Chapter 8. Trust
Leia stops in her tacks and does a double take. Then counts to ten, then backwards, and has to physically restrain herself from pinching her hand, since it would be the most undignified thing to do, yet the picture in front of her doesn't disappear. Thrawn and Ackbar. Playing holo-chess. With high-ranking Republican and Imperial officers observing, and, by the looks of it, making bets.
What follows next is no less surreal, for she did try playing chess with Ackbar once, back when they were all on Hoth, and lost miserably within ten minutes. While she expects Thrawn to be a decent player, his win is so sudden, a net he has been patiently setting-up across the board, all the while answering her incessant questions from behind his shoulder, is so elaborate, that she has to blink to make sure her eyes aren't playing tricks on her.
Once it's all over, she feels tingle of irritation, she needs to talk to him, she didn't come here for a chess match serving as a lesson in tactics and strategy of all things, yet she cannot, not with a dozen people watching their every move. So, Leia has to settle for leaving without another word to Thrawn, for the first time in four days.
Against her better judgement, which is becoming a recurring theme, however she tries deny the fact, Leia doesn't spend the rest of the evening looking for an opening for the upcoming face-off over Queluhan Nebula. She definitely should, given that she has yet to find an angle, and that it was a reason for looking for Thrawn in the first place. Yet, the moment she gets back to her quarters and logs into her datapad, she starts re-reading intel files Madine prepared prior to the talks. In striking contrast to the first time she skimmed through them, however, tonight she focuses only on one particular file, and scrutinizes every single word, looking for something, anything to give her a clue.
Now that they are allies, the stakes are too high, and whatever game Grand Admiral is playing, she needs to certain he won't sacrifice Kashyyk. There is another motive, of course, a bit less rational, but just as powerful. Thrawn seems to have an uncanny ability to get under her skin. Whichever box Leia tries to put him in – an Imperial, a ruthless grand admiral, a necessary evil – the Chiss proves her wrong time after time. Somehow, he is all these things and yet none of them, and it's…. irritating, unsettling and, a tiny part of her has to admit, intriguing.
"Your curiosity will be the end of you, Leia." This time it's her mother's voice in her mind, void of any real reproach, moderately amused, a bit worried, but endlessly tender, just like during all those the times when she used to sneak out of the Aldera Royal palace.
Thrawn's official dossier is illustrious, and even a dry, matter-of-fact language of intel summaries fails to make it seem like a typical Imperial military career. Basic facts (but none before his sudden appearance at the Imperial Academy), dates of service (promotions come way too fast, yet each and every one of them is merited), countless court martial hearings, numerous victories, the art reference that caught her eye in the first place…
On a whim, Leia reaches for an old datapad, safely tucked under more recent ones. An old, Aldera University-issued model, too outdated to be of any use these days, yet religiously kept as a memento, she has only precious few of those left after that blasted shot from the Death star. She turns it on, for the first time in years, and searches through her old files with countless downloaded manuscripts and books on history and art of most species in the galaxy. Yet, seems like even her alma mater had few, if any records about the Chiss or Cscilla (even finding the name of the Chiss capital planet is a struggle). Come to think of it, she doesn't even know if he is from Cscilla in the first place.
"You'll never be able to get an upper hand if you play on someone else's terms, lean on your strengths." Her father's voice reminds her, just like he did when she first joined the Senate. It was Bail who taught her how to discern the real meaning of Palpatine's legislative maneuvers, how to see through the flowery language of the bills and focus multiple appendixes, which the Emperor used to hide the real extend of yet another assault on democracy…
Oh, appendixes. Thank you, dad.
While Madine's files have no official appendix, they do link to supplementary reports stolen from ISB by Fulcrum. Leia bites her lip in frustration – this part of intel is still reserved only for the high command. She stands up, and starts walking around the room. She needs access, has to be sure she can trust Thrawn to keep his word to help Kashyyk. Absent-mindedly, she starts wringing her hands in what her aunts would've called the most unbecoming gesture for a princess. First, knuckles of her left hand, then her fingers, rubbing up and down, trying to soothe her nerves. She has to get access, which means she has to break in. Up and down, up and down again, if only the gesture could ease her conscience as well as nerves.
