Now that Bella was sure she would stop by Jacob's, she wanted to look less like the grungy waif she'd appeared the day before. She changed into a crop top and paired it with the one thing she never wore around the boys - a short skirt without leggings. There was no reason to worry about being tossed over someone's shoulder anymore.
Leah chuckled knowingly from her seat on the edge of Bella's bed. "Bells, is that a revenge outfit?"
Was that what it was? It didn't feel like revenge. It felt petty, but there were no winners here. Least of all, Bella. She said, "I looked like a complete skank yesterday. I just…don't want him to see me looking destroyed like that again. If he's even there, which I doubt." She nodded toward the window, adding, "Besides, it's not raining today."
Bella pulled an old box out of her closet and dumped the contents onto the floor. She began folding and packing Jacob's old T-shirts and placed them in the box. As she lifted her favorite of them from her hamper, she hesitated before throwing it into the closet with a huff. Again, Leah laughed.
"That's my favorite, and I bought it. Jake doesn't deserve it back," Bella grumbled. Leah cackled, the familiar sound instantly putting a smile on Bella's face.
Leah asked, "What do you think he's gonna do with those? He can't wear them."
"I couldn't care less. Jacob can give them to what's-her-face for all I care."
I hope he washes them first. They weren't all clean, and Bella didn't give a damn.
"Yeah, honey," Leah said softly despite the sarcasm. "If you keep telling yourself that, you just might believe it."
Bella gathered a few of the more painful reminders of Jake from around her room to add to the box. She pushed back every instinct that told her to save, keep, and cherish these things, recalling how hurt she'd been to find Edward had stolen every memento she had when he left.
Maybe not having them wasn't actually a bad thing… Though Bella tried not to let it show, packing away Jacob's shirts and pictures of them together hurt more than not having anything to throw out at all. Bella folded in the box flaps, took a calming breath, and pulled on her Converse.
Leah stood as she glanced over Bella's form, scrutinizing her appearance. "You need the red lips. Do you have fishnets?"
"No," Bella laughed. "And not today." Bella shook her head and squatted to pick up the box. She winced as lifting it pulled at her sore upper back muscles. Lift with your legs, genius.
Leah said, "I think you should. You've never worn it to Jacob's. It is a new thing for you, right? It looks so good, Swan. Just trust me."
Her eyes sparkled with mischief as she tucked her phone into her back pocket. She darted from the room and returned before Bella reached the hallway. Leah held up the lipstick, ready to go. She cupped Bella's chin with her opposite hand.
Surprised by Leah's speed at finding the makeup bag, Bella asked, "How did y-"
Leah pressed the applicator to Bella's lips, silencing her. Carefully applying it as Bella held still, Leah teased, "Please, Swan. You have that bathroom so meticulously organized. You'd think you hired a crackhead to clean the house. Is that how you've been spending all of your free time lately? Completely organizing the entire house?"
Bella waited for her to finish before answering, "I had nothing else to do."
Leah laughed and ran to the bathroom to put the lipstick where it belonged. "Swan, I think you and I need to get out more." She lowered her voice as she walked back toward Bella, saying, "Seems like a good make-out session does you some good. Seems to put a little pep in your step the next day."
Bella's cheeks tingled, flushing deep red as she shook her head, unsure if Leah was teasing about Paul, herself, or both. Leah sniggered as Bella nearly stumbled and headed toward the stairs. She followed Bella to her car, waving goodbye to Charlie as they left.
Leah needed to stop for gas. Bella offered to pay and pump while Leah waited in the car, texting on her cell. They both went inside for drinks as Leah complained about wanting snacks already.
Bella grabbed a box of zebra cakes as she toyed with the idea of a peace offering to Quil. Was she still hurt? Yes. But Quil was family. They couldn't avoid each other forever. Leah spotted the box as they approached the counter. She shook her head knowingly but said nothing.
As Leah started the car a few minutes later, she gasped while watching her gas meter rise. " Shit, Bella. I told you like ten bucks!"
Bella laughed. " Yeah, and it wouldn't have gotten you very far."
"My car is used to running on fumes," Leah grumbled. "I don't know if my account can cover however much you put in there."
Bella reached over to rub Leah's shoulder. "Don't worry about it. I paid for it."
Leah glared at her but sighed, clearly relieved. "So you just held my card out there and let me think you used it?"
"Duh," Bella said, pulling on her seatbelt as Leah put the car into gear. "You'd have never let me fill your tank up if I offered to."
Leah glanced toward her as she checked for traffic. She pulled onto the highway, grumbling, "Yeah, you're probably right."
After a long pause, she asked, "Bella? Can I ask you something? You can tell me it's none of my business, but…"
Bella snorted and interrupted, "You? Mind your own business?"
"Bitch ." The hesitant tone returned as she said, "I'm serious. I just don't want you to get mad."
Immediately, Bella tensed, fearing it would be something about the night before. Leah had already made one joke about it. Was it bothering her more than she let on?
Bella's voice cracked as she asked, "Um, okay? What do you want to know?"
