INFOMERCIAL

Aizawa handed the class infomercial scripts and said, "As much as it disgusts me, advertisements are a large part of modern heroism. In collaboration with the Business Course, each of you has been provided a script for an advert promoting a product they believe best suits you. Aoyama, you're first."

Aoyama came up, gave the camera a dazzling smile, and said in a thick French accent, "You think I was born with luscious locks like these? Oh hon hon! Zese beautiful blonde strands are delicately maintained with Monsieur Magnifique's Moisturizing Melange! Simply rub a dollop into your scalp each morning, like so…"

The moment Aoyama squeezed the bottle handed to him, a foul odor permeated the room. Aoyama stifled a gag and queasily brought the rancid dollop towards his scalp. "For a beautiful head of hair," he finished, French accent thoroughly deceased.

"Good. Next?"

As Aoyama sprinted to the showers, Dark Shadow dragged Tokoyami away from his desk.

"Come on, we're up next!"

"I refuse!"

The desk screeched across the floor as Dark Shadow dragged long furrows into the tile. "If you won't then I will. And you know I'll make it as embarrassing as possible."

Tokoyami glowered at his Quirk. "Fine." He crumpled the script in his hand, put on a stuffed bra, and grumbled at the camera, "For the inner girl inside you, Victor's Feminine Secrets. Guaranteed to make you feel like a new woman."

Tokoyami lit the bra on fire and hurled it in the garbage while Dark Shadow applauded and wolf-whistled.

Mineta ran up next and said, "Detnerat's newest line of self-defense, the Omni-Taser! Self-regulating to provide the perfect voltage to incapacitate creeps like – hey wait a minute, I'm not a creep!"

Jiro tased Mineta from behind and held up the sparking device. "See? Works perfectly."

As Jiro dragged a twitching Mineta back to his desk, a pallid, quivering Koda whispered for the advert, "W-w-when you have an insect problem that just won't go away…"

He upended a box of cockroaches. Everyone leapt onto their desk as the vermin scurried off into the shadowy corners.

Koda held up an aerosol can. "U-use Pest-A-Way! To make it somebody else's problem!"

Koda used a single spritz. The cockroaches and Mineta all scurried out the door. Down the hallways, screams came from every classroom.

"And Bakugo, you're next!"

"Never!"

He leapt out the window, but Aizawa's scarf caught him and strapped him to the chair. As he futilely fought, metal arms stuck a gag in him, and a synthetic voice said, "Hands tied like mine? No problem. The all new Amazon Handyman has all your services covered. And don't worry. It probably won't murder you in your sleep."

"And lastly, Izuku."

Izuku strode up to the front and peeled back the fourth wall. "Introducing the latest and greatest creation by our omnipotent overlord Bardothren, One Small Step! Available now, right here, on ffnet! Featuring space, tea, and doors! Try now, for the low low price of your eternal soul!"

500

Payment plans are available for people without souls, such as Karens, corporate CEOs, and gingers.