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AvalonReeseFanFics

A/N: Another day, and another update! Not gonna lie, even more ANGST! Since I know the angst is starting to get annoying, I'mma just spoil some endings right now. Rowan and Steve don't actually get together until season 5. Basically once Catherine goes to Afghanistan. I've already written parts of season 4, I'm at a total of 65 chapters and they're still not together. I know that seems ridiculous but I needed certain things to happen during this time that they're still apart, so that certain things could come together in future chapters. There are a lot of things in the series that happen to Steve to make him who he is, and I need Catherine for those things to happen, and there are a lot of things that need to happen to Rowan and she needs to be away from Steve to make those things happen. But I do understand that it's getting annoying so if you want to stop reading, go ahead, I get it that's fine. Or if you wanna take a break and come back when they're finally together then I'd suggest you come back around the 90th chapter? (I'm trying to make it less than that but this story has taken on a mind of it's own, the season 4 premier was like 6 chapters long) I've got the whole fanfic mapped out, I'm basically rewriting 6 seasons and that's a lot go through. Honestly this story is going to be complete and utter mammoth. The angst that's going on now is the foundations for everything that's going to happen later on, so it's kind of necessary. So I'm sorry if it's too angsty, I'm sorry if it's too much of a roller coaster, but that's the point, that's what life is llike. To help out, I've also changed the description so it's honest about the level of angst in this story. But I promise, I absolutely completely swear that I will make it worth it. Rowan, Steve, and even my readers will not suffer through all of this for nothing. I PROMISE! Side note We're almost to the 300th review! only 28 more to go till I crown a winner! See you guys tomorrow!

P.S. Not mad. No hurt feelings. Honestly just amazed that my writing is invoking such powerful responses. At least I know I write well huh?

Chapter 40

Steve knocked on the door. He called out the owner's name but got no answer probably because of the loud music that was playing. The door was open though so he walked through the house to the back yard. He was greeted by a young lady in a bikini. He tried very hard not to look at her, it was actually not that hard he was too mad, too depressed and too busy trying to distract himself from the heartbreak in his chest to notice anything else at that moment.

He found who he was looking for out by the pool, having apparently just been watching the bikini clad young woman swim. Like the fucking old pervert, he was. Still, Steve liked this guy and found himself smiling even though he should probably be creeped out.

"I see you met Brittany," Mick said and Steve shook his head.

"I see you haven't changed," he shot back.

Mick scoffed. "Shoot me if I ever do," he said as he pulled Steve into a tight embrace. "God, it's good to see you, Steve. Been too long, man. Come on, sit down. Put your dog's up and let me buy you drink"

Which was funny because they were at his place and Steve didn't want to drink anymore. He was probably still drunk from his attempts to drown his sorrows last night.

"So, I hear you're running some kind of task force now. Glad to see your talents haven't gone to waste," Mick told him. A hint of pride in his voice.

"Same goes for you, pal," Steve said trying to tamp down the guilt he felt rising up his throat burning like the most vile of biles. He didn't deserve the pride Mick instilled in him. "Looks like the private sector's pay well."

Mick put his hands in his pocket and lounged back like all of this meant nothing at all. "Yeah, well, after 25 years in Navy Intel, it was either hang a shingle or buy a rocking chair, so I hung a shingle."

Might as well get straight down to business. "That's why I came to see you, Mick," he told them and the two sat down in the white beach chairs. "I wanna hire you for your services. I need a full surveillance package on two targets."

"Two targets? How do you want me to manage that?" Mick asked.

"Well, one's a full surveillance, the other is minor… just to make sure she's okay," Steve explained. He handed him the envelope.

Mick opened took out the photos. He showed Steve the first one. The one of Doris. "Who's this?" he asked.

"It's my mother," he admitted. That got him a strange look from Mick. A judging look. The kind of look Danny patented.

"Kid, you don't need a PI, you need a therapist," he told him.

Good thing Steve was used to hearing that one. "Trust me, she's not your average mom. She's a former government agent. She disappeared from my life 20 years ago because of an assignment. Now she's back. Says she's changed," he told him. Steve shook his head a little. "I don't believe her. She goes dark a few hours every day and she racks up too many miles on the odometer. I wanna know what she's up to."

