I used to think a cup of coffee was the best way to start my day. I'll gladly tell you now...I was wrong.
"Mmmmm," Elizabeth said, her eyes still closed.
I quietly watched as she pulled her lips inward, sealing the taste of our kiss between them, like it was something to be savored. We'd been together for two weeks, starting each day with kisses on her front porch, & they'd been the happiest fourteen days of my romantic life.
Everything was going well on the parental, "mom & dad," side of our relationship. The kids already loved each other & seeing us together was becoming a little more natural for them every day. We had breakfast at my house, & dinner at hers, on a daily basis. We played games as a family, & took evening walks together, with Scout in tow. We were slowly merging our lives, & so far, it had been pretty seamless.
On the "Nathan & Elizabeth" side of our relationship, we were extremely happy, but it had been difficult finding sufficient alone time for us. We hadn't been on a date since Mike & Mei's wedding & I was looking to change that. I needed some real time with her. Time to sort through our history together & have deeper conversations about our future; sharing our hopes & dreams. We needed time to hold each other, too. Because the last two weeks had made something abundantly clear...we were starving for one another.
We sneaked in kisses at every opportunity, & had at least an hour to ourselves every evening, but it just wasn't enough time. We couldn't seem to get our fill of each other. I knew this by the way she so easily, & readily, fell into my arms. The way my pulse quickened at the sound of her voice or the slightest brush of her hand. The way she stared at my lips, in a silent plea, when she was longing to be kissed. The way her lips rendered me senseless & left me grinning like an idiot. But most rewarding of all... it was the way she looked deep into my eyes, saying, "I love you, Nathan," with ease & at every given opportunity.
"You're looking awfully pleased with yourself, Constable," she said, interrupting my thoughts.
"Well, it's not everyday a beautiful woman falls into my arms & shows such passionate appreciation for my kisses."
She gave me a playful, but sultry, look before hugging me close & lightly kissing my lips.
"Happy two week anniversary, my love," she whispered, before lightly blowing into my ear.
I shivered in response.
Pulling back, to see her words & actions had their desired effect on me, she winked.
"Now who's looking pleased with themselves?" I asked & we laughed together.
"Nathan, in all seriousness, I'll miss you terribly this evening. I'll be worried sick until you're home. We had so many interruptions during our alone time last night. I feel like we barely had a chance to talk or to enjoy...apple juice."
Jack didn't want to leave my side last night. We put him in bed & minutes later he "needed" to get a drink of water. Then he was cold & "needed" a blanket. Lastly he "couldn't" sleep, so he came down & asked me to read him a story. He fell asleep in the crook of my arm, settled directly between us, on the couch. I carried him up to bed, we tucked him in, & after a brief kiss at the front door, it was time for me to leave.
"Please, don't worry. It's a standard transfer. I'm just needed as an extra man to ride along. - But, I'll leave you with a little extra "apple juice" now, since it's our anniversary." I pulled her closer & began searing warm kisses into the soft skin of her neck, right below her ear. I needed to take Scout on his walk, but hearing her breath hitch in response to my lips, I decided to linger for just a few more minutes; & I would have, but...
"Mountie Nathan! Are you done kissing mama yet? Can I go on Scout's walk with you?" Jack said, appearing out of nowhere.
Elizabeth & I sprung apart quickly.
Having Jack & Allie see us holding hands, or share a quick peck on the cheek, was one thing. But the, "are you done kissing mama yet," two weeks into our relationship, as I held her close & worshiped her neck, had us parting like the Red Sea.
"Hi, Jack. Um, we were. Uh, I mean, your mother & I were. Well, uh, I mean, I was just..."
I looked at his innocent little face & quit sputtering nonsense. There was no shock there. Only excitement at the prospect of going for a walk with Scout & me.
"Yes. I'm done, Jack," I quickly said. "Elizabeth, do you mind if he comes along?"
With the pink color leaving her cheeks, she grinned sheepishly, & nodded.
"Jack, you may go, but you'll need to quickly put your shoes on. Mountie Nathan has to be at work soon."
"Yay!" he exclaimed, running up the stairs to retrieve his shoes.
Scout (who had been obediently laying at the foot of Elizabeth's porch) perked up at the sound of Jack's excited voice, & broke command, racing after him into the house.
