Kix never really got a break. Even when the 501st was on leave he didn't get to relax like the others did. When they were on Coruscant it was Kix' job to make sure they were restocked properly. He needed to make sure that anybody who was just a little too injured was brought to the Jedi temple so they could get just that little bit more healing.
It was technically against protocol, but General Skywalker had been able to pull some extraordinary strings. The Hero With No Fear did so much for the war, and the Jedi Council was willing to grant some simple favors.
When Kix got his chores done he still had to stay in the medbay to keep his idiot brothers from doing something stupid. If somebody had a lingering injury, Kix would keep them confined to the ship while they were docked. If someone wasn't fit for battle, he didn't think they were fit for a bar brawl, and he didn't trust his brothers' promises that they'd be careful and take it easy. He'd fallen for such promises before, and he wasn't doing it again.
So Kix put himself on babysitting duty when they were on leave. It wasn't the relaxing break that everybody else got, but it was better than he usually had the chance to get, so he wasn't going to complain. This time around there was just one brother who couldn't leave the ship, and he was petty enough to give Kix the silent treatment. At least he wasn't screaming and fighting him about his judgement.
While his brother pouted, Kix was left alone to do some paperwork. He filled reports, filed records, and double-checked that he had transferred Dogma's medical history to the Coruscant Guard, because he didn't want them breathing down his neck.
Kix frowned and looked at his communicator as he thought about Dogma. As a medic he tried so hard to not get overly attached to his brothers, because then it would just hurt that much more when they got hurt, or when he lost them. He needed to be professional about his work.
He had a soft spot for Torrent, and Dogma was no exception. Kix didn't know the kid well, but he'd been hoping to get the chance to. He remembered when he'd given the new shinies their first physical, just to make sure they were in good condition and to give them the chance to get to know him. All of the shinies had been wide-eyed and confident. Practically children who thought they knew everything. It was both endearing and heartbreaking.
Dogma had been an exception. He was closed off during the physical. When Kix asked him questions the kid would give him the literal textbook answers. That was when Kid knew that Dogma was different. Most brothers wouldn't answer the question 'how are you feeling?' with 'I'm fit for duty, Sir'.
That was the kind of thing that the Kaminoans would believe was the only appropriate response, though it wasn't something they actually taught on Kamino. Kix had spent a lot of time in the medbay when he was in training, learning under the watchful eye of the Kaminoans. He had seen for himself that when somebody was frequently sent to the medbay for one reason or another, they started to pick up on what to say to the Kaminoans to get out of there quickly.
Kix had been suspicious immediately. He was more thorough with Dogma's physical than the others. It was both much more and much less informative than he thought it would be. According to Dogma himself, as well as his medical records, he somewhat regularly ended up in the medbay, but it wasn't because he got hurt. All the records said was that he was in there for laziness, and that didn't even make sense.
Trying to get answers from Dogma wasn't much easier. Kix asked him why he ended up in the medbay if he didn't get hurt, and the kid's eyes would go a bit dull. He claimed he didn't remember, but Kix knew that wasn't entirely true. He could always tell. But what was he supposed to do? Report the already terrified kid to the Captain? That wouldn't get him to calm down.
The main reason behind these physicals was to get the shinies to warm up to him so they knew that he was a safe person to come to if they needed him. He had known that if he pushed Dogma too far then the kid wouldn't trust him, and that would be problematic if there actually was an underlying medical issue like Kix suspected. So against his better judgement Kix finished the physical and sent the kid on his way, telling himself that he'd keep a close eye on him.
Kix tried, but he was the main medic over a whole battalion. There was only so much individual attention he could give to a single brother who never came to see him. He only saw Dogma around because he was pulled into Torrent, so Kix saw him around. He was a little relieved that Dogma had brothers keeping an eye on him, but also frustrated that it wasn't enough. Dogma still acted like an outsider stuck looking in.
Hardcase did a lot to try to get Dogma to come out of his shell, and in many ways he was successful, but in countless other ways he wasn't, and Kix had a suspicion as to why. They all treated Dogma like they did any other shiny that came their way, but he wasn't like the others.
