Leafpool had now been in the Dark Forest so many times she was starting to understand its layout as well as ThunderClan's territory. Of course, unlike ThunderClan territory, it seemingly had no end. She could walk in a direction for the entire night until she had woken up, and the forest never ended, and never even really changed much. It was all the same: dead trees, dead grass, and no prey. And no Hollyleaf. In fact, she hardly ever saw any cats aside from in the training group where she started every night.
She wasn't going to give up. She would keep searching for her daughter, even if it took her entire life until she joined her there one day, and then she would keep searching forever after that.
That night, after sharing tongues with Squirrelflight, she curled up in her nest back in the warriors' den to sleep. Jayfeather had returned from the mountains a moon ago, and she was still missing sleeping in the medicine den. Having a more private space had made it much more likely she would sleep through the night and not be woken up by some cat stepping on her tail on his way to the dirtplace.
But she had gotten better at tuning out Brackenfur's snoring, and that night, as she fell asleep, she found herself blinking awake again into the familiar haze of the Dark Forest. Like every night, she promptly turned to walk away from the sound of yowling and fighting, making sure she got far enough away quickly enough not to be discovered. Based on the voices she overheard, it seemed like Mapleshade was involved in these training sessions now, too, so she hadn't run into the eerie cat again.
Though she usually saw no other cat in her search, tonight was different. The sound of the trainees had hardly faded away when a familiar gray shape stepped out from behind a tree. Though she hadn't seen her in many moons, Leafpool would recognize that flattened, irate face and matted fur anywhere.
"Yellowfang," she meowed evenly. "What are you doing here?"
"What do you think I'm doing here?" Yellowfang snapped. It seems these past few moons haven't changed her temperament one bit, Leafpool thought. "I'm here to tell you off." She hadn't seen Yellowfang, or any StarClan cat except for Bluestar one time, since she had been forced to step down as a medicine cat. She couldn't pretend part of her wasn't happy to see the cranky old she-cat again, but this part was dwarfed easily by irritation. So you tell me how important it is that I have kits, abandon me as soon as those kits reflect badly on StarClan, and then don't bother visiting me once afterwards only to show up now to scold me? she thought. If you wanted me to take StarClan's advice, you shouldn't have cut me off.
She dodged Yellowfang's answer, and asked another question. "How did you get here?" she asked. "I didn't realize StarClan and Dark Forest cats could visit each other's domains." She had been wandering around the Dark Forest for so long. She would surely have noticed if it eventually connected to StarClan.
"We can come here. They can't go there. Stop changing the subject," Yellowfang snapped. "You're no fool, but you've been acting like one. You're putting your own lives and your Clanmates at risk every time you're here. Nothing good waits for you in this place."
"My daughter waits for me in this place," Leafpool retorted angrily. "Bluestar said Hollyleaf is here. I have to find her."
"So you can find her and do what?" asked Yellowfang. "It can't possibly be worth the risk."
"So I can apologize to her!" exclaimed Leafpool. "She was my kit, and I lied to her and because of that, she felt so betrayed she killed Ashfur and ran off and died. She's here because of me. Because I couldn't be a better mother to her. I have to let her know how sorry I am. I have to see her again."
Yellowfang was silent for a moment before meowing, "You know, my kit is here too, and you don't see me doing anything mouse-brained about it. We make mistakes, and those mistakes affect our kits, but ultimately they make their own choices and there's nothing we can do about it."
Leafpool's jaw hung open. Yellowfang had told her about Brokenstar when she had found out she was expecting her kits. Yellowfang had given him away to a mother who had resented him, and Brokenstar had grown into a cruel, heartless leader. "You can't possibly be comparing Hollyleaf to Brokenstar," she meowed incredulously. "Hollyleaf killed one cat to protect a secret she thought would destroy her and her littermates' lives. Brokenstar killed many cats for power and countless more died on his orders. They are not the same."
"And yet they're in the same place now," snapped Yellowfang. Leafpool lashed her tail furiously. She had never wanted to attack another cat more. How dare she say these things about Hollyleaf? How dare she compare her daughter to that monster? "You cannot keep coming back here, Leafpool. It will only lead to trouble. StarClan forbids you to return."
Leafpool couldn't help the short, cold laugh that sprung from her throat. "StarClan forbids it? And why does StarClan think they can forbid me from doing anything anymore?" she demanded. "StarClan urged me to have my kits in ThunderClan, and then as soon as the other Clans found out one of their chosen medicine cats had broken the code, StarClan turned away from me. You acted sympathetic towards me when you told me I was going to have kits, but you didn't even bother to visit me when one of my kits died and my whole Clan hated me for those kits." Yellowfang opened her mouth as if to argue, but Leafpool went on, not giving the old she-cat a chance to speak. "StarClan has forsaken me. I will not start taking orders from them now."
