Hello fellow wanderers! I am happy to announce that the story is almost complete. There is only one more chapter to publish after this one. If you have enjoyed it so far feel free to leave a comment telling me what you think about it. I appreciate everyone who has stuck with the story thus far so thank you all!

Chapter 14

My home is only slightly different than when I left it. Someone knitted a new blanket, various shells are left on the living room table, and multiple wine bottles sit toppled over on the counter. I touch everything, trying to find comfort in the familiarity, but nothing seems secure anymore.

"How long has it been?" I ask the room, acutely aware of my family analyzing my reaction even though my back is to them.

"Since the games started or since you left?" Amon asks.

"Since I left." I run my clean and polished Capitol fingers over the different colored shells on the table.

"Nineteen days." Hardly any time really.

"Did I look stupid in the victor's interview . . . and all the other interviews, come to think of it?"

"Annie," Mama pauses, hitching a breath. I still don't face them. "You don't have to talk about it."

I plop down on the couch. "It's my life now, I whisper. It's all I can think about. It's all I can dream about.

Minutes pass as everyone files into the house to begin attempting to do normal things. All the while, I sit on the couch, somehow feeling numbing silence even with everyone around. Claire helps Dad cook dinner. Mama runs errands. Amon is in his room. Misty is setting the table. She's staring at me, but as soon as I catch her looking, she looks away.

I stand up to leave. Everyone looks at me. Not so normal behavior now, I suppose. I walk out the door without saying anything.

Bara's house isn't far from mine. We live on one of the main roads, so there are always people, even though it's later in the afternoon and the sun is setting. I try to ignore the curious looks and halted pedestrians as I walk. I notice even the peacekeepers seem to give me nods of respect instead of intimidating glares.

I knock on Bara's door, and her mother opens it. "Annie," She says with a smile, but I can tell her apprehension. She's faking it. She's lying. She hates me for being a Victor. She never liked me. No, she's just not used to it. "What can I do for you?"

"Is Bara home?"

"Yes, please come in."

I brush my feet off at her door. Her home is smaller than mine, more homey in some ways though. As Bara's mother goes to find her, I walk around. There are sketched pictures of her family drawn in a cartoon style on a chest in the hall. A black jacket also rests on it. Black, like District 3. The kids who died. The kid who I could've saved. The kid who almost killed me.

"Annie?" I spin to see her. She looks oddly the exact same. I don't know what I was expecting.

"Bara!" I smile and almost rush to hug her, but realize she was never the hugging type. Her mother smiles at us awkwardly, then walks away.

"Hi." Bara doesn't smile. She sighs. "How have you been?" She doesn't meet my gaze.

"I mean . . . I've been in the Hunger Games," I laugh pitifully.

"Right."

"How have you been?"

"Oh, you know," She rests a hand on the wall. "Just doing the crab trapping right now for the Capitol. No school still, so that's nice, but it starts again pretty soon. For me anyway. I know you've graduated."

"Right," I say. I had so many dreams of the songs and stories I would write and all the adventures I would have, after finishing school. I would've still had to work as a net repairer, but I had so many of these ideas that I couldn't possibly have time to complete. "How did you feel about me being gone?" I ask bluntly, looking up to her eyes.

"I mean, I missed the time we spent together. Your family was absolutely insane with it. They got everyone this side of District 4 so interested in the games. You became really popular." She laughs bitterly. "Everyone was rooting for you. They went crazy when you won. You're all they've been talking about."

I nod. I find it awkward to keep standing by the front door, but Bara doesn't move or guide me into the living room, so I try to look comfortable. For being a generally loud person, Bara isn't saying a whole lot.

"Well," She sighs, wringing her hands. "I'm sure you have a lot of catching up to do with your family so . . ."

"Yeah, I guess . . ." I say, slightly confused. She opens the front door for me. "Nice seeing you. I wish I hadn't missed all this time with you. If only someone had volunteered," The unsteady laugh feels foreign and strange on my lips. I'm usually comfortable with Bara. Could this much have truly changed?

She fixes me with a steely gaze and pushes the door closer shut.

"You know, I really wish I volunteered for you, Annie." She forces a smile at me, but it's not joyful. She sighs again. "I hope you enjoy all your Capitol gifts and popularity. Enjoy your time with your family." She slams the door. I stare at it in shock. It feels like the sound of the tube locking me into the games. I can't escape. I can't reach the other side of the barrier.

I shove my hands into my pockets and walk back home, not feeling much of anything. Dinner is ready when I get there. The smell of a feast of crab legs, macaroni, and cheese, corn, and biscuits greets me as soon as I open the door. Everyone hovers over the table, waiting for me.

"Hi, honey, glad you're back. Where were you?" Mama asks.

"I just went for a leisurely stroll. You know." She doesn't know. She doesn't understand me anymore. "The food looks delicious," I say half-heartedly.

