Chapter 6

Rhysand looked at me before we left. His lilac eyes showing no emotion. "Anything else you wish to get off your chest before you go?"

"Yeah, I thought about it. Don't come back unless you have said book in hand. The last thing I will do for you is read it. I would like to see you as little as possible." His lips pressed as I crossed my arms and looked to the window. Say something, say you want me, not to be of use, just me.

Just to be around, to fight next to you. Say anything. Say something or I really do have to give up. There was a steady stillness, I thought, hoped he would ask if I would stay on my own. Cause if he did, I would, it would be separate from the bargain.

He put an arm around me, and we moved through the world as the fabrics of land folded in on each other. The smell of the world went by me, from the ocean to forests.

I breathed the spring air, as the world snapped back into its flat plane. Tamlin was standing in the courtyard waiting for me. Rhysand had picked quite a far place from the estate. My prison for the next few weeks, if he even decides to come back.

He did not talk to me for the remainder of that time. Morrigan only checked on me. I did not see Cassian or Azriel, then after. Not that I expected them to. Tamlin came forward as Rhysand's arm left me, stepping back.

"Calamity."

I stepped forward. "Hi, Tamlin."

He hugged me tightly. "That was the longest two weeks I think I have ever felt."

"I know, I understand." I patted his back.

"Good luck, High lord." His ripple was felt, and I could feel him move all the way back to the night court. It was such an odd feeling; I could see how they were tacking that power trail. If it were not too busy places, he could be caught easily.

I looked around at all the servants minding their own. It was going to feel crowded again. "Is everything in one piece?"

"Did he hurt you, subject you to is court?"

"No, but I wrecked his court, and his ego." Saying it out loud did not make me feel good. I grabbed his hand and pulled him along and inside, away from all the eyes.

Later that day I made time to be alone with him.

"I need to talk to you."

"About?"

"Us, After I recked his court," My gut twisted. "He told me to just stay put away from everyone and I had a lot of time to think." Half Lie, he did not care if i wondered, so long as it was not alone. Another weird sting of pain in my heart. "This thing, it's just not. I don't love you, and I don't think I have for a long time." Telling him it was only for sex because I thought I was going to die did not seem the route I should go.

He shook his head. "What?!" His face turned cold. "Did he glamour you to say that?"

"No, Tamlin. I'm still figuring out what to do, where to go. When I do, I will…"

"You're not going anywhere. We can work this out, just give it more time. I know your feeling distant and I'm trying, just give me more time to prove it to you."

"You don't seem to understand. I was never in love with you."

"The mask fell off, Calamity. That means however small, you did. I know the mountain was hard and things happened, but I was there too. Just give it time. Give me another chance."

"No, and it means no. Kick me out now if it helps."

A wolfs growls erupted and left the estate. Lucian coming in after he trailed of, watched me down a whole bottle of wine at once. The pain was getting worse. His metal eye roamed over me, and the spring attire I had changed into after Tamlin ordered it stripped and burned.

"You seem different. What did he do?"

"Made me sober." I cracked another bottle pouring a glass. "Pissed me off. That was what he wanted. He was tired of hearing me throw up. Glad I am such an annoyance."

"Where was the court?"

"How should I know? We winnowed."

"Any markings?"

"Moonstone walls, that's it. You will get nothing out of me, I'm tired of helping."

"You would protect his court? Did he put glamour on you?"

I glared, this again? My powers pressing in on Lucian. His eye glazed over. "No one can ever Glamour me anymore. Not even the High Lords that use it to make themselves look normal. I see all true forms, like how your second in line to a court that is not your own." I broke that hold as I downed the glass of wine. It wasn't enough anymore. "I challenged his mind, and he pulled back. He did not like it. If that tells you anything."

"So, you can now tell him no, that you won't go?"

"No, still a bargain. I could die if I tried to loophole it like that. Life for two weeks." Lucian was still a friend and even after that, he was still being there for me. "I do have something. Do you know what this is?" I showed him the trinket I had found.

"No, but I have seen this symbol before in some temples. It is few and far, and only appears around the cauldron and the story where the fabrics ripped. It's old, very, very old. Where did you get this."

"Interesting. Hard to explain that last part, I was alone in the library, and it dropped on a couch."

