Hello!

I want you guys to stay safe, so I'd like to put a warning out for vague discussion of past SA in this chapter.

"You know-" Derek sighed as he turned to look at his girlfriend a little more. "-I was cleared for physical activity on Monday as well."

She smirked instantly at that; he wasn't very subtle. "Mmm, I heard."

He didn't give any further reply, or at least verbal reply, to that, as his hand moved to hold her, and he kissed her.

Earnestly, it was in moments like these that he wished he had better mobility. It sounded terrible and he knew it shouldn't ever be a priority, but it was true; he'd love sex to be a little bit easier and a little bit less awkward when he took on a lead role.

"Meredith-" He muttered, kissing her again.

"Mmm-"

He pulled away. That wasn't a good murmur. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, nothing." She dismissed with a smile. "We're celebrating, we're happy, you're a neuro god again."

"You don't want me to be a neuro god?"

"No. Jesus, Derek, of course I do. I adore your skill, you know that."

"But something is wrong. Do you not want sex?" He asked with a creased brow.

She stared at him for a second blankly before shaking her head, "It's okay."

His hands left her completely. "It's okay?" He repeated.

"What?" She asked. "Derek, you don't need to stop, I'm happy for us to do it."

"You can't half-consent to sex, Meredith. You can't say 'it's okay'. What does that even mean? You're not going to push me off and cry, but you don't actually want it?"

"You want sex."

"But you don't." He returned instantly.

"No." She admitted in a small voice. "I'm-" She sighed, rubbing her eyes. "I'm really tired. I just want to sleep in for another twenty. I was up in the night, dodgy dinner last night from that restaurant."

He sighed, and kissed her on the cheek. Both of his hands wrapped around hers. "Meredith. If you're too tired or not in the mood, just say no. It's okay."

"You're my boyfriend though."

"That doesn't mean I have 24/7 access to your body. I can't just...decide that I want you and force you to agree." He sighed.

"I've never really...not wanted sex with you before though. I've always...It's always been mutual, you know?"

"With me." He repeated.

She nodded slowly.

"Oh, Meredith-" He sighed. He knew she hadn't added that for no reason.

"No, Derek, it's not like that. It wasn't in an alley or after I was drugged or something like that."

"Right." He agreed. If she didn't want to talk about it, he didn't want to pressure her, and at the same time, he couldn't help but feel his heart beat a little faster for her. She'd reassured him that she hadn't been hurt in the traditional way, but he couldn't help but wonder what she meant by the rest of it. "Just...please, please, please,tell me to go away whenever you want."

"But-"

"No buts. I don't get mad, I don't get disappointed, I don't get angry, I don't...I don't want anything except for you to be happy, and feel safe, okay?"

"Okay. So-" She smiled. "In this moment, I am happy and safe but I need to tell you to go away- or that I need to leave you, because I need to go to the bathroom."

He smirked at that, and rolled off his side and onto his back so he wasn't so close to her, allowing her to jump off the bed.

Unfortunately, his smirk was gone the second she closed the door. Why the hell was she about to agree to sex with him when she didn't want it?

"Hello. It's me. I'm not telling you what to do, but I need to use the bathroom too so...yeah, I'm afraid I am telling you what to do." He called through the bathroom door. After a few minutes of her in the bathroom, he had recieved a text from her, informing him that she would be having a brief bath, but the bath hadn't been so brief, and he only had one bathroom which made that a bit of a problem.

The door opened to Meredith, a towel wrapped round her and tucked so it could stay tight to her body. "Hi. Sorry."

"That's okay." He agreed. "Are you- I- I mean-"

"What?" She asked, confused by his faltering.

He swallowed. "Did...did you cry in there?" He asked after a long second of silence.

"Cry?" She repeated with a creased brow. "Why would I cry?"

"I...I'm sorry. Just- your eyes look a little red. Just trying to make sure you're okay."