I threw my hands up in defeat.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know what to say & I..."
Elizabeth interrupted me with laughter, & shaking my head at the hilarity of it all, I joined her.
"Oh, Nathan, it's alright. If we don't make a big deal out of it, he won't either. We're adult, single parents stealing kisses like teenagers. It was bound to happen sooner or later."
"Teenagers, huh?" Lowering my voice, I took the opportunity to flirt with her. "Does that mean you'll go steady with me?"
"Perhaps. I am incredibly partial to your powers of persuasion, Constable," she said, returning the flirtation; staring at my lips.
"I'm ready!" Jack called from somewhere behind her; the sound of his voice & footsteps, combined with Scout's nails on the hard wood floor, were announcing their imminent arrival. I couldn't help but chuckle at his perfectly adorable, yet incredibly interruptive, timing. I winked at Elizabeth & ruffled Jack's hair as he came down the steps & reached for my hand.
"Alright, Jack. Let's go."
Elizabeth was right. Jack never said another word about me kissing his mother. Instead, he talked about dinosaurs & trains, how excited he was to go to school with Allie & the other "big kids," & how much he loved candy apples. It was an enjoyable walk. It reminded me of when Allie was his age, full of endless prattle, & curiosity, a constant little shadow by my side. My little girl had grown into an independent young lady, & while I was endlessly proud of her, I missed her being this age.
After our walk, I took Jack back to Elizabeth, & went straight home to change into my serge. Allie was in Rock Creek visiting her grandparents this week, & because I needed to do my rounds early this morning, I couldn't have breakfast with Elizabeth & Jack either. So, I grabbed a couple pieces of toast & ran out the door. I was giving the Jameson Mountie office my assistance with a prisoner transfer today. They needed a rear guard, & I was the closest Mountie around to help, but my rounds needed to be done before I left to join them.
Thankfully, the morning rounds went by smoothly & quickly. Newton & I arrived back in town with about thirty minutes to spare before I needed to leave for Jameson. I left him at the hitching post & went inside my office to cool off for a bit.
I had no sooner sat down when Elizabeth came through the door. She was pale; looking worried & upset.
"Elizabeth? What's wrong?" I asked, standing up & walking to her.
"Nathan, how much time do you have before you need to leave?"
"About twenty-five minutes."
She turned back towards the door & locked it. Then facing me, she spoke.
"I need to kiss you, please. Now...here...in your serge...before you leave."
"Elizabeth, what's going on? You know I'll never turn down an opportunity to kiss you, but we did a pretty thorough job of that already this morning. Please just talk to me, sweetheart. What's wrong?"
Her shoulders fell & she let out a couple of long breaths before she spoke.
"I was at the mercantile when I saw you ride into town. An old feeling came over me & I needed to resolve it with you now. I left Jack at the daycare & came straight here."
She paused & let out another deep breath while I stood, patiently waiting.
"Nathan, your red serge, this office, & the courage you possess in your vow to serve & protect, are the things you had in common with my late husband. You have never stood in Jack's shadow & you never will. I need to tell you the full truth I've come to understand, behind the hurtful words I said to you, almost three years ago."
I stayed quiet, while she paused briefly to collect her thoughts.
"Jack was a dashing, confident, young man who stole my adoring, young woman's heart. We were madly in love. I have no doubt we would have been happy & our love would've grown even greater if he had lived.
He was the great love of my life; the best measuring stick I could ask for to compare any new love against. But I made a critical error in thinking I needed to do that, because you walked into my life, & you were so different from Jack. You were a quiet man, who'd experienced great hardship & heartache in your formative years. You were a single parent, raising your niece by yourself."
A tear fell from her eye & she paused to wipe it away.
You were so wonderfully & authentically Nathan. I couldn't help falling in love with you. But I wouldn't allow myself to embrace the love you made me feel, because I realized Jack was no longer the measuring stick for great love.
You were, Nathan
I realized something else, too. I was no longer the young woman who fell in love with Jack. I was a widow & mother who could only be loved by a very special, very different, kind of man. I could only be loved, as this version of myself, by you. Not someone like you. Not just a good man. You.