Kix didn't know why, but Dogma wasn't a bright-eyed, eager to please new soldier who wanted to prove himself. When Kix looked in Dogma's eyes he saw the haunted, tired look of someone who had seen things that people couldn't imagine. He looked more weighed down than many seasoned soldiers that Kix knew. Dogma shouldn't look like that when he was fresh off of Kamino.
Something was terribly wrong, and when Kix overheard Jesse and Fives teasingly ask Dogma if he'd been reconditioned, he realized what a horrifying possibility that might be.
Everybody thought that reconditioning was just a myth. Nobody actually knew somebody that had gone through it. They all just heard stories. But the stories had to come from somewhere. Kix was scared that there was a hint of truth there, and if there was, and Dogma had been exposed to it then it would explain so much.
Kix tried to ask Dogma about it, but the kid closed himself off. Jesse and Fives had teased him about it, and Kix suspected that they hadn't been the first and wouldn't be the last. Dogma put his guard up the second anybody asked about reconditioning, even if it was a genuine question born out of concern.
Kix felt that as a medic it was his job to push the kid for answers, for his own good. But as a brother he didn't want to push Dogma beyond what he was ready for. He had found himself somewhere in the middle, pushing Dogma, but not far enough that he actually got answers from him. It was the worst of both worlds.
Kix had never figured out what went on with Dogma, and now he lost the opportunity. The kid had been transferred. The guard would take care of him. Everybody in the GAR told horror stories about the Coruscant Guard. Kix didn't believe most of it, but he hoped that at least the stories about how loyal the guard were to each other was accurate.
And though Kix didn't want the rumors about reconditioning happening in the guard to be true, he thought it might help Dogma if it was true. If they had experience with reconditioning, they'd be able to understand Dogma in a way that Kix couldn't.
That was what he tried to tell himself, because he wasn't in a position where he could help Dogma anymore. As a medic, he had done what he could. Kix looked down at his communicator with a frown. He couldn't help but wonder if, as a brother, he could have done more.
Dogma had come to him for help before he left. Kix had done his job as a medic, but he felt like he'd failed as a brother. Kix did the physical as he was supposed to do, but that was all he'd done. When Dogma said that he was feeling nervous, even though it wasn't like him, and he'd admitted that he wanted to talk to him about something, Kix had tried to listen but it hadn't been enough.
Dogma couldn't get his words out. Kix knew how to get brothers to talk when they didn't want to. He could get the most closed-off brother to talk about their medical issues, and he could even get traumatized brothers to open up about their feelings. But he didn't do that with Dogma. He'd given the kid his comm link, and gone back to work, telling himself that Dogma would reach out if he needed him, and he hadn't.
At times like this Kix would remember when Jesse pointed out to him that sometimes he let the line between medic and brother get blurred. He went into a situation that he knew needed a brotherly approach, and he acted as a medic. Or he would know that he needed to be a medic, but he was too emotional and he acted as a brother.
Kix knew that Dogma had been looking for help from his older brother, and he'd tried to give it to him, but he'd messed up somehow, though he didn't know where. He'd approached it as a brother. He treated Dogma as a brother. And Dogma walked away without advice, or proper reassurance, and he hadn't commed to give Kix another chance.
He knew that he could just as easily comm Dogma himself, but what if the kid didn't want to hear from him? They barely knew each other, and most of his brotherly concern for Dogma came from a place of a medic. Dogma was one of those clones that brought out the blurred lines between Kix' jobs, and what if he acted poorly again and just made things worse?
He told himself that Dogma was busy adjusting to his new work and new brothers. He didn't need his old medic breathing down his neck and making him feel like there was something wrong with him. Because Kix knew that was what Dogma would think. That Kix wasn't reaching out as a brother, but as a medic who saw a problem that needed to be solved.
