Not While I'm Around
Life throws curveballs, but if you're in the right place at the right time, you'll catch at least one of them
Mercy's POV
It had been at least eight years since I'd stepped foot in Lima, first I was busy being who they wanted me to be, then I spent some time trying to find who I was, and after a couple of years of that I decided fuck it, I wanted to be someone completely different and so I set about making my brand. Now I was just plain old M.J. I didn't want to go with the one name thing, or use the name I'd started out with, and at least it was a conversation starter for me, especially with my anxiety at interviews.
The last time I'd heard anything from Lima was just after Mike and Tina's wedding, which of course I'd came back for, and as far as I knew everyone had spread their wings, it was strange how a group of friends who were so tight in school, had become complete strangers eight years later. I suppose that was the consequences of having a group of very talented people all in the same space, wanting the same things, the competition was rift at school, it stands to reason it would get worse in the big wide world.
As I sat playing with the hot cup of coffee, wondering where I was going to stay, my head was turned by a group of women crossing the road noisily, I smiled at the memory of that being the girls and I some ten years ago, I'd put odds on them being cheerleaders when they were at school, but I didn't recognise any of them, so they must have been at least three years younger than me, not that I noticed anyone much outside our little gang. I finally picked my coffee up and took a sip, it was quiet in the café right now, but it looked like it was set to become rowdy as hell, with those girls getting closer, "Shit" I hissed rolling my eyes at being right as the door burst open and the silence I'd walked in for left the place
"And then I told him to fuck off and walked out" a tall, skinny, mouse coloured haired girl led the group in shouting for everyone to hear or notice
"And did he?" one of the girls asked
"What's he going to do about it, hit me?" she replied laughing, she didn't sound local, but I could tell she had a terrible attitude, and liked to be the centre of attention, she really didn't care who was listening "Noah sweetheart, four coffees' when you're ready" she looked over her friends shoulder and smiled at the guy behind the counter, followed by a wink. I watched as the girls walked straight over to a table and sat down.
"Never mind the queue" I mumbled, knowing it really was none of my damn business
"But cheating Quinn" another one asked
"He always knew it was about the money, he's not hurt, well his pride is, but nothing else" she laughed "We don't even have sex that much"
"That much?" a third friend enquired
"At all basically" she laughed "He's not even that good at it"
"You're cold" the one that hadn't spoken yet, shook her head telling her friend
"That's why I need Noah to warm me up"
I was sat putting the pieces of the conversation together, the woman was cheating on her husband, who wasn't very good in bed, with the guy at the café shop.
"Hey" the guy I now knew to be Noah, walked over with a tray
"Hey" Quinn got up and pulled his head to hers to kiss him "Missed you this morning"
"Tonight?" he asked, smiling like he hadn't just heard the conversation everyone else had heard
"Yes baby" she almost squealed with excitement before sitting back down to engage with her friends again "He is so fucking cute"
"You're acting like you'd leave your husband for this one" one of the girls commented rolling her eyes at the girl
"I know you're talking about Jake, Kitty" Quinn cut her eye at the girl
"Yes, I'm talking about Jake" Kitty snapped back "I mean last summer you were crushing on him big time too"
"I already said I was sorry about that"
"You knew I was into him, but you still went there" Kitty snapped at her
"He told me he wasn't into you, the opportunity presented itself, what was I supposed to do?"
"Give us a chance, you have a husband for crying out loud"
Whatever was going on it was clear Kitty wasn't in agreement with it, I didn't know any of them, but it was clear this Quinn woman was a serial adulterer.