I went to hand it over, as he reached, just before his fingertips touched it, it shocked him. "It has magic, but seems it chose you."

"It feels familiar. I have not put it on for fear of what it might do."

"Best keep it that way until we find out why and what that is." I frowned as he got up to leave.

It was a symbol within the temples. Around the cauldron and the rips in fabric and time. I stared at the white cat eye in the center. It sparkled like the sea, it felt like it was breathing. I felt the warmth and darkness it hid underneath. The sensation was a tickle to all my senses.

"I heard you talking to Tam, why?"

I glanced an eye before I turned away. "They you know why," and I shifted through the shadows hiding deep down from them all as I listening to them sing.

.

I took a book and was making my way to the garden when something stopped me. A wall, but not just any, it was a barrier. I pushed the air around the doorway, then a window. This fucker locked me inside the house. He was serious when he said I was not going anywhere.

A servant paid no mind as she walked outside. "Who the fuck you think you are." She turned. "Not you, Tamlin. He's locked me inside." I hit the barrier and it pulsed. "This is bullshit."

I hit it several times, but it was not moving. If I shatter the this, he would know. I hated him, I am a person, I have my own free will. I crept into the shadows. As deep as the day we had dinner. I walked, following the whispers as they guided me around this dark domain.

They wiped away revealing a glen with a pool of the most iridescent Starlight I had ever seen. It was quiet, and it was peaceful. The birds chirped softly; the breeze was light. This was perfect, and I was not about to go back anytime soon. I leaned up against a tree and cracked the book open.

I read until sundown and shadowed back. To the piano room, and then out the door to go to my room.

Hands gripped my shoulders. "Where were you?" Tamlin demanded.

"Here, can't go anywhere when you have the whole house on lock down. That's bullshit. Unhand me beast boy." I shoved his hands off.

"That's to keep you from running off, like you just did. I couldn't feel you. How did you get past it? Is he helping you?"

"I was in my shadows, hiding in the dark. Lock me up all you want; I'll just hide harder so you can't see me. Also, fuck you and Fuck him." Those last words stung, but I did it to myself. "I save Prythian and this is how I'm treated? What a load of shit I've been dealt."

His power erupted, and I was shoved back on my ass. Things flew and I covered my face. Shards of marble hit me and cut my arms. The hallway was in shambles as I picked myself up. "Cali." He held his hands up. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean." He held out a hand to me, and I slapped it away.

"I've done worse in my sleep, just take a look at my room." I flung the door open with a flick of my wrist. Then stood. His jaw slackened. "Nightmares can be a bitch sometimes." I stomped through the door and slammed it shut pressing my back to it with a barrier of my own.

"Cali, I didn't know." I felt him hit the barrier over the door.

"Because I made sure it was that way. I charmed all the servants to never speak of it. I'm going to bed."

I reached into the shadows, pulled the only wine bottle I had out, and drank it. For three days, I went straight to the balcony that I could not step onto. Testing the resistance, he upped the barrier, but it was no match. I was up to almost four bottles, and painkillers I stole.

I felt I might not live much longer, and those three days I was transcribing my language. When the guide was done, I rewrote my books to be in their clearest forms. I tied it all together in a bundle, with a little note.

I took a new book and went back to that glen to read. Midday, I returned for food, and I was gone again.

I ate next to the water, wondering if I could swim in that starlight pool of water. The pain in my chest surfaced, flames rising. I stripped before the embers could burn my clothes and stepped into the pool. The water did not steam up, and it felt so good on my skin. I felt calm, even though the pain ripped at my insides.

"Lady Calamity?" I turned to a voice I did not quite recognize, a spring court foot soldier stared at me.

I swallowed hard, I was caught, and I was naked. I shifted in shadows to my clothes and book only letting my face show I pleaded. "Don't tell him, he's locking me inside like some animal. I just want to be able to see the land, or at a minimum be outside in the garden."

Then I was gone, not even an hour later he was walking into the piano room.

"YOU LEFT! You LIED to me. It's not safe out there, the hands of our enemies could get their hands on you, hurt you. Stay inside, reading, where its safe."

