Days and nights blended together in the dark.
There was no window to see the sun or the moons, no indication of time whatsoever. Except for the visits and meals.
Bishop was always so eager for them, but it had nothing to do with the food or drinks. He just wanted to know what the fuck was going on.
'Nothing new'.
Always the same. From what he gathered, Bishop had been in this fucking hole for almost three weeks. Four days ago he got the news. They were actually going to attack the Sanctuary. They were gonna wipe out the Dark Brotherhood at last, just like Gaius planned.
And all the while, Bishop was stuck here. His handler only quickly put his food and drinks behind the door and then locked again. He only communicated through it now, worried that Bishop would do something stupid. Granted, that was a somewhat valid concern after Bishop lunged like that when he heard the last bit of news. He just wanted to do something. He wanted to talk to Maro and convince him to let him go with or… just anything. Anything to ensure shit was really done with.
Maybe it would have been a bad idea. Maybe he would have been killed there, maybe he would have compromised their mission… he just didn't know anymore. He was tired of being kept in the dark, both literally and not. He was tired of being paranoid and of feeling like he was haunted at every step.
He wanted this to be done. And the last few days just got worse when he knew that they were out there, doing something, and he had no idea how it was going.
He wasn't sure what he would have preferred. The information about both this mission and Aeyrin were minimal. Maybe there was really nothing to tell, but it was making him fucking nervous. Like he was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. But on the other hand, he didn't even dare believe that there would ever be any change at all. It felt like it anyway.
So when he heard the lock again and saw the magic, he didn't even get up from the bed. He would just get more food and some water and no information at all.
Though it did seem a little early for that. Wasn't the guy there only a few hours ago? Or was time really getting that messed up?
Bishop waited for the guy to leave again. What was the point in anything else? But there was no telltale sound of the door closing behind him.
What?
Bishop finally looked to the side, towards the door. The man was just standing there, without any food or anything else, looking all kinds of forlorn.
Fuck! What happened?!
He knew something would happen!
Bishop sat up on the bed sharply and pierced the man with an urgent look. He better fucking spill it right now. Bishop was so fucking exhausted of all the waiting.
"It's over," the man nodded somberly. What was over? What the fuck did it mean?! "The Brotherhood has been dealt with."
Wait… what? Was he fucking serious? 'Dealt with'? Were they dead? Was it really over? Bishop had kind of expected a plethora of shitty news, along with no news at all which was shitty on its own, but he never expected this.
"Are you… serious?" Bishop narrowed his eyes. It was still hard to believe. "Why the fuck do you look so fucking grim?" This was not how someone should look delivering news like this.
"There have been a lot of losses. Nothing you should concern yourself with. Just… go. It's done. You don't need to concern yourself with them or us anymore," the man sighed.
Fuck, that must have been brutal, judging from his face.
It felt kind of weird, being released like this. But he really was released.
Still, this was not how he imagined it when he allowed himself to dare to imagine it.
Bishop did not waste any time before he got up from the bed at last. He didn't have anything with him at all – Gaius was the one buying provisions for them on their way here and there was nothing Bishop had from Nightgate. It was all in his pack with Aeyrin. And his clothes got destroyed – now he just had some old ones Maro gave him when he arrived.
He could just… leave.
He wasn't sure if he should thank his handler. The man didn't seem in the mood for… anything really. So he just gave him a nod and passed by him. Out. At last.
But it still felt a little off.
He expected Gaius to come. Or Maro. Anyone who would tell him what actually happened.
But since no one did… maybe he should come to them.
Also, he could kind of use some money for the journey. He had to get to Riften as fast as possible.
He headed up the stairs and towards Maro's office. The place was… more empty than he was used to. He only passed by one agent on the way, equally somber as his handler. Fuck, that must have been some slaughter. He really hoped they got all the assassins.
He didn't even knock. Maro must have known he was gonna come out anyway. Surely he was the one who sent the handler to let him free. It was all a weird atmosphere though.
When Bishop entered, Maro was in his office, leaning on his desk and staring down. Weirdly enough, there was nothing on that desk. No plans, no parchments, no notebooks. And he just kept staring at it for a while before his eyes finally looked up at Bishop.
Fuck, the man did not look good. His face was all sunken and dismal.
"You were told? Good," Maro nodded. "Thank you for your help. You can go." He sounded different. Empty. Shouldn't he be at least a little glad he achieved his goals? But Bishop had a bad feeling he knew what happened. It was a little telling that it was the handler who came for him.
