Chapter 14 : The Wind Blows
Surprisingly, it wasn't a pounding headache that woke Kuroo the next morning, but the gentle touch of dawn light on his eyelids. He opened his eyes, his gaze falling directly on the distant horizon painted with orange hues behind the glass door. His sensations gradually returned, still blurred by the mists of his sleep. He must have fallen asleep at some point in the evening; he couldn't even remember drifting off, but there he was, lying on the floor in the middle of the living room. It was at that moment that he felt the weight against his leg. He lowered his eyes and stifled a laugh, realizing that he wasn't the only one who had collapsed into sleep: Sugawara had fallen asleep against his thigh, holding Yamaguchi in his arms. Tsukishima rested his head on his mate's stomach. Looking up, he noticed that none of the rooms had been used since the entire living room floor was occupied by sleepers, more or less stacked on top of each other. He chuckled, noting that only Hinata had managed to find a cozy spot. He was sprawled on the sofa in a very precarious position, half of his body threatening to return to solid ground quickly. His dangling hand was pressed against his mate's cheek lying on the floor. Only Chris was missing from the scene.
Now that he was fully awake, he could here noises coming from the kitchen. He got up: a delicate operation given the human Mikado challenge he had to face. Once on his feet, he stepped over the others to join the kitchen. He found Chris, leaning on the kitchen island, a cup of steaming beverage in hand. The guy had the audacity to look fresh and rested. He smiled and waved at him
"You're ok?"
"Yeah I guess..."
"Coffee?"
" God yes."
Chris nodded and turned to prepare him a cup of coffee. Kuroo felt already energized with the first sip.
"Dude, what the hell happened to your living room?"
Chris raised an eyebrow, a smile playing on his lips.
"Never been part of pack cuddles?"
" Is that what it is?"
Chris nodded.
"Better get used to it I think," he added with a smirk.
"Didn't see you there, and you don't look like someone who slept on the floor."
The blond shrugged.
"My bed seemed like a better option."
" Right. Hey, by the way, why am I bothering to speak English now that I know Japanese is one of your mother tongues?"
Chris grimaced.
" I'm not multilingual in the morning."
Kuroo raised an eyebrow.
"I heard you talking to yourself in German before I arrived."
"That wasn't German."
"And you just answered my question in Japanese."
Chris rolled his eyes.
"Ok ok, you got me there."
They exchanged a knowing glance.
"What time is it ?" asked Kuroo after a while.
"Hmm, six thirty."
The brunet nodded. He stretched like a big cat before asking:
"Do you need some help cleaning up?"
The blond chuckled.
"You don't remember that you already cleaned everything last night?"
"Woh, nope. I didn't know I had a tidy-drunk side."
"You do, and it's quite handy."
"Well… I'm going to finish my night in my bed then… I think I reek of drunk alphas since they all slept on me, but at least I won't be bothered."
"Ok… You know how to get back to the train station?"
"Yeah… I have my phone just in case."
"Ok… See you tomorrow then."
"Hmm… And thanks for the party, it was cool."
Kuroo gathered his belongings, and the blond escorted him to the door. They waved each other goodbye, but as Chris was about to close the door, the brunet intervened:
"And thanks for listening to me."
Chris smiled at him.
"Happy I could help."
Kuroo nodded and turned, waving goodbye.
The air outside had the freshness of youthful mornings, the wind had picked up and swept across his face. He breathed in the air, calmed by its gentleness.
He hadn't found the solution to his problem yet, but he felt like he had gained some perspective. In the end, it didn't seem so insurmountable.
-/-
Kuroo collapsed on his bed the second he arrived in his apartment. When he resurfaced, the sun was already high in the sky, and his hangover finally made its presence known. He laid in bed for a while, staring at the ceiling without a single coherent thought crossing his mind. It was only after a good twenty minutes that he finally got up, deciding that a good shower would do him a world of good. He also thought it was the perfect place to think properly. Much to his disappointment, he realized that the stream of water from the shower was meager and lukewarm, not the best conditions for introspection. So, he hurried and quickly returned to the main room. His towel dropped down in the middle of the room, but he paid it little mind and went back to lying naked on his bed. He turned his gaze back to the ceiling, this time determined to focus for good.