Leia sinks back into the chair and types in the code, fingers suddenly numb and heavy.
"It's good that the Emperor's spies are not that sentimental, otherwise, they would've figured out a weakness of any parent a while ago." Her father told her once, while Mon just smiled sadly, and for once, opted not to join into their conversation, yet a wistful look, filled with pain and regret her eyes was all the confirmation Leia needed.
She knew Leida as a kid, not closely, for the two had nothing in common, yet by the virtue of visiting her father on Coruscant, Leia would meet Mon's daughter every once in a while, during birthdays, charity events, or, rare as those times were, at Mon's Senate office. The date, the moth, the year. Leida's date of birth is still Mon's password… she never needed to use that knowledge, until now. Stars help and forgive her.
"I am so, so sorry, Mon," Leia whispers, swearing to herself that it is the first and the last time she has to do it.
In a couple of minutes ISB reports appear on the screen, and she reads on, for there is as much between the lines, as in them, if one knows where to look.
"It's well known that in the Seventh Fleet an order from the Supreme commander becomes a request from the High command, then a recommendation from the Moff and the just a suggestion to Admiral Thrawn, if it ever gets this far."
Status: complaint filed. Reviewed and rejected as unsubstantiated by Colonel Yularen.
"His disregard for standard imperial protocols is dangerous, reckless…"
Filed, reviewed, rejected.
"Grand admiral publicly defied the Emperor's order of a command… sentients were thrown into jail for much less…"
Filed, reviewed, rejected by the Supreme Commander.
"The TIE-defender project…"
One hour in, Leia digs the heels of her hands into her eyes… Just who are you, Grand Admiral Thrawn?
Oh, she can tell a lot about those who submitted reports – their not-so-hidden xenophobia, power ploys, desire to win more favours, or actual outrage at defying orders. Grand Admiral Thrawn seems to have ruffled quite a few feathers, he didn't lie to her, he is, indeed, a warrior, not a politician, a miracle that he even got that far in the Empire. Some security reports paint an opposite picture, filled with deep respect and loyalty, yet between the lines she clearly sees personal loyalty to the commanding officer rather than the Empire, so those reports are few and between, as if someone made sure to hide them. Now that she thinks of it, his words about the inner workings of the Imperial navy and concern for Commodore Faro make much more sense.
At the end, there is no big revelation, just scattered, diametrically opposed facets of the man, changing depending on an eye of a beholder. She doesn't regret breaking in, though, for she can tell two things for sure – whatever his motives, Thrawn's past history indicates he tends to value sound logic over protocols and rules, and keeps his word, which means he will help to liberate Kashyyk, as long as she upholds her end of the deal.
Then, her gaze catches the last ISB report about his disappearance at Lothal… and suddenly, as ridiculous as it sounds, she gets her opening for tomorrow. A preposterous plan, indeed, yet the most fitting.
Just as Leia finishes typing her notes, Luke comes in and finally brings back her comlink. The very reason why she had to go out in search of Thrawn instead of calling - Luke needed a safely encrypted channel to call Han and Chewie. Leia could only inwardly chuckle at "safely encrypted", given a certain Grand Admiral had shuttered this delusion a couple of days before, so she made sure to add a few more layers of encryption before handing her comlink over to Luke.
"You could've joined, you know." Her brothers soft voice brings her back to reality.
"How are they?" She holds her breath for a second, hoping against hope that Han and Chewie won't get themselves in trouble over yet another reckless scheme, she needs days, just a couple of days for Thrawn to get his fleet there.
"Trying to come up with a plan, I'm getting worried though, if I could leave this…"
"I'm sorry Luke, but we need you here."
"As an honorary hostage."
"A symbol and a hero, rather."
