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Souls of the Night Vol 3

32.

"I really thought this was a joke," I whined as I changed in the men's locker room with Chad behind me. There were three dozen other guys there and it got a little crowded, but I reacted better than I thought I would because I was still used to being in underwear and around lots of other unclothed bodies from the much smaller gargoyle locker room. Personally, I thought it was strange that I wasn't much more frightened and intimidated around so many half-naked male bodies. After all, I had a history of violence and rape ... which was less than four months ago but it all felt much longer and I was also working intensively with Doc Davis on the Jussuf issue. Not even Chad who was one of the most muscular here I found particularly threatening, he was married, as infatuated with Alistair as she was with him and his character was warm and quirky that I felt comfortable with him. All in all, I didn't feel very comfortable - but I didn't feel like I wanted to crawl into one of the lockers every time one of the other guys accidentally brushed against me while we were changing. Nobody paid much attention to me - which was good, too. Two other guys from the accounts department, including our supervisor, were also there, pale guys who were either too thin or too fat, all older than me. I really was the chick in my department and the women (older, warm auntie types) there had adopted me almost as much as my team 34.

"Just the fact that you brought different clothes is proof that a small part of you knew it wasn't a joke," Chad said rather glibly behind me as he tied his running shoes. It hadn't been a joke. None of the mostly very computer-savvy staff had hacked into the server and sent out the cruel bulletin that had gone around for House B's evening shift.

Self-defense course Thursday. Compulsory event. Casual sportswear and indoor shoes required.

It made sense that mandatory events were always held in the last two hours of a shift so that no one missed any appointments afterwards, but the thought that I was supposed to do sports again - even combat sports - now that I was no longer a gargoyle made me whimper sadly and almost gargoyle-like.

"I've never heard of self-defense classes being mandatory in a company."

"We're not a normal company either, Nate," Anthony muttered beside me, pulling a gray T-shirt over his pale, barely hairy potbelly. "Most employees work with technology that's worth millions or with information that is. Even the security staff or maintenance staff like me come into contact with it in passing. It's only logical that we are kept reasonably capable of defending ourselves or how to behave in acute emergencies like terrorist attacks."

"Terrorist attacks?! Oh man, you guys are killing me," I said shrilly and a few of the other guys in the room laughed or shot back sarcastic comments that made me cringe and make me feel my stress level rise. At the same time, this buddy-buddy interaction felt kind of ... nice. In my old company, no one had ever hung out with me except Jussuf and I never wanted to have that kind of contact again. This here was strange and yet somehow pleasant. I was just "one of the guys." I would just have to put up with these extra events that had nothing to do with accounting. Chad with his linebacker physique was really the exception, Alistair often accompanied him to the in-house gym and had quite a set of muscles even for a female nerd and Lavonne could probably keep threats at bay with her sharp tongue and similarly sharp fingernails but Anthony and a lot of the other staff looked anything but fit and if they could survive that then I surely could too. I would keep to the back and hope that if the instructor's eyes did fall on me he would see from my very slim build and pleading look that I had no business on the mats.

When we stepped out of the changing area, Ali and Lavonne were standing there - both in workout clothes with Lavonne wearing leopard print leggings and Lavonne's gaze lowered down my body at the same time as her disappointed frown.

Chad sighed. "Can you look a little less clearly at Nathaniel's crotch?" he asked and Lavonne laughed sardonically.

"Very funny Chad, you're our prankster, aren't you?"

"If there's nothing else to laugh about," he said, hooking his wife's arm before they walked down the hall to the ports hall (a tech company with a swimming pool, gym and sports hall - what a lucky guy I was.) To my additional chagrin, Lavonne hooked my arm without asking and dragged me along while Ant shuffled behind us.

"You know I was just checking out your outfit, right Nathaniel? And my frown- well, you've got surely nice legs you should be wearing leggings or shorts and not those baggy Adidas sweatpants- that was okay in 2010 but oh well. But I really didn't stare. I'm a woman of style, I don't ogle anyones - what Chad said."