He reflected on the conversation he had with his friends the night before. He didn't necessarily remember all the details, but the essentials came back to him. He thought about what Chris had told him and meditated on it. He understood well what his friend had explained, and he could see that strict monogamy wasn't necessarily the only way to conceptualize romantic relationships. But to go down the path proposed by his friend... Kuroo couldn't see himself getting into that kind of relationship... or starting anything with that idea in mind. However, as Sugawara had noted, he ultimately only had two choices: do nothing and continue to brood like a cursed poet, or take action and see where it would lead him. After all, testing the waters didn't commit him to anything at the moment. Maybe played the field a little… He grimaced. He didn't deeply like that idea either.
His thoughts wandered for a moment, and he laughed upon realizing that his situation could more or less resemble the reverse harem games Kasumi used to play on her phone a few years ago. He thought about that summer a few years back. The heat outside was so oppressive that they had to spend their afternoon locked inside. Kuroo spent most of his troglodytic days watching his sister play. Initially, he teased her, mocking the very repetitive and stereotypical scenarios of those games, but he involuntarily ended up getting involved, participating in decisions, and reacting in unison with his sister when a romantic action was underway. They even completely excluded their youngest sister, who couldn't help making sarcastic remarks whenever she found them playing.
Kasumi had a unique strategy in these games: she didn't have one. She didn't particularly focus on one of the suitors from the start, instead waiting to see where the action would take her, seizing the opportunities that came her way, which could bring surprises in some cases. Kuroo could never have imagined that this kind of game would one day provide him with life lessons. He smiled. He didn't feel like brooding in his corner anymore. Now that he thought about it, it was really ridiculous, and there wasn't much to worry about. This was what he needed to do after all: test the waters and go with the flow to see where it would take him, without overthinking it. He took a deep breath, feeling calm and hopeful.
No more than ten minutes later, his phone vibrated. He picked it up and saw that Bokuto had sent him a message asking if he was on campus.
"It's Sunday, what would I be doing on campus?"
"I don't know, Bro, I like it here."
"What are you doing there?"
"I had to drop something off :) have to wait for my drive home."
Kuroo chuckled. Little Bo had to wait patiently for someone to come and get him safely home.
"I thought I'd go for a jog while waiting, and I thought ' Wah, would be cool if my bro was here too', soo… You live nearby right ?"
Kuroo grimaced. It was nice of him to think of him, but the idea of getting out of bed to tire himself out was almost painful.
Oh, I don't know, I have a killer hangover, man..."
"All the more reason, come on, Bro!"
Kuroo looked at his phone for a long time. He really didn't want to... However, he thought back to the reflection he had earlier: seize the opportunity and see where it would take him. He weighed the pros and cons for a while before finally replying:
"Alright, I'm coming. I'll be there in fifteen, max twenty minutes."
He put on his tracksuit, packed some things in a bag, and set off.
-/-
They met near Sanshiro Pond. The slight apprehension Kuroo felt before arriving vanished when he laid eyes on Bokuto. They set off, and unfortunately for the brunet, his hangover and lack of stamina soon caught up with him. Bokuto, whose physical abilities far surpassed his, kindly stayed at his pace and slowed down. This, however, didn't necessarily help Kuroo's case, as his friend then had the opportunity to tell him a bunch of nonsense. As a result, he had to stop every thirty meters, plagued by stitches and bursts of laughter. They took a real break after thirty minutes of running. While he was trying to catch his breath, Kuroo lifted his shirt to wipe the sweat out of his face. When he looked up to continue the conversation, he noticed Bokuto staring at his stomach. Amused, Kuroo raised an eyebrow.
"Everything okay?"
Bokuto looked up, and with a sincerity that puzzled the brunet, said:
"You're in good shape, Bro."
Kuroo, internally on the verge of a syncope, managed to maintain his composure:
"Were you doubting it?"
"Well, honestly, you had to stop five times in ten meters, so..." teased Bokuto.
Kuroo chuckled.
"Jerk!"
Bokuto smiled genuinely.
"Bro, I just have no stamina anymore, that's a pity I know but well, what can I do… But I still try to stay in shape."
"Yeah ! You must be breaking ladies' hearts left and right, Bro.
Kuroo chuckled.
"Well, I don't really worry too much about that, if you catch my drift."
Bokuto didn't seem to catch "his drift" at all. Kuroo raised an eyebrow. He hesitated to clarify the situation, not knowing how his friend would react. Oh well, he had to reveal his cards at some point, and he couldn't imagine a scenario where Bokuto would react negatively.
"Bro, I'm gay."
