I woke in my room wrenching my guts up. He was trying to kill me. The head alone was awful, but the turning in my stomach was worse.

"Shit, it's freezing in here." I peeked over to Lucian.

"I don't want to hear it." I spoke as he put his coat on me. I held my mouth, but it forced its way up. "I don't want to know; I don't want you to yell at me."

"I was coming, I swore an oath to Tamlin."

"Good for." I threw up. "You, I was practically in deaths party about to tango." I wiped my mouth on the dress.

"I was coming. Why would you make a deal with that bastard? And for that? you gave too much."

"I… don't' care. I didn't even realize much. Not until after. I had lost my mind to fever. The next step is death for a human, or did you forget what I was. He came just as my heart and mind were about to give. I will figure it all out later, right now, I just want to sleep."

"You were right."

"Hmm."

"When you said you had a dream, when I watched you."

His glamour was still in place. I could not comment on anything.

"You knew, you prepared. You jumped off the platform, you became something, someone else for a few moments, Feyre."

"Leave Lucian. Do not trouble yourself by coming here."

He gave me a sad look before he left. He at least let me keep the jacket. The nightly excursions continued. I remembered bits and pieces, dancing, holding him like he was a lifeline. I was becoming to him what he was to Amarantha, and I hated it.

Not for what I was doing, not for the reason he was doing it, but for not listening. I woke up every day, sicker than a dog. On that last night, before my next trail, I told him not to speak to me. That I hope he fumbles and fucks it all up.

I had lost something in me, the more nights I did that, the more I did not feel like anything. Who I was felt like it was slipping. the dreams i used to occupy myself slipped from me. Amarantha was supposed to break me, not him.

He had shattered a fairy mind, turning it to a puddle. I watched him kill. I heard his begging, saw his face as it went lifeless. I heard the scream, then I thought of the wingless fairy. His wings, I saw them on the wall. Mounted like a trophy.

I moved back and drank the wine. Fading as I watched him break a fairy, his explanation went unheard as the wine sank me.

I stared blankly. She said words, but I could not hear. Someone was yelling, but it felt so distant. 'Cali.' I felt the tears rolling down my face, and as I looked up. Three grasshoppers. It was impossibly hot.

"Feyre! Just pick! Answer it!"

'Cali!'

I blinked. The spikes were about to touch my head and the ones above Lucian were so close. I wanted to kiss them, taste that impalement. Not yet.

I reached for the third lever and pulled it. The spikes retracted, and cool air flooded in.

'Don't let her see you crying, put your hands at your sides and stand up.'

I took a deep breath, whipping my face before the floor rose. I pulled myself back, pretended to be cool, to be fine. I plastered a smile on my face.

'Good, don't give her that satisfaction of seeing you break.'

I hit back with. 'But it's you, so leave me alone.'

I stared at her. "Feyre guessed." I turned and walked away, but when I was in that cell. I broke. Silently staring at the wall, at the shell I had become in less than a month.

I wanted a glass of wine, wanted to forget. 'P-p-please.' I held my head. 'He was trying to escape to the boarder and hide in the human realm.' He was sparing him, but it did not make it easier to swallow.

"How long will you stare at that wall?"

"For as long as necessary."

"I'll excuse your escort duties for tomorrow."

"Don't bother, I'm ready to drink and forget."

"Are you really blaming me for breaking you?"

I nodded. "I smashed the first trial, by the second I was a shell. Tell me what changed."

"I'm curious, do you even know how to read, or did you guess and not care?"

I held my hand up. 'I used parts of my language to strike a deal with magic. This and his. I referred to her whole court, but she heard only his. Deals are made based on the will of what that person speaks. That's why I made it what I said. So yes, you. It's hard to daydream, hell, to dream at all when I'm gone, when I'm heaving or sleeping it all off.'

"Then say it, break this."

"I can't remember anything; all the wine has my mind lost. Humans should not drink fairy wine." Then I flipped a vulgar gesture.

His teeth gritted as he disappeared into the shadows. I wanted him to feel bad, for messing with me. I was a petty, and I would make them wait just to prove how pissed I was.

He had left me alone for almost a week, or at least I thought it was. He had the girls bring me, bathe me, and paint me. I stood; arms and legs crossed sitting on his bed as he entered with his cat-like grin.

"You look so lovely."

"I feel like trash."

"Oh, but I can't trust you. You will be by my side until the end."

At the party he handed me the wine, and for days it was like this. Then I found it first, drinking it slowly to savoring the taste of forgetting. The cup was taken from my hands, and I reached for it as it was held over my head.

