(Chapter 1:the exchange)

"So let me get this straight. You, are infact, not a god."

"Thats Wright."

"Um hm right. And so we are clear, I am infact, not dead."

"Yep."

I rolled my eyes. Just minutes ago I was lazily watching dragon ball and injoying a fat bag of cheese puffs when I saw a flash of light. When the light died down I was sitting across from a faceless formless mass. Said mass started blabbering nonsense about me switching bodies with one Naruto Uzumaki.

"Indeed you are not. Infact you were undoubtedly in perfect health. Despite never doing remotely anything with your life you were perfectly fit and lean."

"I am fully aware of my genetic advantages. The question is the reason someone like me is getting chosen for this honor. Don't get me wrong. I injoy Naruto as much as any other anime junkie, but I clearly didn't earn it."

Somehow the formless mass of darkness seemed to smirk. I blinked at that.

"You didn't."

"What?"

"You didn't. The one getting rewarded here is Naruto. Unlike you he spent his whole life in service of others and was granted a chance at a new life in a place untouched by war. Naruto didn't want to be reborn as baby and so requested to be placed in the body of a sixteen year old with a loving family. He was clear it had to be someone who wouldn't miss there family and that that person wouldn't be erased. So here you are. Not erased."

I stared gobsmacked. I had just been plucked out of my body to be replaced by another. And to top it off I would be placed in the body of a twelve possibly thirteen year old Naruto Uzumaki.

"Woe, woe, woe! Hold the phone. I know Naruto is epic and all but his life wasn't exactly sunshine and rainbows. I'll be hated by nearly everyone. That's not to mention I'll be a child soldier basically. There has to be something more for me out of this."

The mass nodded.

"Wright you are. That's why you will be compensated for the hardships and responsibility thrust apon you. I will grant you any three wishes within my power to grant with the acception of asking me for more wishes."

"Are you serious? That's some serious DBZ Parunga BS Wright there. Really? Any three? Even if those wishes involve other potentially fictional universe's?"

"Yes yes and yes again."

You know what I don't even care anymore. Thank you so much for the opportunity. How long do I have to decide what I want to wish for?"

I was panting from lack of breath Despite not actually having a body at the moment.

"Take all the time you need. I shall be taking you to the past anyway when you get your new body. Just so you know you're replacing Naruto the instant he enters the nine tails state against Haku. This should provide an excuse for your sudden change in behavior. Don't want the hokage to find out after all."

"Wow just, wow. It shouldn't take me more than a few minutes to decide on my wishes."

"Please take your time."

I couldn't believe how lucky I was. I could potentially do anything if I use these wishes properly.

(I have to be smart lest this potential be wasted. First things first I need access to more wishes. All he said was I can't ask him for more wishes. The most plausible opinion is getting my own working set of dragon balls. That runs a huge risk thoe. The odds of finding them without a dragon Radar is practically impossible. Not to mention the time limit. Oh I know.)

"I am ready to make my first wish if that's OK with you."

"Well shoot. What wish do you desire first?"

I had to pinch my lip and think incredibly hard on the wording.

"(If this succeeds it will solve more than a few problems). For my first wish grant me access to all abilities and knowledge related to the namekian race with a special focus on Dragon ball creation and customization. Do this without any traceable changes to Naruto's body."

The black mass chuckled.

"looking for loop holes are we. Very well. This wish can be done, however everything ki related will be changed to run off chakra. Fair warning thoe, even the weakest chakra based ki blasts would would require almost 98% of Naruto's current chakra reserves. It would take the complete power of the juubi just to create dragon balls of the lowest quality."

I tenced at that.( I knew the power scaling between Naruto and dragon ball was emence but I never imagined it was this bad. Kami is said to have a power level of 400. If that's the case even that weak old geezer has more ki than there is chakra in this universe. That wouldn't do. Fortunately I already have a solution.)

"I see. In that case, for my second wish provide each of my chakra points infinite Chakra generaters similar to Android 17 and 18's. But make them organic so my namekian Regenerative powers can restore them if damaged."

I smirked and nodded at how the dark mass stilled.

"That. Is within my power. That is one way to solve the issue chakra shortage. Granted. Anything else from dragon ball or do you not care about other universe's."

It teased.

"Yeah, yeah. Actually, i don't think i need anything else. Is it possible to hold on to the last wish and take it with me?"

The being seemed to ponder the thought for a bit before ultimately agreeing.

" that should be doable. Just declare your wish with the intent to use it. I will know when you do. With that settled its about time we part ways don't you think?"

" I suppose it is. Please send the real Naruto my thanks and tell him to watch his own anime to make it up to me."

We both laughed at my totally serous request.

"Will do. Go forth Jay Lee. Injoy your new life as Naruto Uzumaki."

With no other words said another flash passed before my eyes and I found myself seeing through a sea of red. I knew in that instant that I truly was Naruto Uzumaki and I was surrounded. In every direction except down there stood the stunned masked visage of Haku in floating mirrors of ice. It was a sight to see. Slowly my own ora of red transformed into one of blue as my newly aquired infinite Chakra quickly overwhelmed the tailless chakra cloak of Kurama.

So, um. I guess you killed my teammate. I suppose I should be pissed about that." I chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of my head nervously. It totally just hit me that I infact, do not know how to fight. Sure, thanks to my wish I know martial arts and a lot of ki attacks. But that does very little to when you're facing a life and death battle in person for the first time. So it was no surprise that I started to panic inside as Hakus images slowly rased up hands filled with the biggest needles I have ever seen in my life.

"I don't know what you did to heal your wounds just now but I'll finish you for Zabuzas sake."

It was then I realized how much I hate ninjas.