Luke fights back a reflex of wince, he has never been truly comfortable with limelight and the status of a galactic hero, the one and only Jedi Master who can do no wrong. She tenderly brushes his hair from his forehead. She is nowhere near as skilled at reading others as he is, but when they are together, somehow, she feels his emotions as clearly as her own, so she tires to ease his turmoil, at least a little.
"I hate feeling useless."
"You aren't. Being here is the best thing you can do for the New Republic, and… don't worry, I know how to help Kashyyk." She senses Luke's surprise and curiosity, and has to stop him in his tracks, in a tone that brooks no argument, "Just don't ask questions."
"Somehow, I don't like the sound of it."
"Please trust me."
She opens up to him through their bond, if words can't convince him, she hopes her feelings will – she tries to make him see, feel her certainty and determination, mind and soul searching his, sending a wave of reassurance.
"Fine…" Luke still sounds sceptical, but concedes the point for now. "Just temember I'm always here to help, little sister."
"I am older."
"Says who?"
"Me."
"Leia…" he sinks into a sofa and pats on the seat next to him.
"Why are you avoiding Han?"
"Am I that obvious?"
"You are to me, but others are slower on the uptake."
She wants to deflect, she really does, yet, before she can stop herself, words she has been holding back for so long slip through her lips in the torrent of raw emotion. Messy, mixed, disjoined, yet she desperately hopes he gets the picture. At some point, Luke takes her hand in his and their minds and feelings merge, fit together like pieces of a holo puzzle. Luke balances, completes her as much as she does him, the perfect equilibrium she didn't know she missed. It's easier this way, to let him sense her fears and nightmares rather than voice them.
Luke remains silent for a long while, then squeezes her hand.
"Future is always in motion, Leia, that's what Master Yoda used to say. Sometimes, visions are.. sometimes they are just figments of our imagination, sometimes the Force may try to warn you. Sometimes, the dark side can invade the mind, lurking at the corners, confusing, tempting, but… I don't sense any new or foreign force presence in your mind, Leia."
"Then it's either visions, or I am going mad."
"You aren't." Another squeeze. "You're right to be wary, but remember, every choice we make, every single day, defines your path, so the future you saw may never come to pass. Don't punish people or yourself for something that hasn't happened yet."
She is not convinced, a nagging fear still seated somewhere in the marrow of her bones, yet she nods.
"If you want to, I can show you how to put up mental shields, and if you ever want to continue your training…"
Here it is again, the crux of the problem. It is not the first time he is offering, and it won't be the last. Her answer will not change though - her sense of duty to the New Republic wouldn't allow her to become a Jedi like him or dedicate any time to training. It's an excuse, a bad one at that, even Luke senses it, but doesn't call her out. Bless his kindness and empathy.
The real reason… she prefers not to voice it, even if he already suspects.
Accepting the gift of the Force would mean accepting her true parentage, and she is not ready to. It was Luke who dreamed of a father, looking for him in the endless night sky adorned with flickering faraway stars, a small boy yearning for a dad under the suffocating heat of the Tatooine twin suns. It was he who kept searching for a connection, a sense of true belonging and understanding. It was he who saw Vader's redemption and what he believed to be the return of his father, Anakin Skywalker.
Leia…
While a part of her has always wanted to know her real parents, she had a father, brilliant, larger than life, supportive, loving father, who taught her to fight for what's right and show kindness even at the darkest hour. And a mother, kind, wise, spirited, brave, who used to sing her old Alderaani lullabies to chase away nightmares, who taught her how to be a leader and grow into her own...
You are our child. You are an Organa in every way.
Leia doesn't have the heart to tell Luke that her memory of Darth Vader will forever defined by the durasteel-like grip on her shoulder, as she watched the laser blow Alderaan to pieces, by the mechanical breathing behind her back at that very moment, in and out, in and out, as millions and millions cried in agony, burning in the inferno of that blasted shot. Tarkin may have given an order, but she holds Vader equally accountable, whether it's justified or not, Leia doesn't care, not while an aching emptiness deep inside is matched by an empty space in the sky, where a beautiful blue-green sphere used to be. For once, she doesn't have it in her heart to forgive, but then again, Luke has always been kinder, and possibly wiser, and that's why it's his destiny to be a Jedi, not hers.
