Arthur buried the sword into the hedgehog's stomach, watching with grim satisfaction as he fell to the cobblestone floor in a spray of blood. The squirrel padded forward, clenching the handle as tightly as he could in his small paws. With a furious roar, he raised the blade and swung wildly into the downed hedgehog-

"Ow, God damn it! Shit! Go to Hellgates! Owww!" Arthur hissed painfully as he dropped the practice sword and backed away from the training dummy. A burning sensation radiated from his wrists to his shoulders as he glared spitefully at the dummy. "Piece of shit." He growled and kicked the wooden armature, sending a jolt through his ankle. It only made him angrier. He let out a ragged snarl and flexed his paws. A fire burned through his body, his mind screaming at him to tear the dummy apart until there was nothing left.

Almost immediately, a heavy set of paws pulled him away from the dummy and patted him on the back. "Okay, Art, let's take a step back for a bit. You did good, let's just take a breather, yeah?"

Arthur huffed and glared at his footpaws. He held his shaking paws in front of his eyes and let out a hoarse sigh. In his mind, Arthur forced himself to recall the story of Tammo, a young hare who was given the chance to experience a life of adventure away from home, teaming up with a squirrel wanderer named Russa. He recalled every single detail, from when Tammo got captured by Rapscallions, to Russa's death, to… another capture, a visit to Redwall Abbey, a battle, and everything afterwards.

Eventually, Arthur slumped against the heavy paws. He looked at his fingers. They were still shaking, but not as much as before. He let out a heavy sigh and looked over his shoulder to a tall, sturdy mouse. It was Ravi, the current Abbey Champion. The older mouse tilted his head and asked, "Are you feeling alright?"

Arthur instinctively blurted, "Yes," before gazing at the mouse's earnest face and correcting himself. "I'm pissed. Can you tell?"

"A lil' bit," Ravi admitted. A prickle of anger worked its way back up the squirrel's spine. He shook his head and forced his gaze towards the training dummy.

"So… how'd I do?"

Ravi let go of Arthur and picked up the dropped practice sword with both paws. He motioned to his grip and explained, "Your stance was good and you had the spirit, but you were holding on too tight and swung too wildly." He waved it slowly, demonstrating how Arthur had hurt himself when he hit the dummy.

Arthur stroked his wrist with a paw and grumbled. "Yeah, I got it… sorry."

"What are you apologising for?"

Arthur shrugged. "I dunno. I got mad?"

Ravi snorted. "You don't need to say sorry just for being mad. Everybeast gets mad."

"I know that, but…" Arthur paused and stared at the wooden dummy. That was all it was, a dummy. Yet in his mind, he saw a hedgehog. Not just any hedgehog, but one of the Friar's assistants. This morning, Arthur had been asked to help around the kitchens, only for the hedgehog to constantly tell him to stop messing with everything. He just wanted to help, and the hedgehog…

But even then, that wasn't a reason to want to kill him! Arthur clenched his paws into fists. He couldn't really tell if he felt happy swinging the sword at the hedgehog/practice dummy, but it sure as hell felt good doing so. Arthur sat down, pulling on pawfuls of grass as he explained himself. "It pisses me off so bad. I was asked to help in the kitchens, but that bastard wouldn't let me! Piece of shit, I wanted to cave his head in against the counter. Acting like I'm still a dibbun who can't do anything without having my paw held." Arthur's voice dripped with venom. "It pissed me off. You have no idea. I just wanted to…" he motioned to the dummy and rested his chin on a paw.

Ravi glanced at the dummy and sat next to Arthur. Tears welled in the squirrel's eyes as he tapped his fist against the ground. No doubt Ravi could tell he wanted to do more. "Y'know," the mouse began, "There's nothing wrong with getting angry at him-"

"I wanted to hurt him!" Arthur frantically interrupted. "I really want to, I want to so badly! That's not just 'getting angry', that's… just so wrong!"

"Art, they're just thoughts, aren't they? Look, there are a few beasts here that make me want to drive a sword into their chests. I know they're scary, but you haven't hurt anybeast, so there's nothing to be ashamed of."

Arthur's mouth quivered as he looked at the dummy. "But what do I do when they stop becoming 'just thoughts'? What if I do end up hurting someone?"

Ravi tilted his head. "Well, if you're really that scared, you can come to me or the abbot-"

"He'd get so angry at me. The entire point of Redwall Abbey is that we're all safe and violence isn't tolerated. What does that mean for me?"

"Art, listen, everybeast has thoughts like these. Hell, I do. A lot. The fact that you know not to go through with them is a good thing. Personally, I find beating on a dummy a fun way to make myself feel better, and it's a better alternative than actually going up to somebeast and gutting them," the mouse said with a slight grin. Ravi noticed the tears coming out of the young squirrel's eyes and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. "But hey, if you really do think you're going to do something, you can go to me, aye?"

Arthur nodded slowly. The squirrel wiped his face and groaned. "What's wrong with me?"

Ravi shrugged. "Nothing serious." Arthur felt a tiny bit hurt by the answer but still appreciated that the mouse stayed by his side anyway. Arthur leaned against Ravi's broad form, staring intently at the training dummy. For a moment, he wondered what it'd be like if he actually went through with hurting that hedgehog. It scared him a lot, but there was an undeniable portion of him that felt excited.

Arthur shook his head. "Do you want me to try again?"

Ravi glanced at the sky. "Nah. It's getting late. Go wash up and grab some dinner." He stood up and finished by saying the same thing he did after every training session. "Good job, Art." Arthur felt proud hearing those three words. He stood up and lingered around Ravi for a bit before heading to the main building to take a bath.

After taking a bath, changing into his usual baggy habit, and grabbing dinner, Arthur headed straight to the library. Taking a deep breath, he grabbed a tome and sat at a desk to read. In his mind, he couldn't help but think of the heroes of Redwall's past. Virtuous, composed, and powerful beasts capable of keeping a level head even in the most pressing situations. Arthur pulled his sleeves over his thin arms and rested his head on the table. He couldn't help but wonder how much of their portrayals were idealised and how much was true. Given that most of the writers were usually close to the beasts in question or were related to somebeast who experienced the events firsthand, he reasoned that there must be a decent amount of fibbing in there. Heck, he couldn't bring himself to write a bad portrayal of Ravi, that's for sure.

But no matter how much he tried to rationalise it, he couldn't help but feel envious. There was still truth to these stories, and in the end, he still resented what was pictured.

Arthur growled as anger started to rise. Why was it so hard to be like them? Most of these beasts pictured were able to think rationally in dire situations, so why couldn't he when he was living in the comfort of Redwall Abbey?

Arthur slowly shut the tome and glanced out the window into the lawn. He had left his practice sword outside. The squirrel looked around the mostly empty library to see if anybeast was watching before standing up and heading towards the exit. No matter how much he hated himself, he still had a lot of anger left to indulge in. Arthur wasn't sure if it would ever end. Taking one final glance at the tome he had left on the desk, Arthur briskly left the room, heading to the lawns to let out some steam.