All of Harry Potter and anything related to it are the sole property of J.K. Rowling.
(Each title is derived from a song that, I believe, complements the overall narrative, if not the individual chapter.)
* This Chapter contains snippets of the original chapter from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
Random Location in England, 12 December 1997
Hermione's Point of View
'I am missing everything!' I thought, a surge of anger and sadness overwhelming me as the day of Aiden's 5th month arrived. That was how I was counting time now; in the days I knew I was missing of my son's short life, and it left me with a constant sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Our lack of progress on this hunt for the Horcruxes was leaving me frustrated, and every time I wore the thing, I felt more anger and sadness than I had ever thought possible for a person to feel and remain sane.
We had already gone and searched what was left of the orphanage where Tom Riddle had grown up, but of course there was nothing to find. We all agreed nothing would have been left at Borgin and Burkes', knowing the two old wizards were experts in dark objects and would have recognised a Horcrux at once. We also talked about Albania, but that was more out of a desperate need to do something than with any real hope of finding anything.
Although I had always known and accepted that this wasn't going to be an easy task, I hadn't expected the three of us, who had been best friends for years now, to be so at odds with each other as we went about it.
The mission had taken a toll on our friendship, creating rifts and disagreements that I never thought possible. But what pained me the most was the thought of leaving a baby—my baby—to grow up without his mother by his side. The thought of him exploring the world, reaching new milestones, and I couldn't be there to witness any of it.
And when I envisioned married life, it was filled with shared laughter, mutual support, and togetherness. But my reality was starkly different. I never imagined that when I was married that I would suffer months of loneliness because I had to leave him alone while I hunted for dangerous objects that kept an evil man alive in our world.
The sound of the radio turning on had me cringing as Ron, and I knew it was he, tuned it to the station that would broadcast the show we had only recently learned of called 'Potter Watch.' I couldn't decide if I thought it was aptly named or not. I knew Harry didn't care much for it, and every time the static of the wireless was heard, Harry's agitation seemed to intensify.
Still, it was nice to hear some familiar voices, even if they used aliases. What wasn't nice was the lack of any positive news and the increased speed of the pacing I could hear from Harry in the main area of the tent.
It was only a few weeks earlier that we had narrowly missed being seen by a group we had come to learn were called 'Snatchers.' We had stumbled upon their camp late one day while looking for a location to set up ourselves. The name Potter had caught our attention, and so we had stayed quiet and hidden as we listened to them talk about the radio show in tones of frustration.
One of the group had a Quibbler in his hand and was reading a page that apparently told of the broadcast, but they hadn't been able to work out the code that would let them find the right frequency. Thankfully, the dirty wizard read the section to the other's he was with, and so I quickly deduced the frequency, and we left.
Ron had packed a magical wireless in his own bag and was excited, or as excited as current circumstances could allow, to finally have a reason to use it. His relief was palpable when the voices of his twin brothers and their best friend issued out of it. The shows played on repeat every few hours, but a new one was released every week. The saddest part was listening to the list of missing or deceased for that week, and I knew we all listened, hoping not to hear names that meant the most to us.
One of the things most talked about was somewhere called 'Haven'. It was never said where it was located, but clues were always given about where you could go if you needed help. This was the fifth new broadcast that we would hear, and if the last four were anything to go on, I knew the clues would lead to somewhere that had absolutely nothing to do with the last.
I assumed that meant that anyone seeking this 'Haven' would meet with people who would ensure that they really were in the need they claimed to be in. It was a smart thing to do, but dangerous for whoever met with whoever turned up, seeing there was nothing stopping the person from showing up actually being a Snatcher, a Death Eater, or any number of others who might want to gain access to the safe zone.
The programme went for a half hour today, and once again, the main topic of conversation was Haven. They also reminded everyone not to say a certain Dark Lords name, explaining that it had a taboo attached to it that would allow the Snatchers to find the speaker. They had a small segment where Remus's voice came on and Harry's pacing ceased as he listened.
I lay still on my cot, in my small, separated area away from the other two, and listened just as intently, and I knew Ron would be sitting on the floor next to the bunk bed, staring at the radio as if he could see the speakers.
"Harry, if you are out there and can hear this… I'm sorry," Remus's voice said at the end. I swallowed hard as there was a prolonged silence in the tent as well as on the radio. But I knew from the wireless that it was simply because the weekly roll call of the dead and missing was about to commence. There was always a break between the radio show and that endless list of depression.