"We just want to look out for you, Leafpool," Yellowfang insisted. "We still care about you. I care about you. I don't want to see you get hurt."
Leafpool scoffed. "You don't care about me," she meowed. "You only care about the good or harm I might do for the Clans."
"That's not true," meowed Yellowfang softly. "Leafpool, you have to understand how deeply untrue that is."
Leafpool shook her head. "Just leave me alone," she meowed. "Let me do this. Please."
"I can't," meowed Yellowfang. "You have to listen-"
"Just leave me alone!" yowled Leafpool, anger welling up inside her again. "I don't want to listen to you ever again! All I want, all I want in the entire world, is to see my daughter again. So just let me!"
For a long moment, Yellowfang and Leafpool just stared at each other. Finally, Yellowfang broke her gaze, sighing and shaking her head. "I'm sorry to see you go down this path, Leafpool," she meowed softly. "I never wanted this for you."
And before Leafpool had the chance to find the words to respond, Yellowfang turned and walked away, disappearing into the fog.
Leafpool stood, watching her leave. Part of her desperately wanted to call out to the old she-cat and apologize, to make things right, to promise her she would leave the Dark Forest and never return. But she stayed silent.
She hadn't really meant everything she had said. She didn't hate StarClan, as much as it broke her heart that they had deserted her. She could never not be loyal to the warrior ancestors who she had loved so dearly when she had been a medicine cat. She didn't even really hate Yellowfang. Partly because Yellowfang was right. She shouldn't be here. It probably wasn't worth the risk of being caught. She was smart enough to know her decision-making was muddied by grief, but that didn't mean the grief wasn't ruling over reason. That didn't mean she could give up her search.
Yellowfang had only been gone for a few moments when, to Leafpool's horror, she realized she could hear footsteps approaching. They must have heard us arguing, she realized, alarmed. She didn't have time to run- they already knew she was here. Oh, please let me wake up now, she prayed.
But no such luck came to her. Turning around to face the approaching cats, she watched as Hawkfrost and Tigerstar emerged from the fog. A third cat was following behind them, slinking through the shadows- an unfamiliar dark gray tabby tom.
"Well, well, well," purred Tigerstar. "Look who has decided to grace us with her presence again. Have you finally realized the StarClan is at the root of all of your problems, and come to join us?"
"I will never join you," she meowed boldly, even as her shaking legs threatened to give away how scared she was.
"Then why are you here?" growled Hawkfrost. "Are you spying on our training?"
"We should kill her now, so she doesn't bring information back to ThunderClan!" exclaimed the dark tom from the back of the group.
"Shut up, Darkstripe," snapped Tigerstar. Darkstripe. The name was familiar. He had allied with Tigerstar in his fight to take over the Clans, and was killed shortly after Tigerstar.
"I'm just looking for Hollyleaf," she meowed steadily. "Please, I know she's here. I just want to talk to her, and then I'll never bother you again."
Tigerstar opened his mouth to respond, but Darkstripe spoke first. "Hollyleaf?" he meowed, sounding confused. "But she's not even he-" He was cut off by a furious growl from Tigerstar, and Darkstripe shrunk back as the looming tabby hung over him as if he was about to tear his throat out, but it was too late. Leafpool had heard enough.
"She's not even here?" she finished. "Is that true? Hollyleaf isn't in the Dark Forest?"
"Darkstripe doesn't know what he's talking about," Hawkfrost meowed quickly. "Of course she's here, he just hasn't met her." But he was clearly flustered, and Tigerstar wouldn't have moved that quickly to cut Darkstripe off if he didn't have something to hide.
Hollyleaf isn't here. The thought made her heart flutter, filling her with a hope she hadn't felt in moons. Her daughter wasn't here in this awful place. She wasn't here.
Unfortunately, Hawkfrost and Tigerstar were here, and as they both turned to face her, she realized that now their lie was exposed, they might no longer think Leafpool had the potential to be useful to them. And if Leafpool wasn't useful…
Both cats moved towards her, and Leafpool stepped back, preparing to run away as far and as fast as she could. But before they got within a tail-length of her, an irritated yowl pierced through the haze and terror of the Dark Forest.
"Toadstep, I've called you for the dawn patrol three times now!" the voice called. In a flash, Leafpool was back in the warriors' den, her breathing still coming fast and shallow. She closed her eyes, forcing herself to take deep breaths. I'm safe, she thought. I'm safe, and I never have to go back there again.
And as she went about her duties for the rest of the day, one thought occupied her mind. Hollyleaf wasn't in the Dark Forest, and she wasn't in StarClan. That could only mean one thing. Hollyleaf is alive.