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AvalonReeseFanfics

A/N: OMGosh I caused some minor panic there. Sorry about that. Since I'm super excited to get to the parts that I want to get to, I'm going to post super early. I hope that's okay! BONUS! Because I feel like you guys are the best readers, I'm going to give you a present. If we reach 150 reviews before this Friday I'll post twice this week. What do you think, do you think we could do it? I can't wait to hear what you think about this chapter. Any theories or things you'd like to see in the future! I WANT TO HEAR IT ALL! See you guys soon, only 2 more weeks until I start posting twice a week!

Chapter 23

It was the knock on the door that woke Steve up and already he was in a bad mood.

Not because the person rapping on his door like they were desperate to get in was doing so at an unacceptably early hour. Not because in the middle of the night he was dropped to his knees by a blinding pain in his chest whilst he was making up with Catherine. Not because it felt strange waking up to Catherine in his bed when he was used to a cool softness pressed against him in the morning. No, because he knew if he went into Rowan's room she wouldn't be there.

If the pain he felt last night meant anything she had probably flickered herself right back home. It still amounted to the same thing.

Rowan was gone and it was his fault.

But things were better between him and Catherine now, so at least he had that going for him.

Steve opened up the door thinking it was Danny, even though Danny knew to call first. He was not expecting Alex. Why would Alex be here? Was Rowan still around? Had she sent him to get her stuff?

Steve looked around him to see if Rowan was hiding off to the side or waiting in Alex's car, but he couldn't see her. Made sense, he had shouted some pretty terrible things to her last night, she probably didn't want to see him… that was, if she was still in his universe.

"Have you seen Rowan?" Alex asked. Steve finally focused on the younger man, his eyes narrowing in surprise. Okay, maybe Rowan really had left their reality.

"No," Steve said quickly. He wanted to shut the door. He wanted to pretend he never met Rowan. That he had never let her into his heart.

"Look, I heard you guys had a huge argument last night, okay," Alex said, putting a hand out to stop him from shutting the door. "She came over last night afterwards but I didn't let her stay. I was supposed to see her for lunch but I heard what happened and I've been trying to call her and I can't get a hold of her. I don't care if you're mad at her, can you track her please?"

Steve stared at Alex. Rowan had gone to him but he wouldn't let her stay? What the fuck? And what was he supposed to do? Tell Alex that Rowan couldn't be reached because she had gone back to her own reality. That even if she hadn't her phone was destroyed. That he had no way to track her.

"I can't," he said. "Her phone got smashed in the riot yesterday."

"Riot? You mean the riot at Halawa? She was there? Why the hell was she there?" Alex asked. Steve had no intention of telling him anything and it must have shown. "Okay, never mind. I'll find her myself."

Steve watched Alex take one step away and then turned back to him. "You know, you said some pretty shitty things last night," he snapped. "I don't know how you could tell her you didn't want her in your life when you've been so fucking obsessed with her you refused to let her out of your sight for a month. But if something's happened to her I hope you know it's your fault. I hope the guilt eats you alive."

After Alex had seemingly got all of it out of his system he stormed to his car. Steve shut the door as soon as he heard the engine rev and then stood there staring at the closed door as if it held all the answers. The guilt was already eating him away but not for the reason Alex thought. Steve felt guilty because he had chased a person out of this reality. A person he genuinely enjoyed having around. He made Rowan feel terrible, he told her he didn't want her, and when she had nowhere else to go she found a way to go home. And he was left feeling empty and numb.

"That was a bit harsh," Catherine said, startling him out of his thoughts. Steve turned to her and tried to smile but the gesture faltered. Catherine frowned. "Look about yesterday… this has to be worrying you, did you maybe want to call out a BOLO on her?"

Steve shook his head. "No. I told you yesterday that I picked you. She's out of my life. It'll be better this way. Less stressful," he told her. He put his hands to her shoulders and kissed her quickly before letting go and heading to the kitchen.

He was lying of course, he was twice as stressed as before. Until he got confirmation that Rowan was gone, which he wasn't certain how he'd get in the first place, he was going to be a neurotic mess.