"Why come to me? You've got the resources to handle this," he said.

"No, I don't want my people involved," Steve told him. "Besides, there's no one better than you at recon and surveillance."

Mick nodded. "And the kid?" he asked showing Steve the picture of Rowan. "Ex-girlfriend or is this your sister and you're trying to get a family discount?"

Steve stared into Rowan's face. He found himself squirming in his seat under her gaze. It was a cropped photo. Taken on the beach just down from his lanai. Her arms around his shoulders, her chest resting by his ear, and he looking somewhere else a beer bottle to his lips. She had known the camera was there, she had looked right into it and smiled and now it felt like she was looking straight at him. The cracks in his chest splintered further and he found himself looking away before more damage could be done. Mick just sat there taking stock of the emotions playing on Steve's face.

"Neither… that… that's just Rowan. She just got rescued from a psycho criminal and I'm worried she's still in contact with him. She says she's not but I'm pretty sure she's lying to me and my team, and the cops that have talked to her. On top of that she gets herself into trouble and she doesn't want me hovering anymore. I'd like you to just make sure that she's okay, that she's not, you know, getting into trouble. And if you happen to update me on what she's up to… how that new boyfriend of hers is treating her, then so be it," he said. He looked down to his hands and added: "I'd get my resources on that except they refuse to do recon on her for me."

"That bad a break up huh?" Mick asked looking back at her photo.

"We didn't break up," Steve repeated. But why did it feel like they had? Why did it hurt like they had? Why was he a complete and fucking emotional wreck over her leaving him?

"Okay. Full surveillance package means I'm on your mother 24/7. That's audio, stills, video. Good chance I'll see your mother naked," he told Steve.

Steve grimaced. "Okay, I didn't need to know that," he snapped.

"Just saying," Mick said with a shrug. He then looked back to Rowan. "It also means I won't be able to dedicate time to the not-girlfriend. I'll have to see if I can get a buddy to watch her for you."

Steve wanted to argue, except his phone was ringing. He got up to answer it. He didn't care what Mick had to do. He wanted to know what his mother was hiding from him and he wanted to know that Rowan was safe too.

God. What had his life turned into?

H5O-H5O-H5O-H5O

Rowan sat back in her hospital bed surrounded by flowers, and chocolates, and stuffed animals. But there was a Steve sized hole in her heart, and a dead weight attached to her left shoulder. It honestly felt like things couldn't get any worse.

And then Doris walked back into the room.

"I told you, I'm not talking to you," Rowan growled.

"I just want you to hear me out," Doris said putting her arms out as if to ward off anything else Rowan might have thrown at her.

"No!" Rowan hollered, grabbing the call button and jamming it so hard she thought she heard it crack. At this moment she wished she hadn't told Steve she wanted to move out, because that uniform on the door would have been a great help at that moment. "You left me Doris! I told you, didn't I? I told you he'd kill me. And he tried and you know what? Cumulatively I was dead for ten minutes!"

"Yes. Yes, I know," Doris said but Rowan wasn't having it.

"No!" Rowan screeched. "YOU LEFT ME!"

The nurse came into the room and Rowan burst into tears and just pointed at Doris. The nurses on her floor were all friends of Alex's, they all liked her kind of. There were the momma bears that were all for Alex's new boo, but some where the kind of nice that were waiting for her to fuck up so they could swoop in on him. Luckily a momma bear was on call today.

"Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to leave," she said in a severe tone. "We can't have you upsetting the patient."

Doris stared at the woman and then back to Rowan who was still fake sobbing, though real tears were falling down her cheeks, and then left. Which was great.

As soon as she was gone the nurse turned back to her and helped to tuck her in. "I hear you're going to be released sometime this week," she said.

"It's a possibility," Rowan replied.

It was the quickest turnover she'd had at this hospital. But apparently, since she was no longer with Steve, they weren't willing to both hold her bed and waive her fees. She had no idea that she had been under the Five-0 insurance until they slapped a bill on her tray and told her to pay up.

At the current moment she was worrying about how hard it was going to be to get a job with only one arm working, no experience and no references. Rowan was starting to think that she may have made a mistake but there was nothing she could do about it now.