"I wanted to be outside, I can't even walk in the garden. I'm suffocating in here. Around all these people, and the walls feel like they're closing in. I hate it."

"It's not forever. It is still not safe out there, we are clearing the Naga and the puca from the land, they were breading like rabbits while we were under the mountain."

"I can handle myself; can't you see that?"

"You barely have control on your powers now." He fanned a hand to the wall covered in ice. "Just stay in the house, read anywhere else in these walls. I know it's hard, but I am doing my best. I have free time coming up, we can spend it together. Go into the garden like we used to."

"I want to see one of your cities."

"No, your presence will be more of a distraction. They are still rebuilding, give it time." But I did not have that, the hours were beginning to feel like days.

I Scoffed, shifting into the shadows of my room, the barrier had kept everyone out. Spending time; only in the garden? It felt like some joke at this point. I told him how I felt. I was not in any way in love, never was. The stupid mask set me up, and I had let it go to long. I should have ended it at the mountain, better yet... never done anything in the first place.

My chest burst with pain, and my breath heaved out. Legs gave in as it reverberated through my body, only catching myself on my hands. I choked, holding my neck like it might do something. I coughed and blood splattered out, burning the floor.

"Cali!" Lucian called as he pounded on the door. I needed help, so I dropped that barrier.

"It hurts." I wheezed out, tears forming as I dropped my head to the floor.

"Shit. By the cauldron, your room."

I clawed the floor as I rolled my head against it. "Help me, please."

"I... I don't know how." His hands hovered over my body. "Your magic is running wild, it's different. I can't heal this, by the goddess, Cali." He couldn't touch me, and I was left on the floor as he kept searching. "You are healing internally a little faster than the ripping, but it is turning your insides to mush. How are you alive?"

"My karma…" I clutched my chest, throat burning making every word hard. "For making him wait… to be free. For you, for… for being the butterfly. This is... my Tornado."

.

My power ached my bones, the days were becoming harder to move. Tamlin got exactly what he wanted, I was inside, but always in bed. Rhysand should be here soon, if that is, he did not care to listen to my words. I was two days shy of two weeks.

I only had myself to blame. Not that he could do anything to help this. My power was rippling around inside as I held it at bay from others. There was not a moment in my day when I was not in pain, if it did get calm, I passed out sleeping, but the sleep was sparce.

Ianthe said she could not figure out what was wrong other than the possibility that the power of the High Lords was too much for me and it was killing me slowly. This only sent Tamlin into a panic, trying to find a solution. He said he reached out to dawn court for healing, with no reply. I cupped that amulet in my hand, staring at it.

It had been given to me by a person I did not know, and it whispers now. I was losing my mind though the pain. Chills forced my body to shake, and the more I shook the more it hurt. I wonder if he would come if I called? I just wanted to see him, at least one last time. I was two days from the bargain, but it was a new month.

Should I even try? Subject him to seeing me like this. It was not like he did not know I was out of control. I closed my eyes, I had to at least give him that gift.

"Rhysand." I called out Calmly, praying he responded.

"Miss me already, Cali?" Rhysand's voice purred in my mind, and I smiled faintly.

"I do, come get me, please." My last word pleading as a vibration of pain waved over me.

The door was opened moments later.

"Rhys, wait. For her sake, she's not okay. Now is not the time." Tamlin pleaded with him, if only he knew I had called for him again.

"Move away from me, or I will use force." His powerful steps came to the side of the bed. "Cali." Rhysand spoke softly as he moved the brand new, but now half charred blanket softly, the light blinding me. All I could see was his eyes as they roamed over me and the hole I had burned in the bed. Nearly falling though at this point.

"What a sight for Tamlin's champion." I chuckled a little down the bond, tears rolling in ice and fire. I sobbed in silence, wishing I could speak the words, but ash and embers kept it dry and hot, always shattered.

He blinked fast as he shook his head. He scooped me up, pain taking my beath away. "I'm moving you from that hole, bear with me." His mist was coating me, a cooling sensation to the burn on my skin.

I shut my eyes, head on his shoulder, a small smile on my lips. "I just wanted to see you, I can feel it, like my days are numbered. I'm sorry, I'm so selfish for subjecting you to this, but I have something for you." He laid me on the other side of the bed, but it did not fizzle or catch flame. Tendrils of black mist, soft as the clouds, blocked the bed from me while allowing me comfort.