Instead of answering, she simply shakes her head. Luke nods, and, feeling her turmoil, decides to chance the topic. She may not ever acknowledge Vader as her father, but stars know, she is so incredibly grateful to have Luke as her brother.
"So, while I am stranded here, what do you want me to do, as a symbol and a hero?" He makes a face at her, and Leia cannot help laughing.
"Annoy the imperials, they banned blasters from face-to-face meeting, but no one said anything about lightsabers…" her own conspiratorial smile is met with his matching one, "meditate, train. I think they've allocated one of the West wing halls for the New Republic military and emissaries."
"Might as well…" Luke doesn't sound convinced, but takes her point. "By the way, there is a message for you on comlink, I didn't recognize the frequency, there was no name."
"What does it say?" Leia feels her stomach twisting with anxiety, there is only one sender with an unidentified personal frequency who is likely to be the sender.
"I didn't listen, figured it's one of your top secret cabinet messages…"
Bless you, Luke, and you have no idea…she waves her hand, in what she hopes is a dismissive gesture.
"Yes, Madine insisted on a new protocol."
"Have fun, little sister, and blast them all like old Jabba the Hutt tomorrow." She smacks the back of his head in mock outrage, failing to suppress her laughter, as Luke turns to leave. Already at the door, he adds, "I still doesn't understand how they managed to send the fleet to Cordelia so quickly, and why they didn't jump on a chance to call off the talks, why the ruse?"
"Apparently, Thrawn doesn't want to compromise the talks, wonders would never cease."
"Thrawn?"
"Grand Admiral Thrawn." She fights back a wince, trying to cover up her slip of the tongue.
Once she closes the door behind Luke, Leia glances at her comlink screen. Of course, her intuition was right, it was Thrawn, the one and only.
She sends a noncommittal response, she doesn't have energy or mental capacity for one more conversation tonight, but they definitely need to talk soon.
The first rule of negotiations, start with the highest, most atrocious ask, then slowly, but surely come down to what you actually want. The second one, never open with your most important topic, hide it somewhere in the middle. The third one, show them the stone in your hand, and they will miss a knife at their throats… As much as she hates the Emperor, he had a point here.
"As the conflict that divides our galaxy comes to a close, as we write this new chapter together," well, that earns her a few raises eyebrows from the New Republic cabinet and the Imperials alike, "we cannot lose perspective on the value of life and the price of freedom."
The most frustrating part is, she means that, and every single offer she puts to vote soon thereafter, yet Leia knows all too well that nothing will come of it. She opens up with galaxy-wide safe working conditions, abolition of slave labor, reduced taxation of the Outer Rim... She can feel frustration and irritation emanating from the Imperial side of the room, unadulterated disdain and hatred swirling around her like a thousand tentacles that send shivers down her spine. Something about the Pinnacle room makes her uneasy, and the longer she stays here, the stronger the feeling. She wonders if that's why Palpatine preferred to hold court here.
Just as she moves to regulations on the financial sector and banking clans, coupled with limits to Senatorial campaign donations, for the first time in a while, she feels similar flickers of irritation… rising among the New Republic delegation as well. Not everyone, mind you, there is an unyielding wave of support and pride from Mon, respect from Madine and Ackbar, yet there are others, Councilor Fey'lya, governor Sindian, few others… she swallows a limp in her throat, shoving her personal disappointment away for later.
Just like she predicted, all her proposals get shut down, one after another, so Leia throws in three more, dragging this round of talks well into the evening. Naturally, when it comes to a galaxy-wide nomad wild life protection pledge, it looks harmless enough to accept, and potentially resonating enough, so that both sides can put it up as an evidence of progress, however non-significant. The dubious honor of briefing the press falls to Leia, exactly as she wanted. A few formal and multiple informal questions and references later, Leia smiles in satisfaction, seems like Grand Moff Randd will be in for a surprise tomorrow.