"Of course, Lavonne," I said and couldn't help but smile because I was thinking about Lexington, who found her advances rather entertaining because, as he had said, he knew Lavonne had no chance with me. Right after that, my smile disappeared because it had been a few days since the glass of water thing and Lex came to visit me and I came to the castle and he was sweet and charming and seemed normal but I still felt bad that I had lied to him - and continued to lie because the echoes remained. I had tried several more times to make contact with the other entity inside me - via the mirror in my home AND via a Wicca board I had bought (because I had obviously learned nothing from horror films). But the spirit or whatever no longer made itself known, neither through draughts nor through anything else, and in the meantime I thought perhaps my overstrained brain had simply played more tricks on me in the context of the echoes and there was nothing inside me at all. Or I developed schizophrenia - that was also a possibility. I was already depressive, and schizophrenia would be yet another flower in my colorful bouquet of Nathaniel craziness that would make me even more of a burden to Lex and the clan, so I pushed the thought and the echoes as far away from me as possible.

The wounds on my knuckles hadn't healed but I was able to cover them up with plasters. The burst skin and the pain didn't even bother me because they grounded me. From this point of view ... I felt more at ease with a little pain when it kept me in reality.

As so often in the last few evenings at work, I wondered if Lex was watching me and my gaze involuntarily caught one of the small CCTV cameras hanging everywhere. Then I thought I had to stop asking myself that - how self-centered could I be? Of course Lex didn't watch me work all the time because he cared or longed for me, we basically saw each other every night at breakfast (dinner) with the clan at the latest.

In the hall, which really looked a bit like a basketball hall inclusive a gallery for spectators three yards above the ground at one side of the hall, where the training was supposed to take place, everyone gathered in their teams. We were all from House B and the late shift and quickly estimated without really counting we were probably more than 60 people in a dozen teams. The instructors were a muscular black man, probably in his fifties, and a disconcertingly well-trained woman, younger and with a blond buzz-cut hairstyle, which made her look very stern. The man clapped his hands and all murmuring and whispering stopped, whereupon the leaders both smiled.

"Okay teams. Most people know us, I'm Floyd, that's Natascha. Good to see you again. I hope you've all done the exercises we and the physios have been going through with you, let's start with some light stretching as usual before the exercises. Take it slow and don't just concentrate on the areas that are bothering you because of your sedentary or one-sided activities. The new employees look for someone experienced from their respective team."

I was about to turn to Anthony, but let out an "Urgg" when Lavonne grabbed me by the neckline of my T-shirt and pulled me to the floor with her.

"I'm experienced enough, Nathaniel," she cooed as she sat down with her legs apart, almost doing the splits, and heavens, her leggings were so tight!

I looked desperately at Ali, who had mercifully taken Anthony's side and was helping him with his standing quad stretches so that he didn't fall over and injured himself before the exercises had even started. Chad, on the other hand, was practicing side lunge stretches alone and completely content. Why did I recognize all these terms? The gargoyles often stretched, although much more skillfully than most of the awkward nerds here. My gaze flew over the others but Lavonne roughly tapped my knee.

"Nathaniel. We're supposed to do this together. Only super-athletes like Chad do their exercises alone. Can you give a girl a hand?" she asked sweetly, but gave me a mischievous wink that almost choked my throat.

"Okay," I said hoarsely, wishing myself almost anywhere else but here.

I thought about thwarting a bank robbery while Lavonne made me grab her foot and sit in her back at the pretzel stretch. I thought about the mass brawl Goliath and I once broke up when Lavonne asked me to pull her legs even further apart during the frog stretch. I thought about the peed on homeless people who were so drunk they wanted to pee additionally on Broadway, Lex and me when Lavone wanted help holding her triceps stretch and her breasts came in contact with my chest. And the whole time while I was doing the same exercises after her, she was "correcting" me, or more likely my posture, with grabs on my body that may or may not have been appropriate. Her hands were never on my private parts or my butt. She was adept at making everything look suitable for the exercise at hand.

