ser Titus.
"Why did you save me?"
He blinked in surprise. "Because you were a terrified little girl without a family."
"But why?" Miru demanded. "Why Barba? Why Cayn? Why any of us?"
There was a silence between them until Ser Titus sighed and spoke in a low voice which he hadn't used since his apology to her over Matthias' name.
"It is a long tale. I will not tell you the full extent of it now, but you ought to know this much. I was married once, and I had two children. Garin and Chayora were their names. They were just six years old during the Blackfyre Rebellion."
Miru shuddered. She glanced over at Sadog, who was gripping his crutch harder than usual.
"I was away," Ser Titus continued. "I had promised to return, but I tarried on the way for… for petty reasons. I once tried to convince myself that it had been out of duty, but… In any case, the war came to my family whilst I was away."
Ser Titus cuffed at one of his eyes as he made a sound like he was clearing his throat. The fact that he was weeping filled Miru with discomfort and fear of what he would say next.
"Garin and Chayora were slain. I was told later that they tried to take shelter in the stables, but the enemy loosed fire arrows, and…" Lord Titus gave a shaky sigh.
Miru reflexively put her hand up to her face and touched a part of her scars. She had endured so much pain, so much ridicule, so much grief… Now she tried to imagine what would have happened if her father or mother had been the only one to survive. Would they have wept as Ser Titus is weeping now? Even ten years later?
"In any case," Ser Titus resumed, "I was convinced that I'd been cursed, and that my children had suffered for mine own sins. I thought that looking after children which I hadn't sired… I thought I could do some good for them and spare them the curse."
"What curse?" Sadog was frowning.
"It matters not," Ser Titus replied. "One day, I will tell you the full account of that too, but for my part, I have come to see that the curse is a lie. Just as the gods themselves are lies."
Miru started, thinking back to her own disillusionment with the gods. Wonder took her to hear a grown man speak thusly about the Seven; she had dreaded saying such things aloud after Septa Jyzene had disciplined her, and she could only imagine what she would think of an anointed knight such as Ser Titus questioning the gods' existence.
She stepped forward and grabbed one of Ser Titus' large hands into her own.
Tears slipped down his cheeks as he looked down at her. She wanted to say something else, but she could not find the right words. All she could do was grip his hand with her own.
Ser Titus' other hand slowly came up and tentatively rested on her head.
Miru heard Sadog's crutch and feet as he shuffled forward. "You said you would be my father," he declared softly. "Are you still?"
Ser Titus looked at Sadog. He took his hand off of Miru's head and put it on Sadog's shoulder. "Now and always," he said hoarsely, "if you would still have me as your father."
"I will go with you," Sadog answered quietly.
A lump was in Miru's throat, but she could still nod her head.
Behind them, Caris gave a matter-of-fact sigh. "Well, I suppose I'd best come with you lot. Ser Titus will need all the help he can get looking after you three!"
Only then did Miru release her hold on Lord Titus so she could turn and embrace Caris as well. She felt the woman begin to tremble as she stroked Miru's hair.
"*" *"*" *"* "*"*" ""*"* "*"*"* "*"*"* "*"" *"" "*"*"* "*"*" *"*"* "*"*"* *"
Ser Titus was true to his word; it was only three days later that he announced that all was ready.
Sadog and Miru had long ago packed their few belongings, and they had made their goodbyes. Miru had not needed to find many people for that; most of the castle's inhabitants had never given her the time of day. Children had mocked her scars with crude names, and the grownups had looked askance at her due to her lowborn status. Only Princess Jena, Queen Myriah, and Prince Baelor wished her well when it came time for her departure.
All the fear and anxiety had built up inside her again; the thought of leaving Westeros behind was a daunting one which she was still processing. Even when King Daeron had officially declared her to be Miru Dondarrion on the second day, she'd still felt detached from what that meant.
Now she followed Ser Titus out of the Red Keep, looking down as she'd done before whilst sticking close to Sadog.
"Would you have gone without me?" Sadog suddenly whispered to her as they trailed behind Ser Titus' long-legged gait.
Miru almost stopped walking as she tried to understand what that meant, and what her answer would be.
Reflexively, she turned to look at Sadog as she kept going forward. "Would you?"
Sadog gave her a queer look at first, then shrugged his shoulders. "Fair enough." A small half-grin appeared on his face.
Miru couldn't help but smile with him, but it was short-lived as she stepped out of the castle and found herself facing a large wheelhouse. Ser Titus picked her up and placed her in the wheelhouse's doorway.
Caris was already sitting inside. As always, little Matthias was in her arms, suckling from one breast. Across from her, Ollo of Lannisport gave Miru a grim half-smile. "Seems that we're off on another adventure, Miru."
Miru nodded shyly. She was still nervous around him, especially as she'd nearly gotten him executed on two different occasions.
She hadn't tried to predict which of Lord Titus' men would accompany them, but she certainly wouldn't have expected that Ollo would be the only one, even after she'd learned of how many of the others had died.
As Sadog slid his way across the seat to stop by her side, Miru turned up to look at Lord Titus as he entered last. "Where are the others?"
"They have no wish to leave Westeros," Lord Titus answered, "Ser Medgar least of all. He is heir to his father's seat, after all."
Miru gaped at the marcher lord. There was a grimness to him which unsettled her. "Milord," she murmured. "Is something wrong?"
Lord Titus sighed. "No, Miru. Forgive me." His voice was gentler, but Miru doubted his sincerity.
It was not until she left the wheelhouse again that she felt a great melancholy and fear possess her. She beheld a great ship in the harbour, bigger and more beautiful than any she'd seen before. The men and women aboard it were brown and black in hue, speaking to each other in a tongue that she could not comprehend.
We are leaving Westeros, Miru thought with alarm. The enormity of it only struck her as she stood before this vessel. She looked back whence she'd come. King's Landing was bustling, dirty, and intimidating, but it was at least familiar. Barba is out there somewhere. If I leave now, she will never know where we've gone.
Panic seized her, and she gripped the skipping stone from Crakehall in her little hand.
"Miru?"
She looked up at Lord Titus. He was giving her a look of concern, holding out his hand to assist her.
Then, taking the deepest breath of her life, Miru reached out and accepted his hand with her own, gripping it tightly as she stepped onto the gangplank. The skipping stone slipped easily into her pocket as she held out her other arm for balance.
The deck below her was solid, but strange. She still felt off balance as the ship bobbed to and fro in the water. One of the crewmen whispered to another as they gestured toward her, as so many others did when seeing her scarred face for the first time. They quickly turned away from her when Ser Titus stood beside her and put his hand on her shoulder.
"Ollo," he called. "See to our cabins, and have our belongings brought there."
"Right." Ollo seemed far more at home on a ship's deck than the others. He picked up two bags with ease and followed a finely dressed Summer Islander below deck. Caris stumbled after him, looking a little ill as she kept a firm grip on Matthias.
"We'll be casting off soon," Ser Titus told Miru and Sadog as he helped them across the deck. They stopped at the front of the ship, staring out at the open horizon. Sky and sea were two different shades of blue, making Miru wish that she could paint it right then and there.
It wasn't long before a call went out, and Miru sensed the ship moving forward, far more smoothly than she could have imagined. The wind was pushing against her back, blowing her hair into a mess as she continued to stare outward. One hand held onto Sadog so he didn't fall over, whilst both of Ser Titus' hands were on their shoulders.
With the greatest effort she'd ever spent in her life, Miru Dondarrion did not look back whence she'd come, not until the ship had left Westeros so far behind that it was already a dim speck in the distance.