Chapter 5: Two Names
It felt like she was drowning.
That was the only way to describe it, emotions and images spun like a kaleidoscope through her brain. Experiences of the past all twisted together into a confusing, swirling mess.
Bayla would have screamed if she could.
Her head hurt SO much!
She couldn't move as the images blasted through her consciousness. One moment she was a small child, the next an adult on the run, then she was her awkward teenage self, and then back to being a toddler again.
Voices and images all flowed together with no rhyme or reason!
She…
…she couldn't…
"Focus."
A lone voice cut through the static, it was cold and determined, but beneath…
…she could sense the compassion…the love.
"Focus, little one. I KNOW you can do it!"
She knew the voice immediately, it…it was part of her, and always had been.
"Dad?"
Slowly things began to flow normally, the rapid changing of sounds and images slowed. She stopped trying to see everything at once, and let the tangled mess flow through her.
Another voice came to her.
"The Force is a river young one. It is how our gods speak to us, as they spoke to the sorcerers that have served Bantoon in the days of old. Stone, Wind, Wave, and Sun…the gods gave rise to our people, our faith made us strong…
"Through the Force…find that strength!"
"I'm trying Master Kit," she thought.
"I'm trying."
"Do or do not," her Paladina master said.
"There is no try," her father added.
Hearing their voices, it gave her what she needed, direction and will.
She slowly untangled the knot in her mind.
Memories of her father flowed through her mind. These images soothed the horrible pain in her head. Memories of family time, Traveling with her parents aboard her father's ship. Times of triumph and tragedy. Times of celebrations and scoldings. She had been a willful child, she had come to accept that, but her father had always tempered his disappointment with compassion.
Even during the times that they were fighting, when it felt that she didn't like him very much, she still loved him. Miri had always accused her of being a Daddy's girl first, and she was…she couldn't deny that.
She was the youngest, and had always been drawn to him, following him everywhere he went when he was home.
Often following so close that he nearly stepped on her when he took a step back, strange that he never sensed her, that he didn't know she was underfoot. She had always been quiet in her pursuit. It got so bad, that her father took it for granted to say: "Back up, Bayla," every time before he even thought of taking a step backward in the palace.
Hence…her childhood nickname…
…Backup.
It didn't bother her, why would it? It was a name her father had given her.
So…Backup stuck.
Whenever he was away on Jedi business, she tried to be better. She wanted to please him, and did her best to live up to what she was expected to be, a Princess of Bantoon, and his daughter.
She also thought of her master. Kit Shalaya had been the first of the Paladina, the first trained in the blended ways, both of the old sorcerers, and the new Jedi teachings. Her father had been her master, and through her, the rest of the order and sprang up.
Bayla had been shocked when Master Kit had asked for her to be her apprentice. For four years they had trained together. Though she had been proud that her student chose to serve their people as part of their space force, she had been sad that the girl had chosen not to fully dedicate herself to the Paladina ways.
"Soldiers and officers are always needed to defend," Master Kit had said the night before she had left for basic training.
"Your gifts, your talents…you have the potential to be so much more. You could be High Paladina, Bayla, the grand master of our order."
She had laughed at that.
Her? A grand master? She was never meant for greatness, she was the spare, the one the crown should pass to if anything, gods forbid, happen to Miri. Once her sister started having children, she would be out of the succession, and she was completely fine with that.
She had never wanted greatness, that was for her older sister.
The fact that Kit Shalaya had thought?
She had gone so far as telling her so.
"Master? I…I could never be that. Miri is…"
Her master had only shaken her head.
"Your sister will be queen after your mother. Her heart and mind are bound to the crown, just as her heirs will be. It is YOU that the gods have blessed. Your psychometric talent, it is merely ONE gift you possess, if you stay…I will show you everything. You will be surprised by what you could become."
She had not stayed though, she…she…
Had she been afraid?
She didn't like to admit that, but…there were times when she had feared her potential.
When her master had said: everything. She had felt a chill run down her spine. The Force will change you; everyone knew that.
Had she been afraid of that change, what it would turn her into?
The Paladina had not been the only ones interested in her gifts.
Her Uncle Sy had tried to claim her at the age of three, her blood sample, one taken at birth, had gotten back to the Jedi proper, everyone suspected the Jedi ambassador, but no one had done anything about it, as far as she knew. Her uncle had come to Bantoon personally. He had tried to convince her father to surrender her to him, and to the Jedi Order on Coruscant. He had wanted her to be his padawan.
