A/N: Thanks to all my readers and reviewers! Deeks is in for a bit of a rough patch.
Eventually, Deeks' exhaustion broke through his mindless walking.
He almost wished he'd brought the bottle of sherry with him, disgusting as it was. No one had picked up the scent of alcohol on his breath at work, and his mom certainly hadn't noticed small amount missing. She probably wouldn't notice if the entire bottle disappeared. Even if she did, he wasn't sure he cared right now.
Shutting his mind off and dimming the relentless pain and emotions that made his chest ache seemed pretty attractive right now. He hadn't thought to take it, or anything else besides the wallet in his pocket, when he'd rushed out of the house yesterday, overcome by the overwhelming sensation that he'd suffocate if he stayed within the dingy walls for a second longer.
His thoughts were a never-ending cycle of late bills, his mom, Ray. Kensi. He'd desperately hoped being by the ocean would help center him, like it always did, but if anything, he felt the weight of everything more keenly than ever. He wanted to apologize to Kensi, but didn't know where to begin. For once in his life, he didn't have the words.
Stumbling away from the shore, Deeks stopped in front of a lopsided shack. Over the years it had housed a surf shop, overpriced souvenirs, and a juice shop among many things before eventually being abandoned for good. A couple years ago, he and Kensi had spent an entire afternoon in the musty interior, sharing ridiculous stories and basking in the sense that they were being rebellious.
He found a spot out of the full sun and tucked himself against the wall, letting his head fall back. Closing his eyes, his let the hum of the crashing waves and birds in the air wash over him.
Kensi drove to the store first. Although she didn't think that Deeks would be there, she wanted to cover all her bases.
Mr. Chowdry greeted her with a cheerful smile when she walked in.
"Kensi, how nice to see you! Would you like some coffee?" He gestured to the counter set up with coffee urns, creamer, and sugar.
"Um, thanks, but I'm kind of in a hurry," Kensi answered. She glanced around the shop, antsy to get to the next place. "Have you seen Deeks?"
"No, he does not work today," Mr. Chowdry said. Kensi couldn't hide her dismay, and his smile faltered a little. "Is he ok? He has been distracted this week, but I thought he maybe was thinking of his studies as always. His mother called earlier today too."
"Yeah, as far as I know." Kensi nodded quickly. Whatever was going on, Deeks wouldn't appreciate it if she spread it around. He'd been angry enough when it was just the two of them. Forcing a smile she hoped was believable, she shrugged off Mr. Chowdry's concern. "I've been so busy; I must have gotten his schedule mixed up."
"I see." Based on his expression, Mr. Chowdry didn't quite believe her. "You'll tell me if he's not?"
"Of course." Kensi flashed him another smile, and gestured to the door. "I better go. Thanks!" She hurried out before he could ask any more questions.
Back in the car, Kensi pulled away from the curb and back into traffic. There were a handful of other places Deeks went regularly, and only a few seemed likely for Deeks to go in a time of need. He preferred nature and solitude when he had a problem. Or up to this point, talking it out with her.
Which left Kip or Ray. She felt a twinge of jealousy at the thought of anyone else taking her place. Kip at least had always been a good friend, if a little older and too busy to spend much time with Deeks. Ray…she grimaced in distaste at the thought of approaching him after everything he'd put Deeks through over the years. She'd leave him as a last option if nothing else panned out.
Deeks hadn't been at his favorite surfing spot at the beach; she'd walked about half a mile in either direction, hoping to catch sight of his figure in the water or clothes in the sand. From there, she'd checked the basketball court he frequented and then the local library. The last was admittedly a stretch, but she was starting to feel increasingly desperate as her list narrowed down to nothing.
She couldn't imagine what could push Deeks to run off somewhere without telling anyone. He was too responsible, too concerned about how his actions would affect everyone around him.
She couldn't help but wonder if something more nefarious had happened. What if he'd fallen off his board while surfing and hit his head? Or gotten hurt while trying to help Ray through another scheme. The horrible scenarios were endless. Kensi kept them at bay by focusing on the next step, the next objective.
Her most recent stop had been to Kip's house, but he hadn't seen Deeks in a couple weeks. Unlike Mr. Chowdry, he hadn't accepted her excuses, and she'd ended up sharing a modified version of the last few days. He'd been on the verge of accompanying her, but she'd managed to convince him she had it handled. Maybe she was an idiot to refuse help, yet she wanted to keep this as contained as possible unless absolutely necessary. For the sake of Deeks' privacy.
That left Ray. She wasn't sure he'd even talk to without Deeks acting as a go between. They'd never gotten along, and his latest stunt hadn't helped her opinion of him.
Kensi had been to Ray's apartment exactly once when Deeks had to drop something off. Deeks had been reluctant to take her with him, and she'd figured out why a few seconds after walking inside the cramped living space to the sound of shouting.
She waited outside the door, fidgeting on the narrow front step. Eventually, she heard the sound of heavy footsteps and the door was yanked open hard enough that it nearly banged into the wall.
Ray faced her with a scowl that quickly morphed into confusion.
"Blye, what the hell are you doing here?" he asked.
Kensi clenched her fingers inside her palms to stop her immediate instinct to snap back like usual.
"I'm looking for Deeks," she said shortly. "Have you seen him?"
"No. Not since that weasel threw me under the bus."
"When has Deeks ever done that?" Kensi demanded despite herself. "He's always bailed you out."
"Funny choice of words, cause he sure as hell didn't this time," Ray told her with a bitter grimace, roughly swiping his hair behind his hair. "Left me to rot in jail. Though he probably didn't tell you that."
"No, he didn't," Kensi murmured, almost to herself. She could only imagine how guilty Deeks must be feeling about abandoning, in his mind, his friend. "How did you get out?"
Ray snorted, licking his bottom lip, as he slouched in the doorway. "Listen Blye, we've never been friends, and that's not changing today, so keep your nose out of my business."
"Fine. I don't really care. I'm just trying to find Deeks. No one's seen him for a while and I don't have a way of contacting him."
"Well he ain't here. So go look for your lover boy somewhere else," he told her.
Deeks had said he was mad, but Kensi was stunned by his fury.
"Look, I know you're mad at him, but please call me if you see or hear from him, ok?" Kensi requested, knowing she was dangerously close to begging. She held out a slip of paper with her phone number on it, and Ray slowly took it, his head dipping forward so his hair fell in his eyes. For a second, he looked so much like Deeks, it shook her a little. When he looked up again, some of the anger was gone from him eyes, and he waved the paper in the air.
"You must be really worried about him, huh?"
"I am." She couldn't stop her voice from wavering just a little, and she saw Ray's eyes tighten in response.
"If I see him, I'll let you know," he said reluctantly. He looked over his shoulder, back into the apartment. "Now you better get out of here before my dad notices you."
"Thank you," Kensi said, meaning it, even if Ray still looked like he would rather be chewing on glass than talking to her. With a derisive sound, he slammed the door in her face.
Kensi stood on the doorstep for a few more seconds before slowly turning around, jogging back to her car, and sliding inside. Ray had been her last option. Deeks was still out there, and she didn't know where else to look. Gripping the steering wheel between trembling fingers, she let out a quiet sob, feeling completely hopeless.
A/N: And we have more angst!