"He fucked off to Austin anyway, so I don't even know why we're having this conversation" Quinn napped back
"We know the truth Quinn" one of the other girls piped up "His girlfriend got a job in Austin, and they moved over there"
"Fuck you Sugar" Quinn snapped at the girl before getting up and heading to the counter
"She's just decided to ask him" Sugar scoffed "How the fuck do you sleep with someone, talk about love five days later, and you don't know anything personal about them, this girl is fucking crazy"
"She must be one of those sex addicts, if you ask me" the third girl looked across the cafe at their so-called friend, "God knows why she got married"
"She told us Brittany, for the money" Kitty reminded them
"She's not who she pretended to be before the wedding, is she?" Sugar shook her head "If I'm ever going to get myself a husband, I need to disassociate myself from her"
"I guess we all do" Brittany concluded "I should have known we weren't friends eight months ago when she fucked my ex"
"What she slept with Artie?" Kitty asked surprised "You kept that quiet"
"He was an ex, no big deal, it was just the fact that she didn't even give us a chance to see if we could salvage anything after four years of being together, she just dove in"
"Well obviously it didn't last, so you should have at least asked him the question" Sugar told her
"We just shouldn't have let her into our group" Kitty flicked her hair off her shoulder "Her name doesn't even fit in" she leaned her elbows on the table "She's been here just over a year and already she has five men under her belt"
"There'll be no men left for us soon" Brittany laughed
"At least Noah isn't married" Kitty concluded as they looked over at Quinn and him obviously love talking
"I guess, but she is" Sugar reminded them
"I'm sure her husband is aware of everything she does, he's from around here, isn't he?" Kitty reminded them
"So, I hear, I've never really met him, keeps to himself up at that ranch" Sugar replied "She's coming back" they all looked down at their hot drinks as if the cups were talking to them
That made me laugh, reminded me of our friend circle and the way we used to talk about people when they weren't there, I sat wondering what they used to say about me, questioning myself as to whether I cared or not, smiling at the realisation that whether I did or not back then, I didn't now, and that was all that mattered.
"So, what did I miss?" Quinn asked as she sat down
"Nothing, we were just saying we wished we had your life" Kitty lied
"My life" Quinn huffed "I'm married to a man I don't love, for money, and just so you know he doesn't love me either, I'm sleeping with the local fool for entertainment, I'm turning into the town bike I'm so lonely, what's there to wish for?"
"So, why don't you divorce him?"
"Because I'd leave with nothing"
"I'm sorry Quinn but I've got to say something" Sugar spat at her "I've put up with your shit for the past year because something inside keeps telling me there must be another side to you, but all sides are reading cruel for me right now, you're a bitch"
"Tell me something I don't know" Quinn laughed
"Fuck this" Sugar got up "Lose my number" she spat at Quinn "You're toxic"
"What did I do?" Quinn sat looking at her walk away "She's so fickle" she turned to the others to tell them
"I think we all are" Kitty looked at Brittany for agreement
"We're called the three C's for a reason, you never really fitted in Quinn" Brittany smiled sarcastically at the girl before they both got up
"Well, it's not because of your chest size" Quinn laughed, rolling her eyes "Pathetic, none of their damn names even begin with c, and if you hadn't noticed cheerleaders are half your age nowadays" she hissed, I could tell from the look on her face that somewhere inside she was hurt, I took another sip of my now warm coffee and tried to mind my business. "You're new around here?" the woman I knew to be Quinn asked looking at me
"Yeah" I lied, not wanting to tell her anything about myself, she wasn't the type of person I'd want to be associated with, I was guessing she'd never been to the school, because I was sure my picture, along with many of those from days gone by, would have been hanging in the choir room
"I guess you heard all that?"
"Not all of it" I lied again "I heard you were married, saw you hugging on the guy at the counter, and that your friends weren't happy with you" I decided that was just too blatant to deny
"They don't know the full story, nobody does" she jammed her chin in her linked fingers and sulked
"Sometimes it's good to talk to a stranger" I smiled, there was something sad about this woman, and it felt as if I'd been put in this position for her, so I was willing
"Are you passing through?"