"What happened? Where's Gaius?" Bishop scowled a bit, though he didn't expect an answer. And he got none to his question. Maro just lowered his eyes back to the table again.
"Just go. Be glad you still have someone to go back to."
That was… an answer enough.
It was all just… enough. Maro was right. Bishop still had someone to go back to, even though she didn't know he might return.
Fuck money for the journey or anything else. He was not waiting another second.
He needed to get to Riften and make everything right again.
…
Days and nights blended together in the dark.
It wasn't really dark all the time, Aeyrin just felt like it was. Sometimes she wished Raven would have shutters on the windows so that she could stop wondering why it felt so dark when the sun was clearly shining outside.
She tried. She kept thinking and planning. She even tried to map out all the locations where she knew the Brotherhood had struck. She asked everyone she could think of. In the dead of night, when the least people would bother her and when Raven was asleep, she slipped out, visited the Guild, even the disgruntled sleepy Maven Black-Briar and that armored man that kept hanging around the city gates with information.
Nobody knew a thing about how to find any of the assassins.
Wasn't that strange? Improbable. Somebody had to know.
But with each person denying her answers, she got more and more disappointed and deterred. She got more and more tempted to just go back and hole herself in the house again, no matter how hurtful the voice was about her doing nothing yet again.
What could she do? She was useless.
She came back that night before dawn, unsuccessful, of course. Raven didn't seem concerned about her absence, as if he even counted on it. She didn't have it in her to even try to figure out what that meant though.
There were bursts of determination in her since then, when she just did whatever popped into her head in order to find the assassins, but when none of it ever amounted to anything, it felt like she was just getting more and more hopeless.
She had the chance to fight back and she didn't. She had the chance to make them pay and she cowered and ran instead.
It was all her fault that Bishop was gone and it was all her fault that those bastards got to just walk away from that. And would continue to. There was nothing she could manage to do.
Days and nights passed her by. She wasn't sure how many. It was all the same. Raven kept trying to get her outside and make her feel better, but there was no point. He said he knew it would take time for her to heal, but it was just getting worse. There was no healing. Nothing helped. She tried to eat his food, but it tasted bitter. She tried to sleep, but she continued to just doze off from her exhaustion at various times of day, making time even more confusing. And she did try to go on his walks around the lake, but they weren't really doing her any good. All she could think about during them was just how pointless it all was.
Nothing ever changed. And the things that did just seemed so insignificant.
Like just now.
It seemed to be late at night and the knocking on Raven's door disturbed her half-sleep. Not that there was much to disturb. She just noted that this was really not a usual time for Raven to get visitors. He was downstairs, possibly asleep.
But it wasn't him who took note of the visitor first. Karnwyr actually stirred beside her and perked up strangely. He seemed more energetic than since they reunited by the cottage. That was unusual.
Aeyrin watched as he hopped off the bed in the dark house and rushed towards the door. He began to scratch at it and whine desperately. Who was that that he reacted like that?
She kept watching the scene until she heard footsteps from below. Raven appeared soon with a curious expression of his own. This was so unusual for Karnwyr. Raven only looked at Aeyrin with a questioning gaze, but she could only shrug. She wasn't even sure if it was because of lack of knowing or lack of interest. All her curiosity seemed dulled, despite sometimes still being there. It was as if the questions in her head didn't really matter that much anymore.
Raven opened the door and Karnwyr ran outside instantly. Strange. But then, Raven quickly slipped after him and shut the door with a surprisingly strong slam.
Oh. Well… sometimes he talked to people with closed doors. She wasn't sure why, but she didn't really care. It was his business.
She just curled back on the bed and closed her eyes.
Maybe she would be lucky enough to doze off again.
…
How did the journey feel even longer than his stay in Dragon Bridge?
He had no money, no bow, no armor and no Karnwyr, but he just stayed off the roads and crept through the wilderness with minimal food and provisions. He had done this many times before. Some fish liberated from a shack near the White River were enough to last him the whole time. At least those were ready quickly. He had no time to wait for a rabbit or venison to roast on a fire. He had barely time to even rest. He was pretty sure that a journey across the whole Province had never lasted this short for him.
But it still felt all too long. It was hard to believe that he was finally here.
