Chapter 12
26th of October 2006
Great Hall of Hogwarts
Albus Dumbledore
Badly Written Character
Immortal Dark Lord and Supreme Mungwump - or I don't know how it's written
Lvl 95/100
Eh. Pathetic. But stronger than all of the wizards he had seen so far. Dio waved his hand, and cursed the old man with diarrhea.
Just because he could.
He swept his gaze over the silent assembly as fireworks erupted behind him. Certainly not his best entrance, but it would be more than enough. He felt like building to a crescendo.
"It is I, Dio ! I have arrived in my home…But, is that squatters I see? Who are you, and what are you doing in my home?!"
Nobody laughed. Hey, he had at least tried!
Flitwick wanted to facepalm. Why, Ô, why was he the Ravenclaw Head of House? Why could he not manage Slytherin or something? He had personally negotiated with the new Lord Ravenclaw so the school could keep using the castle…in exchange for a few favors. So why was this…Dio…pranking them like that?
"I jest, my minio…friends ! I meant friends!"
And the man laughed. Alone.
All the ghosts, eager to suck up, laughed too so he would not be alone - and would not banish them with the wards he now had under his control. The elf started playing the trumpet again.
Dionysus swept his gaze over the assembly even as Dumbledore stood up and launched into a grand speech of welcome and greeting, including countless historical anecdotes about Hogwarts. He didn't listen - Dionysus knew the wizard was anything but pleased to see him.
Mmmh...Everyone was...uninteresting. He'd been curious to see the characters from his childhood book, but…
Bartemius Crouch Junior
Death Eater
Lvl 34/50
Harry Potter
Immature Child
Horcrux
Lvl 8/75
Disappointing. However, Ravenclaw's table caught his eye. Ah, the Veela. Creatures descended from the union of her maenads and the Satyrs, apparently. Perfect. He'd take advantage of being in Europe to bring a few back with him.
Fleur Delacour
Horny nineteen years old Veela with an AU birthday
Lvl 12/100
And he'd also seen the name "Lovegood", a descendant of Angele, perhaps, and...what? What the fuck?
Luna Lovegood
S̶̡̠̭̈l̷̥̼̂e̵̞͋͝e̶̛͙͋͌͗ṕ̷̣͍͊͘ḯ̵̝̯̝n̶̖̭̖͋̆̚͝g̶̘̟͖̔͊̒ͅ ̴͈̙͊͛Ġ̴̪̤͂̒͛r̴̢̝͋ë̸̢͍́͋́̾ą̶̲̈͌ť̶̡̯̣̩ ̷̯̳͝O̴̬͖̩̦̎̕l̶̞̦̱̗̊̒̓̄d̷̪̒̑̏ ̵̪̊̃͠Ö̵̳̊n̷͖͓̋̆̀e̵̟̒
Lvl 4/?
Yeah, not touching that with a two kilometers long pole. And clearly, clearly not a descendant of Angele.
Ẇ̷̖ḁ̷̉r̷̆͜n̴͉̐ì̸̪ṇ̵̉g̴̘̔ ̶̪̉-̶͉̐ ̶̬͑Y̷̺͋o̷͚̓ṳ̴̀r̵͉̅ ̵̢̾d̸̨́i̸̞͛v̴̞͂ĭ̴̻n̸͚̋ẻ̶͓ ̵̱̽p̸̰͆r̸̙͂ė̵̺s̶̝͒ë̷̝n̸̥͋c̷͖͑ẹ̴́ ̷̧̃ḿ̸̳á̶̲d̸̤͂e̶̥̒ ̶̫̊t̷̘̒h̴͖͒e ̸͍͊Ḡ̴̯r̶͖̍e̴̟̽a̴̗͗t̸͔̎ ̵̲̈́Ó̶͎l̸̺̀d̶͇̏ ̵̨̀O̴̠͝n̸̻͊é̷̗ ̸͍̄s̷̼͊ť̷̘à̵͎r̶͈̀ṱ̷̾ ̶̙̅t̸̜̄o̴̡͒ ̴̲̆D̵̜̊r̵̝̉ȅ̶̦ä̶̬m̴̡͆
Of course he was kidding! He was the god of madness! Fuck! Of course he was going to interact with her!
"Hey! You! Do you want to be my friend?", he asked the definitely-not-a-young-girl. She smiled and answered with a sweet voice :
"Of course, young man".
