AN: I HATE being sick. I feel like death warmed over and even when I'm on the mend I can never write. Does anyone else have this issue? When I'm in any way sick, even if I have ideas that I want to write, if I actually try it's a struggle to get out more than a sentence.

Deadshot

Chapter 23

-Harry-

"The Weepwild engulfs you! Soul energy weighs heavily in the air. You have reached…The Dankness." Harry could practically picture Tina giving a grandiose bow as she says that.

"You know, this place doesn't really look all that dank." Max frowned as they entered the lush forest that was full of green grass, clear water, and lively trees alongside the mushrooms dotted around.

"Doesn't smell dank either." Gaige sniffed the air, adding in her two cents.

"Given how rarely you ever cleaned your room you might just be nose blind there sis." Harry smirked at his Graveborn sibling who flipped him, and her cackling skull minion, off with a huff. Overhead, they could hear the voice of Valentine voicing similar thoughts which apparently put Tina over the edge.

"Okay! Fine! Just then, all the trees die." Tina snapped as the foursome watched the previously healthy pine trees drop all their needles, withering and dying rapidly "And then mushrooms grow out of the rotting corpses, now it's nice and dank. Are you happy?"

"Oh, yep," Harry gagged, his friends doing the same as they ignored Valentine's admittedly asinine response "there's the smell."

"Me thinks that Tina's stress response is crankiness." Gaige's face scrunched up, looking like she'd just been forced to try some of Axton's cooking.

"All in favor of skipping any side quests, say aye?" Harry called out, scowling as more mushrooms started popping out of the ground. Unlike the giant ones enveloping the Weepwild in shadow these ones were small with teeth and were quite happy to try biting him.

He would admit that punting them like a football was quite therapeutic.

"Not bad there hotshot." Angel grinned, leaning on him and taking deep breaths of his hair as he felt his face turn scarlet. He was sure it was partly to just block out the smell of the dankness, but that didn't stop his body (?) from reacting to her.

"Meh, I'd give it a six, seven at best." Gaige was less impressed as she scratched Max's dragon, who they'd realized was Dukino, under the chin.

"I can feel the love Gaige." Harry shook his head, "But to my question, do the ayes have it?"

"Of hell yes the ayes have it!" Gaige looked aghast at staying in this place longer than they had to, his sister sending a dark magic curse at another mushroom that tried leaping at her, the fungal creature withering before their eyes "…Not gonna lie, kinda gonna miss being able to do this once we get out of here."

"More than you miss having Death Trap here with us?" Max asked as they loaded up on ammo. Even in a mystical fantasy world with spells, skeletons, and evil sentient murder mushrooms, vending machines and capitalism still reined. Truly, it was inescapable.

Thankfully the prices here were low enough to give Marcus a heart attack if he ever saw them.

"Hell no!" Gaige looked positively affronted that the question even had to be asked.

"Well, I know I'm gonna miss these." Angel looked down at her organic body with a longing sigh.

"Oh, I'm sure Harry is gonna miss 'those' even more." Gaige grinned, wiggling her eyebrows salaciously while Max gave him a thumbs up and silent nod, shoulders shaking as the Beastmaster tried not to laugh.

"You're hilarious, both of you." Harry deadpanned, "Anyway, so the half bard is that way, right?" Harry pointed down the road, frowning as he could hear Frett and Valentine arguing about what was important in a Bunkers and Badasses game, as well as who's fault it was that Buttstallion was dead. Tina was sounding noticeably even more stressed as the argument heated up.

"Yeah, they should-" Angel starting to point out the path they needed to take was interrupted by a familiar voice.

"Uh oh, trouble in the party! Be careful, she'd rather blow up everything than lose control." The Dragon Lord declared, the sneer audible in his voice as they spoke of Tina like she was a monster. Spoke as if to them, Tina was the true villain of the story.

"Is it just me, or is he still talking like we're out there?" Max muttered as the Dragonlord's voice left, "I don't think he fully realizes that we're in this place…maybe."

"It's possible." Harry admitted, "And I'd rather he stays in the dark. For now, let's just go get that Bard so we can get that dingy blessed."

"If Valentine thinks that thing was a high-quality vessel then it's no wonder their old ship got scrapped on impact." Gaige scoffed, "Tina better let us upgrade the damn thing. I want a better hull, some canons, oooh! We need a badass figurehead on the front and a cool flag!"

"I vote Angel as figurehead." Harry pipped in his two scents.

"Only if you help me decide how to look for it." Angel batted her eyelashes at him "I have so many different outfits to choose from for it."

"Oh, get a room you two." Gaige rolled her eyes dramatically as they walked past a large pond outside a goblin village full of constant drumming music.

"Why, you and Max want to go get one for yourselves?" He shot back, smirking as the two turned scarlet but didn't deny his accusation. Cresting the hill, they saw a massive half naked man attempting to curse up a storm as he slammed a lute against a large purple crystal.