I crossed my arms. "Yes, O' wonderful and great high lord of nightmares."

He finished off my glass. "Would you like to dance on this midsummer day?"

"No."

"Dance with me, Feyre." I felt him in my mind. "Dance with me like you do in your dreams."

"How about a bargain, one dance for one glass of wine."

"Fair." He held his hand out and I took it.

"You better be decent and not step on my feet."

My grinned a devilish look as he escorted me to the floor. Others were forming in couples. the little bit of wine I had loosening my limbs. The music began, and the males bowed to their partners, but he stood. He did not see me as equal, because I was less then.

I frowned as he took my hand, bringing us close like all the others. In some of the memories, I was the lead, in others, the star. I let him guide me around, then I flipped the script, grinning like the grinch as I lead. He moved me back into following. This went on for the entirety of the song.

A slow hand clap came from behind us. "How beautiful, it's like you two were fighting, but so elegant. I did not think you could dance."

"Feyre noble before down fall. No money, no eat, must hunt." She did not ask a question so I could rebuttal. "Dancing fun."

"Tragic." She rolled her eyes, taking Tamlin arm in arm to her throne.

I was given my glass, and I lost almost the rest of the night.

I was throwing up, someone holding my hair. As the toilet came to conciseness.

"I'm sure you won't remember, but I cannot wait until I am free. I've been counting the days." I laid on the rim, humming a tune. "You have one of the most interesting personalities of all the human's I have known. You sing, dance, and dream like there is no tomorrow. Even in the middle of all of this, you hum now. Someone like you should have never had to go through this."

He huffed a laugh as he wiped my face off. "I like the things you send down the bond, even if half of it is curses in my name as you throw up. You still turn back around, and I hear your music, little songbird. I really do hope you make it through this with minimal damage." He heaved me over a shoulder. "Don't get sick on me, Cali."

He carried me down to my cell, laying me out as I liked to lay through my days in here. Dropping the jacket on me. "Sleep it off, and I will see you tomorrow."

I stared at it, one drink and I can escape this. One drink and I could forget. I felt eyes on me for a change.

I glanced over, Tamlin was staring, I watched him leave the room, but I stayed. I eyed the wine; he told me not to. I was glamoured to not touch it. If I did, I would have to walk up and kiss him as I confessed my love to him.

A love that did not exist, at least for Tamlin. Rhys, last night. He cared about me; he was doing this to protect me. If I was with him, then others would not be touching me.

I thought of the painting I had seen. The city with pretty lights. The images he sent though that silly bond. I had that dream and thought before this, now I wonder just how much he saw in me. how long he might have cared.

"There you are, I've been looking for you." I held on to his arm, if I hold him, I won't touch that. How I wanted it, how it came to be a comfort.

"Are you that weak to only think that?" I shook my head. "I will give you a half a glass if you follow me."

My eyes perked up to meet his gaze. "Whole glass."

"Half, or nothing."

"Fine."

He smiled as he guided me to a secluded room, he looked around and his teeth gritted. He turned on me so fast I backed up, and he held a hand on a pillar. "I told you what to do if you wanted some." The kiss, the confession I looked around, we were alone. Why? What was this angle. Fuck it, I wanted to forget. He was not in the slightest an unkissable face.

I threw my arms around me and kissed him. All while wishing he would step on a thousand Legos for such a thing. It was just a kiss, it meant nothing to him or I.

The longer he kissed me, the more I liked it, and I hated myself for it. I felt so naughty, the only thing for me now was to be spanked and told I was a good girl for all things I did for him so willingly. For a messily half glass of wine, and I know he would not have to bargain that for me to do it. I really had lost myself down here.

Images of things I wanted to do flooded me. His tongue, his face going places. My mind felt so quiet for the first time in a long time. 'His tongue slid in, and I embraced it. Tongue is extra, Full glass. I pushed down the bond.

The door opened, I pulled to reality and shoved his face off me. Amarantha and Tamlin stood there. "See Tamlin, all humans are trash."

I looked at Rhysand then Tamlin. His claws were out, he was ready to fight. Rhys held my chin.

"She asked, I just could not ignore her plea to be embraced. Such a silly human you have Tamlin."

I pushed his hand off. "You a pig, Feyre hates you." All thoughts dropped. I dipped under his arm, and he smacked my ass.

"I'm done with you, go back to your cell." He used me, and it was working. He leaned down. "Go before I make you regret standing there like the lost dog you have become."

