PRINCESS
The princess gazed out her window, sighing in boredom at yet another day guarded by a dragon, with no handsome, charming knight to rescue her. She resigned herself to an afternoon of reading the same twenty books and playing fetch with the dragon when she heard sounds of fighting coming from below. Her heart leapt in her chest. She hadn't seen anyone come down the road, but maybe the knight made a daring climb up the treacherous cliffs at the foot of the tower, or ooh! Maybe he had a gryphon for a mount!
The princess rushed over to her vanity. The powders and creams had withered into dust, but she still had a sliver of bar soap saved for this very moment, a basin filled with rainwater, and a dusty mirror.
She hadn't even gotten the soap into a proper lather when she heard the dragon yelp in fear and fly into the horizon. Panic struck the princess. The knight would ascend any second. She couldn't present herself in such an unkempt state! The towel went around her hair like a turban she vaguely remembered from some foreign merchant, and she ripped a gossamer curtain for a veil.
The door flew open. Flew open, as in flew off its hinges and opened a new window through the stone wall of her bedroom. The princess flinched, but she kept her yelp of surprise at a more demure 'eep'.
No wonder the dragon had run away.
"Oh sir knight," the princess said breathily. "For many years, I waited for a valiant and noble savior to rescue me from yon dragon. Might I have the honor of knowing thine name and title?"
"My name is Izuku, and my title is Deku Ex. May I have that nightstand?"
The princess looked at the nightstand. The ornate metal table had flecks of rust marring its surface, and she put it in the corner so she wouldn't scratch her legs on it. "You may," she replied, curious what he wanted it for.
The last thing she expected was to see him unhinge his jaws like a snake, shove the whole thing into his mouth, and noisily chew it into scrap. She lifted her veil and watched, fascinated, as a long scratch on his chest seamlessly fixed itself.
"Are you ready to go?" Izuku asked.
"Y-yes! Absolutely, good sir!"
"Good. Do not move too much. You would not survive if I dropped you."
Before she could ask what he meant, Izuku hefted her over a shoulder like a sack of flour, punched another hole in her tower, and leapt out. The princess screamed until well after her feet found the ground again.
Once she got her voice back, the princess asked, "So, when's the wedding?"
"You're not wedding your older brother, young lady," Inko told her.
"Brother? What?"
"Eri asked for an older sister," Izuku said. "So I found one."
Eri glomped her in a big hug and shouted, "Yay! Big sister!"
496
The dragon, searching for a new princess to guard, finds Momo, breaks into her house and shortly finds itself in a three-piece suit and dress shoes, holding a silver tray for Momo's grapes.
Meanwhile, the princess discovers the internet and never leaves her room.