Andrea's Kitchen

Messing With Tauna

"I didn't do this!" Tauna was red-faced, looking straight at Colonel Richard Fitzwilliam. "Crumb, I don't even write for Pride and Prejudice! The only reason I know who you are is because of Andrea and Jan."

"You are speaking horrible English, madam," the gentleman stiffened. "And, pray tell, how do you explain your presence in the shadows every time I turn around and it seems Miss Lucas and I are in the craziest situations? And please, reply in proper English."

"I'm speaking proper English, what are you carrying on about? I've always spoken English." Tauna was irate. However, before Richard could reply, the lady recalled Andrea saying people in Regency England did not use contractions in their speech. So, she guessed it was something she could -for just this time- could switch gears on.

What neither Richard nor Tauna could see was Jan and Andrea hidden behind a wall, covering their mouths and fighting to keep from roaring with laughter. Tauna's laptop was wide open, and Andrea had been telling her what to type.

Earlier that day, Jan had orchestrated a series of ridiculous scenarios for Charlotte and Richard to be involved in, with the help of Andrea.

First, Richard had the strange, uncontrollable urge to grab Charlotte, and both had performed an impromptu dance that involved flapping their arms and bobbing their heads like chickens. He had tried to maintain some level of composure while Charlotte's bonnet kept slipping off as she laughed.

His attempts at keeping any control went out the window as they ended up slipping in one very large mud puddle. His uniform was a mess, and Charlotte had to bite her tongue from roaring with even more laughter as she helped him up.

"You have put us in a situation where we must now wed in order to protect her reputation."

"What is the problem? You love her anyway." Tauna hid her horror at her words; where on earth had they come from? It was all Andrea and Jan could do not to bust a gut as Andrea typed those words when she had taken the laptop from her friend.

"And what makes you say such a thing?" Richard asked somewhat guardedly.

"You made a crown of daisies and stuck it on your head and pranced around a field in front of her when no one was looking. And when a donkey was giving her problems, other men could have helped, but it was you who stepped forward and, well, I will not embarrass you by mentioning it here, but the point is you got it to stop."

"That does not mean he cares for me in the way you say he does." Miss Lucas only said those words as not to make the colonel uncomfortable in front of a stranger.

"Oh, yeah, and that is why he ate so much pie at that contest and won the money for you when he hates apple pie." Ugh, what was making her say such things; how did she know this man did or did not like? "Just admit you two like each other."

"If that is so, what is this all about?" Colonel Fitzwilliam held up the book Pride and Prejudice. "Why did you have her marry that horrible parson Mr. Collins?"

"Hey, I am NOT Jane Austen. Go ask her! I am out of here. I think I know who is behind this and am going to find them."

"Who?"

"Andrea! Jan!"…

As Jan and Andrea peeked through a hole in the wall, they could barely contain their laughter. Quickly closing Tauna's laptop, they exchanged mischievous grins and made a swift getaway. They slipped out of the room, their footsteps light and hurried. Just as they rounded the corner and exited the building, Tauna appeared, her eyes scanning the area. She had arrived only moments after Jan and Andrea had closed the door and disappeared, narrowly missing them by mere seconds.