It was her duty, he had said, and Jas,' as a man of their family. One child from each generation HAD to go to the order.
Her mother had refused, Sy Dar Bynn had left Bantoon in a huff.
Bayla still remembered sensing his frustration as he left.
She had been grateful that her parents had said no.
She had never liked her Uncle Sy, he was family, but there was something about him, something that the light could not touch. She sensed it every time he had come to Bantoon.
As for the Jedi, they had always been so cold. They looked down on her father, she sensed that. Despite everything he did for the Jedi, they either didn't fully trust him, or thought him an outsider, unworthy of his title.
Was that why she backed away, had she not wished to become like that?
Had she been so insulted for her father that she chose to push the Force away?
Did she fear becoming cold and aloof? So cold that she would want nothing to do with her family and world?
Yes, that was part of it, she knew it to be true.
She didn't want to become a Jedi, not if that is what it meant, to be so distant to her world, her family…
She had been afraid.
Even now that fear tried to pull her down, drown her, and in that fear, beneath it was the first flickering of anger.
She feared THAT too!
"The first step to bravery is recognizing that you are afraid."
Her father's words again, no…more than his words.
She…she felt…
"Dad?"
"Don't be afraid, Backup," she heard him say, "You are not alone."
Hearing his voice, her childhood nickname.
This…this wasn't a memory!
She could feel his presence.
He WAS here!
"I will always be with you. The Force will be with you…always."
Her eyes stung.
"Dad!"
Memories of the recent past came back, crushing her joy.
"You're gone," she said, "You died."
"There is no death, Bayla, there is the Force."
The losses of her ship, her men, came back to her.
"You were wrong. I…I'm alone."
"You have lost, yes, Bayla, but do not lose faith."
"The Force is forever, and now…I'm a part of the Force, as we will all one day be. Don't be afraid, my girl, he will help you, and he will need your help, be strong, my daughter."
She felt his presence fading.
"NO!" she tried to cry out, tried to hold him here, hold onto to him, just for a bit longer.
"Dad! Please!"
"I will never be far from you. I love you, kid. May the Force be with you."
"DAD!"
"Farewell."
"DAD! NO!"
IOI
"DAD!"
Bayla awoke with a start, she awoke, and sat up in her bunk and immediately regretted it.
She was nearly overwhelmed by dizziness and nausea, with a groan she sank back onto the mattress, her eyes squeezed shut.
She.
"UGH!"
It was all she could do to keep from throwing up!
She lay back, forced herself to be calm.
She breathed in and out, slowly, reaching out with the Force, just as Master Kit showed her.
There was no emotion, there was peace.
Through peace, we serve the gods.
Two lines of two different philosophies, Jedi and Paladina, different, but neither wrong.
Her father's teachings, teachings that the Paladina embraced.
She…
"Lay back, young one."
A new voice, familiar, she…
The pain was so BAD!
She…she could barely think!
She touched her face, there was something strapped to her forehead.
She tried to remove it.
"No, not yet, poppet."
She felt cool metal hands. They gently, but firmly pulled her hands away.
"You have a concussion; you have to let the regenerator do its work."
Confusion remained, she could not put a name to the voice, though she knew it, remembered it well.
She…
There was a gentle pulsing in her temples, gentle…and soothing.
It…it made her feel…swimmy?
She…she felt herself slipping back into the void.
"No," she said weakly, trying to struggle.
"Shhh," the voice said again, "Do not fight it, my dear. Rest now, you will be ready to awaken soon."
Everything became warm and comfortable, it felt like she was drifting away on a cloud.
"I…oohh!"
She fell back into a black dreamless sleep.
"Rest now," the voice repeated distantly.
"All will be well soon."
IOI
The next time she opened her eyes, her head felt clearer.
She was still a little dizzy, but she could sit up without feeling that someone was trying to drive a spike through her head. That sensation had all but retreated, all that remained was a dull ache.
She blinked and looked around.
For the briefest of moments she felt lost…she…
She rubbed her eyes, even pinched herself, to make sure that she was not dreaming.
Home, she thought.
I…I am home.
Not back on Bantoon, no, but someplace she knew just as well.