The revelation seemed to reassure Bokuto more than anything else:
"Ah, okay, I didn't get it. Don't worry Bro, I'm only dating guys too, so..."
Kuroo laughed, amused to see Bokuto assemble his words so oddly. The brunet felt his heart lift with joy. It wasn't much, and it didn't mean anything, but just knowing that they shared the same "interests" meant that Kuroo stood a chance to "test the waters" a little bit deeper.
"So, you must be breaking dudes' hearts left and right," corrected Bokuto.
Kuroo burst into laughter.
"If you say so! One more lap ?"
Bokuto nodded, and they set off again. The conversation quickly drifted to the secret life of the ducks in the pond. Breathless from both their laughter and the effort, they finished their run.
"Do you think the gym is open?" asked Kuroo. "I could use a hot shower right now."
Of course, he had brought something to enjoy the warm water in the gym. After his sad shower with lukewarm water, he wasn't going to miss this opportunity!
"I'm not even sure they close it. I sometimes come on Sundays, and I've never found it closed. I think they just lost the keys."
"Cool!"
The two young men headed to the gym. They opened the door gently and peeked inside, making sure there was no one. The place seemed completely empty. They entered. Passing through the main hall, they noticed that the net in the center had yet to be put away.
"Someone is going to get an earful..." remarked Kuroo.
This sight seemed to delight Bokuto to the highest degree, and he ran towards the net.
"Bro! Is there a ball somewhere?"
Bokuto opened the door where all the equipment was probably stored – a door that apparently hadn't been locked either. Clearly, someone was really going to get scolded for leaving everything like this. Bokuto came back with a volleyball and the delighted look of a six-year-old. When he was roughly at net height, he sent the ball to the other side. Seeing it coming towards him, Kuroo resurrected his old player instincts and returned the ball with a forearm pass. The ball went up quite high, and he saw Bokuto positioning himself to attack. Before he could reach the ball, Kuroo rushed to the net. He jumped and stopped his opponent's smash. The ball fell to the ground, and the two friends looked at each other, both surprised by what had just happened. Eventually, a huge smile appeared on their faces, drowned in the euphoria that this interaction had brought them.
"Bro!"
"Bro!"
"Do you play volleyball?" asked Bokuto.
"Used to, back in high school."
"Bro no way! Me too!"
"Bro!"
Kuroo vaguely thought that coming across so many former volleyball players was starting to become odd... With a bit of luck, he might end up gathering enough players to organize a tournament.
"I stopped when I got to college."
"Yeah... I had to stop in my last year of high school, but I would have liked to continue... But, well, I didn't really have a choice," Bokuto confided.
"Oh... Did you have to quit playing because of that T.O.P thing?"
Bokuto nodded. His features had visibly darkened.
"Oh... I see... It happened to a friend of mine too... That sucks..."
"Yeah..."
Silence fell. But Bokuto quickly broke it, not wanting to maintain this gloomy atmosphere.
"Well! Wanna play?"
"Definitely!"
And they started doing simple volleys while chatting. However, the exercise eventually became more challenging. It ended with a powerful smash from Bokuto. The sound of the ball hitting the floor echoed throughout the gym. The author of this impressive shot let out a victory cry before sprawling on the floor, completely out of breath. Kuroo smiled and passed under the net to lie down beside him.
"Satisfied?"
"Very... Man, it's been ages since I played like this... I'd really love to have another match!"
"Same. I'm sure I could find enough players."
"That would be awesome!"
"Yeah..."
Kuroo turned his head towards Bokuto: sweat had brought his hair down on his face, his chest rose at the pace of his heavy breathing, and his eyes were still sparked with the adrenaline and euphoria of the game. Kuroo found him beautiful like that. He thought he should maybe look away, but he didn't. Bokuto eventually caught his gaze and smiled. Kuroo felt his heart lift, and he welcomed the electrifying sensation that ran through his body.
"Well, shower!" announced Bokuto as he got up.
He helped the brunet to his feet, and they headed down to the showers, their conversation picking up again. When they reached the different doors, Kuroo began to part ways with his friend to enter the locker reserved for the beta. But before he could open the door, Bokuto grabbed him by the arm.
"Bro, come with me!"
"What?"
"Come on, so we can keep talking."
Kuroo felt the blood rush to his head.
"But, um... I can't, can I?"
"Come on, who cares? No one's here anyway!"
"Okay..."
