Chapter 13: Rose

They say God has a plan for us, that He would never give us more than what can handle.

I firmly believe those who can say such a thing have never truly experienced trauma. The kind of trauma that keeps you from sleeping every night, forcing you to toss and turn with racing thoughts of pain. During the day you could at least find things to distract yourself, keep yourself busy. But at night, it's just you and your thoughts.

I thought I was doing well. I found a job, I was content. Even though Jack was gone, at least I was a free woman. I wanted to go to Santa Monica and do all the things we talked about doing- riding a horse with one leg on each side, visiting the pier...I was even considering looking into auditions for acting jobs, as the stage was something I always had a keen interest in, but never had the opportunity to take the chance. My possibilities were endless. I missed Jack, and the grief was there, but because of him I had a new life ahead of me. I was learning to deal with the grief and was slowly moving forward.

But now a child changed everything, a constant reminder of the love I had lost, a child with no father and now a mother with no prospects. I wondered why God would torture me like this, and allow a child to come into this world under these circumstances. It wasn't fair Jack was gone. He deserved to meet his own child. He was filled with such hope and optimism, he would have completely embraced the opportunity of fatherhood. It killed me completely he didn't have the chance. I just wanted to scream and completely break down my barriers. Some days, anger just flowed through me. It was all so unfair.

I hated myself for being so vulnerable and allowing myself to end up in such a situation. I should have kept my wits about me that night, but instead I threw caution to the wind.

As I did every night, I laid there in bed with tears steaming down my face thinking of all of this. It was practically a routine at this point. I missed his piercing blue eyes, the way his brows furrowed while he concentrated on sketching another masterpiece. God, I wished I had his drawings, it was such a gift he had. All I was left with were my memories.

A swift rolling in my stomach caught me off guard. The baby had recently become a fan of moving around at night, another reason I had difficulty sleeping. I placed my hand on my stomach, feeling the tiny kicks. My heart was suddenly filled with warmth.

Ellie was right. This baby was coming, and I needed to be there. If I wasn't ready, I had to be.

I closed my eyes, the flutters of the baby in my womb became comforting, assuring me that my memories would not be the only thing I had left of Jack. He was a part of this baby too. I promised him I would never let go. And now, I knew I would never be able to.

I must have drifted off to sleep because once my eyes opened, it was suddenly light. I sat up, rubbing the dust from my eyes, and peeled the hair tire I wore from my wrist, tying my tangled mess of hair on top of my head. I could hear movement out in the kitchen and bouts of my sister's laughter, signaling that her and Tommy may have been awake for awhile.

I slipped out to the kitchen and saw the two of them completely encapsulated with each other, as if they were the only two in the world. Ellie was at the counter, chopping something up. Tommy's arms were around her waist, his head resting on her shoulder.

"Jesus woman, watch it with that knife."

"What's wrong with the way I'm holding it?"

"Your hands are diagonal, who cuts an onion like that?"

"It's fine!"

"Your askin' for a finger to get chopped off."

"Then have at it," she twirled out of his arms, handing the knife off to him, "Before I chop one of yours off."

"What, they didn't teach you basic skills in your fancy prep schools?"

"Not to your standards," she threw him a playful glare.

I couldn't help but grin, amused by their banter. They were happy. My sister seemed like a completely different woman, the lightness of her steps would almost have you convinced she was walking on air.

I couldn't help but wonder if Jack and I would have been just as happy.

"Oh, Rose!" Ellie had noticed me now, "How did you sleep?"

"Just fine," I replied, sitting at the table.

"Can I get you coffee, tea or anything? I'm making breakfast."

"She's mastered the fine art of making toast," Tommy turned around with a smirk. Ellie shot him another one of her glares.

"And eggs. We're having omelettes this morning."

"Just don't trust her with any meat. Still gettin' the hang of that one."

"I undercook chicken one time," she rolled her eyes. I snickered.

"I'll just have dry toast and some tea, I don't really have much of an appetite nowadays."

"Well, I can imagine," she swiftly made her way to the table, sliding a plate of toast that was already prepared towards me.

That's when I noticed the emerald ring on her left hand.

"Excuse me, but what is this?" I grabbed her hand before she could turn away, "Neither of you thought to tell me last night you're engaged?!" The two of them exchanged glances.

"I thought he told you!"

"She's your sister, I figured you'd wanna tell her!"

"You told me nothing was going on with you, you liar," I jested, letting go of her hand. She blushed.

"Well, it slipped my mind with you coming here, there's no need to make a big thing of it."

"I never thought I'd see the day," I grinned cheekily, "This is a big step for you."

"Stop," she waved me off, heading towards the stove.

"Is it really?" Tommy was smirking again.

"Tommy, days before she met you she had full intentions of becoming an old maid," I took a bite of my toast, "The only thing she was committed to was taking in some cats."

"They make great companions!" She expressed, not taking her eyes of the veggies she was sautéing before pouring in her egg mixture.

"El, you're too pretty to be an old maid," Tommy leaned against the counter with his arms crossed, still smirking at her. She rolled her eyes, saying nothing, as she shoved him a plate, which had become a plate of scrambled eggs and veggies and not necessarily an omelette. She scraped the rest onto a plate for herself.

"You changed her. She's been protesting marriage for years."