Catherine followed after him. She was wearing one of his shirts, like Rowan used to. In fact, that was a shirt that Rowan liked to wear, the blue button down. He wanted to rip it off of Catherine and not because he wanted her naked in his kitchen. He wanted to remember Rowan in that shirt, he didn't want the conflicting image of his girlfriend in it as well. And that wasn't a good thing to want anyway. He shook his head trying to clear it of Rowan but she just tumbled around in his mind giggling as she went.

Fuck he missed her laugh. Would he ever hear it again?

"When I said pick me, I meant emotionally. I thought maybe you'd move her into Alex's or in with Chin since you don't like Alex. You know, after Malia it might be nice for Chin to have some company, I didn't think you'd kick her out entirely," she said.

Steve sighed. Yeah. Like that would have fixed things. He would have been outside Chin's every night if he knew she was there. No, this was better. She was home… hopefully. He'd move on. He would. He had to.

"You should probably have someone looking for her, she's a sick girl, she needs a psych ward," Catherine said coming to him. He had been making coffee trying to ignore the conversation. He didn't want to think about Rowan.

He let Catherine wrap her arms around him, her cheek resting against his back. He tried to melt into her touch but he couldn't find it in himself to do so. He sipped his coffee and tried to remind himself that this was all for the best.

He wanted Rowan to be home. He wanted her to be happy. He would be fine without her. He would be.

H5O-H5O-H5O- H5O

Rowan woke up on the beach.

Waves crashing, crystal clear blue sky above her. Yeah, she sure as hell wasn't in Canada. Not even PEI was this nice.

She forced herself up and looked around. Beautiful waters lapped at her feet. She was on a white sand beach, with palm trees above her. Rowan groaned and flopped back down to the sand. She didn't get home.

She stepped into void last night filled with rage and sorrow with one thought on her mind. To go home. That one thought took over everything, it emptied her of her fury and that heart-breaking grief that had overwhelmed her. She saw the lights swimming in the darkness. She saw the different colored strings beckoning her.

But she didn't see the right one. She knew. None of them called to her the way it should. None of them were calling her home. She had looked down to her feet and found herself tied and twisted up in a red string. She didn't recognize it but she felt the pulse in it.

Was this what was keeping her stuck here?

She had forced herself forward. Made herself move. But the more she walked, the more she pushed forward the harder it was to breathe, the thicker the void became until she was swimming in it. And all while she moved that red string twisted and tightened around her, crushing her chest until she was too breathless, too tired to move.

She had closed her eyes. Closed her eyes and tumbled right back out of the void. And now she was here. Where ever here was.

She sat up again. On a beach. Probably Hawaii. She turned. A house. One she recognized. A back porch. A lanai that cracked her back. Where she sat and looked up at the stars with a man who had once held her close and held her heart.

Steve's.

The void had dropped her off right back at Steve's. Why? That was not what she wanted. Was it?

She should have run. Should have walked away. He didn't want her in his life. He said so. He wanted her to go home. If he came out onto his lanai and found her standing on his beach he'd think she was some pathetic stalker. She didn't want that. She had too much pride to be that. And yet, somehow, without realizing it, she was on the lanai. Staring into through the kitchen window. He was there, in all his shirtless glory. Catherine was behind him, her arms wrapped around his torso, wearing a shirt that he had given to Rowan earlier that month.

Replaced.

Gone what? Maybe one night? And he already had moved straight on to the next girl? Okay that wasn't fair. He had moved straight back to his girlfriend. And what else would he do? What did she expect? That he'd miss her? How stupid was that? They had never been together, just because it had felt like it was going somewhere during that time when they were inseparable didn't mean that it was true. Didn't mean that he felt the same way. And he clearly didn't. She had been stupid to delude herself into thinking that maybe, maybe he was starting to like her, romantically. Stupid to think that someone like Steve would want her.

She finally had the ability to move. Finally able to force herself back and away. She hit the sand and kept running. Maybe, maybe if she kept moving she run her way right back home. She'd try again. She'd try over and over. Soon or later she'd end up back home. Back to where they wanted her. Back to where she belonged.

H5O-H5O-H5O- H5O

Kamekona opened up his shrimp truck at the regular time. Breakfast was never a rush but it got enough business for him to open it up anyway. Flipper was at the Shaved Ice stand. His Five-0 friends may or may not stop by for a visit.