It was almost morning, judging from the position of the moons, but he was here. Right in front of Raven's doorstep. Technically still Aeyrin's doorstep, but… details. It hardly mattered. He was here. And she better be inside. He couldn't take another moment away from her.
He knocked on the door loudly. He didn't give a fuck who he was waking up.
But much to his joy, the first sound he heard, after a spell, was a scratching on the door. He could have sworn he heard some muffled whimpers too.
Karnwyr. Fuck, he missed him. He missed them both. He hoped Karnwyr didn't really understand what was going on, didn't sense it on Aeyrin, but he doubted that was the case. The wolf was too insightful for his own good.
But now he would know again. They would all be together once more.
Bishop waited impatiently by the door, until he heard more noise on the other side. He really hoped it would be Aeyrin, but he kind of knew it wouldn't be. And soon, the door swung open.
A lot of things happened then. He was almost tackled down to the ground by the excited wolf who jumped at him happily, pushing his paws into Bishop's stomach and making him take a few involuntary steps back. He did feel a smile creep up on his face though. It felt so fucking good to be back. He promptly reached out to rub Karnwyr behind his ear affectionately while a loud noise tore his attention back to the door.
Raven had slammed it behind him as he stepped outside. Maybe he was surprised, Bishop must have missed that when he was reuniting with Karnwyr. Because now… Raven was just scowling at him fiercely for some reason.
Right, well… it must have been unexpected to just show up here.
"Raven. Hey," Bishop nodded slowly, rubbing Karnwyr again to urge him to let go. The wolf did obey, but he stayed by Bishop, nuzzling into his leg. Raven, on the other hand, was still glaring. Why the fuck did he look so angry? It kinda hurt. Bishop thought they were past their animosity and that Raven would actually be a little happy that he wasn't dead.
Maybe he was just shocked.
"Shit. I know this is confusing. You probably heard what it looked like…" he sighed. Aeyrin would have told him, right? Eventually, at least.
But before he could finish his 'explanation', he noticed Raven's fist clench. He noticed too late though.
A second later, a swift punch landed right on his cheek.
Fuck, that hurt!
What was his problem? Bishop promptly held his hand to his cheek. It felt like his bones were vibrating there now. At least Raven didn't aim for his nose to break it, but what the actual fuck?! And Karnwyr didn't even react to that protectively. He just stayed by Bishop's side, nuzzling him as if nothing was wrong. Fucking weird.
Bishop barely managed to compose himself, hissing in pain, while he noticed Raven reach for his belt, then the familiar sound of his charcoal gliding on some paper.
"Ow. What the fuck, Raven?" Bishop snarled. Just as he did, Raven promptly turned his note to Bishop.
.
You're lucky that was all it was. I fucking told you I would gut you if you hurt her.
.
Well… alright, Raven did insinuate that at their wedding. Or something like that. And Bishop knew all too well how much he hurt her. But he was here to undo that.
"You fucking think I would have done this if I had any other choice?" He growled. "I… I don't know how much she told you, but… it was fucked up. They poisoned her. Threatened to leave her like that if… shit, Raven, I had to, alright? There was no other way."
Raven threw up his arms in exasperation, clearly even more lost. That was fair. Bishop wasn't making a very good job of this, but this was just a fucking pointless delay. Raven got his punch, if it made him feel better. Now there were more important things to do.
"Open the door, Raven. Let me see her," he sighed. He should be explaining himself to her, not to him.
But Raven only shook his head with a scowl.
What the fuck did that mean?
"Raven, for fuck's sake, what do you want me to say?" Bishop threw up his arms as well, waiting for Raven to finish scribbling another note.
.
You think you can just show up here after what you've put her through? Might be better if you stay dead.
.
Alright, that hurt more. He knew that what he did was shitty, but he was out of options. End of the rope, just like everyone else in that fucked up situation. There was nothing else he could do.
"I know I… fuck. I did what I could to protect the both of us. You of all people should understand that. Except in this case, I actually managed to keep everyone alive," he snarled. Not everyone, clearly, but the Penitus operation was out of his hands. He kept himself and Aeyrin alive – that was what mattered the most. Raven did shitty things to protect people too. He sacrificed Bishop to save Jules, for fuck's sake! And it backfired. He should understand.
Raven's eyes widened at him, followed by a hateful scowl. It may have been a low blow, but it was true. It still made Bishop feel bad for bringing it up.
.
More's the pity.
.
Raven showed him the note with a palpably angry expression on his face. Well… fair.