Leah asked, "So, like… you paid for our hair that one day. I know you've bought the boys tons of food. You don't have a job, so… I just wondered where you got it."
Confused and a little thrown off by the unexpected topic, Bella asked, "Got what?"
"You know," Leah whispered, followed with a frustrated grunt. "How do you afford it? Like, does Charlie foot the bill? Does your mom send you money, or?"
Bella blushed as she thought of her ever-increasing bank account. She tried not to look at the balance since noticing another 5k deposit at the beginning of the month. If the Cullens wanted to waste their money…
"You know what? Fuck it," Bella said with a huff as she turned toward Leah. "I have told no one this. Only the people at the bank know about it."
"That sounds ominous," Leah teased and nudged Bella's upper arm with her elbow. "Those rich-ass Cullens paying you some kind of hush money or something?"
Bella felt like she might faint as Leah's words settled over her, reminding her she'd believed it to be that very thing. Bastards.
Still gaping at Leah in disbelief, Bella closed her mouth to swallow. Her throat suddenly parched as her embarrassed blush burned down to her navel. She reached for her drink and took a generous pull from the straw.
Watching the road, Leah said, "Hello? Earth to Swan. Are you okay over there?"
"Yeah," Bella said as one shaky hand absently pushed her hair back from her face. She cleared her throat before adding. "Yeah, I'm okay. Just… shocked, is all. I didn't expect you to guess."
Leah glanced toward her, scowling. "Don't fuck with me, Swan. I was kidding! "
"I wouldn't say it's hush money, per se," Bella said, looking out into the passing forest. "I honestly don't know what it's for, but I suspect it's from the Cullens." She turned back toward Leah timidly, anticipating her reaction. "I didn't even notice it was in my account until recently."
"That's insane," Leah huffed. "What is it, anyway? A few hundred?"
"Five thousand," Bella muttered.
Leah's jaw dropped. "Excuse me? Like, five grand total or?"
"Per month," Bella clarified, blushing again. "Like forty thousand total, so far."
Incredulous, Leah asked, "So, what? You're just like… blowing it? Why the hell would you do that?"
Bella frowned as her temper sparked. This type of conversation was why she'd told no one about the money, including Charlie. A little harsher than intended, she said, "I don't want it! It's fucking guilt money, Leah. It's insulting! I've barely touched it, but It's better to spend it on people I care about who need it more than I do."
Bella clenched her hands into fists in her lap to keep from fidgeting as she wondered for the millionth time which Cullens were responsible. As she considered Esme and Carlisle, longing for the woman she'd grown to love like a second mother nearly brought tears to her eyes. It had been months since Bella allowed herself to dwell on thoughts of Esme. She took a deep breath and braced herself, expecting the pain to envelop her at any second. For once, the pain didn't come.
And yet, yesterday, her pain had felt more raw than ever. Seeing the boys reunited - without her - hurt much more than Bella's current feelings about the Cullens. Perhaps that was selfish, but Bella couldn't help it. She had felt so overwhelmed with grief that all she wanted was to inflict some in return. The pain in her chest had never been as acute or consuming as it was the day before. And that was before seeing them reunited.
Then again, the boys had reshaped that cavern in her chest, hadn't they? They'd helped heal her by filling that space with themselves, carving it into a place they belonged. Something broke inside of her the day before. She had felt the shift as surely as the sense of utter betrayal. It was a wonder she could still breathe.
Pulling her from her thoughts, Leah said, "Bella, that money could be your ticket out of this shithole. Or your college fund. A new car, maybe? I think your truck has seen better days."
Bella smirked, appreciating the interruption to her thought trail. "Don't hate the truck."
She looked back toward the road and gasped as Jacob's house loomed near. Her heart raced as she expected Billy's reaction to her visit. What if he treated her coldly again, refused to let her in, or wouldn't allow her to get her stuff? What if Jacob did?
What if what's-her-face is there?
"Fuck, I don't know if I'm ready for this."
Leah reached for Bella's hand. "It's gonna be okay, Bells."
Bella uncurled her fist to thread her fingers through Leah's and squeezed. Leah squeezed back and let go to hit her signal before turning into the long-familiar driveway.
As Leah turned off the car, she asked, "Do you want me to wait here or come with you?"
Bella's hands trembled as she unbuckled the seatbelt. "Uh… I can do this." She looked up at the front porch and swallowed nervously. Again, the dryness in her throat made her take another drink. "I think."
She could feel Leah trying not to laugh beside her.
"Hey, Lee?"
"Yeah?"
"Don't tell anyone about the money, okay? I just… I don't want people to know. Especially since I don't know what it's for and can't confirm it came from them. I'd rather just…"
"I get it," Leah said, nodding. "I won't repeat it, I promise."
"Thanks," Bella said and heaved a sigh. "Wish me luck." Bella opened the car door and climbed out.
As she opened the back door to grab the box, Leah whispered, "Good luck, Swan."
"With all the dishes, books, and other things I have here, I'll need it."
"I hope there's enough room in my car." Leah laughed.
Glancing at the back seat, Bella thought, Yeah. Me, too.
Please Review. xo.