"Well, don't worry, because I'm fine. No tears." She lied. "Just thought why lie in bed in need of a shower when I could lie in a bath."

"Mmm. Yeah. Good point." He agreed. "So you're fine?"

She smiled. "I'm fine."

"And then-" Meredith smiled. "Do you remember what I did next? After you said that, and then I-"

"No, no, no-"

She giggled. "Yes, Derek."

"No." He muttered. "Definitely no."

"You liked it."

"Yes, I know I liked it then, but I don't like it now. Not this very moment."

"What don't we like?" Mark asked.

Meredith physically jumped in her seat. "Uh- how long have you been stood there?"

"Only a minute." He replied with a creased brow. He looked from her, then through the glass to the CT room. "Why? What are you guys doing?"

"Nothing." Meredith promised, cheeks turning a very telling shade of pink.

"Why were you freaked out when you realised I was here then?"

"She's being an idiot." Derek exclaimed through the intercom.

"Derek!" She berated.

"I'm trying to lie still for my CT mylo and she's saying things." He explained. Luckily, their side of the intercom was still on so he knew what was going on.

"No. I'm not. I'm not saying anything." She said, shaking her head.

"She is. She's teasing me and it's not good."

Mark sighed. "You know you're going to get a crappy image if you make him laugh, right?" He asked, although he was very aware that Meredith already knew that.

"She's not trying to make me laugh."

"She said she was-" He paused. Now he got it. It wasn't teasing in that way. "Jesus, Meredith-"

She buried her face in her hands instantly at the look on his face. He knew. He definitely knew.

"She better feel bad." Derek joked, just as the machine's loud tone finished.

Mark pressed the button to pull him out the machine.

"Well, Derek, you better head to an on-call room to get changed back into your scrubs for your appointment in ten. Meredith-" He chuckled as he patted her on the back. She was still bright red. "Why don't you go with?"

"I hate you, you know?" She asked as she watched him toss his hospital gown aside, and make a grab for his t-shirt.

"You hate me?" He asked. "You were the one giving me bad imagery while I was trying to relax for a very important scan."

"Bad imagery?" She asked.

"Bad as in bad, not bad." He explained. "There is no bad imagery to give me."

She smiled.

He couldn't help but take a moment to look at her. She was making jokes. In fact, she was the one who kept on initalising both the sex and the sex-related jokes ever since that morning. That meant she must be okay...right? "You know I love you."

"I know."

"And you know I love our bad imagery."

A smirk spread across her face. "Oh, I know."

The pair stared at each other in silence for a few seconds. His t-shirt still wasn't on.

"Is this the bit where we make out and then have five rounds of amazing sex and turn up late to your appointment?"

He smirked. "Yes, I'd most certainly say so."

"Dr Shepherd, hi."

"Hello, Dr Stevens."

"How are you doing?" She asked as she played her scans up on the wall near his. "How is your spine?"

"Better. Just had a scan that confirmed I'm looking physically better. In an awful lot less pain, which was the aim of the surgery."

She gave him a small smile. It wasn't enough to convince him she was genuinely happy about the news, but he tried to take the fact she smiled a little as a good sign. At least she was trying. "That's good. I'm glad to hear it."

He smirked to himself. "Unsurprisingly, me too."

"Um- so-" She swallowed when he looked back at her. "I know you haven't been to the house yet, or at least...I don't think you have, and I know things are awkward between us, don't worry, it's not just you, but...I was wondering whether you...would like dinner at the house with us all?"

"Oh-" He breathed. "Um...have you asked Mer?"

She shook her head. "No. Not really...a proper idea yet, you know? Only just thought of it now."

"Right." He agreed. "Well, if Mer is happy with it, then yes, I suppose I could come round. You know we're going away for that wedding and then you've all got the big exam, so...maybe...that Saturday? The 23rd, I believe? The one after you all get your results back?"

"Okay." She nodded. "I'll double check with Mer but...Saturday 23rd it is. See you there, Dr Shepherd."