"I'm sorry. Shit, just… please let me in. I'll explain everything, I just need to see her," he sighed in defeat.
There was a moment of silence when Raven didn't write anything. Bishop tried to hold himself back from urging him, though every fucking second of wait was killing him. Then finally, the frown between his brows eased and he began to write.
He was writing for a disturbingly long time.
.
You should know she's not doing well. Don't tell her anything stupid and make it worse. She spent three fucking weeks unable to cope with this shit. And a few days ago she started asking.
.
"'Asking'?" Bishop scowled. What did that mean? His eyes went briefly to the window near the door, as if he could see inside and see her like that. Of course he couldn't – the interior was entirely dark.
.
About the Brotherhood. How to contact them or find them. I had to run around the whole fucking city right away, convincing everyone under the sun not to tell her a thing if they valued their lives and didn't want the Dragonborn to get herself killed.
.
Fuck, that could have ended badly. But somehow, Bishop knew he could rely on Raven to prevent her from doing anything stupid. It was the only thing keeping his panic at bay at least a little when he was in that dark room. He knew she was with Raven and he knew he would never allow her to endanger herself with something like this. And he suspected she might try.
"Thanks for looking out for her," Bishop smiled a bit. "I knew you would."
.
You knew where she was?
.
Raven scribbled another note promptly.
"Yeah. Otherwise I couldn't probably stand it and would have gotten out of there somehow. The Penitus Oculatus agents did all this, held me in some room so that I would play dead and not interfere. They told me she was with you," Bishop nodded.
Raven didn't write anything more, but he did give Bishop a questioning look. He knew what he wanted to know.
"They're all dead. At least that's what the agents said. I wouldn't complain if you could confirm," he looked at him meaningfully. Raven would know where to find that information. "I'll tell you everything, let's just go inside already."
Raven nodded before he wrote yet another note.
.
I'll ask around. But you better hope they're gone. I don't think she could take another mess like this.
.
"I don't think I could either," he sighed. He'd really had enough. It was hard to believe that it was really over. Probably.
He just wanted his life back. His life with her.
…
Sleep didn't come easy, but Aeyrin did find herself drifting in strange senseless thoughts.
They were definitely better than her usual thoughts right now. That would never get better. And if it did, she just felt like that would be her forgetting him. She didn't want that either. So maybe it was for the best to have that disparaging voice constantly in her thoughts, no matter how bad it made her feel.
She stirred a bit when she heard the door opening again, but she was adamant to pay no attention to it at all. It was just Raven and Karnwyr anyway. The wolf was in the bed promptly, letting it dip with his weight as he jumped up on it next to her. Instead of letting her sleep though, he began to prod her back with his muzzle.
Dammit. What did he want? She didn't feel like dealing with anyone right now, not even him.
"Hey, love."
The voice again. It felt stranger, maybe since she was almost asleep. It rang through her as if it was really there, as if she had physically heard it. That never happened before.
Maybe she was finally going really insane.
She grabbed one of the pillows on the bed promptly and put it over her head as if it would help drown it out. She knew it wouldn't. It was coming from inside her head after all. She did feel Karnwyr prod her harder, but she ignored it again, whimpering a bit at the disturbances. She just wanted to sleep.
"Princess, I'm so sorry," the voice felt more distant now. Muffled. Uhm… what? Why would it? A strange feeling made her dispose of the pillow and look where it seemed to be coming from.
Oh great. Now she was seeing him too. She finally snapped.
There was barely any light in the room, only the dimness of the first morning sunrays in the sky, though the ever-present darkness she felt made them even more bleak than they should be. But in them, she could still see a little. She could see the figure standing by the bed. He looked different, which was not something Aeyrin would expect from her own hallucination. He looked kind of like he did back when they had split up and he wasn't really taking care of himself that much. And he had strange simple clothes she had never seen before. She wasn't sure why her mind would conjure this image, but it didn't matter.
She just turned over again and buried her face into a pillow so that she wouldn't have to pay attention to it.
"Uhhh… what is she doing?" The hallucination asked. Who was he talking to? He only ever talked to her. Why was he talking to Raven now? Or was it Karnwyr? She wasn't sure.
She heard a deep sigh, which she recognized as Raven's. Was she doing something odd for him to be concerned? Maybe she was, hiding from the illusion like this. Maybe it was just another cause for worry for him. She hated feeling like a burden to him, but she couldn't exactly help it. She wished he would go back downstairs so that he wouldn't have to see her like this.
