Riki sat on the roof in the cheap metal folding chair and tilted his head back as Guy opened the razor. It was about time that he had a haircut because his ends were getting split like they would when unkept. He appreciated that Guy was willing to help him since he always had difficulty getting the back of his head and didn't want to end up like their mutual friend who cut off a chunk of scalp meat because he couldn't see what he was doing. The dude still has the scar to this day, and there is not even a cool story to go with it.
Guy carefully switched the razor open and approached from behind.
"It's been almost three months since you've been back," Guy said slowly, carefully. Riki knew that Guy was afraid to upset him because he had been guilty of going off in the past. Riki had always been a spitfire. It was that he ignored people who asked him questions, one or the other.
"Three months back doesn't make up for three years lost, " Riki said, and Guy was taken back. He didn't expect Riki to say something so in tune with what he was thinking, much less to be so open about it. Riki had been closed off before he left. Riki had changed into a completely different person all together.
"I didn't appreciate anything back then. I didn't really understand what it meant to be grateful and content with how things were because I was so obsessed with the idea of rising to the top." Guy listened with a look of continued surprise as he waited for the conclusion.
"It was a dream, but it was selfish. Everything I wanted was already in front of me. And it took me three years to figure that out. Three goddamned years that I can't ever get back. Call me crazy, but it shouldn't have taken me that long to realize." Riki said as he stared up at the blue sky where the sun was at its highest in the afternoon light. He sighed and closed his eyes briefly as he breathed in the fresh air.
Guy looked at Riki's content face and had never seen him look so calm before. He looked at the sky, too, as if there was something out there causing this strange confession.
"I never should have left," Riki added. "I abandoned you all for my own selfish ambitions, and yet you all welcomed me back as if no time had passed at all... I don't deserve friends like you." Riki finished as he opened his eyes again. Riki heard Guy suck in a breath of astonishment. Riki glanced over his shoulder. Guy had tears in his eyes. Normally, Riki would have teased him mercilessly about it, but he didn't want to. It meant something to them both that this growth was taking place. Fragile as it was and the tension that had strained between them for far too long.
Riki stood up quickly, almost toppling the folding chair, and Guy stared at him, unable to speak. He was still in shock, but the more even his breath became, the more he smiled and wiped his face with the back of his arm, realizing himself. Riki knowingly bit the inside of his cheek with contemplation uncertainty as he approached Guy. He wrapped his arms around Guy slowly to not startle him further, initiating contact of his own volition since he had returned. Guy was so surprised by the affection that he hesitated once more before he returned the hug.
"where is all of this coming from? What's got into you?" Guy asked quietly. He pulled Riki back so that he could look into his face. Typically, Riki would have looked to the side as Riki always did when he didn't want to answer any questions. But Riki didn't turn away from him. He stared at Guy, absorbing his face into his mind as if he was the only one alive in the whole world, as if Guy was an anchor to Riki, just like he used to when they both became bonding pair early in their relationship.
"I love you, " Riki said simply, unblinkingly, as he stared into the guy's face, dark grey eyes meeting clover green ones. Guy's brows furrowed slightly; he was sure he had misheard. Riki had never said anything like that before or close to it.
"I love you, " Riki repeated, understanding the others delay in reception. Riki raised one of his hands and touched Guy's much paler cheek. Riki memorized his features gently as if trying to capture them or perhaps feeling them for the first time.
"I'm never going to leave ever again." Riki promised. "even if you can't see us being a pair anymore, I will be your friend like I should have been." he added as he traced Guy's jawline before looking back up at those clover eyes. Guy reached up as well and cupped Riki's hand under his own, and his eyes softened as he looked at his long-lost love. Of course, he had been angry, hurt, and confused by the changes Riki had gone through before he abandoned them all, abandoning HIM. Seeing him again was painful. Everything seemed so painful, and he could slam the door in Riki's face if he wanted. Riki was giving him the power to do that right now. It was putting him in a position to make the choice, and it proved how vulnerable Riki was willing to be now. That change was possible, and that Guy didn't always have to be the one to follow. He had a say in their relationship, a voice. And of all the hurt Guy had suffered those years absent of Riki; it was the thought that he would never see his face ever again. or that he would hear that Riki had died in some gutter eaten by rats.