And Bokuto dragged him along. Kuroo was too busy wondering if it was a code for something specific or if he was just imagining things. Part of his brain, the least reliable one, was already looking forward to catching a glimpse of his accomplice's god-like figure. He vigorously shook his head to shake off those thoughts. Kuroo took refuge in one of the cabins as quickly as possible. His thoughts stopped bothering him when Bokuto started playing his Queen playlist. The volume was so loud that the sound reverberated on all the walls. Kuroo laughed, intoxicated with euphoria, and started singing at the top of his lungs with Bokuto. The brunet was beginning to have a dry throat and a hoarse voice, but at the start of each song, he let himself be carried away by the music and by Bokuto's voice.
Kuroo finished his shower just as the song "Old Fashioned Lover Boy" started playing. When he opened the door, he stumbled upon Bokuto, a towel around his hips, singing into his hairdryer. He had to stop singing to avoid bursting into laughter. Bokuto turned around and handed him his makeshift microphone. They started singing together as the second verse began.
"Ooh boy, Oooh lover boy!"
Bokuto continued with the main vocals while Kuroo provided the backing vocals.
"What're you doin' tonight, hey, boy?
Set my alarm, turn on my charm
That's because I'm a good old-fashioned loverboy"
Damn, this song suited him well.
"Ooh, let me feel your heartbeat
Ooh, ooh, can you feel my love heat?
Come on and sit on my hot-seat of love
And tell me how do you feel right after all"
Kuroo felt his heart start to race, unsure if it was due to the music or Bokuto's presence. Seeing him completely surrender to the music was profoundly exhilarating.
Their eyes locked, and in unison, they sang,
"I'd like for you and I to go romancing"
Those words echoed in Kuroo's head as he shouted his feelings. Bokuto continued the next lyrics alone, never taking his eyes off the brunet,
"Say the word, your wish is my command"
Kuroo's heart pounded violently against his ribcage, desperately wanting to believe this was a sign.
Bokuto continued the song, taking up his hairdryer-microphone again. Kuroo was left breathless for a moment before finally regaining his singing ability, and they finished together. When the song ended, they were both breathless, smiling at each other like idiots, intoxicated by their musical escapade.
"I think we can add 'karaoke' to our to do list!"
"Absolutely!"
Bokuto lowered the volume on his phone and turned on his hairdryer again. Kuroo looked at him in the mirror. A smile played on his lips. Eventually, Bokuto caught his gaze.
"Why are you laughing?" he asked, turning off the hairdryer.
"Oh, nothing... I just remembered that before we met for real, I used to call you 'Hercules Mercury.'"
"Pff, why?"
"Because I remind you that when we first met, you were belting out Queen in this very shower room."
Bokuto laughed.
"Yeah... that was insane! "
"Yeah..."
"And why 'Hercules'? What's the connection?"
Oops... It was too late to lie or come up with an excuse for this part...
Kuroo gestured to all of him.
"Have you seen how ripped you are, Bro?"
Bokuto seemed perplexed.
"Uh... thanks but… how could you know if we hadn't met yet?
Oops, again.
"Ok, ok , I confess, I may have peeked over the partition to see who the nutjob singing was."
Kuroo wasn't sure if revealing his penchant for voyeurism was the most delicate thing to do.
"Whoa... You must have super-strong arms to hoist yourself up like that."
Kuroo burst out laughing, taken aback that this was his friend's first reaction.
The conversation took a different turn, and they chatted while finishing getting ready. Kuroo was the first one ready. It was almost time for them to part ways.
'Now,' thought Kuroo. 'Now. Don't stand there like an idiot, do something !'
He pondered what he could do to convey the idea that he would like to see Bokuto again, for something more akin to a date than just hanging out.
'Take the plunge!'
"Um... Since we were talking about karaoke."
Not off to a good start already.
"We should do something like that, like grab a bite to eat and then go do karaoke or something? I know a place that serves mind-blowing ramen!"
"Absolutely!"
Just by his tone, Kuroo understood that his request hadn't been clear enough to be interpreted correctly.
"We really gotta do something like we did at the arcade last time," Bokuto suggested.
"I don't know, I'm scared of trampolines and kids now," joked Kuroo.
His friend laughed and reminded him of the good times they had fighting with kids.
"Yeah, yeah, okay, it wasn't that bad!"
"Yeah, and we should go back, we couldn't do the go-kart last time!"
Kuroo frowned:
"Yeah, and I remember very well why. We're not going to give our money to jerks like them."