"Aaaahhh!" I suddenly heard screamed in anger and pain, and then a large crash that I had to assume was a chair breaking.
I pushed myself into a sitting position with weariness and resignation, knowing I had to go out and convince Harry to take the Horcrux off. Ron wouldn't; he hated the locket with a passion and never volunteered to take extra time with the thing. I didn't blame him; it seemed to hit both he and Harry harder than it did me, and while Harry was hostile, Ron was suspicious of everything Harry and I did or said.
I walked into the main area, and the two were exactly where I knew they were going to be. Ron hadn't even looked away from the radio at Harry's outburst. As predicted, a wooden chair lay in pieces on the floor, and Harry was pacing again.
"Harry, please take the Horcrux off. I'll take it for a while," I told him, walking forward with my hand outstretched. Harry glared at me but ripped it off over his head and threw it into my hand.
"Take it," he growled, and then continued his pacing. I took out my wand and repaired the chair, but I knew it wouldn't be as good as it once was. A 'Reparo' was as good as using super glue on a vase and hoping that no one would notice the cracks. The chair would probably be weak and wobbly now and would need to be replaced in the future. "Great. That's done; you can go back to hiding in your little room," Harry said with sarcasm. I simply looked at him sadly and turned, intending to do just that.
"Stop!" Ron said, getting to his feet. I looked over at him and was surprised to find him looking at me. "What's happened to you? Since when do you let anyone talk to you like that?" he asked with bewilderment.
"It's fine, Ron," I said with a sigh, and went to walk away again.
"It's because of the secrets you two are keepin' from me, innit? You don't trust me? Fine! But the Hermione Granger I know wouldn't put up with crap like that. She wouldn't let some prick talk to her that way without having something to say about it," he told me with hurt, confusion, and anger.
"I do trust you, Ron," I said sadly, while Harry snorted and said, "She isn't Hermione Granger anymore." We were all quiet for a moment as that statement sank in, and Ron's eyes moved to Harry's with a knowledge he rarely showed himself capable of. He may not know my last name now, but I realised he had figured out that Harry knew it, and he was angry he wasn't being told.
One of the things I had always liked about Ron, however, was that he didn't pry. He was always content to allow Harry and I to confide in him when we were ready to without any pressure, and more often than not, he would just accept whatever we told him with little fanfare, say something supportive, and then move on.
I wanted that reaction from him now, but the secret I kept from him was not something he was going to get past or accept with little to no reaction. This secret would definitely get a big reaction and I was almost certain that reaction would lead to my best friend never speaking to me again.
During the stalemate of quiet, the list of dead played in the background, but I was becoming so numb to it all that it barely registered. Harry, on the other hand, gave another growl of irritation.
"Shut that off, now!" he demanded, jabbing a finger at the wireless on the floor by the bunk. "I'm utterly sick of listening to it."
"Do you know why I listen to that radio every night? Do you! To make sure I don't hear Ginny's name or Bill or Charlie or Mum or…"
"You think I don't listen! You think I don't know what it's like…"
"NO! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE! YOUR PARENTS ARE DEAD! YOU HAVE NO FAMILY!"
"Ron," I gasped at the cruel and thoughtless words. The sick feeling in the pit of my stomach intensified as I watched the hatred cross the faces of my two best friends as they glared at each other. I felt like crying for all that was breaking away in chips, and those chips were getting larger every day.
I saw the moment they both surged forward and went for my wand. They were at each other's throats in the next moment and then wrestling on the ground, grunts of pain issuing from the two as they fought. I stood by and looked down at my wand in shock. I had tried to cast a 'Protego', but the shield was so weak that the two had just moved right through it before it disappeared completely.
I let out a shaky breath of fear as the implications processed through my mind. The Horcrux was affecting our magic too now. All our anger and fear was powering the Horcrux and stealing our common sense and now our magic. How long until it took one of us over?
I looked at Harry with worry as he still grappled with Ron on the ground, just in time to see him ram his elbow into Ron's cheek, but Ron didn't let that stop him as he retaliated with a swift punch to Harry's stomach.
I took another breath, knowing neither of them was going to listen to me anyway, and then went to the table as calmly as I could. I carefully placed the Horcrux in the centre, my eyes catching the glint of the mirror shard lying on the table as I did so. Taking a step back, I closed my eyes and focused on some of the Occlumency breathing exercises Draco had taught me. I may not be good at clearing my mind, but just this much was able to bring me enough calm that I was sure I would gain control of my magic again.