Dionysos smiled.
"Perfect! We're going to be besties! Want to explore the castle with me and find the lost diadem of Ravenclaw?"
She nodded dreamily. "Yay! Let's go! Adventures!"
And the two exited the great hall, leaving all of the students totally bewildered.
30th of October 2006
Gringott
Luna hummed, as Dionysos tried to put the Gringott's dragon in his backpack. Sadly, it was too small.
"Maybe try from the other side?", she advised, but he shook his head.
"Such a beautiful creature…She shall free her!", and he broke the chain of the big lizards. Luna liked big lizards.
"Let's get the cup, and then, we're out of here".
31st of October 2006
Hogwarts
The great hall filled with murmurs of anticipation, waiting for the names of the champions to emerge from the goblet of fire. Fleur, who had been so focused on the tournament before arriving, was now desperately looking for Lord Ravenclaw. She hadn't seen him for two days, and had been feeling a strange sense of loss ever since she'd felt his aura. She had questions to ask him! She would corner him and…
The color of the Cup's fire changed, as Dio teleported to the large golden throne at the center table. Here he was! Apparently, stealing Dumbledore's chair had been one of the conditions of letting them use Hogwarts - as had been replacing the old man as juror of the Three Wizards' Cup.
Dumbledore, in an apparent bad mood, announced the name of the first champion.
"Victor Krum".
The Slytherin table erupted in cheers. Then, the old wizard announced the second name. She had to be nudged in her ribs by a friend to understand that she had just been called - so focused she was on looking at Dio.
Then, the last champion was announced.
"And the Hogwarts champion is…Luna Lovegood?"
All the ghosts clapped. An elf played the trumpet. Badly, again. Couldn't he fucking learn?
9th of November 2006
Halfblood Camp
Charles Beckendorf, the son of Hephaestus and the unofficial camp handyman, barked orders to the other campers that stayed during the year and to young Satyrs. The air was filled with the rhythmic clanging of celestial bronze against celestial bronze, and the absurd sight of Satyrs in green spandex suits hustling to obey his commands.
"Move those gears! Secure those cogs! We need this Wall to withstand anything!" Beckendorf's voice resonated with a sense of urgency as he oversaw the construction of the camp's protective barrier.
Just as he was about to inspect a particularly tricky section, a shimmering window appeared in the air before him.
It was an Iris Message.
Beckendorf raised an eyebrow, momentarily distracted from his engineering duties.
The image in the window revealed Dionysos, lounging in what seemed to be a lively nightclub, complete with flashing lights and pulsating music. He greeted Beckendorf with an easy grin, "Hey, my dude! I need a favor! Think of it as a godly command, and you'll receive a boon!"
Beckendorf's eyes narrowed, curiosity mixing with skepticism. "Hello Mister Sir God. Respectuflly, of course. What's the favor?" he asked, not entirely sure what the god of revelry might need.
Dionysos leaned closer to the magical window, his eyes alight with excitement. "You know that falcon backpack thing in Marvel, right? Ah no, you don't. I've not released the movies yet. Yeah, I need one of those! A flying contraption with wings! You know, for the ultimate party entrance. Thanks!"
Before Beckendorf could respond, the window blinked out of existence, leaving him staring at the construction site with a bemused expression.
12th of November 2006
Hogwarts
Dionysus was bored. And annoyed.
Ravenclaw's diadem - an artifact the witch had simply found in an old temple of Mnemosyne - had been useless. For nothing! Holy shit! He'd almost been killed by Uriel for nothing! Even though these adventures in Britain would probably be fruitful for other reasons...
He'd destroyed the bit of Tom Riddle's soul inside with a snap of his finger, and gained access to the Diadem in perfect condition, but nothing would help. He'd give it to Angèle. She'd always loved crowns, and the tiara would increase the power of her magic.
Let's see... What was left for him to do? Dumbledore, his horcrux and his wand. He'd already stolen Harry's invisibility cloak, and fed it to satyrs, who had gained a slight boost to their magic after consuming it. He had destroyed the Stone by pissing on it - taking a Horcrux away from Voldemort in the process. All that remained was Slytherin's pendant, Voldemort's soul fragment, Nagini and Harry - and his mission would be over! But he wasn't going to botch it... There were still so many people to troll before he left, and he might as well take advantage of Uriel's temporary authorization. Ehe. He had so many ideas.