"It wasn't marriage I was opposed to," she brought over coffee and tea before taking the seat across from me, diving into her eggs, "It was all the men mother tried to set me up with."

"She did pick some winners," I said sarcastically, taking another bite. "Remember Sam Randall?"

"Oh god," she shuddered.

"What'd he do?" Tommy was intrigued. Ellie and I glanced at each other.

"I had to fight that one off," she replied, taking a sip of coffee, "Daddy's boy through and through. A large insurance company was to be passed off to him, big money."

"He bragged about it the whole dinner," I chimed in.

"He did. His ego was astounding. Afterward, we talked for awhile in the parlor and he thought he was entitled to put his hands on me."

"Is that so?" Tommy grimaced.

"Yes," she nodded, "Didn't get far though. He got a good, swift kick in the balls instead."

She had said it so calmly while Tommy nearly choked on his breakfast. The two of us looked at each other and burst out laughing, thinking back to the look on Sam's face and the screech he let out.

"Mother didn't bring around any other men for her after that one," I stated.

"Nope. And I'd be surprised if he is able to procreate at all," she wore a proud grin on her face.

"She's got quite the kick on her, you better watch out," I teased Tommy.

"Guess I should," he gulped his coffee, "Looks like I got my hands full."

"Believe me, you do," I winked, provoking Ellie to give me a small kick under the table.

"Stop, you'll talk him out of marrying me."

"Nah, I can handle ya," he grinned. She gave him a small smile and turned back towards me.

"I've missed you."

"I've missed you too, Ellie."

It felt like it had been so long since I had been able to laugh. It wasn't a surprise that it was my sister that would've been able to get it out of me.

I was happy for her. She deserved all the happiness in the world. Mother put us both through so much, and if one of us could make it out happy, well, it was better than nothing. At least I could live vicariously through her.

It was exactly why I gave her the Heart of the Ocean. I didn't have Jack, but she had Tommy. And it was more than enough for the two of them to start the life they would want.

"You know, there is something I want to ask you both about," I shifted to the more serious subject. The two of them looked at each other, confused.

"What's that?"

"I don't want you to take offense, but with what I gave you," I insinuated, "Couldn't you afford a bigger place?"

"Rose," Ellie groaned, rubbing her temples.

"So you've done nothing with it?"

"It's a sore subject," stated Tommy.

"What do you suggest we do with it?" she asked, "I mean, we can't sell it. Cal would be on your tail."

"Let him come," I replied dryly. She shot me a look.

"Yes, I'm sure you can take him in your condition."

"I'm just letting you know that wasn't given to you to just let it sit there."

"I know that. I just don't want your life-" she paused for a moment, "and my niece or nephew's life at risk. It's not the right time."

"It will never be the right time."

"Why don't you take it back? You're having a baby, you need it more than us."

"Think of it as a wedding gift."

"It's yours."

"I don't want it, Ellie," I shook my head, "I can't imagine raising my child with his money."

"Then you know how we feel," she sighed, "I just can't stomach it."

It was quiet for a moment before Tommy broke the silence.

"Would be nice not to be poor."

"Tommy," she shot him the same look she gave me.

"What? Your sister's got a point, does it really do us any good to have it sit there? We'll be livin' paycheck to paycheck once you spend that cash."

"There is a lot at stake, we already talked about this."

"Aye, without your sister's input."

"I think the risk is worth it, Ellie," I shrugged, "I don't want to stay in the city. I can cover my tracks, Cal won't know where to find me."

"Where would you go?"

"My plan has been Santa Monica."

"Santa Monica?" Her face scrunched in confusion, "I never knew you even had an interest in California."

"Something different," I smiled, "And women have the right to vote there, you know."

"How progressive," her eyebrows raised.

"I'm just saying I can make myself scarce. If you sell it, what's Cal going to do about it? It'll be too late. I'm sure at this point he's filed an insurance claim and already has his money back."

"You're not going anywhere until you have that baby and you're comfortable on your own," she proclaimed, "Until then, I'm not discussing this."

"Ellie," I took her hand, "Think of the life the two of you could have. You could go wherever you want, have the home of your dreams. I can't have a life with Jack, but you two have a chance. I want you to take it."

She looked defeated, not knowing what to say. She let out a sigh, looking to Tommy. He shrugged.

"She's not wrong. But it's not my place to make that decision, it's up to the two of you to discuss."

"I'm not making any decision until that baby is here," she faced me again, "You're already going through a lot. We don't need to worry about an appearance from Cal on top of it. For now, it doesn't even exist. You and the baby are my main priority."

"Just think about it, alright? That's all I ask. I'll happily take money to get out of town and settle, but the rest is all yours. I'm serious."

"You're sure?"

"I'm certain," I nodded.

"Alright," she ran her hand through her hair, pondering, "I'll think about it. In the meantime, let's drop it. We need to get this place baby ready."

"Ellie, I'm halfway there, you don't need to drop everything."

"Nonsense! You can never be too prepared," she whipped back towards Tommy, "You think Sarah may have some baby stuff she's no longer using?"

"Probably, no harm in askin'."

"We'll pay her a visit today then," she stood up, "I can't believe I'm going to be an aunt!"

"I can't believe you're going to be married."

"Oh, let it go!" she scoffed, making her way towards the bedroom. Tommy and I exchanged glances, snickering.

After these past few months, it really was nice to have my sister back.

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