"I might be" I smiled, trying to reassure her
"I was passing through, I hiked, met this guy on his way here, we were lost souls, he was coming home, I was running away from home, family shit nobody wants to hear about with my dad and stuff" she sighed "We spent two days travelling, telling our stories, he said if I wanted to I could stay at his place, I really didn't have anywhere else to be, so of course I said yes"
"Why wouldn't you?" I snapped as if it was a logical thing to do, especially if you'd known the guy for all of two days, and you didn't know shit about him other than he was going home, to where, for what, more like risky "If you didn't feel threatened by him" was all I passed over of the conversation going on in my head
"No, he wasn't like that at all" she lifted her head off her hands, shocked at the question "He's a mature gentleman, sings a lot, locks himself away from the world, his parents died in a freak fire, and I guess he's still coming to terms with that" she picked up her cup "This is cold, do you want another one?" she held her hand up for Noah's attention "Can we get two more?" she turned back to carry on the conversation "So, the wedding thing"
"So, you met a guy, talked, and married him within two days?"
"No, we're not really married" she laughed "The married story was because he didn't want the people of the town gossiping about our little arrangement, there's history but that's his story to tell"
"But, if you're having an affair and everyone knows about it, isn't that gossip enough?"
"He agreed to it pointing at me, rather than him, he knows everything, we have no secrets, he's a really good friend, but he doesn't want the drama"
"I don't pretend to understand it, doing understand why you can't just live in a house with a guy and be friends, but I guess that's too much city life for me" I laughed
"There aren't many people I've told my story to, I find you really easy to talk to, thank you" she smiled at me just as the drinks arrived
"People say that about me all the time" I smiled because they did "So, when you're not playing at being an adulterer, or meeting with fake friends, what do you do?"
"I design, wedding dresses mainly, ironic isn't it" she laughed "But I'm pretty good at it"
"Do you get much trade around here?"
"Funny enough people are always coming home to get married; it seems this place produces and lot of wonderers" she smiled "Plus I have back door business, I make costumes for the glee clubs at the local schools, Christmas pageant, and of course I helped with the bespoke prom dresses this year"
"Busy"
"Yeah, what do you do?"
"I sing" I smiled "Professionally"
"Tell me something you've sung"
"Do you know 'It's hard for girls like us, we don't know who we trust, not even the ones we love, because they don't know, try to numb this pain, because we don't want to get hurt again, left alone out in the rain, they don't know'
"It's hard for us, for girls like us, girls like us, they don't know' MJ" she stopped singing with me to squeal "I cannot fucking believe this" she turned to look at Noah "Do you know who this is?" 'Girls Like Us' by Zoe Wees
"What's happened?" Noah came rushing over
"This is only the fucking MJ" her eyes popped out at him as she said my name, to be honest I loved getting recognised, not by thousands of people at one time, but this was cute and manageable
"And?" Noah opened his arms unsure what he should be getting excited about
"Excuse him, he's tunnel visioned when it comes to music" she laughed grabbing his hand "Heavy rock or nothing I'm afraid" she looked up at him and smiled, it looked genuine to be honest, I didn't know how to take this woman
"That's fine, I enjoy enlightening people"
"Everything about you is not what I expected, you're a legend, a living one of course" she laughed "I can't believe I'm in the presence of the MJ, can I call you Mercedes, I mean we're basically friends, you know more about me than anyone in these parts"
"Of course, MJ is a stage name"
"It's more than a stage name, it's a brand, what with smash hits, perfumes, and clothing, I designed a dress after being inspired by your Gen tour collection"
"Wow" was all I had; I was always blown away when me chasing my dreams inspired someone else to chase theirs
"I want you to meet someone" she suddenly snapped at me
"I..." I half smiled trying to think of something to get me out of it
"Please, he's a real fan"
"He?" I asked, "Are we talking your unsociable husband, who's not here?"
"Not unsociable" she laughed "If you could come to our home around eleven in the morning, I promise you'll not regret it"
She was looking for friends I knew that much, I'd just watched her former friends walk away from her, I was dubious about mixing with her, I had my reputation to think about and I agreed with Sugar on that one, I hoped to get married myself one day, but maybe not to a guy from these parts.