And yet I found it awful. Was I just too hypersensitive to the touch of a woman who I knew wanted THAT from me? I'd just had so many bad experiences with Jussuf, and had only ever done stretching exercises with Lex where I didn't mind being touched, that I couldn't perfectly categorize what Lavonne was doing. But it felt like harassment somehow, even though Lavonne praised me all the time for being remarkably flexible for my build (she was very flexible too, she commented in passing) and how defined my lean muscles were under my sweatpants and she was also working hard on muscle maintenance and just needed suitable training partners. I mostly nodded and made little noises that she knew I was cognitively still there but too focused on stretching to actively participate in the exchange and wished this would be over quickly. I had an intense need to discipline Lavonne with a wing or a Katana-style tail whip, but even though I could feel the muscles in my back twitching, of course nothing happened because those body parts just weren't there anymore.

Chad was lying down next to us and doing his run of figure four stretches when I looked at him with a desperate look screaming for help because I felt discreetly raped even though I was the one helping Lavonne with her knee to chest stretch. She had instructed me to bend over her to press her bent knee down against her chest and I wondered if a straight guy would find the sight of her rhythmically swaying body and half squashed juicy boob even remotely arousing because I had never been further from arousal. But Chad just grinned and I knew here was another one who wanted me to fight my own battles, silly as they were. And just as I was wondering if it would help to jump up right now and shout into the world that I was so unbelievably queer that Liberace and Harvey Milk would pale beside me, Chad's head jerked up, past me. His gaze took on a surprised look before he turned to Ali.

"Shh. The boss is watching," he whispered, and Ali and Anthony paused briefly in their respective Reclined Spinal Twists so their eyes could scan the raised gallery. And sure enough, there stood Lexington Wywern with his arms over the railing, watching the teams. I had rarely seen him in one of his suits before, but the dark blue three-piece suit with the light blue shirt looked as fantastic on him as they could on a one-sixty tall web-wing and where Lavonne had previously triggered the opposite in me, I now felt ... addressed. His gaze lingered on me for a moment - just a moment, really - but his knowing smirk made me lower my head.

"Oh, it's rare for him to show his face in one of the common areas," Lavonne murmured beneath me, then wriggled to remind me that I was welcome to press her other leg against her other breast. If that was possible, these exercises became even more uncomfortable for me under Lexington's gaze, and perhaps that was reflected in my face. Lavonne straightened up, the exercise forgotten and now in pack mom mode, which suited her much better than seductress.

"Nathaniel? Are you okay? You're a bit pale around the nose. You're not afraid of gargoyles, are you?"

"What? No!" I said hurriedly, unable to look up at the bleachers that spanned the length of the hall as I spoke and looked at my nearby group members. "Does he come - so he watches a lot? At these exercises?"

"Would be the first time as far as I know. When he's brainstorming about one of the projects, he supposedly walks around the premises but doesn't stay anywhere. Maybe he's just bored today. As I said, he doesn't show his face much. Almost not at all in the last few months," Ali said, shrugging her shoulders before sitting down cross-legged and dropping her left ear to her left shoulder. The other four of us did the same exercise - the seated neck release. I had the luxury of having Lex behind me and not being tempted to look at him all the time, but unfortunately I also had the misfortune of imagining that I could feel his eyes between my shoulder blades as if they were still an erogenous zone for me.

The others used our sitting circle to enlighten me with whispered wisdom. They all thought it was cool or didn't mind working in a company with a gargoyle boss. No one was a hater (obviously people like that either weren't recruited, hired or were weeded out) and Lavonne told the anecdote of the e-mail Lex had written to her herself back then politely asking for her involvement in the company. But all in all, no one knew anything about him except what wasn't already known from tech magazines, Goliath's book or any other publicly available sources.