I didn't like how that made me feel, & I blamed you for claiming my heart, & growing within me a love greater than I'd ever known. A love greater than I was prepared to lose. So the day you professed your love to me, I told you it would just hurt too much if I lost you the way I lost Jack. That was true. It would hurt too much.
Because it would hurt more.
I could lose the man who challenged, supported, & loved me through my pain...even when I wasn't fair to you. I took my anger, my hurt, my fear, & my sadness over Jack's death & compartmentalized it all into you.
Every time you put on that serge & leave for work, the fear of losing you, crosses my mind. I didn't realize until I saw you ride into town, knowing you're going on a prisoner transfer, that I've resisted kissing you here, in your serge; because I almost lost you on a transfer. But also, because this is where I hurt you. This is where I left you & forced you to carry the weight of an unfair comparison, that I didn't understand myself, until it was too late.
It's because of you that we have each other now. Your unfailing, loyal, steadfast love saved me from myself.
I can't take back the hurtful words I said & I can't take back the pain I've caused you. I can't take back dishonoring our love & refusing to follow my heart's desire for you. But, I can do the last thing I've been afraid to do. I can kiss you here, in the serge you look so distractingly good in, & love you in the fullest measure. I'm giving you the best of me. The widow, the mother, & the friend who had to make all the wrong decisions, before you helped me have the courage to embrace the greatest love I would ever know...you, Nathan."
She covered the space between us quickly, & pulled my lips down to hers, with absolute haste. Tears fell down her cheeks as she kissed me with a passion we hadn't yet experienced together. It was the kind of passion that only exists between a man & woman, so deeply in love, they could weather any storm, hold hands & walk straight through hell, & come out stronger for it on the other side. It was a kiss, not just of desire, but of greater purpose. It was the kind of kiss that healed deep, emotional wounds & scar tissue. She was pulling me closer to her than ever before, not just physically, but emotionally...& as a result, I was filled with instant peace.
Taking us to new heights of truth, acceptance, emotion, & love; I deepened the kiss & ran my hands up & down her back. I pressed her as close as possible to me while she kissed my jaw line, my throat, & the sides of my neck. She whispered words of how much she loved me, how much she needed me, & how much she wanted me. Not able to resist, I took her lips one last time, & I kissed her until we were both breathless.
She wrapped her arms tightly around my waist, & laid her head against my chest, as she quietly cried.
"Nathan, I love you so much," she said, through tears; as I held her close & stroked her hair.
"'Lizabeth, please look at me, sweetheart."
When her tear filled eyes met mine, I spoke again.
"I appreciate your willingness to revisit a painful memory, for both of us, so I could share your clarity on the matter. You and I can find peace together, but only if we do the work to pick up all the pieces...and this was a big piece. But please, unburden your heart from this now, because I have. I want to thank you for setting us both free. I love you so much."
I brought my hands to the nape of her neck & let my thumbs wipe away her tears. I lightly kissed her lips, & we held each other a few minutes more, before it was time for me to leave. We walked out of my office, hand in hand, & before I got in the saddle, she kissed me in the light of day. There was townsfolk everywhere, but it was just the two of us, alone in the moment.
"Be safe. Come home to me. I love you."
"I love you, Elizabeth."
I rode in silence throughout my day's mission, pondering the bravery it took for her to share such intimate thoughts. I would've been fine with Elizabeth's apology (on the night she told me she was in love with me) & I would've been fine without it, too...because my love for her was that deep.
But in light of today's events, it was my turn to do something I'd been afraid to do. Well, maybe not afraid, but definitely unwilling. I would need Rosemary's help to put the plan into motion. So, when the prison transfer was done, instead of riding home, I went to the train station & called Rosemary. She assured me of her help & secrecy. So, I boarded Newton in the livestock car & we arrived in Hope Valley by 6:30.
An hour later, after going home to bathe & change into my civilian clothes, I was here; waiting for my love to arrive. Rosemary had a plan to convince her to come, & she was a very persistent woman, so I had no doubt Elizabeth would be here soon.
Five minutes later, I heard Elizabeth's voice, & the key turning in the door.
"Rosemary, it's almost time to get Jack to bed. Couldn't this have waited until morning?"