Raven stepped over Bishop's equipment in a practiced motion and he sat on the bed promptly. He stroked her hair for a bit to get her attention. She shuffled around on the bed a bit and looked at him. He didn't actually look that concerned. He was giving her a soft smile and he inclined his head towards the figure by the bed.
What? He didn't see it too, did he? Were they both insane?
That… was an unlikely explanation.
Wait… what was happening?
Was this real? No… she had to be dreaming, didn't she? This was not possible. She saw what happened. They had the hand and… there was the body. This was not real. She needed to wake up. This dream was too disturbing.
How would she wake up? Everything somehow felt painfully real.
Painfully? Why would this be painful? This was all so confusing. She just scrambled on the bed so that she could sit up. Raven was still there, supportive as always, while Karnwyr seemed happy with the development and jumped back down, right towards the figure.
He saw him too.
Aeyrin just stared at him. She probably should have just grabbed this as an undeniable fact and ran with it. She probably should have jumped off the bed like Karnwyr did and thrown herself around Bishop's neck. That was the normal reaction, was it not?
But nothing about this felt normal. She just felt like crying. What was happening? It just didn't feel like anything but a cruel joke her mind was playing on her.
She felt herself tear up instead of the happiness that any normal person would feel right about then. Raven just kept stroking her hair comfortingly, but she saw 'Bishop's' expression in the dim light. He seemed caught off guard. Even disappointed, maybe. She wasn't sure. It was still a bit dark, but she was already sure the voice would return to her promptly. Whether it sounded real or not, it didn't matter. It would be hurtful regardless, disparaging her for her reaction, telling her that there was something seriously wrong with someone who reacted like this. Maybe even telling her she never loved him like he deserved.
But there was no voice this time, no matter how long she waited for it. Bishop's face may have fallen, but he was not chastising her for it. Why not?
Instead, he made his way towards her. His foot caught on something on the ground, likely a piece of his armor and Aeyrin instantly yelped. There was a jolt that went through her at that. Like that old alarm. Don't touch his things!
That was… ridiculous. This whole situation was ridiculous. She was so sure it was some strange test of her frail mind.
Bishop gave her a startled look at the yelp, but when she only covered her mouth with her hands to stop herself from yelling at him to step back, he continued again. She almost felt scared of him. There would be a nasty gut-punch incoming. That voice knew when to strike. Always by pointing out the painful truth.
"Love," Bishop sat on the bed next to her after he finally shook off whatever piece of armor caught on his foot. He looked so strange. So different. It did feel kind of like a dream, but then again, it didn't. She didn't know what to think as he reached out for her and slowly wiped one of the tears off her cheek.
It felt so warm. That hand she just saw, who knew how long ago, severed and bloody.
"I don't even know where to begin," he sighed. Here we go. He would say something awful now again. "I'm so fucking sorry to have put you through this. I didn't see any other way out."
What?
What did that mean? What did he mean? Put her through what? And way out of what? What was happening? It seemed like it should be so simple, but everything felt just confusing. But it should be simple. If he was really here, there was no reason for these feelings, was there? No reason for anything but joy. Why was she not convinced?
"I didn't want to do this, but… I didn't know what else to do. I tried to wake you up in the morning, but I couldn't. And then… Gabriella was there again," Bishop began to explain. "She poisoned you. Threatened to leave you like that if I didn't go with her. So… I did. And I distracted her and killed her. And then there was Gaius. The actual Listener. Commander Maro's son. Undercover. It was all his idea."
Bishop was spinning a tale and Aeyrin was now sure it was just a dream. Raven did look at him intently, nodding from time to time, as if he was actually perceiving the words and understanding this convoluted 'plot'. She just felt like someone was reading her a bedtime story. Something fantastical that she knew not to be true. Especially because of the ending.
Because how could he be here? How? After all that pain, there was this figment of her mind now telling her it was all for nothing. It meant nothing. He was never really gone. It wasn't real.
But it felt far too real. This was the part that didn't feel real.
But there were no more nasty words in his voice, no more blame. Just… confusion. The guilt felt like it eased a bit, the burden from her chest gone, but… there was no easing the pain, for some reason. Why not? There should have been!