Those words and this place weren't things I wanted to think about at the same time, I'd fell in love and lost it in this place, I can look back now and see that I wasn't ready to be all about music and fit anything or anyone else into my life at the time. There was no sense in crying over spilt milk, we'd both spilt it, and the last I'd ever been interested on hearing about that individual was that he was happy, he'd moved on, quicker than I'd expected to be honest, but I couldn't complain we'd made that choice.
"Don't make me regret it" I laughed getting up, I'd already committed to more than I'd intended, and I wasn't up for any sort of friendship thing with this woman.
"Honestly, you won't" she smiled looking back at Noah "I have to go now, but I'll meet you outside at eleven sharp"
"Great" I watched her walk away leaving the half full coffee on the table in front of me, wondering what the hell I was doing
It was Friday evening, and in my usual world in LA, I'd either be getting ready to go out with the crew, we'd go to all the bars that let us in free because of who I was, end up at some AP where everyone would get wasted and moan the next morning about having to work. Or in my work world, which was usually the case, I'd be hyped up, again with the crew, ready to do part two of our three-hour show. In this little town I had the choice of one bar, Hudson's, that catered for everything, and everyone, which was great, but I came back for quiet, so I just wasn't up for that sort of night, I opted to go to bed.
The next morning, I woke up refreshed, the sort of feeling you can only get from breathing in country air, I felt like snuggling back into the crisp white sheets, shivering when I moved my legs and found a cold spot to give me an instant chill, until the warm comfort set in again "Eleven" my eyes pinged open at the realisation that I had no time for slouching.
I went into auto mode, shower, make up, hair, clothes, breakfast and then I was ready for whatever it was this Quinn woman had in store for me. As I stood outside the cafe waiting it occurred to me that this woman could be taking me anywhere to do anything, was I prepared? "No" I walked into the cafe and picked up a knife off the table, then walked out without anyone noticing me asking myself again, am I prepared? "Yes" I smiled just as she pulled up in front of me
"Jump in" she wound the electric window down and yelled at me, I opened the door and jumped in "Morning"
"Morning" I clipped in and sat back, it was a familiar drive, we went through Lopez pass, and through Hummell Lane, beyond that I was a bit lost, the old houses still looked the same, except I knew those families didn't live there anymore. Finn had passed, it had taken its toll on everyone especially his family, they just had to get as far away from the memories as they possibly could at the last update, nearly eight years ago, I'd heard they were in Charlston. "I'm not familiar" I told Quinn
"Not surprised" she laughed putting her foot down even more on the gas "I'd have been worried if you had been"
"I thought you said this fake husband of yours had returned home?" I looked at her suspiciously
"He's way older than me, it was a while back"
"How much older?"
"Nearly twenty years older"
"Wow" I tried not to sound surprised, but I guess I didn't convince her
"I know, hence the wanting to be married thing"
"Okay" I smiled, not wanting to take that any further, she was in the driving seat after all
We drove for about ten minutes out of town before she turned onto a dirt track, the road looked as if it wasn't used often, and as she'd already told me her fake hubby didn't go out, I passed that off as normal. Eventually the house came into view, it wasn't what I expected, I pictured a dishevelled shack type building with ripped drapes, and broken steps leading up to a well-rotted porch. Instead, I was presented with a brilliantly white stone house, a well-kept garden out front, fencing that seemed to guard the perimeters of the large house.
"This is beautiful" I gasped looking at Quinn as she drove us to the door
"We like it" the car came to a stop, I watched her jump out before I took my time in joining her, she opened the door and walked straight in, of course she did, it was her home "She turned up love, where are you?"
"In the kitchen" a voice came back at us, I just followed Quinn through
"Here he is, your biggest fan" Quinn pushed the door open, there was an elderly man say in his fifties getting out of a chair he was rocking in
"Mercedes Jones" he got up with his arms open ready to greet me "I couldn't believe it when Quinn said she'd met someone I'd talked about once, and I certainly didn't expect it to be you"
"Mr Schuester?" I looked into his eyes and saw my old music teacher, the man that had inspired me to live my dreams, but it was clear life hadn't been kind to him "What happened to Mrs..." I remembered Quinn was in the room and stopped myself.