Bokuto sighed.
"Yeah, but... it might not be different elsewhere... And it just caught me off guard last time... But, hey, it could be fun!"
"But... don't you need an authorization or something?"
"Yeah... It's not really a problem; it's just..."
"Humiliating and pretty dumb?"
"Yeah... But honestly, I'm used to it. I don't care as long as we can do it. If they want the authorization, I'll give it."
Kuroo frowned, puzzled.
"Do you have a sub?"
Now it was Bokuto's turn to look puzzled. Darn, that was maybe just a CATO thing, maybe it reverted by to its original meaning in any other settings? Kuroo was about to clarify, but Bokuto spoke before he could:
"No, I don't have a substitute."
"Oh... okay... so, how do you manage then?"
Bokuto's perplexity didn't fade:
"Well, just no substitute."
What else ?
"I just have a mate who's an alpha, so it's not really an issue."
Kuroo felt like he had crashed to the ground after falling down a fifty-story building.
"Oh... I didn't know that... I mean, it's easier that way then," Kuroo managed to get out.
"Yeah."
The monstrous slap that Kuroo had just taken hurt like hell. He felt profoundly stupid. Bokuto hadn't used just any term, not "boyfriend" or "lover", no, he said "mate". How could he have thought for even a moment that he stood a chance? Bokuto was a mated omega, the ultimate no-go!
He felt deeply ashamed for contemplating making a move on him. He felt ashamed for seeing signs in what was evidently a sincere proof of friendship and trust.
"Kuroo?"
The interjection brought him abruptly back to the surface.
"Uh, yeah? Sorry, I lost track; I just can't wrap my head around this whole authorization thing."
"Yeah, I know... It's not ideal... But well, we can still do a Karaoke thing!"
"Yeah!"
Kuroo was amazed at the composure he demonstrated. He managed to keep the conversation going and appear as normal as possible until they were outside. They were interrupted in their discussion when Bokuto's phone vibrated.
"Oh, he's here. Do you want me to ask if we can give you a ride home Bro?"
What a great idea, end up in the car with Bokuto, his mate, and his broken heart!
He managed a smile.
"No, I'm good, thanks. I have some errands to run before getting back home," he lied.
"Okay, well, I'll go first then. See you later, Bro!"
Kuroo smiled and waved as he watched Bokuto walk away. When he was far enough, his smile faded, his face emptied of all emotion. He headed for the subway station on autopilot. He put on his headphones as he entered the train.
"Don't cry on the subway, Tetsu, not here, not now."
After all... Wasn't it better this way? Without doing anything, his options had narrowed down, making things easier, right? No?
Of course not
Of course not. Even if it "narrowed down" his options, it was still painful. Because even if he wasn't the only one for whom he had feelings, those feelings were not any less valid or less strong. He had those feelings, and it still hurt like hell to have to let them go, to tear them apart to get rid of them.
"Don't cry now."
Damn, he was just an asshole really… A freaking self-centered asshole. Of course, he couldn't have everything; thinking otherwise was ridiculous and vain. What did he imagine? Of course, at some point, he would have to let go of some of his feelings. He couldn't have everything he desired, everything he wished for, and certainly not everyone... Life just didn't work that way. He was 22, not 5; he should have grasped this concept a long time ago! He was just an idiot…
"Don't cry now."
And why did all the damn songs on his playlist talk about love? He finally came across the intro to the song "Old Fashioned Lover Boy." He thought of Bokuto singing at the top of his lungs into his hairdryer. He remembered his laughter, his smile, his voice. That dream where Bokuto grabbed him by his collar and kissed him... He thought of all his shattered dreams, of all the hopes he had to mourn now...
"I'm a good old-fashioned lover boy."
Despite all his efforts, Kuroo burst into tears on the subway.
-end of the chapter-
Next chapter: Breeze
"Kuroo, you really suck at lying."
"Yeah..."
The silence stretched again. He heard Oikawa moving away from the speaker to address someone, probably Iwaizumi.
"Kuroo, do you want to come over to my place?"
"Uh, but... We have class tomorrow. And you live far away, man."
"No problem, you can crash on my couch. And we can drive to uni tomorrow."
"Oh, uh..."
"Unless you want to stay alone and brood like the massive piece of shit you are."
Kuroo laughed.
"Come on, bring your ass over here, we're gonna watch a crappy movie and eat junk food."