H5O-H5O-H5O-H5O

The phone rang a few times before Mick picked up. He forgot the phone was on blue-tooth and Danny was going to hear too. But that didn't matter. He could handle Danny anyway.

"Hey, what'd you find?" he asked once Mick picked up.

"Nothing," Mick answered quickly. Almost too quickly. "Subject left the house at approximately 10:30. Took a walk on the beach. Got her nails done. French tips, by the way. As far as I can see, she's got nothing to hide."

Danny was staring at Steve now. His eyes narrowed as he thought, as he digested the conversation. Steve forced himself to stay focused on driving instead of glaring at Danny until he shut up.

"I told you she's good, okay? You wanna find something, you gotta dig deeper," he said.

"Well, it's your dime, kid. If my shovel hits something, I'll call you," Mick said.

Before he could hang up Steve added: "Uhm… anything on the other target?"

Now this one he didn't want Danny to know about. Especially seeing how everyone on Five-0 seemed hell bent on protecting Rowan from him.

"Yeah, sent my buddy over there to watch her for a bit. Girl's quiet as a church mouse. She's in the hospital after all. Not like she can do much. He says she kicked a visitor out today, and she had her first round of physio…"

"Yeah and how did that go?" Steve asked.

"You're not paying me to get her files, kid," Mick said in the most patronizing tone every. "Other than that, she and her boyfriend haven't done much. Except apparently her and the boyfriend don't care about getting handsy in public, even in the hospital he works at."

"Okay thanks," Steve said. "Call me if anything changes."

And then he hung up the phone before Mick could say anything else. His stomach was turning over. He didn't want to think about Alex touching Rowan. His Rowan. Fuck. He didn't like this at all. He wanted to know how her arm was doing. He wanted to know if she was getting movement or feeling back in her arm.

Steve glanced over to Danny who was staring at him. That untrusting squinting glare crawling up and down his face. Steve hated that look it gave him the shivers.

"Problem?" he asked.

"No," Danny answered quickly.

"Then why are you staring at me?" Steve asked.

"You hired somebody to run surveillance on your mother?" Danny shot back. Well. Danny had him there.

"Okay, I know what you're going to say," Steve started after a moment's hesitation. At least this was all that Danny was interested in. If he was lucky maybe he wouldn't have gotten that the other mark was Rowan.

"Yeah? What am I going to say?" Danny asked with an amused smirk on his face.

"That hiring somebody to spy on their mother is the act of a crazy person," Steve told him. Which was word for word something Danny had said to him, almost, the first time it was just Catherine so it was phrased slightly different. But it was the same gist.

"Yeah. But I would've used different words, like wack job or psychopath. Crazy works, though. That works," Danny agreed.

Steve sighed. "I had no choice, okay?"

"Have you ever tried speaking to your mother like a human being? Like normal people do?" Danny asked. Steve scoffed of course not. McGarrett's didn't talk about feelings. They weren't open about things. They were closed off and cryptic. Why didn't Danny get that?

"What am I going to say?" Steve cried. "Mom I know you're running a covert op. What is it?"

"Yeah, that would work," Danny said and Steve found himself staring at him in shock. What kind of world did Danny live in where that would work? Because Steve would've loved to visit it one day.

"Look, if she's in the game why don't you confront her? Right? I mean, don't bring in an outside source. If she finds out that her son put a tail on her, I promise you, I promise, it will end badly," Danny argued.

"It's not gonna end badly," Steve reasoned. "This guy wrote the book on surveillance. My mother is never gonna see it coming."

Danny nodded. "Are you also gonna admit that you put a tail on Rowan too?" he asked.

"Rowan?" Steve asked feigning surprise. "Why would you think I put a tail on Rowan?"

"Because Rowan's the only girl in the hospital that you'd want to stalk. And Alex is the only person we know who works in a hospital other than Leilani," Danny listed off and Steve swallowed the urge to cuss him out. "Also, we all figured that once we squashed your dreams of getting us or HPD to tail her that you'd branch out to a PI. Only took what... a week? Couldn't have waited another three days, could have won the pot and split it with you. Now Chin's gonna gloat."

"You guys were betting on whether or not I'd put surveillance on Rowan?" Steve asked through grit teeth.