"This is absolutely preposterous!" The next morning, the door of the Pinnacle room opens up with a bang, startling both delegations already assembled for the next round of talks.
"Good morning to you too, Grand Moff, how may we help you?" Thrawn replies before she can say a word, and steps in, cutting Randd's stride towards Leia's seat, the move also alerts Ackbar and Madine, who strategically come closer.
"A galactic reserve for purrgils, in Queluhan Nebula of all places?!" If looks could kill, she most surely would be dead now, but unfortunately for Grand Moff, he is nothing compared to the Emperor or Vader, so Leia just politely nods with a serene smile on her face.
"I'm glad you approve. I was worried it may be too soon, but you know the press, they always want actions rather than empty promises."
She steals a glance at Thrawn, and while his face remains dispassionate and unreadable, something in his glowing red eyes tells her that he… is enjoying it as much as she does.
"There are no purrgils in the sector!"
"Unfortunately, recently uncovered records from the Alderaan university indicate otherwise, I, myself, was surprised, when the Coruscant Today brought it up," after a strategic leak to them a day before, but Grand Moff doesn't need to know it.
"There is absolutely no evidence… Alderaan was nothing but a safe heaven for rebels, how can we trust anything that is supposedly comes from…"
"Oh, I don't know, why don't you fly out to Alderaan and check the records yourself?" It's as much of a challenge as she can afford in this room, the Empire prefers to pretend the destruction of Alderaan never happened, or that it was purely Tarkin and Emperor's crime, yet they are guilty, they are all guilty… Leia feels anger rising, heart flushing in her cheeks and neck, her vision becoming blurry, one more word, and she will…
"I have to concur, preserved scientific artefacts are a marvel." Thrawn's calm, measured voice brings her back from the brink. Leia blinks, and sees that he, seemingly on accident, stepped a bit closer, shielding her fully from the view of others, so she gets a modicum of privacy to compose herself behind his back. She breathes in, anchoring her thoughts in present, endlessly grateful for his small gesture, then steps to the side, coming back into full view of everyone in the room, as Grand Moff Rand keeps ranting, "I will not stand for it…"
"Grand Moff," Thrawn's voice is still eerily calm and perfectly polite, yet allows for no objection, and Leia wonders how he manages to strike this balance. "I believe it's time to move past personal disagreements for the sake of our ultimate goal, which, may I remind you, is peace."
If looks could kill… Thrawn may well be next, yet, again, unfortunately for Grand Moff, Thrawn seems absolutely unfazed, not an inch of concern or apprehension marring his face.
"So we can trust that promises to the press and galaxy at large will be kept?" Leia turns to Thrawn, hoping he will get her hint, after all, that's why they stated this farce in the first place. He doesn't disappoint.
"Please put it on the record, that while I am personally not happy about it, all things considered…" Thrawn's voice trails off, "needs must, we will dispatch tactical forces to protect the neutrality of the region, to preserve this first of its kind wildlife reserve, you do have the commitment from the Empire and my word."
"Thank you, for this goodwill gesture." Leia replies, throwing in what has seemingly become their private joke.
"I think we should continue with our agenda for today, that is, unless anyone else wants to discuss space wildlife, but I would very much prefer to focus on protecting sentients under our care." Mon steps in, and everyone moves to their respective topics, yet for the remainder for the day Leia feels the Chancellor's concerned gaze turning to her every once in a while.
This evening they finally meet again, away from prying eyes, in front of the Aldera peak painting, seems like all roads lead to it, one way or another. This time, though, the location was suggested by Thrawn, and given that with him nothing is ever an accident, Leia wonders if it is his way of saying thank you.
Tonight, he is the first to arrive, too, she catches the sight of his unmistakable silhouette from afar, hands clasped behind his back, a slight tilt of head betraying concentration as he studies the familiar landscape.
"Artistically done, Senator," he says, without even turning around, the moment she enters the hall, and fleetingly, Leia wonders how he manages to do it. "I have to admit, choosing purrgils of all things was an excellent manoeuvre."