She looked around the small cabin, it had not changed much. It had been…seven…eight years since she last woke up here, woke up in this bunk.
She was aboard her father's ship, the Knightfire, she recognized it immediately, not just from the surroundings but from her the sound beneath her, the hum of the engines and the hyperdrive in the walls.
She was the youngest of the Istillo children, the last to leave the nest. Her family had travelled a lot on this ship, her mother didn't like using official vessels except for state visits. What had happened to Grandmother Annara still haunted the queen.
She had felt safer both for herself, and her children, travelling on a ship with her husband at the helm.
The cabin still contained some of her old things, pictures of home, an old shock ball she had broken on one of their family trips…
She shook her head again.
This…this didn't make sense!
The Knightfire had vanished years ago! She had tried to find it after Bantoon had fell, but it had simply disappeared. She…
She heard a familiar sound the hum and whir of droid servos, that and the soft clucking sound of a vocoder, the sound a certain droid made when it was compiling its files.
She knew those sounds, had come to love them, and sure enough…the hatch to her cabin opened and that very droid ambled in.
She blinked in surprise.
She…it…
She was almost speechless. Almost.
"CeeCee?"
"Hello, Mistress Bayla," the droid said as it entered her cabin with a slight bow.
"I trust you are feeling better? I have brought you a clean robe, and saw to your gloves, you still require them do you not?"
Bayla couldn't answer.
CeeCee, she thought.
Our CeeCee!
Seeing her old care and comfort droid again…after so long…it…it brought so many feelings, so many memories.
CC-61T had been her father's ally and co-pilot for almost forty years, and for large chunks of that time, had also served as caregiver and protector for all four of the Istillo children. Most around the Istillo family had called her a nanny-bot, but CeeCee had never liked that designation. Some might have looked at the spindly looking droid with the old T-series astromech head as an ugly, an automaton cobbled together from so many different parts…
To Bayla, however, and to her brother and sisters…
…that form had been the shape of one that they could go to when they were sad or scared. When their parents had not been there…CeeCee always had been.
The droid had been a rock and a shield when they had needed it.
Bayla's lip quivered. It was a rock she needed now.
It had been so long; she had been so alone and afraid for so long.
She couldn't resist it any longer.
Tears came streaming from her tired eyes. She stumbled to her feet and grasped the droid in an embrace.
"CeeCee," she whimpered, burying her head into its padded shoulder plate.
"Oh, CeeCee!"
She cried then, cried harder than she had in years. Three years' worth of fear, pain and loss, flowed out of her in a sea of hot tears. She spoke quickly, telling of everything that had happened.
So much loss!
So much death!
The droid held her, as it had when she was little. The lights on its head blinked, while a tone, considered calming for humans, emerged from its vocoder.
CeeCee let her weep, it simply held her and nodded as she let her emotions pour out, bawling like a new born.
She should have felt ashamed, losing it like this, but she had been strong for so long…
…she was so very tired of being strong.
"It is okay, poppet," the droid cooed, "Let it out.
It patted her on the back.
"You are safe now. Your CeeCee is here."
Bayla Istillo cried until she was all cried out, she slumped, exhausted once more in the droid's arm.
Safe.
Slowly, she drifted back to sleep again, at least she thought she did.
She must have, because she awoke in her bunk again.
She sat up, her head was almost clear. Barely any dizziness remained.
This time, she found CeeCee sitting at her side.
"Good morning, Bayla," the droid said brightly.
"How did you sleep?"
She yawned and stretched; she felt like herself again. Only when she turned her head quickly did she feel a sense of disorientation.
"Better," she said rubbing her temples.
"I…I feel better."
She looked down, with a slight frown.
"Um, what am I wearing?"
"I needed to improvise," the droid informed her, "The clothes left in this cabin were a little too small. Fortunately, I found some of your mother's old things."
The droid tilted its head.
"It suits you; I think."
Her brow furrowed.
Maybe.
The old nightgown was not something she recognized, but then again, she had usually been asleep when Mom and Dad had gone to bed.
She ran her fingers over the silk, smooth as oil, comfortable, but a little…revealing.
CeeCee had needed to put knots in the two shoulder straps, Bayla was thinner than her mother, not so…full-figured.
