I wrote most of this a week or so ago and then reached a point where I felt like I was going in the wrong direction. I finally had an epiphany that helped make the rest of it come together. It's still a stretch for me, as I've never really tackled Lucas before. I definitely don't feel like I know him as well as I do some other characters, although I have probably watched more season 9 than most in the Team Nathan crowd.
If you are a Team Lucas person who is giving this fic a chance, I hope you find it respectful - both of Lucas as a character and of those who love him and wanted him with Elizabeth. I'm sure many will disagree with my assessment of the revelations he has during this story, but I feel like it's a realistic way both to honor what he wanted with Elizabeth and open up the possibilities of a better future. I truly love Lucas as a character. Hopefully that shows here.
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Lucas Bouchard had assured his former fiancé that he was fine when she told him that morning that she would be attending their friend's wedding with another man. And not just any other man. The other man.
When Lucas allowed himself to think about his time and relationship with Elizabeth Thornton, the thing he got most frustrated with himself about was his willful denial of what he had seen with his own eyes. He knew she had feelings for Nathan Grant. He watched her watch him. He saw how her eyes would find him. How she would seek him out in a crowd. Lucas had left town once because he saw how she had embraced him in a crisis. Later he had broken things off and almost sold his business when he found the man's horse tethered outside her home early one morning. He knew there was something there.
But Lucas had still decided to believe her when she said she chose him and not Nathan. He had convinced himself that her distraction early in their relationship was due to Nathan being persistent when he should back off. He had wanted so badly to have the perfect family - to follow in his father's footsteps and patiently woo the woman he knew was perfect for him - that he had ignored all the signs. Perhaps at the end of the day it was a misplaced arrogance. He knew she might love Nathan. Hell. Nathan told him that she had admitted it. Lucas just thought she loved himself more. Because she had said she did. And then Nathan had bowed out. And that was supposed to be the end of that.
So he had thrown himself headfirst into building his love story. He knew she was bothered at times by his tendency to go above and beyond to create special moments for the two of them, but he told himself that was how they balanced each other. She kept him grounded and he encouraged her to fly. It made sense and would make them stronger eventually, he thought. He was so blinded by his own perception of what they were going to become that he didn't notice the cracks widening. He should have realized that a woman who had loved and lost and rarely mentioned that part of her life was not really ready to move on. He should have noticed that she was less than enthusiastic about their wedding plans. He should have seen that despite accepting his ring, she still had a tendency to hold back her true feelings.
But he hadn't paid attention to any of those things either. He had pressed on with plans and expected her to be by his side. Even when the governor's race took them both by surprise, he thought she would take the journey with him. So when she pulled the rug out from under him on the train platform, he was completely caught off guard. He had mumbled something about sensing something missing, but that was years of poker and training not to show his cards talking. He should have sensed it. But he hadn't. Again - it was the willful ignorance that bothered him the most. Maybe he could have saved them both a lot of heartache if he had been able to honestly assess the situation.
Everything that happened in the days, weeks, and months following the train platform left him unable really to process the end of his relationship. When he returned to Hope Valley to try to work on the resort, he had not known what to expect, but the first time he caught a glimpse of the two of them side-by-side, he expected this morning's conversation was coming eventually. He had to admit that part of him was happy that they hadn't jumped right in as soon as he was out of the picture. It at least proved somehow that Elizabeth hadn't fully known her own heart when she broke things off, and that she and Nathan were both taking their time trying to figure things out. He might have ignored all the signs, but it was helpful to know they weren't exactly certain about things either.
That said - there was another part of him that until this morning had in some ways just wanted them to get on with it. Everyone in the town could see it was coming, and maybe that would allow him to fully process everything and move on himself. But the part of him that wanted that took a backseat when he saw Elizabeth walk up to his table this morning. When she informed him that she and Nathan had indeed become a couple and would attend Mike and Mei's wedding as such, he had lied to her about being fine, just like he had lied on the train platform. He had planned to marry her. How was he supposed to watch her with the man he had convinced himself wasn't a threat? He privately wished he didn't have to attend the wedding. He didn't want the reminder of his own blindess and denial paraded around in front of him - even if deep down he really did want the best for both of them. But he had to go. He wasn't going to bail on his good friend, no matter how difficult it would be to endure.
