The inn in Icicle Village was warm, perhaps stiflingly so after the bitter cold of the long trek in the snow. Tifa and Barret stood in the entryway, melted snow puddling rapidly at their feet. A desk stood before them and they could hear a fire crackling in the room beyond. The innkeeper was a kind-faced, sturdy woman who reminded Tifa unwittingly of the village women who had tried to keep in her line as motherless teen back in Nibelheim. She approached them immediately, proffering towels and shaking her head.
"Shoes off!" she fussed, blocking them from entering farther. "I assume you are with the troublemakers that tramped through here earlier. What you were doing out in that weather, I cannot imagine."
Tifa looked guilty at the damp carpet ahead of her and almost swore she could see Yuffie's bounding footprints leading down the hall. Certainly, the pawprints belonged to Nanaki. And she had never seen anyone with pointier shoes than Vincent. She could easily imagine the party entering. She supposed the floors had been immaculate before. Their crew made an impression wherever they went with their large personalities and, Tifa hoped, their willingness to help others. They were somewhat less attentive, however, to the mess they left behind them.
"I'm sorry for the mess," she said, bowing her head apologetically. "We've had a difficult journey and we're grateful for the chance to rest."
The innkeeper seemed somewhat mollified when Tifa and Barret stayed put, carefully blotting the melted snow from their bodies. She looked pointed at their shoes.
"We'll take them off of course," Tifa promised, bending to loosen her laces.
"Well, alright then," she replied, her eyes softening. "We have rooms waiting for you and there's a fire going out in the common room. You can dry your shoes and socks out there."
Tifa looked pointedly at Barret and he grimaced, kneeling to remove his own footwear, towel slung over his shoulders. Tifa grimaced herself at the dampness of her socks between her feet and the carpet.
"We have house shoes, of course!" the innkeeper offered. "Here, these should fit."
She handed Tifa a pair of house shoes from behind the desk. They did, in fact, look like they should fit. They were, however, perhaps the ugliest shoes Tifa had ever seen. She guessed they meant to emulate Moogles, with their fluffy white exterior and prominent red puff balls. Tifa smiled weakly and rolled off her socks before slipping her feet inside. At least they were warm.
"Thank you," she said, hoping her tone conveyed sincerity.
"Can't imagine you have any that would fit me!" Barret said quickly. "I'll just make do."
He nodded politely at the innkeeper and moved quickly past the desk, his shoes in one hand and wet socks in another. Tifa sighed and followed him.
They found the others in a cozy common room, separated from the welcome desk by a short hall. Tifa was simultaneously comforted and bereft at the sight of them. Nanaki was on the floor, his nose perilously close to the fire. Vincent leaned against a wall to his left, arms crossed, eyes lowered. Cid and Cait occupied a sofa, cat and man somehow taking up equal space. Yuffie had her own sofa and was cocooned in a blanket, just the red tip of her nose showing through.
Where would Aerith be? Tifa wondered before she could help herself. She could see herself and Aerith on the floor leaning against Yuffie's sofa, a blanket conscientiously shared across their laps. Jealous of their camaraderie, Yuffie would eventually join them on the floor, leaving the sofa empty. Barret would roll his eyes at Cloud and Aerith might a face at them, daring them to criticize their girlish cluster. Tifa's throat tightened and she found herself unable to move. Barret seemed to have no such qualms and shoved Yuffie's feet bodily off the closer half of her sofa to make room.
Tifa carefully placed her shoes by the fire and hung her socks on a rack already full of her friends' sodden socks. She could hardly claim to recognize Cloud by his socks, but his signature boots were not drying by the fire. Tifa turned back towards her friends, painfully aware of her friends watching her.
"Cloud already went up to bed!" Yuffie proclaimed at the same time Cait Sith questioned, "You alright there, Tifa?"
An tense silence followed.
"Um, fine," Tifa said, unsure of who she was responding to.
Silence stretched among them again. Tifa did not know what to say or do. Cloud was their leader. Perhaps a reluctant and awkward leader, but a leader all the same. Now, with her friends' eyes fixed on her simultaneously, Tifa felt some of the burden of that leadership. Although she was not a natural born leader, she had always been sensitive to others' needs. She knew what they wanted. Comfort. Assurance they were moving in the right direction. Space to mourn Aerith and share their memories of her.
I can't, Tifa thought despairingly. Cloud should do this. Although Tifa connected with every member of the team, Cloud was their leader. He was the one who had forged bonds with each and every party member, bringing them together in shared purpose. Tifa had never been good with words. And she had no words for what they were facing. The loss of a dear friend. The confusion of a leader who was there but somehow not there. A leader who had yet to acknowledge Aerith's death in words.
Tifa twisted her hands into the towel the innkeeper had given her. She had to say something.
"Cloud has the right idea," she said, surprised at the steadiness of her voice. "We should all rest up. It's been…a long few days."
The words hung in the warm, damp air.
"I'm heading up too," she finished. "Good night, everyone."
Feeling like a coward, she went back toward the front desk, the pompoms on her Moogle slippers bouncing conspicuously. The words she wished she could say swelled in her chest. Aerith would want us to keep fighting no matter what. We have to be strong for Aerith. For Cloud. She wanted to tell them, Cloud will be okay. Just like Aerith had promised Tifa so many times before. It had been easy to believe when Aerith had said it, her smile reassuring and her hands gripping Tifa's tightly. Aerith's faith had been unwavering.