Miri had never needed to worry about that, she taken after their mother. She was curvy and attractive, beautiful, and had not been afraid to comment on how her scrawny little sister looked.
Small fry, she had called her, among other things.
Bayla had tried to ignore those comments. She had always been slender, but not unattractively so, or so several of her would-be suitors had said.
They were asses, she thought.
The only thing they cared about was her name, her title.
She had never seen herself as attractive. How could she? One look at her older sister was enough to give any young girl a complex.
She had always thought she looked boyish, too boyish, especially standing next to Miri, or their mother.
Being around them, well, it just made her that much more self-conscious.
Her mother's nightgown showed a bit more skin than Bayla preferred. It was too short, and slit down the front and back. It was not really her style at all. She had always preferred nightshirts two sizes too large, the kind of shirts she could snuggle up in like a blanket.
This…this would serve…though…she supposed.
She looked at the droid, it remained where it was, looking at her expectantly.
Memories of the last time she awoke came back to her.
She gave the droid a sheepish look.
"You must be ashamed of me, bawling like a baby…I…I couldn't help myself."
The droid merely shrugged.
"I was the fourth being to hold you when your mother brought you into this galaxy, child. I was there for you for over sixteen years.
The droid tilted its head.
"If you can't cry in front of your CeeCee, who can you cry in front of?"
She nodded, still not liking it.
That show of weakness, it was unbecoming an Istillo.
Of course, not many Istillos saw everyone they served die around them either.
She tried not to focus on that.
Thinking about such a thing, that would lead to despair and madness.
She had no time for either, not if her family was to be kept safe.
Though…was she safe, she wondered.
She was aboard the Knightfire, with CeeCee, but how?
How had her family's old droid found her?
"What is my medical status?" she asked, she knew the droid checked such things.
"You had a concussion when you were brought to the ship, you also showed signs of exhaustion, and borderline malnutrition."
The droid's head whirred, its processor accessing more files.
"I treated you the best I could, treated the concussion with a synaptic regenerator, and five nutrient injections. They helped, but you should still try to eat something. Medical supplies are no substitute for actual food."
She nodded.
Exhaustion…yes.
She thought of Kapp, holding his hand as he died.
She shook her head.
No.
She…she couldn't go back into that place right now.
She also thought of the fight in the alleyway, how easily she was overpowered.
She wanted to blame her easy defeat on exhaustion alone, but…
They overpowered me, she thought angrily.
I had my lightsaber, and my blaster, yet, I still let myself be overwhelmed.
She shook her head.
Master Kit would have been so disappointed.
She looked again at CeeCee, the droid watched her expectantly, looking for something it could do for her.
She looked around the cabin, at her childhood things
"CeeCee," she finally asked, "How did I get here?"
"The captain brought you back."
She blinked.
The captain?
That had always been the droid's title for her father, but since her father was gone. She…?
Who was the droid working with now?
Who had it let aboard her father's ship?
She remembered the fight in the alley again, how it ended, the bright orange light.
She remembered the shadow standing over her, feeling the rage and despair.
"A Dark Jedi attacked us," she said flatly, "Did…did you and the captain help me, did you kill him?"
The droid tilted its head, it didn't answer, its processors whirred.
"CeeCee?" she asked.
Bayla's eyes narrowed.
"CeeCee?"
"The captain had not expected to find you on Kafrene. He was hunting the last of the Knights of Bantoon. I would call it a coincidence, but that captain says that the Force was with him. He…
Bayla considered what she was hearing.
Hunting the Knights?
Considering what they wanted to do to her, the fact that someone was hunting them wasn't surprising. If the group had turned rabid…no…the group HAD turned rabid.
Still, she had felt darkness, she…
...had she seen Force lightning?
"Who is the captain, CeeCee?"
The droid paused.
"You are getting agitated, child. Perhaps you should rest some more."
"Who, CeeCee?"
"Poppet…"
"WHO?!"
The droid lowered its head in surrender.
Finally, it answered.
"Merrit Fallenstar."
Bayla's jaw fell open.
Merrit Fallenstar?!
She had heard the name, of course.
General Donos had warned her about him during one of their final transmissions.
The fact that she had a bounty on her head was known, and the general wanted to warn her about some of the elite hunters that that price might attract. They spoke of Kalo Nord, but he had not turned up for some reason.
Merrit Fallenstar though…
Yes, she knew that name.