Even if it was strange that Uriel did not put a stop to some of his activities...like proselytism.
Very strange.
18th of November 2006
"Your guests have arrived, Mistress Greengrass," the house elf informed with a dutiful bow.
"You can bring her here," ordered Evelyn.
A few minutes later, Adrastia Zabini, an enchanting vision of olive-hued allure, stepped into the living room. Her dress, a captivating paradox, unveiled her curves, the fabric caressing each contour. The high neckline and long sleeves added a touch of mystery and elegance.
As she entered, Evelyn was surprised to see that a carefree smile adorned her friend's face, a rare sight that illuminated the room with its genuine warmth. Her laughter echoed, accompanied by the beautiful tinkling of earrings that swayed delicately with each movement.
"Evelyn, what a pleasure!" Adrastia's voice, akin to a siren's call, resonated in the room as they exchanged warm greetings.
As they nestled into plush chairs, the air imbued with the intoxicating scent of exotic perfumes, the two friends delved into casual conversation, swapping tales of their lives. Evelyn, discerning as ever, sensed an unfamiliarity in Adrastia's demeanor. Normally draped in an air of chilly elegance or feigned sultriness, Adrastia now radiated an openness that seemed uncharacteristically genuine.
In the midst of the banter, Evelyn's curiosity reached its peak. "Adrastia, forgive my candor, but there's a change in you. You appear... open, genuinely happy. What's the alchemy behind this newfound joy?"
Adrastia, with a glint of mystery in her eyes, reclined and unfurled a mischievous grin. "Ah, my dear Evelyn, life has choreographed a delightful turn for me. I've learned to pirouette with the caprices of fate, and the universe, in its capricious dance, has gifted me unexpected happiness. There's a certain magic in embracing the unforeseen, wouldn't you agree?" Her pause was pregnant with mystery, and her gaze beckoned Evelyn into the enigma of her transformed self.
As Evelyn leaned forward, her curiosity piqued, she asked cautiously, "Adrastia, this newfound wisdom... Where did you find it?"
"The question is not where... but who," Adrastia mused with a subtle smile playing on her lips. "Some truths are better left unsaid, my dear Evelyn. I am changed. Changed. I truly regret what I've done…I cannot tell you about the changes. However, I shall show you." With a slow, bewitching grace, she began disrobing, revealing a tapestry of mysterious symbols etched across her olive-hued skin. There were grapes, tigers that moved across her skins, naked woman moaning of pleasures and many things she could not understand. Each garment dropped with an almost teasing allure, exposing not just flesh but strange drawings that seemed to pulse with a mystical energy.
"I met... someone, I mean, not a romantic partner…but a teacher. A Master. I shall not speak His name…I shall not speak the truths He showed me, because I don't know how to say it. He taught me secrets, Evelyn. Secrets whispered by the very essence of existence."
Evelyn, momentarily entranced, gazed at the enigmatic ink adorning Adrastia's skin. She could not even feel surprised, strangely, as her friends stood naked in front of her. As Evelyn's eyes traced the intricate symbols on Adrastia's skin, the truth gradually unveiled itself to the Lady Greengrass. She, amidst all her elegance and allure, was bound. Shackled by societal norms, constrained by the expectations of a husband, and entangled in the webs of reality she yearned to escape. And she wanted to be free…FREE!
Evelyn, momentarily entranced, fixated on the enigmatic ink adorning Adrastia's skin. As her eyes traced the intricate symbols, a revelation dawned upon Lady Greengrass. She, despite her elegance and allure, was ensnared. Shackled by societal norms, confined by spousal expectations, and entwined in the suffocating webs of reality that she yearned to rupture. The desire for freedom burgeoned within her—she craved liberation, she yearned to be free… FREE!
The drawings on Adrastia's skin mirrored this newfound, profound yearning for freedom. A deep stir echoed within her, and her magic began to respond. With every surge of her longing for emancipation, magical tattoos spontaneously materialized on her skin. Intrigued, she started to disrobe, her eyes widening with each spontaneous emergence of a new magical tattoo. And the more she yearned for freedom, the more intricate and captivating the tattoos became. And with every unveiled tattoo, Evelyn felt a surge of creative power coursing through her, a call to create, to shape her destiny.
"Join us, my friend."