When I was ready, I first cast 'Protego Horribilis' to create a protective shield around the Horcrux, containing the taint of evil within a bubble, and then added a 'Fianto Duri' to reinforce the magical barrier. I was sure Harry wouldn't be happy with me doing this, and more than a simple 'Finite' would be required to take down the shield.
When I looked back over at Harry and Ron, they were sitting on the ground, glaring at each other. They had red and swelling marks on their faces, and I wouldn't be surprised if they had similar marks on other parts of their bodies, but I just didn't have it in me to be concerned for their discomfort now.
"You should leave," Harry said to Ron seriously.
Before Ron could answer, I said, "The Horcrux is stealing our magic now. You are…" I swallowed and then said, "We are all allowing it to steal what has always been the most important to us, and now it is stealing our magic. I don't think we should wear it anymore."
"That's not your call," Harry said, rising to his feet. Ron stood too.
"That might be true, but it's already been done," I told him tiredly. Harry looked at the table, saw the small shield around the locket, and glowered at me.
"That's not going to keep it safe," he barked at me, his fury palpable in every word.
"If Hermione reckons it'll work, then I'd put my Galleons on it," Ron told him, and I gave him a small, grateful smile.
"Still letting your dick think for you, Ron?" Harry retorted nastily, and my mouth dropped open in disbelief.
"Fuck off," Ron responded at once.
"That's what I want you to do, you useless wanker," Harry told him angrily.
"Stop this, both of you! Don't you see what is happening here? Neither of you would ever speak to each other like this if it weren't for the Horcrux," I told them.
"And you—weren't you supposed to be studying all year? Shouldn't you know how to get rid of this thing? Maybe if you hadn't been distracted, polishing a certain wizard's wand, you might know something now," he accused rudely. I couldn't help but be hurt by his words, even as my guilt intensified.
"Y'know what?" Ron said with that familiar edge of frustration, the one that always seemed to surface when things got too much. He walked over to his wireless, switching it off. "I will leave, but Hermione's coming with me," he said as he stuffed the radio into his bag.
"I can't leave, Ron," I said sadly, wanting nothing more than to go and find my family. I had been surprised by how well I could still feel my connection to Jomny. I had assumed that a vast distance and a whole ocean separating us would make it all but disappear.
"Why the bloody hell not?" Ron asked me with bewilderment. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Harry approach the table, but he just stared down at the Horcrux.
"My oath won't allow me to," I replied, sitting in the chair Harry had broken, and there was a slight wobble in it.
"What oath?" he asked suspiciously, his eyes going to Harry for a moment before shifting back to me.
"I made a magical oath to Harry that I would not abandon him and that I would fight by his side until all the Horcruxes are found and destroyed," I told him with a sigh heavy of regret. I really had not thought that out at all when I made it, and now I had trapped myself in a nightmare of my own making.
"What, in the name of Godric's saggy left ball, is wrong with you?!" Ron exploded at Harry again, his hands once more clenched into fists. "What the hell happened to you that you would make a mate, one of your best mates, for Circe's sake, swear a bloody magical oath?"
"My mates and everyone else keep proving they are untrustworthy," Harry replied in a seething whisper.
"Bullocks!" Ron retorted. "We've stuck by you through thick and thin. This oath thing… it's not about trust, mate. It's about control!" His words hung heavy in the air.
"Just leave it, Ron," I implored, rising from my seat with a weary resolve, ready to go back to the other room. "I need to think… perhaps it's time I learned Fiendfyre."
"If you're stuck here, then I'm not going anywhere either. I reckon you're not safe with him anymore," Ron told me. Harry scoffed and then marched out of the tent, the flap falling shut with a snap.
"It's my fault too, Ron, and one day you will almost definitely agree with him," I said, and a tear rolled down my cheek. I hastily wiped it away.
"What the ruddy hell does that mean?" he asked with frustration.
"I want you to know, Ron, that it was never my intention to hurt anyone, and regardless of what the future holds, I will always love you and Harry like brothers." I walked the rest of the way into the other area.
"Mione?" Ron said from behind me with worry and confusion in his voice, but I lowered the curtain, blocking the view of my little room. It was the closest to privacy I could get in the tent. I was so over crying, but all that had happened and the day itself were much too much to hold back the torrent that was forcing itself out of me.
Author's notes: - I want to express my gratitude to everyone who is still reading my story. The loss of someone I dearly loved has created a loss of enthusiasm I once had for writing. I still try to do a little daily, but inspiration eludes me. A special thanks goes out to Rkook1210 and OCansino for your reviews.