The General had convinced her to be wary if she heard it.
He was a Dark Jedi, one that was an insult to the memory of a great hero!
Bayla frowned.
The name Fallenstar had been well respected on Bantoon. Mirax Fallenstar had been a good friend to her mother and father, a mercenary, yes, but one who had aided the crown many times during the war.
She had died years ago, but her name had still been spoken of fondly by both her mother and father.
The fact that some…Dark Jedi was now using her name to up his reputation.
No, she thought, angrily.
NO!
She would not have it!
She would not have some bounty hunter scum profane her father's ship!
She looked at CeeCee.
"How could you?" she demanded.
The droid tilted its head, confused?
"How could I…?"
"You let some Dark Jedi take over dad's ship! You were his friend!"
"Your father would have understood…"
"Understood?! How?! My father was a servant of the light! He would not have wanted some hunter using this ship to spread harm across the stars!"
"The captain had your father's beckon-call. He would have wanted…"
Her father's beckon-call!
Had he been on the world where her father had died!
Had…had he killed her father and took his ship!
Damn him!
"You have been helping a Dark Jedi hunt people, kill people. My father wouldn't have wanted this?!
"Poppet, you don't understand! Please calm down."
Bayla sprang from her bunk. She was surprised to see her utility belt with her lightsaber and blaster hanging on a hook near the hatch.
The arrogance, she thought.
THE GALL!
The bounty hunter clearly thought her no threat, maybe he relished the chance to face her. Maybe he thought her easily defeated!
She had been exhausted on Kafrene, if he thought she would just accept that he was going to sell her to the highest bidder he had another thing coming.
He would pay for leaving her alone with her weapons!
She would reclaim the Knightfire, in her family's name.
For her father!
CeeCee tried to get in her way!
"Poppet, please, let me explain!"
She pushed past the droid. Her lightsaber in hand!
Why would CeeCee have done this!
The droid could be a bit mercenary too, she knew. He might have offered the free-droid credits, a share to pay for upgrades and fuel, but even still…
…a Dark Jedi!
Maybe after Bantoon, CeeCee had simply been looking to survive. Maybe this Fallenstar-pretender had threatened CeeCee…
Well, that arrangement was over now!
"Poppet! Bayla! STOP!"
"Stay here," she hissed at the droid.
"We will discuss this once I've dealt with "the captain."
"Dealt? Bayla…NO!"
She slipped silently into the corridor, gently pushing the droid back with the Force.
She didn't want her interfering.
She didn't see a restraining bolt, but perhaps the Dark Jedi had used one, or CeeCee was malfunctioning.
Either way, it didn't matter.
This farce ended now!
"Bayla," she heard the droid say.
She ignored it, she tried to focus, call on the power of the Force, and the strength of her gods.
Behind her, CeeCee shook its head.
"Oh dear."
She kept her presence in the Force small, something the Dark Jedi didn't do, she could feel his power. Anger and loneliness, both restrained for the moment.
That would change when he saw her with her weapon.
She needed to be careful, she recognized, he was clearly skilled.
Why else would he care so little about leaving her with her weapons.
She smelled food, her captor was using the galley.
Her eyes narrowed.
She thought about all the times she had helped her father there, preparing meals.
Again, she felt insulted.
How dare this man profane her father's ship, his memory!
Finally, she could not take it anymore.
She threw caution away.
She marched into the ship's passenger compartment.
"How is she doing, CeeCee?"
A man's voice, she was surprised that it was so calm, so unconcerned.
Well, this would wake him up.
She ignited her lightsaber.
"LISTEN YOU…!"
She froze.
She stood before the Knightfire's galley station. Fallenstar whirled around at the sound of her saber.
Her…her eyes widened, her jaw fell open.
She…he…
OH!
Merrit Fallenstar stood before her, the Dark Jedi had shed his armored coat and cloak. He stood there in a simple white t-shirt and black pants. His hands were raised, he still had his lightsaber on his belt though.
She took that all in, her training taking over, but she was distracted.
That face…she…she…
…she KNEW him!
It had been almost fifteen years! The had spoken briefly before Bantoon fell, via holo, but…
He looked leaner, harder somehow, his features sharper. His short blond hair had grown out a bit past the ear, curlier too, and he had not shaved recently, giving him a more rugged look.
