CATS

"Here, kitty kitty kitty. Does kitty want a tuna?"

The white cat gave Sero and the can of tuna he was wagging in front of its nose a cold glare and slapped its tail in his face.

"Hey, get back here!"

Sero lunged and got a faceful of claws for his trouble. Off to the side, stroking a lapful of cats, Koda said, "You need to let them come to you."

"But that doesn't make any sense! Aizawa said we need to catch them, but they keep running away. What does this have to do with heroics anyways?"

From his sleeping bag, Aizawa said, "Wrangling villains, handling troublesome civilians, and getting my chores done so I have time to sleep between patrols."

"Isn't that last one child labor?"

"We send you out for internships at fifteen. Nobody cares."

Kirishima had a ring of cats using him as a scratching post. "Y'know, this feels kinda nice. Can you get further up my shoulders?" The cat obliged him, scratching like his hardened skin owed it money. "Ah, that's the spot."

Iida blitzed down the alleyway, grabbing at a cat, only to stumble over a soda can and fly head-first into a dumpster. The cat leapt out and slammed the lid shut. Aoyama lit his navel laser on its lowest setting. A horde of cats followed its glimmering light, straight into the massive kennel Yaoyorozu had made. Dark Shadow held out a fluffy tabby for Tokoyami to pet as the latter ran for his life, and a cat started retching after it licked Tsuyu.

"I'd feel offended if I wasn't coated in toxic mucus," she said.

Meanwhile, Bakugo had a group of cats sitting attentively before him as he hurriedly scrawled on a blackboard.

"Pigeons are slippery bastards," Bakugo said. "Their camera lenses have vision in a near-perfect circle around them, sharp hearing, and they're programmed to bolt at the first sign of danger. If you want to catch them, you need to take advantage of that."

A cat near the front scratched into a notebook, and another tapped keys on a typewriter. Sketching out a city street, Bakugo made some arrows. "First, string up a net along these points. Get something thin, so the bastards don't notice and cut it down. Set up some food below, then once they're in position, lunge. You might catch one, but the goal is to get them all in the net. If you set it up right, it'll fall the moment they're trapped and snare the lot."

The cats yowled and drooled at the thought of all those birds.

"Right, let's get to work. Those robots won't catch themselves."

The cats started following, but a metallic grinding sound made their ears swivel. Yowling and meowing, the cats all scrambled towards Izuku as a can of cat food popped open in his chest.

"No, come back! It's a robot trap!"

Izuku grabbed all the cats, and Bakugo's ambitions for a cat army died with a pitiful meow.

500

Aizawa is a crazy cat lady and nobody can convince me otherwise.