"Emma passed" he hugged me tightly "It broke me"
"I'm so sorry" I hugged him just as tight, she was the love of his life, he'd made that clear enough at school all those years ago
"I'm learning to live without her"
"Not too well I hear" I pulled away to look into his eyes "Mr Schue, you can do this" I looked around the room "Why don't you go back to teaching, you know what you did for us, and you can do that for other kids"
"You guys were special"
"All kids are special Mr Schue"
"So was Emma"
"She was that, but you have so much more to give"
"Sorry" Quinn butted in "I wasn'aware you two actually knew each other"
"I'm one of those people returning home we talked about last night, not for long though"
"You might rethink when you see who's in the studio" Mr Schue told me
"You have a studio?"
"Needs upgrading, it's from my youth, but it's still in working order" he laughed walking off "Come on" he turned to call, I looked at Quinn who was waiting to follow me, I tapped my purse, making sure the knife was still in play, shaking my head viciously at having that thought about Mr Schue.
It's out of my hands, it's out of my hands
To think for two years she was here, and I took her for granted I was so cavalier
Now the way that it stands, she's out of my hands
As we neared the brick building, I could hear a familiar song MJ was always my thing, we stood at the door listening for a few seconds before Mr Schue pushed the door open "Surprise" he shouted. My chest thumped for a few seconds as the pony tail of blond hair swung around, I knew instantly who it was
"Mercy" he got up shocked but smiling
So, I've learned that love's not possession, and I've learned that love won't wait
Now I've learned that love needs expression, but I learned too late
"Sam"
"Wait you two know each other too?" Quinn asked
"I'd say it was a bit more than know" Mr Schue's voice echoed in the distance somewhere
"What are you doing here" he was hugging me before he finished talking, I couldn't help it I closed my eyes and dared to remember, him, this, us
And, she's out of my life, she's out of my life
Damned indecision and cursed pride, kept my love for her locked deep Inside
And it cuts like a knife, she's out of my life 'She's Out of My Life' by Michael Jackson
"I" the music suddenly stopped, I was so aware of the tension in the room "I'm taking a break, trying to get some focus"
"Focus?" he asked, just as puzzled as I was
"Eight years is a long time to be going around the world giving of yourself, especially when it feels like I'm getting nothing back"
"Try teaching four hundred children" he laughed "That's getting nothing back"
"You're teaching?"
"I was, I'm the principle now, since Mr. Schue stepped down"
"Wow" I was truly more than impressed
"You know we're going to focus on this loss of focus thing you've just told me about, don't you?" he guided me to the couch "Cause you giving up, that shit is not happening" he warned "Not while I'm around"
I'm not sure how long we sat there, talking about our past, the present and future, trying to get me my mojo back, while I kept things between us in the past, he kept pushing for a future for us, and for whatever reason I still wasn't ready for that. I remember looking around the studio and realizing that Quinn and Mr. Schue had disappeared, I remember kicking my shoes off to put my feet up as we laughed, and drank
"It's just not fun for me anymore" I told him after he'd asked the age old question of why "This is fun" slipped out before I could check myself
"Believe it or not, life hasn't dealt me the hand I wanted either" our eyes met for a long gaze "Are you sure this isn't want you want, what you were hoping for?"
"You don't know me anymore Sam"
"We spent five years getting to know each other, I spent eight years getting my head around understanding why you did what you did, I think I know you better than anyone Mercedes Jones"
"You do?"
"I do" he laughed "Apart from the fact I wouldn't have let you go, you wouldn't have been able to leave if you hadn't run" he looked into my eyes again "And as I said I would in the message you never answered, I waited" he kissed my nose "And that's why you're back, for me"
"You are so sure of yourself Sam Ev..." his lips hit mine before I could finish, and instantly I knew I'd never stopped loving this man, I had come back for him although my body never knew at the time why my heart was drawing me home.
"I'm sure of you" his face beaming like the cat that got the cream, oblivious to the fact that I was the one creaming