I flipped him off with the tattooed hand. "Fuck you. I will do my best to make your life hell." I walked off, but I wasn't done, I turned. "Feyre hate you, and everything you think you stand for. There will be no Immortal land for you, and the cauldron will boil you." I ran off, I knew he could catch me. I knew if he wanted, he could rip me apart.

I sat in my cell, ripping apart the dress till it was slivers, covering in the jacket he gave me. It smelled like him, and I liked it. so much so it had me in tears. He had been reading my thoughts.

He was toying with my emotions and manipulating them. All in the process of pissing Tamlin off.

Hours later, I heard footsteps outside my cell. Rhys stepped out of the shadows and slumped down the wall.

"Why are you here?" I pulled the jacket further around me, wiping my face.

"I wanted some peace and quiet."

"Find a different cell."

He rubbed his temples, making the corners of his eyes move up and down. "I need a break from this mess." I sat up. "That damned bitch is running me ragged. He dropped his hands to his knees. "You hate me, but image if I made you serve in my bedroom. I'm high lord of the night court."

I turned. "Hmm, you used my weakness to get a kiss out of me, then you smacked my ass."

"What was that thing that was missing, a good girl."

"Stay out of my head. Why come here, why tell me? It's not like I shared any of my secrets."

"You have, but I do not know truth from lie. Even when I dig, sifting through various thoughts you string along. And why come here? It's because you're the only one I can talk too." The hate I felt melted. "How absurd a high lord of Prythian and a…"

It was back. "Yeah, you can leave."

"Fine. Tomorrow is the last day, you made us all wait miss know it all."

"I did. Because you did not listen to me. A high lord may be powerful, but he is nothing if he cannot listen. I feel it, that need to drink. What you did back there was dirty, you know it. He was already seething by the time our bargain came up."

This man was keeping me alive, not that I needed him the whole time. His head was down, I took in the broken high lord. They were all little Fae babies needing to be taken care of.

"I died in a previous life." He looked over. "I asked you to call me Cali, because I wanted one person to use it. Even after I told Lucian, he didn't call me it. In my last world, there was no magic. As I passed through what felt like the stars for the hundredth time, I woke up on the back of a horse, spring court bound."

"Then, how do you know the things you do?"

"It was like the stars I passed showed me the way. When I had the chance, I wrote it all down among other things. I was given all the answers, I prepared for it all. I even asked to be taught to read, as Feyre could not. I was only given her abilities, so I could use a bow, set traps, but not read. I messed up by saying three stupid words, I let them slip. Allowed myself to think that maybe the cauldron just wanted Tamlin happy, and I liked seeing him happy. Not so worried. But i am sure it will only worsen after this."

He tilted his head. "What do you mean?"

"Everything that has happened, think about it. How it affected you, then me. It will shatter him. I know I will be spending months trying to undo the damage to maybe get a sliver of him back. Everything we had; it will die down here like Behemoth."

"Is it for sure?"

"Well, some things have changed, not all. Instead of Feyre going under the mountain after the failure of breaking the curse out of love. You got Calamity breaking the mask curse. Although the events were much the same. I tried to hold the script." He was only a few feet away, and I wanted to be closer. It was cold down here. "Rhys?"

"Yes, Cali."

"Why have they not installed central heating down here?"

He chuckled. "It is a prison cell; it's not supposed to be comfortable."

"Oh, is that why there is no bed?" He shook his head. "Hm, well, how sad. She has not since in style nor comfort. If it were me, then a bed, a fireplace and then someone to accompany you so you don't feel so alone."

He chuckled. "I think you have that last one."

I rubbed my chin. "I do, a handsome High Lord at that." I scooted around that corner.

"Go ahead, I already know what you're doing." I smiled softly, curling up on his arm. He was so warm, like a little heartier to how cold I felt. He lifted his arm, and that smile faded and then rose as he placed it around me.

I smiled as I sang lowly. "I fell so hard, and got so far, but in the end it didn't even matter." I closed my eyes, a tear falling. "I remembered something knew today."

"How much more do you know?"

"Nothing past what I just told you." I hugged my knees. "And it scares me not knowing. Oh, um. If you can, try to snag the ring." I pointed to my eye. "That one."

His head tilted. "Why?"

"I don't know, a soul being bound to it does not seem right. Set it free, end it once and for all. I think that might be another part of why I am here. Five hundred years in a ring? Its unnatural."

"I Apologize, Cali." His hand rubbed my arm. "I know it might not mean anything to you, but I am sorry." He stood, fading into the shadows. I could no longer feel him, and I dropped my head, wishing he would come back so I wasn't alone on my last night.