Everything was calm. The start to a great new day.

Until she showed up.

Rowan looked like a meteor had hit her. She looked the same as when she had when she had gotten off the helicopter last night, except with more tear stains and more of a franticness about her.

"I'm sorry," she kept saying as her tears fell down her face. "Please don't tell him. Please."

Kamekona had been struck dumb by the sight of her. Panic was his first initial reaction. The second was to get her somewhere sitting down before she fell down. He brought her inside the truck. He closed up the doors, which is something he never did and then sat her down on the box that was usually for Flipper and handed her a glass of water. But Rowan didn't drink, it just stayed there in her hands shaking.

"What's going on Sista?" he asked her. "Did someone hurt you?"

She didn't look hurt. She looked scared. She was shaking but she wasn't cold. She smelt of fire and ice and was smudged everywhere with soot and sand.

"I just… I just didn't know where to go," she sobbed. "He told me to leave, but I have nowhere else. And I couldn't get home. I just want to go home."

She was talking nonsense. None of it made sense and he couldn't get her to stop crying. He pulled out his phone.

"I'mma call McGarrett. He'll come get you, he'll…"

"No!" she shouted. "No, please! You don't understand he told me to leave. He told me to leave!"

Kamekona stared at her. He stared at her hard. He had watched the two of them over their inseparable month. He knew it would probably come to a close when Catherine came back to the town. He didn't think it would implode. And if she had been told to leave where had she stayed last night? He hoped it was that fancy Musician-Nurse of hers but by the state of her she must have slept out on the beach.

He needed a new tactic. He needed something to comfort her with. And there was only one thing he was really good at. "You look hungry sista, a good meal could fix the blues for you," he said.

Rowan shook her head. "No. Thank you, but I don't have any money," she said.

"None of that matters," he told her. "We'll get some food in you and then we'll fix you up. Okay?"

He watched her out of the corner of his eyes as he made her a simple breakfast burrito. She lacked a culinary palate but he cared about her. And if a plain breakfast burrito with eggs and bacon was what she needed then that's what he'd give her.

He served it up to her. Watched her eat. Made sure she ate it all. Her sobs had subsided. Her shaking had stopped. But she wasn't Rowan. It was like she had been emptied out and all that was left was the outer shell.

He needed to fix her. The eating hadn't worked. He needed something else. Something to perk her up.

She liked tea. Would tea fill her up or was she too cracked inside to contain anything? He wasn't sure.

"I'm gonna go get you a tea, okay?" he said to her. Her eyes turned up to him, empty and sparkless. He knew then that something really bad had happened to her.

"You'll stay here right?" he asked. "You gotta promise me you won't move."

Rowan nodded, looking back down to her hands. He could leave her there. He'd shut the door, keep an eye on the truck and make sure she didn't get out. Simple easy. He rushed as quickly as he could out of the truck, his phone already dialing McGarrett's number.

He might have caused this. He might have broken the girl but he'd be able to fix her too. He sent Flipped to get the tea while he waited for McGarrett to pick up, but he never did. So, he left a message.

"Call me when you get dis, it's an emergency," he said after the beep.

Flipper returned, a to-go mug of tea was offered and Kamekona returned to the truck. He didn't know how it happened. He didn't know when it happened. But Rowan was gone.

H5O-H5O-H5O- H5O

Steve went to Danny's first. He didn't even knock, just let himself in. Danny bitched, said something about Steve and breaking and entering and then he promptly stopped talking. He had realized something was wrong, could see the worry etched on Steve's face and the nervous energy that seemed to be coming to life around him. Danny stared at him as Steve paced. He could do nothing else but pace. Something had come alive in him. Something had put him on edge. He didn't know what it was but something had a hold of that pulse in his chest, the one that had belonged to Rowan and her flickering had begun to squeeze. It was erratic. It was breath stealing. It turned him wild.

"You wanna tell me what's going on?" Danny asked him trying to drink his coffee. But Danny was having a hard time with Steve pacing back and forth like a caged animal.

"She left," he said, his breath catching. "I felt it. She went home."

"She went home?" Danny echoed. "She? Rowan? Like her world home? And you know this?"