So many brothers saw medics as a reminder of their time on Kamino. It was why so many of them resisted medical care and had to be dragged to the medbay kicking and screaming. If Dogma had faced trauma of some sort on Kamino, as Kix suspected he had, then maybe he wouldn't be the best person to reach out. Dogma had other brothers. Brothers who knew how to talk to him and how to be what he needed. He didn't need Kix.
So he looked away from his communicator and just focused on the work he had to do.
The days passed quickly, as they always did for Kix when they went on leave. Soon it was the night before they were set to take off. Most of the clones were off the ship, trying to get as drunk as possible before they lost their chance. Even the brother that Kix had kept confined to the ship had recovered enough to go out and enjoy himself. He had the medbay all to himself, and as he'd already made sure they were restocked properly and all his paperwork was turned in he could finally take a few minutes and relax.
Kix had just closed his eyes when he heard someone stumble into the room, making a crashing sound as they hit something. Kix groaned. Either someone had gotten more drunk than they should have, and they'd already been released from the drunk tank, or he had an overexcited visitor.
"What do you want, Hardcase?" Kix asked. If his brother needed his help, he'd give it to him, but if he was just here to talk or look for Jesse, then Kix wasn't afraid to show how annoyed he was.
"Hey, Kix, I was wondering if you've seen Dogma." Hardcase said. "You know, since we've docked." Kix frowned and opened his eyes to look at his brother. Hardcase looked a little concerned. It was definitely a genuine question, but that didn't make it make any more sense.
"Why are you looking for Dogma here?" Kix asked. If he wasn't working he would be at the guard barracks.
"I've looked in the rest of the ship, and I thought if he's been hiding this long then he must be more sick than I thought." Hardcase said. "I thought he'd come see you."
Kix sat up, leaning forward. Hardcase must be confused. Maybe he was the one who was actually sick. "Did you hit your head?"
"I'm fine." Hardcase said. "But Dogma was acting really weird before we got here, and I haven't seen him since. I know he was reluctant about leave, but he wouldn't avoid it like this, so something must be wrong with him."
Kix frowned. There was definitely something wrong here. "You don't know where Dogma is?"
"I've looked for him all leave, and I can't find him." Hardcase said. He was starting to sound worried now. "What if he wandered off the ship, and we leave without him tomorrow?"
Kix' stomach dropped. He hated being the one to deliver bad news. This wasn't the worst thing he had to share, but this shouldn't be his job. Rex should have taken care of it.
"Hardcase, Dogma isn't here." Kix said slowly. Hardcase rolled his eyes.
"I know that. That's why I've been looking for him." Hardcase said.
Kix sighed. He wasn't in the mood for this, and it wasn't his job in the first place. "You know what? Let's go see Captain Rex." Let him break the news to Hardcase. Kix led his brother out of the medbay and down the halls. He ignored Hardcase's questions. He was starting to get a headache. It was Rex' job to deal with the transfer. He was the one who had chosen Dogma. He should be the one to explain himself.
Rex was overseeing the restocking of supplies, working with Jesse to make sure they were ready to go. Kix stood before him, waiting until he had Rex' attention before addressing him.
"Captain, Hardcase here has been looking for Dogma." Kix said. "Do you care to tell him why he isn't here? And while you're at it, why don't you tell me why he doesn't already know?"
Rex looked stunned. "I thought Dogma talked to you."
"This is Dogma we're talking about." Kix crossed his arms. "You know he has a hard time talking. Unless he said that he specifically wanted to be the one to break the news to the others, you should have done it." Kix knew because he'd been involved in the transfer itself. He knew that Fives knew, because he'd mentioned it in passing the last time Kix had pulled him aside to see how he was doing after Echo. He knew that Tup knew, because everybody in the 501st had seen how upset that kid had been these past few days. Were they the only ones that knew?
Looking at Jesse's face, Kix realized that maybe it was.
"What news?" Jesse asked. "Where's Dogma?"
Kix looked at Rex expectantly. The Captain sighed and shook his head. "He was transferred to the Coruscant Guard. He's been there since the first day we got here."
Jesse frowned and looked thoughtful for a minute before he groaned and brought his hand to his forehead. "He really did have to work. And I acted like a di'kut." Kix wanted to talk to him about what he meant, but his attention was on Hardcase. His expression had gone blank as he turned and started to leave the room.