"The Capitol gave it to us!" Claire says, licking her lips.

"Really?" I say, unsurprised.

"Yeah, along with a bunch more stuff, including our new house!" Misty blurts. Amon knocks her on the head, and she shoves him back.

"Our new house," I say in realization. "In the Victor's village."

"We didn't want to bombard you with things too quickly. It can take some time to get used to." Dad glares at Misty.

"Yeah," I mumble, filling my plate with food. Or eternity. Or never. Same thing.

I'm going to live in the Victor's Village, with Finnick, with Mags, with my family. With Adrian's father. The thought chills me. Is he as unkind as he seemed? Is he mad at me for what happened in the games? What does he look like? Does he look like Adrian? I can't think of his face without thinking of it rolling on the ground, severed from his body. Run Annie, run. Run Annie, run. Run Annie, run. Run—

"Annie!" I open my eyes and uncover my ears. Amon stands over me, confusion and fright pulling at his eyebrows. "Are you okay? You were just staring. . . and then you covered your ears. Was it something we said?"

I look up at everyone staring around me, forks halfway lifted, chewing stopped for me, all wearing mirroring expressions.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I stare at my food. It doesn't look appetizing. No one speaks. Someone needs to say something. Stop acting like I'm crazy. "I'm tired." I stand abruptly. "It's been a long day. Riding the train. Coming home. I'm going to bed."

I lay down on my bed in my regular clothes for hours, and no one came for me. I watch the sunset from the window above my bed as it slowly goes down into another night. I hear the hushed arguing of my sisters when they come in for bed. They don't say anything to me. I finally fall asleep long after the sun's final light.

I'm in the games. A wave is coming towards me and my family. They scream as the wave washes them away, but I'm not. I try to follow, but a force field keeps me from them, trapping me in the arena. The water crashes against me. I'm suffocating. Then it stops. Mags and Finnick stand above me. Finnick smiles at me, saying he stopped the water, and I try to follow him, to ask so many questions of what to do next. As I run closer, they get farther and farther away. I'm on my podium in the games and see something like a ball in the water next to me. It rolls over and I see it's Adrian's head. Run Annie, run, his lips move. Next to it is the bodies of the two kids from District 3. Their mouths are saying I'll kill you, I'll kill you. Another body floats up. It's Kitty. She was always gullible. Careena floats up. Please, I really thought you were different. I turn around and realize all the bodies of every single tribute are scattered around me. They are all purple and lifeless and floating in the water. I'm standing above them, trapped on my podium in a vast ocean, alone. Suddenly, I feel like the water is choking me, even though I should be safe. I clutch my throat, trying to stop the suffocating feeling, trying to breathe, trying to scream.

"Annie, are you okay?!"

I jolt awake, panting and gasping for breath. I clutch my throat. I can breathe, I'm not suffocating. I slowly relax my breathing and close my eyes, letting the water collected there travel down my cheeks.

"Annie?" Misty whimpers, her brown eyes searching me for reassurance. I notice Claire in her bead behind her, looking at me in fear.

"I'm fine." I rub my eyes. "Go back to bed. You don't have to worry about me."

She looks at me for a second, then reluctantly goes back to her bed. Claire remains staring at me with the same frightened expression, then also buries herself under her sheets, giving in to peaceful rest.

I lay wide awake as I see the darkness begin to lift through my window. I'm okay. I'm safe. But I want to feel it. I want to feel the world.

I wait until more light is peeking through the window to throw the sheets off me and noiselessly put on my sandals. The world is silent and gray when I step outside. I'm taking a risk going out during curfew. The boats shouldn't start heading out for at least another hour, which is good because I want to be alone right now.

It's what hurt the most during the Hunger Games. But now it feels like not only what I want-but what I need. I need to be completely, purely, utterly alone. Just me, the sea, and the sunset.

I take my shoes off when I get to the beach. The sand is rockier this far back, but even though the small rocks prick me, I want to feel them. I come to the cliff with the perfect sitting rocks that Misty and I came to. But Finnick's sitting on one of them. He's turned away from me, looking at the spot where the sun is soon to rise.

"You're always popping up in such annoying places. Others might've accused you of stalking."

He jumps in surprise, then smiles, turning back to the sunset. He's holding a flimsy reed and making markings in the sand.

"Nah, not for the Capitol's favorite. Besides I was here first."

"What are you doing here?"

"Watching the sunset, same as you, I presume."

I sit down on a rock next to him, but not too close, and look at the sunrise, trying not to be bothered by his company.

"I'm pretty sure I found this place first, you know. But I'll allow you to sit here."

"Oh really? Well, I doubt that," I huff. "I've known about this spot for a long time. I've been coming here all the time by myself or with my sisters."

"No, no, I've been here for years. Before I could walk, I've known this place."

