Disclaimer:

I solemnly swear that the literature and works of the Harry Potter Verse belong to JK Rowling, Bloomberg and Warner Bros. The only thing I own are the one-shot ideas that popped into my head and whatever OCs I would create for them. This is a work of pure fiction made solely for fun, constructive reviews will be welcomed, flames will be ignored. Any references to characters in real-life or fiction are purely coincidental. If I could make money out of my ideas, it would be nice...

Mischief Managed Damn It!

Title: Die Hard in Hogwarts

Posted Date: December 8 2023

Tags: Harry being John McClaine, Alternate Canon AU, Idiot Granger, Interference Order of Phoenix

Possible Pairings: Harry x Susan, Harry x Padma, Harry x Daphne

Possible Challenge: No Horcrux, Hermione interfering with Harry's rescue, BAMF Luna

It was something that people had expected to happen sooner or later, yet it was one which no one had anticipated the timing to be so soon.

It had only been 3 months since the reappearance of Voldemort at the British Ministry of Magic in the month of June, 1996. The previous minister, Cornelius Fudge, was dragged into an emergency Wizengamot session and was removed from his role through votes of no confidence due to the mess he made of the previous year, having used it to smear the names of Albus Dumbledore and Harry Potter through the newspaper and populace while denying all claims of Voldemort having been resurrected. He was also under investigations for alleged bribery and abuse of power partially for the same reason but more on his connections with Lucius Malfoy who had been caught in Death Eater robes. His undersecretary, Madam Umbridge, had been arrested under allegations of using blood quills to torture students under the guise of detentions, specifically Harry Potter for supposedly going against the words of the Ministry. She was also found to be the one that set the Dementors on him in the summer of 1995 before his fifth year.

Amelia Bones had managed to survive a surprise attack in her home from the Death Eaters led by Voldemort himself near the end of the summer holidays, and she also marked Yaxley as the traitor to the DMLE. Shortly after that, she personally locked down the entire department and went through the crew with a fine comb to weed out other spies belonging to either the previous administration, Voldemort or Dumbledore's Order of The Phoenix. The last one, she gave them an ultimatum to either stick with the Auror Corps with new oaths, or to resign immediately and pray they don't meet on the field with them interfering with official DMLE business. It was with some reluctance from a couple that they gave the oaths to follow her, and she made sure the wording left no leeway for loopholes to be exploited by them or Dumbledore, who based on rumors was quite irritated about it.

Given the attacks and the relative time breaks between them, there were a few who were hopeful that Voldemort was getting setbacks from his failed attempts to invade the Ministry and his attack on Amelia Bones. There was also the known bit that his number of followers were down thanks to Amelia pushing to sentence the captured Death Eaters to death despite arguments from the dark factions and Dumbledore pulling the "second chances for the greater good" card. Granted, some like Lucius Malfoy still managed to get away no thanks to the previous minister pulling out one last pardon for him but the others were certainly not leaving the cells anytime soon.

With that in mind, no one from Hogwarts expected a sudden invasion by the Death Eaters 2 days before Christmas.

"Everybody move to the Great Hall now!"

"Get that mudblood!"

"Move the girls to that side!"

"Where is Potter!"

The subject of that last shout grumbled as he raced about the corridor, his feet moving to get away from the Death Eaters who were evidently tasked to search for him. He would have tried one of the secret passages leading out to Hogsmede but they were covered by at least one Death Eater and students who apparently joined the cause, eagerly waiting to curse anyone coming their way. Harry was forced to head to the Chamber of Secrets to hide, something that would help for the time being since he was the only Parselmouth in the entire castle. The only issue he faced was the possibility of Voldemort coming afterwards to gain access to the chambers, and the only thing stopping the dark wizard from coming straight for him was Harry blowing up the corridors leading to Myrtle's toilet to get some space. It took some effort but he managed to get to the toilet and, after a quick check for charms on him and around the toilet, and removing quite a number in the process, Harry entered the Chamber of Secrets and shut it behind him while transfiguring the fallen rumble into solid rock with metal layers and holes to lead any small Animagus away.

Now that he was back in the chamber with the body of Basilisk still looking as fresh as the day he killed it in second year, Harry sat down on the floor and rubbed his face in frustration at the bad luck plaguing him and the absolute shit he was in.