Lexington Wywern sometimes went on walks through the company, but mostly through the technical areas, laboratories or workshops, of course, and even then he had virtually no contact with the employees, even if some of them had found notes at their workstations a night later with one or two suggestions for improving or changing something in a project. He showed up at company picnics, spoke at Christmas parties, dropped in on the odd big leisure event, but always left again after a short time. He stayed just long enough so that nobody could accuse him of not caring. He always remained professionally reserved and didn't have a single person in this big company who didn't feel weird when he showed up because it was just something special. Lex was a stranger in his own company, I realized, which confirmed my suspicion that he had just come here to watch ME get spanked as a human. Or was he trying to make sure I didn't get spanked? But I didn't want him constantly rushing to my rescue. Or did I? Or ... damn.

"Yeah, maybe he's just bored," I said, feeling myself blush.

I was downright grateful when the instructors ended the stretching and we lined up in teams again, the gallery and my boyfriend looming behind us.

I noticed that the other employees had also noticed our boss in the meantime and heard whispers and mutterings, a little confused, a little unsure. But it wasn't as if there were grades for such events in this company. No one would be dismissed or subject to restrictions if they performed like an imbalanced movement dyslexic during training. But first Floyd and Natascha finished the stretching exercises with some words, then there was a ten-minute introduction or refresher of the last lessons.

I learned what I had already seen on TV at one point or another, that if you don't want to be a victim, you first have to strengthen your mental defenses. A straight back, a non-challenging but calm look, not adopting an anxious posture or stuttering and, all in all, healthy self-confidence could often prevent or defuse an escalation in many dangerous situations right from the start. Nathaniel Sharif was not practiced in any of these skills - but this realization was no surprise to me. I had always been a bend-over and a cowardly chicken, addicted to harmony and wimpy. Although now, in my last three months, I imagined I was no longer ONLY and exclusively a chicken.

Floyd's explanations had remarkably much in common with my "internship" in the Gargoyle Squadron - I could absolutely relate through my own experiences and felt more and more confident and yes - a little proud that I knew what he meant when he lectured about de-escalation. Only when calm, confident de-escalation, "escaping" to a more lively situation with witnesses, keeping a distance from the attacker or verbal defense (none of my shrill princess screams but deep voice tones) didn't help did it go to immediate physical self-defense.

Which happened over the next twenty minutes while Floyd and Natascha demonstrated self-defense exercises on each other as well as on various employees. They visibly chose employees who were a little more stable and muscular for the rougher exercises - Chad and Alistair were chosen and both allowed themselves to be taken down or yes - then put Natasha and Floyd on the mat following their small-step instructions with double leg take-downs or by using their strength against them, grabbing them by the arms or shoulders and tripping them so they fell onto their backs.

Even people with less athletic backgrounds like my department head were selected for gentler exercises. But it wasn't that Natascha only did exercises with women - after all, how often in the wild would an attacker be a woman? It also had to be realistic. The women Floyd asked to join him on the mat he always asked very clearly if he was allowed to touch them and always explained how he would demonstrate something on them. Everything was really very appropriate, not overwhelming and yes - interesting. Not gargoyle patrol interesting but - okay for me as a human.

Lavonne grumbled discontentedly next to me and sent deadly stink eye looks to a blonde with a very confident walk and superior smile picked out by Floyd and he presented another exercise on her. Ali whispered to me that this was Lavonne's mortal enemy because she had already stolen two guys from her over the years and that I shouldn't put myself in the line of fire (as if I were SO tired of life ... not anymore). Then it was a few minutes of the participants repeating the exercises, this time I was allowed to work with Ant and Lavonne with Chad because the opponents were supposed to be about the same size or smaller. Floyd and Natascha kept going back and forth between the teams of two, correcting here, giving a tip there. It was always just movement exercises - nothing fast, nothing that would hurt anyone and after half an hour I had completely forgotten about Lex and wasn't even sure if he was still hanging around in the gallery because I hadn't spotted him out of the corner of my eye for a while.