Bishop was still talking, about some details of what happened at the inn, about illusion spells and a dead Orc. She was hearing the words, but they felt surreal. And she felt like she needed to actually make sure. He was there the whole time as Raven's comforting hand stroked over her hair. Bishop was on the other side of her, occasionally wiping her tears or reaching out to hold her hand in his. In the one that used to be… well… no. That wasn't his. It still made no sense to her, even though he explained.
He was always there, touching her. She felt the familiar physical warmth, but the feeling that should have been there alongside it, as it always had been, was just… not there. It was all still so dark. Empty. Unfair.
She reached out to touch his own cheek and Bishop promptly stopped talking. He seemed… surprised. But when she did touch him, he smiled. She wasn't sure what to make of that. How could she believe any of it? Maybe she should pinch herself or something.
"Princess?" Bishop asked with an oddly hopeful tone in his voice. She wasn't sure what he was asking, though Raven seemed to take it upon himself to answer instead. Was he even asking anything at all or just… waiting for something?
.
Maybe give her a moment.
.
Raven's note erased the hopefulness on Bishop's face, but he did nod. Dejectedly at that.
She wasn't sure what that meant. She did pull her hand back from Bishop to actually pinch herself though. That just hurt a little bit. It did nothing else.
Wait, did that mean this was actually true? What was it with the pinching anyway? She heard before that it was a way to make sure one was not dreaming but… that made no sense. Why couldn't she dream of pinching herself?
Waking up meant not dreaming too, right? Though one could always dream of waking up and…
This was confusing and tiresome. She felt her eyes well up in tears again and she had no idea why. She just didn't know what to do with any of this information, any of these feelings. And she kept waiting for that voice to start telling her what a horrible person she was. This was not how a wife should react to her beloved's return from the dead! Even if she didn't believe it, she probably should not just be like this.
Why was she like this?
"Sweetness, fuck, I know it was awful, but I really don't know what to…" Bishop promptly squeezed her around the shoulder, but soon, she felt his hand be pushed back by Raven's as he interrupted him with a resolute clearing of his throat.
Bishop did stop, but he did not look happy about it. Still, he waited for Raven to start scribbling a note again, only to find out in the end that it was not meant for him.
.
It's a lot. You don't have to worry about it being a lot. Don't rush, let it sink in. Just rest. You barely slept at all.
.
Bishop gave Raven a somewhat outraged look, but when he looked back at her, his face fell again.
Yes. Raven was right. It was a lot.
She just… wanted to rest a bit more. Just for a little while.
Maybe then she would wake up.
…
Bishop watched her as she lay curled on the bed with her back to him.
She looked… different. He knew she wouldn't look all happy-go-lucky, freshly rested and all that when he saw her first, but she looked kind of haggard. Her cheeks felt gaunt, there were dark circles under her eyes and, it was hard to tell under Raven's baggy clothes, but it seemed to him like she looked kind of skinny. Or maybe he would say starved. It was a look he would expect from someone being stuck in an actual prison for those three fucking weeks, not in a warm home with someone there to take care of them.
He could still feel her press against him, trying to seek his warmth that way, but for some reason, he wasn't sure if he should do more than occasionally run his hand over her arm with a gentle motion.
He wasn't sure what he expected. Maybe it was naïve of him, but he really thought she would be… happier. He knew that she wasn't actually unhappy that he was alive. He did know that but… her reaction threw him off guard completely. Was she having a hard time understanding what happened? He tried to explain that as best as he could. He just couldn't help but imagine what he would do in her place. That he would probably pull her into his arms and never let go again if he thought she'd been dead. There were times when he thought that after all. There were times when things were so dicey, her fate was entirely uncertain.
He couldn't pretend like it didn't hurt a bit.
He was lost in his thoughts, half-lying there on the bed next to her, that he didn't even notice Raven on the other side of her scribbling until the note was practically shoved in front of his face.
.
Seriously, give her time. It's not easy.
.
Why? Why wasn't it easy?
Bishop looked down at her again. It looked like she was asleep, but he couldn't be sure if she wouldn't be able to hear him. Then again, did it matter? Why keep these thoughts from her? It's how he felt. Maybe if she heard him, she could explain. Because he sure as fuck wasn't sure what she was thinking or feeling now that he was back.
"I just… don't get it," Bishop sighed. He wanted to continue, but Raven interrupted him with another note.
.
No. You don't. Pray that you never will.
.
What the fuck was that supposed to mean?