"I know, I'm sorry Elizabeth, but it just couldn't wait. It's simply imperative I get it tonight."
The door opened, the lights turned on, & I stepped into view.
"Nathan! What are you doing here & how did you get back so soon?"
"I thought it was time we had a date. I took the train & Rosemary saw to the details for me. One of those being, Little Jack gets to go on a sleepover at her house. The rest of the details are here."
"Yes. I must say, it's very odd to ask for a pitcher of apple juice & glasses, but nonetheless, here it is. I hope you both enjoy yourselves. Take all the time you want for your date. Jack will see you in the morning. Goodnight," Rosemary said with a giggle; closing the door behind her.
Elizabeth walked straight into my arms & kissed me.
"I'm so happy you're home. But, Nathan...why are we having our date in the library?"
I pulled out a chair & gestured for her to sit. I joined her, & poured two glasses of apple juice for us, before I spoke.
"Today, you came into my office & reclaimed a space that has held both happy & painful memories for us. You shared your truth & kissed me in serge; healing both our old wounds. So, I thought I'd follow your lead & reclaim a place for us that used to hold special memories for me."
I gestured to a particular bookshelf.
"I touched you, for the first time, right there. Our fingers brushed & my life would never be the same."
I pointed to the Emerson sign.
"I made this sign for the library...but I made it with you in my heart."
I took her outstretched hand before I continued.
"Elizabeth, the night you broke things off with me, I saw a light on in here; long after the hours of operation. I came to check it out, & I don't have to tell you what I saw through the window, because you already know what it was. I've never been in here since that day. If I wanted a book, I'd have Allie check it out for me. I had no intention to ever come in here again, even now, because it felt like your space with someone else."
I moved my chair closer & took both of her hands.
"Tonight that changes. What you had with someone else doesn't take away from what we have now. You taught me that today. So I'm doing what I was too afraid to do, all those years ago, & tell you the truth now. - I made that sign not just out of appreciation for what you did to help with Allie. I made it for the woman who shocked my senses with the touch of her hand. The woman I loved that day & every day since. The woman who's love for me was so great, she was afraid to act on it, for fear of losing me. The woman who gathered her courage & came back to me; heeding the words of wise, old Mr. Emerson. It's the best gift I've ever given & it's the best return I could ever hope for. I love you, Elizabeth. I'm reclaiming you & this place. It belongs just to us now."
Tears were running down her face as I invited her to stand up with me. I took her in my arms & kissed her tears away with every bit of love I had to give in my soul. We held onto each other for a long time before she spoke.
"There were times when I felt so lonesome for you. I'd come here, & sit in that overstuffed chair, just to feel close to you. Because I never forgot our bookshelf where you first touched me, or when my feelings of love started to grow with the gift of our sign. This place literally has you & me written all over it, my love."
She was right. It really did.
I smiled, took her hand, & led us to the overstuffed chair. Sitting down, I looked up at her.
"Care to join me?"
Without hesitation, she sat across my lap, with her arms around my neck.
"Mind if I read to you?"
"I'd love that," she said.
I opened a book of quotes from our favorite poet, the man who's very words helped my love come back to me, & I began to read.
"Give all to love; obey thy heart."
"Life is a journey, not a destination."
"Be silly. Be honest. Be kind."
Elizabeth snuggled in close as I read to her. Some time later, her breathing slowed to an even cadence & I realized she was asleep. Putting the book down, I wrapped my arms around her, & closed my eyes; enjoying the nearness of her. She felt so nice...& warm...& soft in my arms...
"Nathan? Nathan, wake up!"
"Hmm? What's wrong?"
"Nathan, it's 3:00 in the morning. We fell asleep!"
I was awake now. I started shaking feeling back into my arm, as she stood up, so I could do the same.
"I don't know when I fell asleep. I'm sorry."
"I'm not," she said, softly; yet definitively.
Surprised, I cocked my head & gave her an inquisitive look. Because I wanted to know why?
Putting one hand on my chest, she reached up & brushed a stray wave of hair from my forehead, while looking deep into my eyes.
"I'm not sorry, because I got a preview of what it feels like to fall asleep & wake up in your arms."
Putting them around her, I spoke the truth.
"I can hardly wait for the night my arms never have to let you go."
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