He had gone through a lot over the past 5 to 6 years in Hogwarts, with the death of his godfather being the most serious and recent to date, and he had no patience for the turn-table attitudes of people around him. Snape taking up the role of Defence Professor certainly added to his agitation as the man kept using him for target practice and using snide remarks about his dad or Sirius.

Not to mention the whiskered wanker known as Albus Dumbledore trying to be all knowing after the previous year of acting standoffish by wanting to take his time to display memories pertaining to knowledge of Voldemort's past to know his thoughts and supposedly understand how he would eventually go after Harry. Harry had told him straight up after the first lesson that unless he was actually serious about teaching him, Harry was not going to bother coming every odd night to view only one memory when it could be done within a week at least or a month at most, and not getting any actual training to go against the dark wizard. And when McGonagall tried being the usual stooge she was after Harry skipped two "lessons", Harry told her that he would resign from the Quidditch Team since clearly they had so much time to keep wasting on him for this while he was dealing with his studies and his life on the line.

The professor had not bothered him since but it would appear that Granger took over to harass him until he told her to piss off, already frustrated by her not liking him doing better in Potions thanks to the potions book that was heavily doctored he got from the potions cupboard. There was also the added fact that she would not believe his claims that Draco Malfoy was involved with Death Eater activities since the summer, and Ron just followed her because of his budding feelings for her despite agreeing with Harry. That made it the second time the two had betrayed him, and that was enough to call their friendship off and move to others he could talk to like Neville, Luna and more recently Susan Bones and Padma Patil.

Well guess what, Hermione? Draco was the one who managed to get the Death Eaters into Hogwarts through the Room of Requirement, and everyone heard them congratulating the young man for that before going on the hunt.

He was not normally so petty, but the next time Harry saw Hermione Granger, he was going to deliver a personal Howler saying "He told her so!"

And it was supposed to be coming up to Christmas, damn it! Wasn't there some kind of rulebook stating not to perform any bad guy activities for the holiday? And it had to be when Dumbledore left the school for some secret work while twinkling those bloody eyes of his as usual in an attempt to tempt Harry into listening to him.

Just bloody perfect!

"Harry?" He looked up to see Susan coming over to check on him along with Neville and Luna, while Hannah was checking on Dean, and Padma with her sister Parvati and Lavender Brown. Harry went into them on his way to the chamber and saved them from the Death Eaters and a couple of Slytherin upper years, but Dean got the Cruciatus Curse while turning the last corner, and Parvati got her leg twisted when sliding down the pipe. "What shall we do?" Susan asked while fiddling her DA coin.

Harry took a deep breath before letting it out. He needed to be calm for this. "Okay, first off, we need to get a message out to the outside world and contact the Aurors before Tom does his usual bullshit." The others nodded while knowing that Harry was using the muggle name to refer to Voldemort to avoid the possible Taboo activating, having been told about it previously. "Don't suppose you have something for emergencies?" Harry directed the question to them but focusing more on Susan.

"I already activated my failsafe." Susan reached into a pocket to show a necklace that had a broken chain and a small gem blinking red. "Auntie gave this to me just in case something happened. This would be the first time I actually used this in Hogwarts." She let out a rueful laugh. "This does count as an emergency rather than whatever excuse the headmaster uses." Harry hummed at that, his distrust towards Dumbledore made more evident when the ring and chain bracelet that Sirius had granted him the previous year helped to detect potions in his food and drink, and that also led to questions towards his previously closest friends that he was not sure he wanted answers from.

"If only we had a way to send mail out, but the owlery is likely closed down and the wards would probably get stronger." Neville scratched his head at this.

"We do have help." Luna spoke in her ethereal tone even in the face of danger. "We just need to ask the right question to the right people." Harry turned to Luna, more than used to her odd words that often hid the meaning she was referring to. Luna smiled at Harry while motioning with a hand to illustrate someone of a short stature. That took him a few moments before his eyes widened.

"Dobby, can you hear me?" A pop drew everyone's attention to the oddly dressed house-elf who looked about the chamber and let out a squeak at the dead Basilisk. "Dobby!" The house-elf turned to look at Harry with wide eyes.