I shoot him an unkind look.

"Actually come to think of it, it's been in my family for years and years. Dating hundreds of years back. You know its real name is the Odair name, and my great great grandparents made a rule that no one else was allowed, so I'm sorry ma'am, but you'll have to leave."

"I see, you're being sarcastic." I glare at him. Then I surprise myself by not being able to hold back a slight smile. I turn back to the sunrise so he doesn't catch it.

He grins at me. "I might've noticed this nice little ledge when you and your sister were up here. Great view." He kicks at some sand by his feet.

We sit in silence for a few minutes as the first orange line of the sun begins to break through, casting pink, yellow, and orange everywhere.

I look at him curiously, waiting for him to ask me how I'm doing. How rich my family is. How do I feel about being a Victor. Or more details about the games, but he says nothing. So I wait.

"Do you need something, or are you just admiring the view?" Finnick chuckles, pinning me with a smirk.

"I—no." I turn back to the sunrise. "Aren't you going to ask me something? About the games."

"No," He looks down at the sand and scratches an indistinguishable marking in the sand. "I'm sure you've had to answer plenty of questions and hear people tell you about your life." He looks at me with his toxic green eyes. The orange sun makes them glow. "Did you want me to ask you something? An intrusive question maybe."

"No," I sit up straighter and lift my chin. "But I have one for you."

"Oh, really," He raises an eyebrow.

"The barrier right when the games started. I tried to jump off my podium, but there was some sort of force stopping me." I look him in the eyes. "Was that you?"

He sighs and brushes the reed against the sandy floor again. He looks at me. "Yeah, that was me."

"How?" I'm not mad anymore, not even confused. I don't know.

"The rule is that anyone can buy sponsor gifts after the games start. The announcement went off. The games started. The tributes just couldn't move for that minute until the cannon fired."

"You bought it?"

He nods, not looking at me. "I contacted Mags from the base as I was flying back, and she bought it with the money I had from the Capitol. Usually, they wouldn't let you buy anything, especially something strange like that, but I called a favor. I know some people."

"Ah, right, your Capitol friends."

"Ha, friends isn't quite the word I would use."

"But you said before, you have many friends."

"I do say that, but I'll let you in on a little secret. I don't have friends. I can do acquaintances, but friends? That's something I'm not too good at."

He's not good at friends. I remember that moment when I was crying as he was sitting, waiting to be taken to the Capitol for the games. I remember his journal. I remember that he was going to say something during our argument that seemed important.

"Clearly, I'm not good at friends either. I thought I was. But no one seems to be my friend now that I'm back."

"What about the tall blond one that you were around a lot?"

It's my turn to draw in the sand and avoid eye contact. "I talked to her yesterday but—" I sigh.

"She's probably got a lot on her mind. If she's your true friend, she'll come around eventually."

"Yeah," I say, never feeling more unsure. "But it's more than just a lot on her mind. She's so distant. I don't know if she's mad at me for something I did in the games. A lot of people are mad at me. I don't know if she doesn't trust me anymore. I don't know—I don't know." I kick a rock next to my feet.

"Jealousy." Finnick stares into the now whole and quickly rising yellow orb in the sky.

"You don't know that."

"I kind of do." He gives me a significant look. "I've seen it happen before. So many times before."

We wait as he points at two dolphins—or at least we see their fins—gliding through the sea in the white light from the newly risen sun. How free they must feel.

"Glad the sun rose now. Look at the clouds farther down. If the storm was closer or the sun rose later, it would've been blocking it," Finnick says.

The sun is high in the sky, still looking radiantly enfolded in oranges and pinks. The world is fully light now. But Finnick and I still sit in silence on our rocks, too close to completely ignore each other. We are in the same vicinity, the same world.

"Finnick, I read your journal."

He picks at the reed in his hand and looks at the ground with a blank stare. "I know." He looks up at me. "But they don't." He chuckles. "You hid it well."

"Why would you give it to me?"

He shrugs. "You might've needed it, just like I did. Might've made you feel less alone. Was I right?" He grins, knowing he was.

"Yeah." I sigh, lacking so much sleep, I feel bold. "Was it true? Everything you wrote?" I lean farther on my rock to read his face, but he stares at the ocean with a placid expression.

He breaks the reed in half. "Yeah, it's all true."

I turn to try to look him in the eyes. His sea eyes glisten, not from the sun, but from the raw pain of a young boy who was broken into someone I thought I hated. I've never respected him more. I've never realized who he truly was until that moment when I opened the necklace.

"I lost it. The necklace, I mean. I left it in the bag that got washed away in the arena."

"I'm glad. I was becoming too reliant on it anyway. I always wanted to keep those memories close. To dwell on them." He looks at me, then looks at the ocean, then looks at me.

"It's important to write your thoughts though. Stories, poetry, random scattered thoughts going a thousand different directions."