Once again there was a round of show-and-tell and one of imitation by the course participants, with Floyd or Natascha constantly correcting the others, even Chad and Ali very occasionally and Lavonne probably deliberately acting a bit dimwitted so that the instructor had to keep correcting her posture. But both trainers kept passing me and Ant, repeatedly nodding in confirmation. I sensed that they were looking for aspects where my posture wasn't good, or where I wasn't taking care of my spine in one exercise or another, or where I could have hurt Anthony as my partner - but they sometimes corrected Ant, but not me. Floyd even praised me.

A stranger praised my posture, my grip on my training partner, my sequence of movements ... I had never been praised for anything resembling sport before. Yes - Goliath had praised me in training or Nashville for being a good punching bag, but otherwise ...

Just as Nathaniel Sharif (the human) wasn't practiced in showing courage and confidence, he wasn't used to being complimented and I realized how that threw me off track in a positive way. I only became aware that I was grinning at every exercise when Ant returned my smile, a little unsettled. My movements became more fluid and poised and it all seemed so easy even though I was no longer a gargoyle and Ant was probably twice my weight. Bringing someone down without claws was even easier and for goodness sake - I was enjoying this! Real fun. I felt light as a feather and as young as ... I couldn't specify an age because I had already suffered from Jussuf's beating five or ten years ago and had felt rather old and brittle then. Now I was still a bit thin and really not muscular, but muscles were still there - the last three months had given my body (be it human or gargoyle) more strength and stamina than I had expected.

After almost over an hour, everyone was pretty exhausted and yes, I was sweating too but it was a good warmth, a good exertion, a good pull in the muscles and my tail would have twitched and swished back and forth with joy and anticipation of movement to come if I'd still had it. My back muscles were twitching too and I wanted to glide so badly, which gave the whole thing that mournful undertone again because I couldn't glide. But ... it was probably just enough. The other students who weren't trained like Chad and Alistair (or like ME!) looked pretty beat up. My section leader had sat down on the mats and looked like he needed a crane to get up again and even Lavonne - usually styled and groomed looked pretty frazzled.

In reality, most of the students were seated and I assumed the whole thing was about to end and there would just be a few appreciative general words and goodbyes. Floyd (he really was the spokesman, as Natasha hadn't contributed much verbally apart from correcting us) wasn't quite finished yet. He told us a bit of background about the exercises that had been done and that he had never been able to demonstrate the "real" exercises from his gym because there simply hadn't been any participants who could withstand or imitate them. Then his eyes fell on me and his smile caused all the confidence and joy I had built up to crumble.

It became clear that our eye contact was not an accident and that my eyes, wide open in horror, actually encouraged him when he asked me to stand up and come to him.

I stumbled back a few steps, straight into Lavonne, who gently nudged me forward.

"I'd rather not. So. This is my first course," I mumbled meekly.

"That's what I thought, someone like you would have caught my eye."

Floyd laughed softly and good-naturedly, beckoning me to him as he might have done with a skittish animal, and I shuffled over to him and kneaded my hands, now more like the Nate of three months ago.

The man, a head taller, didn't have Goliath's absurdly broad shoulders but I must have looked ridiculous standing next to him and lowered my head, unhappy and ashamed that he was going to put me through the wringer after all. This was going to be just as embarrassing as my first training session with Goliath, but at least I didn't have my powers and wouldn't burn the man in front of me. But that didn't mean I couldn't have a panic attack and I wanted to sink into the ground right now. I didn't look at anyone (and I certainly didn't turn around to see if there were not only 60 pairs of human eyes on me, but also a pair of inhuman ones, because even without that, my heart was pounding in my throat from the unwanted attention. "Don't be shy. You did so well during the exercises. Me and Natascha were really pleased." Floyd squeezed my shoulder like I was his new favorite (heavens, no, I didn't want to stand out here, I didn't want to be anyone's favorite and just do my job. And what happened to teacher darlings?)