"You act like I never lost anyone," Bishop grumbled. Raven of all people knew it too well. "If I found out that he was back…" He wasn't sure what he would do, but if Jules was here all of the sudden, he would have been surely ecstatic.
He didn't finish the thought, but he knew his meaning was clear as Raven promptly began to respond.
.
Yeah. Now, sure. Just try to remember how it felt back then. She's happy. She will be happy, it's just a lot to process all at once. It doesn't magically erase the pain in one second. It's still too fresh, just try to understand that.
.
Hmm… strange. Bishop felt like he remembered those dark times after Jules's death all too well. He had Elisie and Zoeya to think about back then, and getting out of Thorn's clutches. He did remember that – how much he felt like he needed to save them to make it all up to Jules, as if it ever would. But… the actual thoughts and feelings were somehow oddly fuzzy.
"I don't know if I actually remember much of it properly," he scowled a bit. He never gave it much thought now, but it was hard to recall how he felt, aside from just… incredibly shitty and sad. But that didn't really tell him much.
.
One day she might barely remember it too, but it's not that easy right now.
.
Bishop slowly nodded as he read Raven's note. He hoped it was right. Maybe he did have naïve expectations. He was just springing one insane shock after another at her and he just expected her to roll with the punches without giving her a chance to even process anything. He just had to curb himself, no matter how hard it would be.
He was just so excited to come back to her, it was hard to hide his disappointment with the situation.
How could he not be excited? They were finally free from the Dark Brotherhood. They could camp outside without traps again, they could stop watching everyone passing by with suspicion. They could finally live like they used to, except now along with all that came with them being together, married and… happy.
He really hoped Aeyrin could get through this soon. He would do whatever he could to help her.
He almost felt like an impatient kid waiting for presents.
These were hard-earned though. He would not let happiness slip by them now, after all the struggles.
It wouldn't be fair.
…
Waking up felt strange.
It was almost like she never slept at all. Again.
But this time, it was different.
She felt Raven next to her the whole time, sometimes stroking her hair, but that wasn't that unusual. What was unusual was that she was more inclined not to nuzzle against him, but instead she felt drawn to push her back against the painfully familiar warmth on the other side. She wasn't sure why she tried to convince herself that it wasn't real. Why would she? It hurt to even realize that it was what she was trying to do.
She heard him talk, though she didn't make out the words in her half-daze. She felt his hand on her, she felt the heat radiating off him. Every moment made it more and more clear.
This was no dream.
But why did she still feel so awful?
She didn't understand it. The horrible voice was gone, as if the guilt had driven it before. Now it was replaced by her own inside voice, telling her over and over again that it was a good thing that she ran, that it was a good thing that she didn't go on a vengeance spree. But it still felt like she was just lying to herself for some reason, even if it was true. Strange. And upsetting.
And somehow things still didn't feel entirely real and she didn't know why.
It didn't feel like she was waking up at all, but she did open her eyes at last. Everything was strangely hazy all the time. She did note that Raven left a while ago, but Bishop was still there, by her side. He seemed… distant. And she knew why. She knew this was not what she was supposed to be like. He was alive. That was a reason to be happy. And she was happy that he was alive. Just… still in disbelief. And it was just so hard to… forget.
"Good morning, princess," Bishop tried to smile at her when she opened her eyes. He didn't look like he slept much more than her. He was still half-sitting there.
She tried to smile as well. It was the least she could do, to at least try and look like a normal person for him. What he had gone through couldn't have been easy either.
"How are you feeling?" He asked almost carefully.
"Alright," she nodded. Her voice felt strange. As if she hadn't spoken for ages. It felt like it. She forced a smile though and pushed herself a little closer to him on the bed. It did feel nice to be near him again. Still so unbelievable though. "Glad you're here." It really wasn't a lie. She just wished she could focus on that more than on the other stuff.
Bishop seemed relieved by her answer and his smile widened. "Tell me about it," he sighed wistfully.
He looked like he wanted to say something else, but the sound of the front door interrupted him. As Raven entered, Karnwyr promptly rose from his current spot at the foot of the bed and rushed to greet the man.
The wolf's energy and excitement returned so quickly. How did he do that? He was either happily nuzzling Bishop in any way he could, running around the room in an antsy manner, as if he was already eager to go back out there, or he was dozing off very contentedly. Aeyrin envied him so much. This was how she was supposed to be as well. Why couldn't she be like that?