The innkeeper guided Tifa up to her room, which she assumed she would be sharing with Yuffie. Tifa sighed at the single bed, just wide enough for two. Yuffie was small, but she kicked in her sleep and hogged the blankets. Tifa had always curled to one side, resigned to her fate when she had to share with Yuffie. Aerith took a more direct approach. Once she got up in the middle of the night and yanked the blankets out from under Yuffie with such strength that she tumbled onto the floor. They had laughed so much that Barret banged on the wall connecting their rooms. Cloud told them in the morning he would take them laughing over Barret's snoring any day.
Tifa took a shaky breath. The memories hurt. Aerith alive and full of life. Cloud deadpan but somehow still sweet when he teased them the next day. Long moments passed as Tifa sat on the bed in the darkening room.
"Tifa! Open up!"
A light collision against the door and a bright, commanding voice snapped Tifa out of her reverie. Yuffie. Tifa got up quickly and opened the door for her. Yuffie was still wrapped in a blanket and she was moving gingerly, her hands full of something she was carrying beneath her blanket.
"Um, Tifa. You forgot to turn the lights on?" Yuffie said, squinting in the dark.
Tifa winced and replied, "Right, I've got it."
She fiddled with the lamp on the nightstand and the room illuminated with a soft glow. Yuffie shrugged off her blanket and held out a steaming bowl that had only slightly sloshed over the edges.
"Stew!" Yuffie proclaimed. "It's pretty good actually, but we aren't supposed to have it in the rooms. I snuck it up!"
Tifa returned her grin weakly. Yuffie was fiercely loyal and a good friend in her own way, but this type of practicality and thoughtfulness was uncharacteristic of her. Tifa had the distinct feeling that her friends had been talking about her, perhaps since the moment she left. Likely, Yuffie had lost some sort of argument regarding who would bring her the food. At least it's not Barret, Tifa thought glumly. She was not quite ready to defend Cloud against his questioning. Besides, they mean well.
"Thank you, Yuffie. That's really kind of you," Tifa said as she accepted the bowl. "Is there a…"
"Oh, right!" Yuffie replied.
She fumbled around a moment and pulled a spoon from the back of her shorts. She shrugged defensively when Tifa wrinkled her nose, polishing it with the edge of her shirt and handing the spoon to Tifa. Tifa was hungry enough not to care. Besides, they had done worse camping along their travels. A spoon and hot meal were luxury enough, Yuffie germs or not.
The stew was hearty. Tifa ate quickly and neatly, mindful that they had done enough to muck up the inn without spilling food on its beds. Yuffie sat by her on the bed, swinging her legs and looking everywhere except at Tifa.
"Thank you," Tifa said again as she finished. "I didn't realize how hungry I was."
Tifa stood and stretched. Yuffie flopped onto the bed in her absence, stretching out her limbs over far more than half its width.
"We should–"
"Is Cloud–"
They both broke the silence at the same time. Yuffie laughed uncomfortably.
"You go first, Tifa."
Tifa sighed.
"I was just going to say that we should go to sleep."
She leaned against the door. Yuffie remained splayed on the bed, quiet. Tifa could feel the moment passing. She could turn off the lights now and the conversation would be over. She might maintain the fragile illusion that everything was fine for at least one more night. But she remembered Yuffie's red nose poking out from her blanket earlier. Perhaps from the cold, but Tifa wondered if she had been crying again. Aerith had been Yuffie's friend too. And as much as she delighted in aggravating him, Yuffie hero-worshipped Cloud.
"What were you going to ask?" Tifa prompted softly.
"Everything is alright with Cloud, isn't it?"
Tifa sat with the question for a moment. Yuffie was only sixteen, a year older than Tifa had been when she had lost everything in Nibelheim. All Tifa had wanted in those days after she woke up in Midgar had been for someone to tell her everything was going to be alright.
"Scootch over," Tifa said, nudging Yuffie.
Yuffie shuffled and Tifa stretched out beside her, tucking a pillow under her head. Yuffie claimed pillows of her own and turned to her side towards Tifa.
"Everything is not alright with Cloud," Tifa said gently. "But it will be. Just give it time."
Tifa could feel Yuffie scrutinizing her.
"But he seems – are you two –"
Yuffie stumbled, seemingly unsure of what she even wanted to ask. This time, Tifa let the silence stretch, the unasked question hanging between them. Tifa was perhaps ready to reassure Yuffie that Cloud would be okay, but she did not have words for what was amiss between the two of them. Cloud won't look at me. He doesn't care about my pain. He doesn't seem to feel any of his own. Tifa's eyes burned. I'm afraid for him. I'm afraid of him. I'm not sure who he even is right now. She could not say these things to Yuffie. She could barely admit them to herself.
I could tell Aerith, Tifa thought.
"I miss her," Yuffie said suddenly, her voice small.
Tifa swallowed her tears.
"I miss Aerith too."
It felt good to say her name out loud. Avoiding it had felt wrong, like a betrayal.
"I miss Aerith too," Tifa said again. "But I'm glad you're here with me. We'll get through this together, okay? All of us."
Yuffie sniffed loudly and nodded, "Okay."
The room fell silent again, but it was a comfortable silence this time. Yuffie burrowed under the covers and Tifa quickly did the same, hopeful of claiming her fair share. After a moment, she reached for the lamp beside the bed.
"Goodnight, Yuffie."
"'Night Tifa."
Her voice was already slurred with sleep. Tifa usually envied Yuffie's ability to fall asleep quickly and deeply, but she found herself drowsing as well. A thousand worries swam in her head, but her mind was too exhausted to fully grasp any of them. She thought to get up and check on Cloud. But the thought slipped away as soon as it formed and Tifa drifted off into a restless sleep.