"It wasn't that good. Um- I mean," my eyes went to Chad and Alistair, who were also sitting on the floor. But they were both grinning so widely that it was clear they were going to save me no matter what Floyd wanted to demonstrate on me to top it off.

"No, that's okay. Your first course - your first month at the company?"

I nodded.

"Which department? Security?" Floyd asked, and not only did my nervous shrill laughter break out at that, but Chad and Lavonne and a few others laughed too, knowing that I was definitely NOT a security guy who hung out in the gym all the time.

"Nathaniel is one of us accountants," one of my auntie colleagues said, proudly raising her head with a oldschool perm as if my good performance was that of all the accountants, and I smirked.

Floyd and Natascha looked at each other for a moment with indecipherable looks, then back at me.

"But you've already taken martial arts classes. No one who doesn't have experience of how to move and how to let themselves fall and who hasn't trained with others can do our exercises like this straight away," said Floyd.

I pushed some dreadlocks out of my face and rubbed my ear nervously and only when I heard a few loud murmurs like "oh my god" or "what happened to him" did I realize that it was the left one with the frayed cartilage.

I could feel how red my head must be and even without magic I felt like I was a pressure cooker about to boil over.

"I-I have friends who do martial arts. Boxing andand, martial arts, a bit of bushido and sometimes they let me join in. So, I get to hold the punching bag or- so no real training but... maybe that's why - I've picked up a few things ... but really not that I-"

I sighed because I realized I was babbling mindlessly and Floyd patted me on the back and turned to the rest of the class. And they looked at me and LEX, leaning over the handrail with his eyes fixed on me, also looked at me like he couldn't wait much longer- whatever he was expecting.

"We can see from Nathaniel that even without a muscular body and with a profession that doesn't involve much exercise, you can be quite capable of defending yourself. People who don't have the advantage of physical strength on their side have to concentrate on other qualities, such as agility, body control and the element of surprise. Always remember, your opponents expect little to nothing from you. That's why you automatically have an advantage. I think you can assume that he would know how to defend himself in the face of a seemingly overpowering attacker. I think me and him are showing how it's done now."

I raised my hands and backed away, shaking my head.

"No! no no no, I don't know how to do this."

Floyd and Natascha nodded to each other and the instructor came after me, reassuring me.

"I'm not going to seriously hurt you. If I realize it's not working, I'll let you go. I'll attack you now and you'll just react from your gut. Use one of the exercises from earlier."

"I really can't do this, mister - uh Floyd. Please, I want to -"

I didn't even get to finish the sentence because he came at me with his arms raised. He wanted to hit me. He certainly wasn't going to hurt me, but without thinking about it I blocked his arm. I also deflected the second punch. The third. I did it like in training with Brooklyn or Broadway and - why were Floyd's movements so slow? So predictable? His blows in my direction became rougher - he became bolder or ... more frustrated but I deflected his punches whether against my head or upper body, dodging backwards or to the side. The man's face showed astonishment, pride - but increasingly irritation.

"Very good Nathaniel!" he praised, panting a little because he put much more strength into his blows than I did into deflecting them - Katana would have berated him for that. But I heard a hint of uncertainty, maybe even frustration because he didn't hit me. But should I let him hit me? To end this? But ... something inside me didn't want to. This ... was so uncomfortable, in front of all these people AND my boyfriend, of whom no one knew he was my boyfriend. But at the same time, it was SO energizing to see that this big, strong man didn't quite know how to get to me. As with the exercises with Ant earlier, I felt this strange feeling again that was so much more foreign to me than fear or insecurity. A feeling of elation seized me and as I deflected the next, by now probably bone-breaking blow with a push of my hand against Floyd's forearm, I did what the gargoyles often practiced, I grabbed that very arm and used Floyd's own body mass to bring him down. He landed face first on the mat with a surprised UFF.

Part two follows soon. Q.T.