"Where are you going?" Kix asked.
"I'm going to find Dogma and drag him back here. "Hardcase said plainly. "They don't deserve him, and I'm not letting him leave without having the chance to even say goodbye." He stormed off and Kix knew that he was going to storm right to the guards barracks, and he wasn't going to leave unless he had Dogma with him.
The 501st already had a strained relationship with the guard. The whole GAR did. They didn't need to give the guard more reason to hate them and think they were crazy and considered themselves above the rules. Whether Hardcase liked it or not, Dogma had been transferred, and he wasn't coming back. They needed to let him go.
If Kix thought for a second that Hardcase just wanted to say goodbye and wouldn't start anything with the guard, he would let him go. Some closure could probably be good for him. But if they antagonized the guard then they would be closing the door on any opportunity to see Dogma on good terms again in the future.
"Hardcase, no." Kix followed behind his brother. He cursed Rex for putting him in this position. "You can't go after him."
"I'm not abandoning him." Hardcase said stiffly.
"You have to let him go." Kix said.
"No." Hardcase growled.
"That wasn't a request." Kix said. He hated playing the part of the hard-ass, but he knew what needed to be done. "Because I declare you unfit for duty. For the next twenty four hours, you can't leave the ship."
Hardcase stopped where he stood. He didn't turn to face Kix, but it was clear from the stiffness in his shoulders that he was seething.
"I just want to talk to him." Hardcase growled.
"No, you want to fight with the guard for taking your brother away from you." Kix said. He knew Hardcase. Maybe not as well as Fives and Jesse did, but he stil knew him. "Whether you like it or not, Dogma's with the guard now, and he's there to stay. If you go there right now and fight with the guards, how do you think he'd feel?"
Hardcase didn't answer. He didn't look at Kix. He just stood there.
"And when we leave, and Dogma's still with the guard, how do you think it'll be for him? Kix asked. "Do you think the guard are going to welcome him with open arms if he's known as the shiny with an overprotective ori'vod who will beat them up if they so much as look at him wrong? Dogma deserves better than that?"
Hardcase was still for an incredibly long moment. Kix slowly stepped closer to him, not knowing how he was going to respond. He touched his brother's shoulder, and Hardcase whirled around. Kix thought for a wild second that he was going to hit him, so it was a shock when Hardcase wrapped his arms around him and hugged him instead, sniffling into his shoulder.
Kix swallowed thickly and pat Hardcase's back. His brother wasn't crying, but he nearly was.
"I wanted to be his ori'vod." Hardcase said quietly. "But I never told him. I thought I could wait until later, and he'd be more open to it, but now he's gone."
"It's not like you'll never see him again." Kix said, but he knew his words weren't as comforting as they should be. Everybody in the GAR who had brothers they knew the guard quickly lost contact with them. The GAR hated the guard, and the guard didn't trust the GAR. Kix didn't like that tradition, and he'd always wanted to break the cycle. He was always so busy though, and he hadn't had a personal motivation. Now he did.
"You can tell Dogma he's your vod'ika next time we come to Coruscant." Kix said. "But you can't do it right now. It wouldn't be fair to him. You know it wouldn't." Hardcase shook his head and tightened his grip on Kix, like he was afraid of letting yet another brother slip through his fingers.
"I know." Hardcase said. He held onto Kix for another long moment before he let him go. "I gotta go to the gym. I need to hit something."
"Take Jesse with you." Kix suggested. Jesse didn't express his emotions as physically as Hardcase did, but he still needed to get that tension out. Hardcase nodded, gave Kix one more tight hug, and then he left. Kix let him go. He could trust that Hardcase understood the importance of giving Dogma space, at least for now.
Kix sighed and made his way back to the medbay. He felt so tired. He needed a break from this break. At times like this Kix hated his responsibilities. He loved being a medic, and he loved being a brother, but things would be so much easier if he wasn't trying in vain to juggle both of his jobs.