QLFC: Season 11, Round Semi-Finals

Team: Kenmare Kestrels

Position: Chaser 1, Captain

Prompt: A Phoenix Lament

Additional Prompts:

- [genre] angst

- [plot point] ghost appearance

- [color] amber

Word Count: 1482

Warnings: Mild swearing (1 use of the D word, 1 use of the S word), mentions of canon compliant main character death

Notes: I'm taking inspiration from the lyrics and emotion of the song prompt. Also, this is one of my more complex AUs, and not one that I've written anything for before now (only daydreamed). It's an Auror!Remus AU. I recognise it's on the edge of believability, but I do have an explanation for it and I'll do my best to include as much of that explanation in the text as I can, but it's not the focus of this story. Beyond what I manage to work into the text, I'm relying on the this-is-fanfiction principle of anything is possible. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the story. No promises, but I'll be keeping an eye out for any opportunity to write more about this AU as I do really enjoy it.

Remus lay back on his bed—if a bare mattress on the floor could count as a bed—and forced his shoulders to relax. He was exhausted. It had been nearly three months since the war ended, and he had barely slept. Between Auror training and whatever part time jobs he could keep to pay his rent he barely had time to sleep. When he first signed up to be an Auror with James and… with James, he hadn't expected to be accepted, but through some stroke of luck (or desperation on the ministry's part) he had got in. Three years hadn't seemed very long back then. But that was only just over a year ago, and now he didn't have James' support (as much as he hated accepting James' help) or S… anyone to split rent with. The three years of unpaid training suddenly seemed much longer.

He turned his head towards the afternoon sunlight streaming through his window. It would be even harder to sleep than it usually was. He hated taking naps during the day, but Moody had insisted on it. They had an assignment that evening, and as Moody had said, you can't be vigilant if you're falling asleep on your feet.

He rolled to his side, his hand automatically moving to pick at the bite mark on his shoulder. Somehow it still didn't feel real; James, Lily, and Peter's deaths. It was like they were a story that someone had told him. But he had seen it. He had been on duty when they went to confront Sirius, he had seen Sirius blow up the street. He had seen him kill Peter. He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, as if to dislodge the thought from his mind. Everyone said it would get better with time, but how could it? Remus was no stranger to pain, he was no stranger to healing from injuries, but this was different. This was something beyond anything he'd ever experienced before. He had loved James and Lily and Peter, and Sirius had ripped them all away from him. Sometimes Remus wondered if it was intentional. Had he specifically targeted everyone Remus loved, or was Sirius simply a black hole that drew in everyone around him and destroyed him.

He rolled onto his back again, his eyes still closed, and sighed. This was why he never slept. The thoughts constantly running through his mind never gave him a moment of peace. His friends were always there, always in the back of his mind.

ooOoo

He managed to fall asleep for a few short moments, but clearly not enough to dissuade Moody from being needlessly worried about him when they met in the village square of Godric's Hollow. The sun was almost set and the streetlamps were casting an unnerving amber glow on the village. Remus pulled his cloak closer around him, trying to stave off the chill of the early April night.

"You remember the details of the mission?" Moody asked gruffly.

Remus nodded. "We've received reports of Death Eaters searching for any signs of You-Know-Who, and are here to apprehend them." He didn't mention that the reports claimed the death eaters would be searching James and Lily's house.

Moody's magical eye had stopped its usual swiveling, and instead focused entirely on Remus, same as his real eye. "Are you ready for this?" Moody asked.

Remus hated the sympathy in his voice. He returned Moody's gaze with all the stubbornness he could muster. "I'll be fine," he said. He turned and started towards James and Lily's house, or rather, the ruins of it.

It wasn't nearly as long of a walk as Remus would have liked it to be. The second they were off the main road he became more cautious in his steps, just like he'd been trained to do, and that helped slow them down some, but soon enough they were outside the gate and staring up at the hole in the roof. Remus had come here once, just after the funeral, but never again.

James and Lily had loved their little cottage. Ever since they bought it they had turned it into a haven of peace and joy and life in the middle of the darkness of the war. No other place was as precious or as sacred as this cottage, and Sirius had destroyed it.

"Let's head inside," Moody said, and Remus was glad for the distraction. "You head upstairs, I'll stay down. We don't want them to slip in and out unnoticed."

Remus nodded and lifted the latch to the gate. It felt wrong, like walking on a grave. He had a job to do though, and he'd be damned if he let another Death Eater desecrate this place.

The stairs creaked as he walked up them, trying to ignore the thought that this was where James had died. The door to the nursery was open, and nothing had been moved. It was exactly the same as when he had visited after the funeral.

He leaned against the wall by the doorframe, his eyes flitting over the objects in the room. The blocks, the crib, the rocking chair, the toy broom that Harry had loved to race around the house and back garden on. Harry would be safe and happy with his aunt and uncle, Dumbledore had promised as much. The amber glow from the streetlamps seemed to twist strangely as if dancing with the memories of James and Lily. It was beautiful in a way, if not tragic.

Remus leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. It was strange how this house calmed him even now, quieting the racing thoughts and relaxing the tension in his muscles.

"Remus?"

Immediately Remus pulled his wand out of his pocket and dropped into a fighting stance, poised to strike. The amber light that had seemed to be twisting strangely had twisted itself into a figure; James' figure. This had to be some sort of spell, some sort of trick. He opened his mouth to cast the spell to signal Moody.

"Remus wait," definitely not James said, taking a step forward, but staying in the square of light from the window. "I don't have much time, and this is the only time I can do this, but you have to listen to me."

"You're not real," Remus said. "You're not James." He couldn't be James. If he was he must have been a ghost, and this wasn't how ghosts worked… was it?

"I am James," definitely not James said. "I… I can prove it. You remember our code during the war?" The amber glow of definitely not James' face seemed hopeful, and it stabbed Remus squarely in his heart to see that expression again.

He knew it was stupid, he knew it wasn't James, but he nodded anyway. Of course he remembered; he would always remember. "What did you enchant the Map to say to Snape?" Remus said, his voice barely more than a whisper.

"I enchanted it to call him an ugly git," James said. "And I stand by it."

Remus allowed himself to laugh lightly for a moment; allowed himself to pretend it was real for a moment. It wasn't real. James was gone, off somewhere in heaven with Lily and Peter and not here. "You're not real," Remus said again.

The hopeful look on definitely not James' face faltered and the amber light flickered as if trying to swirl away into some other shape. "Listen, I don't have much time," he said. "I swear to you I'm real, and I have to tell you something."

"Just go away," Remus said.

"No! You need to listen," definitely not James insisted. "It wasn't Sirius."

"Of course it was Sirius! I saw him kill Peter!" Remus shouted.

Definitely not James flinched. James had always hated it when Remus was angry, or yelled. "Peter's still alive, I swear it's true." The stairs creaked and a panicked look crossed definitely not James' face. "Shit," he said. "No one else can see me, that's the rules."

"The rules of what?" Remus asked.

"It's not important. What's important is that Sirius wasn't our secret keeper, Peter was," definitely not James said. "We switched them out at the last minute. Peter betrayed us, not Sirius. Also Dumbledore lied, Harry isn't—"

"Remus?" Moody asked, rounding the corner from the stairs and stepping into the nursery.

Remus looked over at him, suddenly aware of the way his heart was pounding.

"Are you alright, I thought I heard shouting," Moody said.

Remus looked back at the amber light, now laying across the room as if nothing happened. Nothing had happened. "It was nothing," he said. Definitely not James' last words swirled in his mind like a whirlwind of dust. Dumbledore lied, Harry isn't… Harry isn't what?

"It was just a trick of the light."