"Those notes were definitely in the random scattered thoughts category. Not quite my best eloquent self." He chuckles. "But you're right. It helps keep you strong. Helps you remember who you are." He looks at me, and it's like we see each other for the first time. Like we finally found some understanding.

"Finnick, what did they do to you? I mean really. Who have you told about who the Capitol really is and what being a Victor truly means? Have you explained what they did to you? Have you explained the nightmares? Would anyone even—understand?" I slump down on my rock as locked tears numb my face. I have to hold them back. But I can't stop the aching feeling in my stomach and throat. I know the answer. They wouldn't understand. He couldn't say anything that people would understand, or that the Capitol wouldn't make him pay for.

Somehow, we inched closer to each other without realizing it. I don't know who it was. The sky is getting darker, and the storm is moving closer.

"I'm sorry Finnick. I've been a—" I let out a shaky sigh and look him in the eyes. "I've been terrible to you when all you did was help me. All you did was sacrifice for me." I look down at my sandals in anguish. It hurts knowing how long it's taken for me to come to this.

"I thought you abandoned me. I thought you were a good-for-nothing, pompous, selfish Capitol boy who couldn't care less about other people, but I was wrong. I mean, I was so mind-numbingly wrong and stupid." I throw the words at myself. I look at him again. He's just taking in everything I'm saying, seeming shaken by my words.

"After everything you did for me. Trying to comfort me in the Capitol. Getting Adrian to protect me even when you couldn't. Buying the shield to save my life. Saving my life numerous other times in the arena. Like giving me the necklace, which literally saved me from myself, from throwing everything away. Every time you were there to help me, I ignored you, and I was rude to you. I didn't try to understand who you are." I groan and cover my head with my hands. "I was so stupid, and I'm so sorry."

He looks at the ground, probably doing what I did. Trying to convert his feelings into words.

"Oh, and the picture frame that I destroyed. There's that too."

His face shows so many different thoughts. I can't guess what's running through his head. So I speak.

"Why? Why when I've hated you since day one? Long before the games. Why risk and sacrifice and try so hard to help me when I was expected to die anyway?"

"Because I know what it feels like. I wish I could've saved you from the hurt. I wish I could've saved everyone from the pain, but I can't." He sighs. "I know being a Victor is a terrible fate. Heck, our life in Panem is a terrible fate. But I just couldn't lose you, Annie. It was selfish really. You reminded me of who I used to be. When I looked at you, I was reminded of an innocent boy deceived by the Capitol's games. And the fact that you didn't trust me. It was fair, more than fair. I lied, and I killed, and I made so many mistakes in the past that hurt people and hurt you, Annie. And I'm sorry." His piercing gaze stabs through everything.

"You were right not to trust me, but if you can look past everything the Capitol made me. I'm just like you. I'm just like everyone really. Trying to protect and trying to survive. That's why you need to make the Capitol forget about you. You can't end up like me. Everyone left me. I'm not leaving you."

The storm is getting closer.

I swallow back the tears and think and plan what to say. I want him to know the truth. "When we had that conversation before I was in the games, you asked me to see you for who you were. And I do now Finnick. I really do. And I hurt you, and I hurt myself a whole lot to get here, but I'm here. And I'm not abandoning you this time either."

He rests his hand on top of mine. "Thank you, Annie." I stare into his bright green eyes, never feeling more understood. "Friends again?" He extends his arm.

I shake his hand. "Friends . . . Finally."

I jump up from the rock at a clap of lightning. My heart starts to race.

"It's okay. It's just the storm coming. We should probably go though," Finnick says.

I feel a raindrop, then a few more, and it starts picking up. I feel trapped. Trapped in the water that might drown me. I look to the beach. What if the storm floods it? What if we aren't safe here? What if I drown?

"Annie? Come on, we have to go. We'll just run real quick to shelter." He doesn't ask me if I'm okay. He knows I'm not. I'm not okay. I'm going to drown.

It's pouring now. The thunder and lightning starts. I feel like I'm drowning. I can't hear Finnick.

"No, no, I'm not in the games." I slowly back away. I see tributes dying. I hear the screams of the careers chasing me. I feel a hand wrap around my arm and pull me away.

"No! No, no." I slap it. It lets go.

"Annie, you were backing towards the cliff."

"No! Finnick," I grab his arms with intensity. "We have to run, we have to go." I take off, away from the beach, and Finnick follows, yelling my name. The rain is coming heavier, I feel like I can't breathe. I need it to stop. I feel like I need to run. Run away from Finnick. Run to shelter. Run across the world.

Run Annie, run. No, no. Adrian. Run Annie, run. I scream. The voices. The splashing sound of an innocent boy's head ripped from his body. The purple faces of dead tributes. The screams before drowning.

Run Annie, run.

I'm going to die.