"Dobby knows that Harry Potter is great, but Dobby never knew how much danger he was in with this!" Dobby rushed forward to grab his leg. "Harry Potter is safe, but is in more grave danger now than before! Bad snake followers are in Hogwarts!"

"Dobby, I am really glad to see you!" Harry bent to hug the house-elf tightly before releasing his grip. "Right now, we really need your help." Dobby straightened his back and stood at attention like he was a soldier. "First off, what is the situation above us?"

"Students are moved to the Great Hall with teachers. Professor Muggle Studies is dead." Several gasps came from that answer. "Many snake students are working with snake followers to find other students to move them. Miss Bookworm and Weasley are in the Great Hall." Harry took another breath at this point.

"Okay, we need to get a message out to the DMLE." Harry paused as he considered a thought that popped into his head. "Can other elves come here?" Dobby tilted his head briefly before answering.

"Dobby thinks a few can enter, but not all. Winky can if Dobby comes with her. Others might if Harry Potter were to use his titles of inheritance from all houses to call for those already here." Dobby looked at Harry with a look while speaking. Harry took a moment to consider his words before his eyes widened.

"Wait, you mean?" Dobby slowly nodded at his unasked query while maintaining eye contact, "But that means that Dumbledore knew and withheld it?" Dobby nodded again this time with rolled eyes, an action that amused the purebloods looking at the elf.

Harry raised a finger while standing up. "Excuse me for one moment." Harry went to a corner, silenced that area before entering it, and proceeded to let loose a lot of vocabulary that was not heard, but his actions were certainly seen and everyone watched his face turning red as he gestured wildly at the same time. After a while, Harry slowed down and took a few deep breaths before coming out. "Sorry about that."

"Got something to tell us?" Dean asked while wincing. He was only hit for a few seconds yet it felt like his stomach was on fire.

"In a minute." Harry looked at Susan while pulling out some paper, an ink bottle and a quill. "Write a message to your aunt, let her know what is going on." Susan nodded and went to get the items to write with Padma helping with the wording. Harry then turned to Dobby. "Get Winky here for safety. I will call the rest to see if they will come." Dobby nodded and popped away while Harry raised a hand and closed his eyes briefly. Susan, Neville and the others noted a shimmer around the middle finger before a ring appeared. "My name is Harry Potter, and I am calling to all elves currently in Hogwarts that are in service to me or my family. Please come to my aid." The ring glowed brightly before multiple pops sounded about the chamber with at least twenty odd house-elves appearing in the room, those closest to the dead basilisk squeaked in fright. Another pop had Dobby appearing with Winky in his arms followed shortly by a few more.

"Harry?" Padma asked while blinking at the house-elves. "Why did you call them here?"

"To check on something, and this just proves that Dumbledore is a bloody wanker." Harry took a breath to contain his temper.

"Young Master Potter has finally called on us!" One of the more sickly looking elves called out with the Potter crest on the uniform. "We have been waiting, but we could not come without being called."

"I did not know that I had elves until Dobby here clued me in." Harry gestured to the elf in question. "Okay, if I recall correctly, you guys need to be bound to me to be healthy right?" The elves with the same crest with hopeful expressions. "Okay, but before you do that." Harry turned back to Dobby and Winky. "Dobby, would you want to work under me? We can discuss payment and benefits later." Dobby looked very happy but paused at Winky in his arms.

"Dobby would like to serve Harry Potter, but Winky needs help." Harry nodded before placing a hand on Winky's head.

"Winky, if you so desire, I can bring you into the House of Potter. It is your choice." The female elf opened her eyes to look at Harry.

"But Winky is a bad elf, she got clothes." He frowned at the very weak voice she used, it was clear that she was literally on death's door at this point.

"Winky, what happened with Crouch was not your fault. But we can discuss more on that later if you wish." Harry had to focus on the situation. "Do you wish to work for my family?" Winky teared up at this.

"Winky would like to work in a family again." Harry nodded and poured some magic into her through his hand to get her to link up before removing it, some color now coming back to her.

"For now, you should rest here until you are able to work. Hogwarts has some invaders that are threatening our safety. Dobby." The elf looked at him. "Please help Susan to pass a message to Amelia Bones. We need to warn her about the Death Eaters and Tom." Dobby nodded, and after getting handed the note and looking at Winky, Dobby popped away.