He finally faces her once she comes closer, and smiles wryly. Now, this is a new sight, Leia meets it with a tilt of her lips, for there is a bit of the shared thrill, a feeling of victory that unites them tonight. Allies or co-conspirators, depending on one's point of view.
"Never underestimate the New Republic intelligence, Grand Admiral. I imagine, it did the trick?"
She is not referring to the excuse she gave to the press, but rather to a small diversion she set up by choosing these species.
"Indeed. Luckily for us both, most of the members of the Imperial high command remember or have heard about the accident at Lothal back in a day, so I am above suspicion."
"You understand they all still hate you, right?" The question slips from her lips before she can stop herself. Whether he is suspected as a mastermind behind her outrageous plan or not, and probably not, he has publicly sided with her today, more than necessary. "You literally just undermined Randd's influence in front of everyone…"
"Perhaps."
"I'd watch my back if I were you, Grand Admiral." Come to think of it, why does she feel the need to warn him? Logically, she shouldn't, her rational mind whispers that the moment Thrawn frees Kashyyk, she shouldn't care what happens to him, yet Leia has to admit, he is becoming an ally she prefers to have on her side, especially in comparison to all alternatives, and… well, curiosity will be the end of her, mother was right. Even Thrawn cannot be so oblivious to implications of what he is doing, so she wonders why he intentionally stirs up the rancor's nest.
"It may be wise for you to follow your own advice, Senator."
"What do you mean?"
"You also have enemies."
"Comes with the territory, I guess." Leia shrugs her shoulders. His penetrating eyes are on her again, and she gets an unsettling feeling he can see them again, the damn cracks, past the facade, past layers and layers of pretended indifference that she has learned to use as a protective shield. She adds, more for herself than for him, "Betrayal always comes wrapped up in a friendly cloak - one of the first things I learned in the Senate."
"Perhaps, but while my enemies will strike from the front, yours will definitely stab you in the back."
The warning lingers, and she can feel the satisfaction and lightness she's been revelling in a few minutes ago, slowly leave her body, replaced by the draining, unsettling feeling of premonition. Thrawn seems to sense her change of mood, and masterfully manoeuvres them both away from the topic.
"You'd be pleased to know that the fleet has reached Kashyyk. It will be over before the Coruscanti sunrise."
"You think Tolruck will concede so fast? He's been holding the planet hostage for years."
"Captain Pellaeon has no instructions to negotiate. There are things in the universe that are simply and purely evil. A warrior does not seek to understand them, or to compromise with them, only to obliterate them."
Thrawn's voice is as measured as always, slight accent weaving into the familiar cadence, seemingly emotionless, yet there is a strength behind it, and an absolute conviction, that she has seldom heard even in the most passionate Senate speeches. Then why for Stars' sake…
"Yet you wouldn't help Kashyyk otherwise." Leia interrupts, because his words don't make any sense. "The only reason you've decided to interfere is because we made a deal. Don't pretend to have noble motives, Grand Admiral."
"We all have priorities, Senator, and every choice we make, every battle we decide to fight, deprives us of a thousand others. It wasn't my fight in the first place, and I will not pretend otherwise… but you chose to help me, so I chose to help you win this one."
She chooses to trust him now, scary as the thought may be. By some unspoken agreement, they stay in the hall until the sunrise, for she cannot bear to be alone with her thoughts, while waiting for news about Kashyyk. Turns out, Thrawn can be good company, all things considered.
Author's note:
A long weekend means finally getting back to writing, and boy, it ended up a bit longer than I expected, thanks to everyone who will read till the end of this chapter ;))
In my defense, Leia needs a hug… and we need to get there…
And yes, I am using the ridiculous Rebels trope with space whales to my advantage… Listen, when life gives us purgills, of all things, we mix them and make the most of them. Call it my personal form of exposure therapy. Another trope borrowed, this time from EU, is Leia's majors in the University, it was too good of a coincidence to miss.
Also, pls. let me get it on the record, that I actually like our disaster child Ani, but Leia has the mind of her own, we will figure something out, eventually.