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Wedding over, Lucas stood near the wall of the saloon he once owned, pretending to watch the bride and groom but actually still focused on Elizabeth and Nathan. He had done the same at the wedding ceremony itself.
One would think that Lucas would have spared himself the torture, but he couldn't keep his eyes off them. As the afternoon wore on, the hurt in his heart somehow began to shift. He had expected the sadness he felt when he saw them enter the church together. He had even anticipated the jealousy he felt when he watched Nathan put his arm securely around her and take her hand. But he hadn't expected the effect that watching them with eyes wide open would have on him. He could finally see them without the cloud of his own expectations and fantasies that made him so apt to believe that Elizabeth would be his, and watching the two of them together, fully expressing their love for one another, was a revelation.
First, it was beyond clear he should have trusted his initial instincts. All the things he had pushed aside and explained away so long ago came flooding back. Without the scales on his eyes, it was impossible not to see the deep connection they shared. Elizabeth was radiant and only had eyes for the man next to her. They kept their hands on each other, whispered in each other's ears, laughed at their own private jokes. And when they danced together, as they were doing now, it was tough to tell where one of them ended and the other began. As he continued to observe them, it became increasingly clear to Lucas that while he and Elizabeth had cared deeply for each other, what they had paled in comparison to the kind of love he was witnessing between her and Nathan. It frankly paled in comparison to the love between the two people who had gotten married that day. It was hard to describe, but the sentiment just radiated from them and stretched out across the room. They just fit. It was effortless and obvious. A stranger would have assumed the two had been married for years.
What Lucas saw began the arduous process of transforming his pain from mourning the loss of his relationship with Elizabeth to a type of regret and sorrow that perhaps he had not yet experienced what these two shared. He had begun the day still under the impression that his love for Elizabeth hadn't been part of the problem. That they were only separated because Elizabeth hadn't held up her end of the deal. But Lucas could see now for the first time that marrying Elizabeth might have been settling...for both of them.
He had loved Elizabeth. He still loved her. But he was seeing today that maybe he didn't love her the way Nathan did. Lucas had placed Elizabeth on a pedestal as a queen, worshipping her goodness and grace and beauty and ignoring all faults. He'd sacrificed his own wishes for her happiness. He had believed that's what love was supposed to be. But what he saw between her and Nathan was something real and raw and difficult. Something that had overcome arguments and turmoil. Perceived hurt and real fear. And he innately knew that their partnership was equal and, above all, honest.
Lucas remembered talking to Elizabeth about their knowledge of each other just before he proposed. "We know each other better than this" they had said. But maybe the truth was that their problem wasn't that they didn't know each other. Perhaps the problem had been that neither of them really knew themselves. She wasn't being honest with herself about her grief and her feelings for Nathan. And he was trying to convince himself that a small town life and family was the answer to his lifetime quest to find a home and purpose. He had focused so much on the prize that was Elizabeth that he hadn't considered what came after the wedding. Surely a happily ever after, right? She had been the one to see that he wouldn't be happy with her in the long run. And it was taking seeing her with Nathan - the quiet simplicity of their relationship - to realize she was right. He had spent so much time trying to show her his love and bring her joy that he hadn't really stayed true to himself. He'd so often denied himself anything that might push her away - that might break the spell he was creating. And in trying to create that magical romance for the two of them, he had lost sight of a purpose for himself outside of winning and pleasing her. It was a sobering discovery.
He looked again at the two of them on the dance floor. Their personal ambitions were intertwined with their life as a couple. Neither of them was having to give up their calling in life to be together. In fact, their callings would likely only be enhanced by their union. Lucas found himself wondering if the kind of love he saw in front of him was possible in his own future - if he could find someone whose goals and dreams complemented rather than competed with his own.