Raven smiled when the wolf jumped at him and he rubbed him behind his ear for a moment. His smile never wavered as he approached the bed again and stopped in front of the splayed equipment on the ground. Nobody had cleaned that up yet. Bishop apparently never moved from the bed to get his own things. He did seem to finally take a proper note of them now though.
"What's with this… display?" His eyes roamed over the floor and shelves where his clothes, potions and armor were. Even stupid stuff like his waterskin or flint. He looked kind of amused and he opened his mouth to say something, but suddenly, his smile fell and he seemed to think the better of it. Aeyrin wasn't sure what he was thinking. But she was even less sure about how to answer that.
"I dunno," she mumbled. What was she supposed to say? 'I went crazy and wanted to look at all your things and forbid everyone from touching them'? That… didn't sound great. It wasn't great.
Raven quickly waved his hand, dismissing their conversation. He apparently had a note ready for them and he promptly stepped over Bishop's chest piece to hand it to him. Aeyrin did peek at the contents right away. Bishop titled it to her without thinking anyway.
.
I asked. Delvin says his old contact came to him two days ago to get his help getting out of Skyrim. She told him the Brotherhood was gone. She's apparently the only survivor.
.
Raven looked so happy about the news. But he was the only one. Bishop's expression turned into a deep scowl promptly.
"What the fuck?! Survivor?!" He huffed. That wasn't what the agents said! There was a survivor? What if 'she' found out Bishop had a hand in this? What if she wanted revenge? He thought this was over!
Raven quickly scribbled something on another parchment and handed it to Bishop.
I asked a lot. Delvin did too. Apparently, this has happened before in Cyrodiil and she moved on. Now she did too. Delvin said she's gone from Skyrim and it's unlikely she would want anything to do with this mess anymore. I believe you're safe from them.
Bishop let out a groan in response. Fuck, this better be true. At least it definitely wasn't Gabriella. She held a fucking grudge, clearly. It still made Bishop uncomfortable, but if this 'contact' of Delvin's was really out of Skyrim… he hoped they'd be safe. Whoever it was, surely she'd figure out right about now that she had no more cards to play. The whole Brotherhood was wiped out. If she valued her survival, she would have… well, likely done exactly what she had. Leave.
"Thanks for checking," Bishop let out a sigh. He was trying to comfort himself with all the logic he could. The majority of them were really dead. Would Maro continue the hunt for the last one? Who knew? Did he even know she escaped? And even if he did, would he even want to get back into things? Gaius was very likely dead, from what Bishop had gathered. There was no telling how people could grieve. It was painfully obvious now of all times.
Aeyrin just nuzzled into Bishop's embrace a bit more. She wasn't sure how to react to this. The fact that there was one more assassin out there, no matter how unlikely it was for her to do anything, made her heart clench in fear. It was a fear that's been brewing in her the whole night. A new one.
What if she had to deal with this all over again? It was always a fear of hers that Bishop would die, of course, but now it was just all too real. Now she knew exactly what it would be like and it was more concerning than she could have possibly imagined.
Bishop let out a sigh as he pulled her into his arms promptly, now much more confident that she wouldn't mind, since she herself was trying to get closer. And he was much more at ease suggesting the next part too. This place was weirdly depressing, even though it had never been like that before. It would surely do them both good to get out of here. And maybe give Raven a break too.
"So, what do you say, love? Want to go back home? I'll make you some breakfast," he squeezed her affectionately. She kind of looked like she needed to get some food in her. Bishop did notice that Raven raised his brow at him with an expression that he could not read. What did that mean? "Or… do you want to…?" Bishop wasn't sure how to finish the sentence. Did he want to join them? Or for them to stay here? Or did he want to make breakfast?
Raven promptly shook his head and waved his hand dismissively. Whatever question he presumed, the answer was 'no'. He did still look a little off though.
Aeyrin, on the other hand, smiled at Bishop and nodded. Good. Maybe he was worried last night for nothing. Maybe Raven assumed things would be worse too.
He leaned down to plant an affectionate kiss on the top of her head. He seemed so happy when she agreed. It made Aeyrin feel a little better. She wanted him to be happy. The disappointment she saw in his face at her reaction at his return was just heartbreaking. She just wished she could do that without the awful feelings accompanying everything. It felt like she was just… faking. She kind of was. She was nervous about going back home and she had no idea why. Her smile was just for his benefit.
Maybe the more she would do that though, the more normal it might feel.