Guy couldn't hold back the torrent of tears that spilled over his eyes, but he smiled at Riki because he was happy, as much as his heart ached. He was so glad. Those words Riki had spoken to him, he had wanted to hear for so long, almost since their group had begun.
"I am so sorry that I hurt you. That I abandoned you and didn't come home," Riki said slowly. His voice began to break as he said those words. The look on Guy's face was too much for him to take because seeing the pain in his eyes was causing him to hurt because he knew he had caused that agony. Riki realized in Guy's speechless state what harm he had truly caused. Yet Guy was not screaming at him or telling him how much he had suffered; he was listening. Riki knew he didn't deserve to say anything; he should be the one to hear everything the Guy had to tell him. He swore to himself that he would sit down with Guy and listen to it all. Everything that Guy had been holding for all these years and unable to say. Riki had been gone a lot longer than three years, he had been emotionally absent long before then and they both knew it.
This confession was the opening to a new discussion between them where Guy was allowed to have a say. To a bridge between both of their Islands, that Riki hoped Guy would accept, but if he didn't, Riki deserved to remain isolated. After all Riki had been the one to cut himself off and walk away. He understood, respected, and accepted that if Guy chose to not forgive him.
"I have always loved you, Riki," Guy said, and he hugged Riki so suddenly, pulling him close as if he was afraid to let go. "I always loved you. I never said it because you didn't want to hear it, and you changed, and I thought you didn't care. then you left, and I thought I would never see you again." Guy cried, and Riki brushed his hand against the back of Guy's head where his ponytail began. He looked over the Guy's shoulder and felt the tears wet his shirt.
"I missed you so much, and I hated you for leaving. I actually wished I had never met you because living without you hurt too much. We were a team—I thought we were—but..." Guy choked on his own words, and Riki felt his own guilt swelling to the surface once more.
"I'm so sorry, I'm sorry," Riki replied shaky his voice failing him and entirely insufficient as he was when it came to being reliable.
"I know, I know you are, but just like you said, three months can't make up for three years. I didn't know if you were ever coming back. People thought you had died," Guy said as he clutched Riki tighter. Riki didn't have anything to say. What could he say? Being sorry wasn't enough.
"If you give me the chance, I will dedicate my life to making up for all of it. A day won't go by that, I don't love you the way that I always should have. I never knew what love even was; I was just a stupid kid. But I remembered you; you always were loving to me, and I'm going to do that for you from now on to the best of my ability." Riki said. "you don't have to make that choice now, and you can tell me no. I already messed up my chances with you, and I know you can do better than me." Riki said, and Guy shook his head as if passionately rejecting that statement.
'No, all I have ever wanted is you, all of you. No more secrets, no more disappearing and leaving me behind. Promise me,' Guy replied as he leaned back again, wiping his face once more and brushing the bangs affectionately from Riki's face.
"I'm not going anywhere, " Riki replied in a more sturdy tone. Guy smiled peacefully as he sniffled a few times and looked back at the razor he had dropped on the ground.
"you still want that hair-cut, right?" he asked with an amused look that betrayed his alleviated feelings and deep contemplation.
"Please?" Riki asked politely as he moved to sit back down. Guy's eyes softened again, and he picked up the utensil to continue the work he had just begun. Guy's heart skipped as he cut away the end strands of Riki's hair. It had felt like a lifetime since he had Riki like this. Honest, open, and in love. Something must have been in the air. Or he was dreaming. It had to be a dream, but if it was, Guy never wanted to wake up. His wish had finally come true. Riki was home, and more than that, Riki was his again, seemingly more dedicated than ever before. Sometimes, you need to lose your life to gain it and lose your love to find it again.
Guy finished trimming Riki's hair.