The music ended and Elizabeth excused herself from the room for a moment while Nathan found his way to the bar and accepted the glass he was offered. Lucas probably wouldn't have done it if he hadn't already downed more than one glass of champagne, but he crossed the room and took the empty space next to Nathan. The two stood facing the crowd, leaned up against the bar.
"I never saw you as a champagne man," Lucas said, nodding sideways to the flute in Nathan's hand.
"I'm not," Nathan responded dryly, "But Elizabeth said earlier that people drink champagne at weddings, and I needed to be nice about it. I figured I could let her win this one."
Lucas looked down, chuckling, and replied, "I know from experience that sometimes it's in your best interest to do exactly as she says."
"Sometimes," Nathan conceded with a slight laugh before sobering. "Look Lucas - I know she spoke to you about us. I hope you know I didn't...well, we didn't... What I'm trying to say is I never tried to..."
Lucas cut him off. "Nathan, I know you didn't pursue her while we were engaged. And you've been more than respectful since she broke things off. You owe me no explanations."
The two stood quietly for a bit, both watching the people in the saloon.
Lucas finally broke the silence. "I've been watching the two of you today."
Nathan continued to scan the room. "I know," he replied with no hint of judgement.
Lucas cleared his throat, a little embarrassed to have been caught out, though he should have known the Mountie would have noticed being the subject of observation. He decided to cut to the point, "I can see how much you love her. And it's painfully obvious to me now just how much she loves you. I'm just -" Lucas took a breath, "I just wanted to say I'm sorry that I ever got in the way. And I wish you two the best. Truly."
Nathan's eyebrows raised as he looked in Lucas's direction. "I do love her. And I believe she loves me now too. But don't be sorry." Nathan again turned to look at the people on the dance floor. "I think maybe the timing was exactly what it was supposed to be. For all of us."
"Maybe so," Lucas replied extending his hand, "Enjoy the reception Constable. I'm sure I'll see you again before I leave town."
Nathan took his hand and shook it firmly. "Same to you Governor." Lucas started to walk away, but turned when he heard Nathan's voice call his name, "And Lucas - I hope you know - I still have your back."
Lucas just nodded. "Likewise."
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After seeing off the bride and groom, Lucas retired to his office. Nathan's words about timing replayed in his head. Maybe he was right. He had even said it himself to Elizabeth that night on the train platform. "Maybe these paths were meant to be." He just hadn't actually believed it at the time. Maybe his relationship with Elizabeth had been necessary to show him what real love was. And what it wasn't. And maybe she had needed him as well - to help open her heart to love again. It was nice to consider that all of it served some greater good.
He leaned his elbows on his desk and ran his fingers through his hair. He was reminded again of how quickly life can change. Things that were so confusing could become clear - sometimes when you least expected it. What had Elizabeth said this morning? "Sometimes the things right in front of you are the hardest to recognize?" He thought at the time she was talking about her and Nathan. She probably was. But he knew after today that the phrase applied to him as well. There were so many things right in front of him that he either hadn't seen or had chosen to ignore. But today he had opened his eyes fully and, surprisingly, he was able to appreciate what he saw. And for the first time since that night on the train platform, he began to think of the possibility of love again.
The day that had started with the words he had dreaded and denied for so long had somehow ended with a spark of hope.
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I absolutely love every scene with Nathan and Lucas alone. Those two guys are gold together, and I don't feel like we get enough of it. Hoping I got the tone of their conversation right, and I hope you enjoyed the nods to a couple other conversations the two of them have had in the saloon in past seasons.
As for Lucas, here's hoping for great things for him in Season 12. I want him to find someone who supports his dreams and goals and truly cares about him as a person.
As always, I appreciate you taking the time to read, and I hope you'll leave a comment or review - even if you just want to tell me to stay the heck away from Lucas.