-Roland-

"Half Bard, Half Barbarian, a thousand percent explosion!" Tina slammed a decent sized figurine onto the table, knocking aside a plastic purple crystal "Iiiiiiiiit's Torgue!"

"Wait, Torgue?" Lilith blinked in confusion at the sight of a fantasy version of the founder and spokesperson for the Torgue Corporation.

"I listen to his podcasts." Tina admitted with a sheepish grin "They're hilarious." Shaking her head, she focused back onto the game table. Roland could see the solid surface sink in as a projected forest clearing appeared. He could see his Vault Hunters approaching the angry 'Bard-Barian' who shared their real-life counterpart's inability to curse.

"Yeaaaah, he's a little distracted at the moment." Tina spoke as he could see the four Vault Hunters reacting to her words, making it clear that when Tina narrated or made declarations in game, the four could hear them "You'll have to, ah…get his attention."

"WHO THE-" Torgue's attempted swear was censored by the lute's sound as it smacked against the ground "ARE YOU?!"

"Fatemakers." Harry took point, apparently rolling with the role play of the situation, or maybe just considering it necessary "We need to get across the ocean to stop the Dragon Lord. Unfortunately, all the already blessed ships are currently being used as nice artificial reefs for the fish that live near Brighthoof. Heard you could help us out."

"I LOVE TWO-" bonk "ING THINGS IN THIS WORLD. RAD-" bonk "ING QUESTS. AND HUGE-" bonk "ING EXPLOSIONS! AND RESPECTING ALL LIVING BEINGS, IRRESPECTIVE OF MY OWN UNDERLYING CULTURAL BIASES! THREE THINGS!" bonk "I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT SINCE MY MAGIC LUTE STOPPED WORKING!"

"What's wrong with the Lute?" Angel, and wasn't that still a fucking shock, asked in concern.

"I DON'T KNOW! IT'S MADE OF WOOD FROM THE FOREST. WHICH SHOULD MAKE IT MAGIC AS-" bonk "I WON IT IN A FLEXING CONTEST WITH THE FAIRY PUNCHFATHER!" Roland winced at that name. He'd introduced Tina to Brick a while back and they'd hit it off easily. He could still remember that first meeting when he'd teased his old friend, telling Tina that Brick was her Fairy Punchfather. He'd gotten punched for that himself, but it had been worth it.

Now hearing it just made him remember the friendship he'd fucked up through one stupid comment he'd wished he'd never made.

"Buddy, don't mean to judge your vibe…but it's a lute, not a drumstick." Harry deadpanned "Use the strings to play it rather than just hitting stuff with it."

"WHAT A RAD-" bonk "ING IDEA! NO WONDER YOU'RE THE HERO!"

-Jack-

Yawning, Jack walked into his office, a hot cup of coffee waiting for him. "Morning Angel!" he called out as he took a seat at his desk, "How are things looking with team Vault Bandit?"

When he didn't hear any response, he looked up with a frown "Angel? Stop ignoring me sweetheart." The silence persisted.

"Angel, this isn't funny!" he narrowed his eyes, typing away at his keyboard to pull up a video feed into Control Core Angel, his coffee cup slipping from his fingers with a crash when he saw his daughter floating in midair, her eyes currently glowing with rapidly flitting static and Eridian symbols.

"What the fuck?!"

-Omake-

-Angel-

"Uuuuuugh, this place smells awful!" Angel groaned, covering her nose as she and Harry stood watch in the forest filled with goblins and killer mushrooms. Dank is what Tina had declared this place and Dank was the only fucking word in any language that could properly convey this horrendous smell. It was in the air, in the water, and coming from every single mushroom, both those living and those not.

"Any chance you have a spell that can fix this?" Harry groaned, pinching his nose shut in a vain attempt to block out the horrendous smell.

"Can't hurt to try." Angel huffed, silently preening as Harry's eyes followed the curves of her new body bouncing. At least she finally had that cleavage to drop dice down? Silver linings?

Speaking of dice, Angel focused "Anishvay isthay ellsmay!" she declared in pig Latin, trying to focus and get a spell that wasn't bound to a wand, book, or ring. As she spoke her incantation, a golden D20 appeared in the air, spinning before the roll eventually stopped at a soul crushing Nat one. She recoiled with startled yelp as instead of vanishing the smell, the failed spell vanished her clothes, leaving her in just her underwear.

"Son of a-!" she cut her off before she could trigger the punishment protocol again, "Of all the ways for that spell to fail." She grumbled as she began rummaging through her bag to pull out a spare set of clothes, her armor thankfully having NOT been on.

Pausing when she realized that Harry hadn't said a word since the die failed, she glanced back over her shoulder to see the raven-haired sniper staring slack jawed. His eyes were locked hard on her as a sultry smirk graced her face, Harry's ears rapidly turning red.

Perhaps less a failed spell than a 'task failed successfully' then?

She'd take the win.

Now, the real question was how to 'celebrate' her win without waking up Gaige or Max.