She blinked, frozen, the only sound in the cabin was the hum of her lightsaber.
He kept his hands up, she looked into his eyes, but could not really see them. He was wearing sunglasses, round red lenses that hid them from her.
Regardless, she knew his face.
Seeing it again, after all this time, she…she was frozen…shocked!
Distantly, she could hear the voice of a ten-year-old girl on Bantoon, a girl speaking with her mother.
"Is that a prince, mom?"
The queen had chuckled.
"No child, that is your father's student, his new padawan learner. His name is Fenn Shadowstone."
"You," she murmured.
"Um…you?"
He gave her a sly smile.
"Well, I guess this answers my question," he said dryly, "You must be feeling better."
He snorted with amusement, his eyes drifting over her.
"You certainly look good…um…I mean better."
She blinked.
"Wh…what?"
He turned away quickly, turning back to the sizzling grill before him, tending to the food he was preparing.
"A moment," he said, "I don't want these to burn.
Bayla stood there, shocked, she felt like she was a droid with a faulty CPU.
She was having trouble processing what she was seeing, maybe her concussion was worse that she thought, maybe she was still dreaming.
Finally, she found her voice again, and with it came a name, his name.
"Fenn?" she whispered.
"Fenn."
He didn't turn to face her; he was focused entirely on his work.
"You don't need the blade, Back-up," he said.
"I…I don't?"
She looked down, realizing that she still had her lightsaber in hand, and the blade was lit.
CeeCee came up behind her, Bayla felt the cool touch of her hands.
"You can put your blade down, Poppet. The captain won't hurt you."
She heard the words but…they made no sense!
Merrit Fallenstar was the captain!
Yet, Fenn Shadowstone stood before her, her father's former student, his padawan.
The boy she had…had…
She shook her head.
Shadowstone.
Fallenstar.
Nothing seemed to fit.
The man who had been the boy she knew, Fallenstar, Shadowstone, whoever he was now, chuckled.
"If we are going to fight, Back-up. Can we at least wait until after breakfast? My control over my emotions is not what it once was, and it is even harder when I fight, worse when I do so hungry."
She nodded dumbly, she heard the sound of her lightsaber powering down, CeeCee took it from her fingers, even as she draped her mother's robe over the girl's shoulders.
Bayla was still in shock, she…thought she was anyway.
Fenn…he…he couldn't be here.
She had thought him dead too.
"You still like Uleb berries do you not?" he asked.
He remembered, she thought, the thought almost made her smile.
Bayla nodded, but quickly realized that he could not see her doing that.
"Yeah," she said in a tiny voice.
"Good," he said, "I've made griddle cakes, The berries were frozen, not fresh, but there is little I can do about that, I have not been back in a civilized port for some time."
He laughed lightly.
"Sit down, Bae, food will be ready shortly."
CeeCee took her by the hand, and led her to the small table in the cabin, the one the Istillo family had shared so many meals at over the years.
She might have well been a droid with a faulty motivator.
Nothing made sense.
She looked at Fenn, or was it Fallenstar?
A man with two names, a captain and a Dark Jedi as well.
Fenn…a Dark Jedi!
That didn't make sense.
They had known each other since they were children!
Ten years ago, she had thought she wanted to marry him! At fifteen, she had thought him perfect, the perfect paramour and consort!
She thought she had been in love with him!
Fenn was kind…he was good!
Fenn…he…
NO!
…he could NOT have fallen to the dark side.
He couldn't have!
CeeCee sat down next to her, holding her hand.
"Are you okay, poppet?" she asked.
Bayla nodded.
Yes.
No.
She…she didn't know?
She couldn't take her eyes of him.
Fenn?
Merrit Fallenstar?
Whoever he was.
"Fenn?" she called out.
He paused what he was doing. Yet, he still didn't meet her gaze.
"I don't go by that name anymore, Back-up."
"Why?" she asked, "What happened, why are you…?"
"We can discuss it over food," he promised, flipping a griddle cake on the grill. She could smell the Ulebs, despite her shock, her stomach growled. How long had it been since she had eaten?
She couldn't say.
She nodded, still trying to process all this.
He finally looked over his shoulder, his expression sad. Even with the glasses, she could almost feel the pain in his eyes.
"I will make us some fresh Caf, too," he offered.
"There is…a lot to tell."