"Yeah, Kono figured you'd've already done it. I figured somewhere between a week to two weeks. Max thought two weeks. Chin said a week or less. Kamekona figured you'd do it yourself. He almost won, if those bags got any deeper we would have all conceded that you weren't sleeping due to being up all night stalking Rowan," Danny explained.

Steve avoided Danny's eyes and focused on driving. Of course, he wasn't sleeping. He couldn't sleep. He stayed up, his mind and heart somewhere else on the island. With Rowan. Wide awake and wanting her. There were many a night he drove over to the hospital just to feel close to her. Other nights he sat on his lanai staring up at the stars and wondering if she was looking at the same ones. Mostly though, he just stayed up late and drank until the pain was manageable again.

"I just want to make sure she's alright," Steve whispered. "I don't see what's so wrong with that."

Danny sighed. "It's not. Except she doesn't want you to. And honestly… you are getting a bit stalkerish," Danny told him. Steve struggled to get his breathing at a normal rate. He hated that Danny was right but he couldn't bring himself to make it stop. "Steve. You need to get over Rowan just as badly as Rowan needs to get over you. But unlike Rowan, you're not giving yourself the chance to do that. You got to let her go."

"Yeah. Okay," Steve said hollowly because it was the only thing that could get Danny to shut up. Even though Danny didn't believe him, Steve could see out of the corner of his eyes. The way that Danny's face crinkled with worry.

He was right. Steve knew he was right. But Steve also knew that he wouldn't be able to let her go as easily as everyone seemed to be expecting him to. It wasn't that he wasn't trying it was that it was much harder than he thought it would be.

Steve shook his head clear and kept driving. He needed to keep his head in the game. He needed a game plan.

H5O-H5O-H5O-H5O

Trevor Pierce walked into the Coroner's office to the sound of a discordant jazz piano. He found an average looking Asian man in a white lab coat was plugging away and swaying with the music. It had thought it would take a lot to get away from his father in order to start searching for Rowan. The further they got away from the initial drop point the more focused and moody his father had become. He hadn't even noticed that Trevor had left the boat the last couple of days, he probably hadn't noticed today either. Trevor let him finish before clapping and signifying his presence.

The man turned around a blushed before getting up and apologizing to him. "No need, didn't want to interrupt you as you jammed out," Trevor said offering him a hand to shake. "My name is Trevor Pierce, and I loved you're playing."

"Why thank you, Mr. Pierce," he said in a slipped tone. The kind people used when they were used to be super formal. "I'm Dr. Bergman, I was unaware I was getting visitors. Are you hear to identify a body?"

"No. I was hoping you may have found one," Trevor said. Yeah, that had gotten him weird looks at three hospital and five different morgues before someone pointed him in this direction.

"Pardon me?"

"About a year ago, maybe eight months ago. A body may have washed up. A girl. Maybe twenty-six. Dark brown hair like mine, maybe dyed red that faded to blonde? She would have had eyes just like mine," he said.

Dr. Bergman stared at him. He had a strange look about him like he wanted to say something but he was weighing the options.

"No, I don't think anyone with that description passed my autopsy table," Dr. Bergman told him. "But eight months is a long time. If you leave me with a detailed description and a contact number and I'll go through my files and then get back to you."

Trevor nodded rushing to fill out that information for him. This was the first positive turn in his search he had found. Maybe he'd get lucky and she'd be here. Then he could tell his dad what he did and deal with the consequences.

H5O-H5O-H5O-H5O

Steve sat on his couch digging into his MRE rations with a surprising gusto. He figured if he reminded himself of harsher times he'd get over this trauma with Rowan. It was already working, he could feel it. He was a survivor. A Navy Marine. He had survived war torn countries, terrorists and bombings. He could survive heart ache. He could survive a time-travelling interloper bounding in and stealing his heart. In fact, his heart wasn't even stolen. It was still there in his chest. It may have been a bit more damaged than before but he could fix it. He was a Marine damn it. He could fix anything with duct tape and some ingenuity.

Catherine came out of the kitchen with a bowl of regular people food.

"Hey, we missed you surfing yesterday morning," she said to him as she joined him on the couch.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I had something else I had to do," he said quickly between spoonfuls of rations.