"I felt it," Steve said. "It felt like my heart was being ripped from my body."

Danny took this in. He just stared at Steve and Steve waited. Danny always had the right words… okay maybe not the right words, but he had a lot of words pent up in there so he figured some of them might be able to make him feel better.

"That's… that's… I don't even know what that is. That's gotta suck," Danny said. "But uh… I thought you said that you didn't feel for Rowan in that way."

"Yeah, well there are different kinds of love, Danny," Steve reminded him.

"Whoa, now its love?" he asked.

Steve began pacing again. "You know what I mean Danny. I cared about her. She's been the focus of my life for almost half a year now! And she's gone. Just blinked right out of my life because I told her to go. How would you feel if Grace just blinked out of existence over something you said?"

"Okay. Alright. Rowan's left. You feel like something in you is missing. And now you're pacing in my kitchen," Danny whispered.

"Why does it feel like she's still here then?" he asked. "Why does it feel like I'm being pulled in this one direction? Why does it feel like if I get there, if I follow this pulse in my chest it'll take me to her?"

"What through the void?" Danny asked. "You gonna flicker off after her?"

"No. No like… if I go to… say… Kahanamoku beach," Steve said. "Like if I go to Kahanamoku beach right now, she'll be there waiting for me."

"So, she didn't leave?" Danny asked.

Steve ran his fingers through his hair. He sounded crazy. Maybe he was crazy. Maybe he just wanted her to be there. Maybe he just wanted her to still in this world with him. To still be the one who stayed, even when he thought he didn't want her.

"Yes. No. I don't know," he said. "What do I do?"

"Uh… well if she's actually left, there's not much you really can do, can you?" Danny asked. Okay, this was not helpful. Danny was supposed to have all this wisdom, where the hell was it now? "But if you want, if you think there's even the smallest possibility that she's still here, then let's go. Let's follow that pulsing compass you've got stuck in your chest. Me and you, up to the Kahanamoku. See if she's there. Get something from Kamekona's while we're there."

Steve stood there. He stared at Danny. This man was willing to sacrifice their day off to go with him on some quest. To drive all the way to Kahanamoku to see if the girl he was trying to let go was there. And that's what he was supposed to be doing, wasn't it? He was supposed to let her go, he was supposed to move on. He loved Catherine, he wanted to be with Catherine, didn't he? Why the hell was he so fixated on Rowan if what he really wanted was Catherine?

He was going to say no. He was going to remind Danny that he had to choose between Catherine and Rowan and he had picked Catherine. But he was interrupted.

The pulse in his chest fired up. It squeezed so tightly that spots formed in front of his eyes. He gasped for air but nothing stayed in his lungs. He doubled over, clutching his chest. He could hear Danny calling his name but he couldn't respond. The tightness in his chest was squeezing the life out of him, and he knew what it was.

But it hadn't crept up on him like it did the few times before. It was sudden and violent. It shook him, tore at his bones and burned through his veins. He dropped to his knees, his spare hand gripping Danny's arm who had come to his aid, crouched over him, hand on his back trying to coach him through breathing.

Just like last night.

Then as soon as it started it stopped again. It was like bungee jumping. One second he had been free falling the second he had been jerked back into his own body. Finally, able to breathe he gulped down delicious mouthfuls of cold air while he rubbed his sternum.

"What was that, Steve?" Danny was asked. "What happened? Are you okay?"

Steve couldn't get the words out. He didn't understand why it happened again. She had gone home? Had she… had she come back? But he knew now, knew without a shadow of a doubt that she was still on the island.

"She's still here," Steve said to him. "Danny, she's on the island."

"Okay, so… we head to Kahanamoku beach?" Danny asked.

Steve shook his head. "No, she's not there. I think… I think she's moved." he whispered. "But she's here. Danny, she's still on Hawaii."

"Then what are we waiting for? Let go find her!" Danny cried tugging Steve up to his feet. Steve found himself smiling. This was what good friends were for. And Steve had the best kind.

He wasn't sure what he was going to do when he found her. He just knew that he needed to. He needed to find her to stop her from flickering because if it was hurting him it must have been killing her. Steve was going to find Rowan. No matter what it took.