24th of November 2006
Hogwarts
The Dark Lord Dumbledore was in a very dark mood. At least a third of his plans were going down the drain. Harry hadn't even been chosen as the fourth champion of the tournament - even though he had made Barty Crouch Junior's job so much easier. What had happened? It must have been that upstart Dio. Perhaps he'd done something to the Wards?
And most importantly, the bastard was getting in his way. Dumbledore had tried to summon him to his office for a chat, but it had been impossible to get hold of him. Everyone saw him - he'd heard dozens of absurd stories about the man's antics, whether at Hogwarts or the Ministry. But he had never been able to meet him.
At least he would be there today, for the first task, since he had unjustly usurped his position as a judge. And…ah ! Here he was.
Dressed in a flamboyant ensemble that defied all fashion norms, he commanded attention with feathers, sequins, and an array of vibrant colors. The absurdity of his presence left students and professors bewildered, exchanging glances as house elves, undeterred, started to sing - badly, "Hogwarts, behold Dio's magnificence!".
Then man winked, and started giving autographs to his fans - wait, What? Dio's wink set off a wild chain of events. Students, parents, and even Madame Bones surged toward Dionysos, eager for handshakes and autographs. In a misguided attempt to flex his muscles, Dio shredded his flamboyant shirt, unveiling more than anyone had bargained for. Gasps and laughter echoed as the crowd witnessed the unintentional peep show. Even Professor McGonnagall boldly offered up her chest for Dio's signature!
Amidst the frenzy, Victor Krum fumed in the background, annoyed to be sidelined from the spotlight, while Fleur seethed with frustration. After weeks of searching for Dio, the moment she finally spotted him, she couldn't approach as she was confined to the contestant area!
The horrendous voice of Bagman pierced through the commotion, and an immediate chorus of boos erupted from the crowd. Unfazed, Dio, with his flamboyance undiminished, supplexed him. Wrestling style. The officials looked horrified, but when Ludo Bagman himself gave a thumbs-up to Lord Ravenclaw, a baffled silence fell over the gathering.
"For this task, It is I, Dio, that shall comment!". Karkaroff and Dumbledore looked like they were going to argue - but Ludo Bagman said it was an excellent idea.
As Victor gallantly stared down the fiery Hungarian Horntail, he gripped his wand with unwavering resolve. The spectators, a mix of anxious onlookers and fervent fans, collectively held their breath in anticipation of the impending showdown. With a flourish, Victor unleashed his spell, aiming to subdue the mighty dragon. However, the Horntail, responded with lightning speed. In a dramatic twist, it expertly dodged the spell and retaliated with a thunderous roar that echoed through the arena…and swiftly impaled the poor Viktor with his tail.
As the crowd gasped in horror, Dio quipped, "Well, Victor's spell has not worked, so now, He Dead! Booo!".
Truly, he was the best commentator.
Once everybody stopped crying, Fleur Delacour gracefully entered the arena. With a confident stride, she faced her own challenge – a particularly grumpy Swedish Short-Snout. Rather than relying on brute force, Fleur unleashed her secret weapon: a magic melody. The dragon, seemingly entranced, succumbed to the enchanting tune, dozing off into a tranquil slumber. Dio chimed in, "Fleur's bringing the wizarding world a lullaby remix - with a cherry on top : her amazing ass…sass! I mean sass! "
And then, like a whimsical breeze, Luna Lovegood entered the arena. The crowd watched in awe as the small and enigmatic teen approached the last dragon. Unexpectedly, the dragon, known for its ferocity, trembled at the sight of the teen. To the astonishment of everyone present, including the seasoned dragon tamers, the magical reptile began to tremble at Luna's approach. Its fearsome howls and roars pierced the air as it frantically struggled against its chains. In a sudden burst of sheer terror, the dragon broke free and fled the arena, leaving behind a stunned and baffled audience. And her eggs, which Luna cradled into her arms.
"Well, I think I know to whom I'm giving a ten"
AN : Thank you for reading, and for your positive comments! They motivate me to write! For those who expressed doubts about powerlevels, or other narrative choices, I invite you to check out the Questionable Questing thread of this fic - which contains answers (and lots of other stuff, like Omakes and SFW & NSFW Pics of each character).
This chapter may give the impression that the fic is becoming more "crackish" - it isn't, don't worry, and there is indeed a narrative function to these moments...which you'll identify at the end of arc 2!