"Cali, no…" He dropped down by my side, eye level.

I dropped all my books to him. "Take them, I translated them for you a while back. Also, a guide included. I thought it might aid you to translate this book you wanted."

"No. No. No." His eyes watered. "I'm still looking for a solution to this, don't you dare give up like this."

"You were looking? Why? Why help me?"

He touched my head and recoiled slightly before I felt his fingers move hair from my face. "I knew the moment you burned my hand something was wrong, but why did you wait this long to tell me? Even if you never helped me, I would still have you around. How am I supposed to watch you grow..."

"Wear me." The amulet whispered as it glowed.

His eyes darted to my hands. "Cali, open your hands." I showed him. "Who gave this to you?"

He was there, staring at me, and he had been here every day, watching. Sometimes for a few minutes, others, for hours. I pointed past him, but he did not notice that there was a person there. It was worth a try, but no one said a thing as he sat there day after day, most brushing past him.

I clamped my eyes shut. "When I hold it, the pain is not so bad, but now I wonder if it is doing anything."

Rhysand took the chain, and I groaned as he moved my pounding head. He slipped the chain over it and pressed the amulet to my chest. The power within me crashed like an ocean against my skin to that location and I heaved, hand grabbing the sheets.

"It looks and sounds like a syphon. Like the Illyrians, if it is, there might be some step you must take to accept its favor. This could be that key, try, please. Please, try." He was begging, not in very High Lordly manner either. Like he was that desperate to keep me around.

"I shouldn't have left you here. It sounds selfish but do it for me." I looked into those lavender eyes sleeked with tears. He blinked and on rolled down his cheek.

'Take it.' I thought, 'Make me feel better.' I whimpered. It had not worked.

"You said I lied under that mountain; I could not understand what you meant. I realized you heard my thoughts; I do not know how, but I was begging you then as I am now. Come home, Cali. My home is your home, for as long as you live, for as long as you want. Whether you want to pass by or not. Do not give up, stay. I'll never use the bargain again, just, stay with me. Stay alive." That was all I wanted.

I shook as I stared at the man. I pleaded with my eyes, because if is words were true, then I wanted to see that. Fight for that.

In all these days he finally spoke. 'Mother hold me.'

I repeated the words, but more as a question. Then the word came like a prayer to my mind.

"Mother hold me, protect me. Shower this body in life, and I will give you my life in body. Tip the cauldron, for I am not ready for that immortal land."

The mystery man grinned as he stood, phasing though people as he stepped back his eyes going to something else as he lifted a pointing finger. Power ripped in tendrils, some stepped back. But Rhys? He stayed; he held my hand.

The room distorted, Rhys leaving me. And I was met with a woman who emerged from bronze light, her Chesnut eyes turned in as she frowned. The room was gone, it was only I, the bed, and her.

"The Sister, The Daughter of Mother. It has been a long time since I heard a prayer with such power and meaning spoken in the language of the gods. You were always ready to die, but now you wish for me to tip the cauldron that belonged to you? I gave it to you; you left through the fabrics of worlds for your one true love. Followed her, doted on her. You followed that soul for millenniums and left this world to rot."

I gritted my teeth.

"I called your soul back because you proved your point; do not think I am doing this for you because of that. I am doing this for my foolish daughter." She pressed a hand to my chest. "Your bother has been playing games again, I am removing this glamour and I'm adding my protection over his powers. I do hope you two get along better this time around."

"Who?"

"Become what you were meant to be, make the world yours once more." Her strong voice commanded, and I listened.

I could only give one response to her demand. "Yes, Mother." I felt the amulet press into my skin, but there was no pain in it. The ripples of power were grabbed and wrangled, pain slowly coming down as it I felt something move in me. All the time I spent awake in agonizing power was dwindling.

"I missed you, and may you fly like you once had." She kissed my head and I sighed, sleep washed me like a pool of dreams and starlight. I felt at peace, like I had died again. Staring to the stars, to the beyond of the world we lived in. Then that beautiful city I had seen so many times just below as I would pass overhead Flying. I felt at peace; I felt home.