"Those under my houses, I will reconnect with you, and then we need your aid to help the students. Okay?" The elves all nodded and they came forward to touch him to connect with his magic. Harry looked at the others. "We are going to need a plan quickly while we wait. We need to fortify this place as much as we can in case Tom comes here, otherwise we will need a new place to hide in."

"We got this." Neville nodded with Luna pulling him to the others to start planning. Susan paused to look at Harry.

"I think we need a lot of help." Harry nodded at that while looking at the eight elf reconnecting with the House of Potter.

"I might have a crazy idea, I just hope we can get others for this." He looked at those bearing the Hogwarts crest. "Can you guys help me check for those not yet caught by the Death Eaters? See if you can either direct or move them to places where they can hide for the time being. I am not sure if this Chamber is able to accommodate all, especially with the basilisk here." Harry motioned lamely at the corpse.

"We can move the big snake away and preserve it for rendering. We can render the snake into parts, or ask goblins to help." One of the elves sporting the Hogwarts crest replied. Harry blinked at that.

"Okay, but before you do that." Harry looked at the basilisk that nearly killed him. "I am going to need a couple of the smaller fangs and some venom."

Dumbledore, Lupin or whoever would say that it was wrong to attack with deadly intent, but Harry was done playing defensive, and since the Death Eaters were at the front door, it was only fair to welcome them to Hogwarts his way and not Dumbledore's.

Omake:

The Junior Death Eaters were in trouble.

They were supposed to bring the others who had initially escaped from them to the Great Hall for processing, but they got stunned by some assailant and woke up to find themselves tied up and without any clothes or wands, and their captives missing.

It would be something of little comfort to know others were also affected, but they needed to get their act together before the Senior Death Eaters, their fathers, or worse the Dark Lord, came about to check on their progress.

Unfortunately word got round to Severus Snape, the man who was currently the stand in as the headmaster since the old cat McGonagall took too many stunners to the chest and was kept to the infirmary despite many wanting to end her life. The only reason she was still alive instead of having a Killing Curse was for her to be a hostage for Dumbledore if he or the Ministry tried anything, along with the others who were in the castle. Anyway the potions master was not amused and ordered them to regroup and find any other students or better yet, get the Potter brat to stave off his anger.

But it became clear that some were missing and they were sent out to find them, only to stumble into a situation that made them very reluctant to call for their fathers or Snape for aid. Something that was rendered moot since the portraits were all too eager to tell Snape their woes with the excuse of him being the headmaster, but actually to get them punished for betraying their own classmates. It did not take much for the chatter to reach the Great Hall and for the man to personally come to them a few minutes later with a scowl and robes whipping behind him.

"What is going on here?" The potions master slash spymaster came to a stop and asked the lower ranking Death Eater who at least held some seniority.

"We found one of them." The man grimly answered while standing aside to let Snape see one of their missing Death Eaters tied up with Christmas decorations and a broken mask to cover the face. Snape moved closer to see the blood and holes through the robes, then he saw something that made his lips curl as he pulled on the cloth to reveal the corpse wearing a white shirt with words written in ink and blood, the handwriting being very familiar to him.

He would recognise the stupid chicken scratch anywhere in this school.

"I took away your hostages, I beat your goons, and now I have a gun. Ho. Ho. Ho." Snape's eyes twitched violently as he read out loud the words on the shirt, his building rage evident to the Death Eater and potential recruits who knew him enough to move away from the impending explosion. Snape slowly straightened up, took a slow deep breath, before his prominent sneer took place and he opened his mouth to let out a scream that could be heard all over the castle.

"Damn you, Potter!"

Author's Notes:

My Christmas Idea Story for the year 2023, courtesy of Mister McClaine. I hope you guys catch the shout-out for the actor playing Snape.

This AU is essentially one where Draco Malfoy was sufficiently motivated enough to actually fix the Vanishing Cabinet before Christmas period, hence the early invasion that no one would expect and of course Dumbledore is elsewhere. Harry will have to do the legwork in the castle while Dumbledore tries to interfere "For The Greater Good!" XD