"Yeah?" she asked. "What's going on?"

"Oh, nothing. No, it's just some work-related stuff, soo…" he said trailing off so she'd leave it alone.

He tried to ignore her eyes lingering on him. He had been distractingly distant from her. She brought it up frequently. That since Rowan had ended things he seemed lifeless and uninterested in her. Which was true. But he had told her that he had feeling for Rowan, and she knew that Rowan had feelings for him. He had also stupidly told her that he was certain his emotions were brought to light simply because Rowan had been there and readily available. He had lied of course. What else could he do in the face of Rowan's tirade about her feelings trapping her in his world, about the revelation that somewhere down the line he ended up with Catherine? He lied to protect himself, to protect Catherine. And because he couldn't stand to lose someone else so shortly after Rowan had dealt that death blow to his heart.

"I can't believe you turned up my grandmother's ragu for beef stew MRE," she said, scoffing.

Steve forced himself to chuckle. "I had a craving," he said, which wasn't a full lie.

Catherine's eyebrows furrowed together in concern. "For military rations?" she asked.

Instead of answering Steve half turned to her. "Can you do me a favour and pass me that canteen behind you, there, please?"

Catherine watched him for a few seconds before turning, finding the canteen and handing it to him. She watched him take a drink from it with careful eyes, while he did everything to avoid locking eyes with her.

She cleared her throat to get his attention but Steve refused to turn. "You know what, I got my camo in the car. If you want, I can throw them on and we can play out this whole trapped in a foxhole fantasy thing you got going on right now," she told him, raising her eyebrows seductively.

Steve stared at her. It took him a moment to remember that, that was supposed to turn him on. That this was the woman he chose. That in this universe this was who he was supposed to end up with. That he was supposed to be happy with Catherine. Not trying to drown his sorrow and want for another girl in whiskey and beef stew MRE.

So Steve forced himself to smile. He forced himself to move forward. He threw down his meal quickly. "Let's just put that beef stew down," he said before clamouring on top of Catherine who had lay down on the couch arms outstretched and ready to pull him down to her. "You love the foxhole fantasy, don't you?"

He kissed her quickly on the lips before ducking his head into her neck to press soft put insistent kisses there. He took a deep breath and got a mix of lilac and roses. That was Rowan's smell. Had Catherine purposely gone out and gotten Rowan's shampoo? Suddenly he didn't need to pretend that he was interested, his body was taunt and ready to go.

He had frozen. Catherine had stopped giggling. His mother cleared his throat and that gave him the excuse to come apart from her. Then he focused his anger and frustration on something else.

Why the hell was his mother so nicely dressed up?

"Oh, God, I'm sorry," she said, as if she were actually sorry for interrupting them. "Catherine, could you quickly just help me with this?"

Catherine jumped up. "Yeah. Doris, you look amazing," she said. She had been bouncing like a puppy to get on Steve's mother's good side. She had been bouncing to get on everyone's good side since having Rowan thrown out of his life.

Doris smiled as if she meant it and said: "Thank you," like a normal person but there was a hardness in her eyes that even Steve noticed from where he was sitting. He had told his mother and over and over that, while Catherine had said she didn't want Rowan living with him if Rowan had feelings for him, it was ultimately Rowan who had decided to leave. And see how Rowan wanted nothing to do with Doris McGarrett either, he didn't understand why his mother was so insistent on siding with Rowan on the whole Catherine thing.

"What's the occasion?" Catherine asked. Yes, yes, what was the occasion?

"I've got a date," Doris replied.

Now that got Steve's attention. "Sorry, what?" he asked. He better have misheard that because he was not about to deal with that. He had enough on his plate.

The doorbell rang so instead of explaining she pointed to the door and said: "That's probably him."

Steve looked to the door, then back to Doris who was instructing Catherine on where her necklace was stuck. Okay, so it was up to him to open the door. Whoever was on the other side of that door was not going to enjoy the Navy greeting he was about to get.

Steve wasn't expecting Mick though. Carrying a bouquet of flowers.

Steve shut the door in his face too shocked to deal with this new revelation. Mick knocked and Steve had no choice but to open the door again.

"What are you doing here?" he asked in the most dangerous and hushed tone he could manage.

"You told me to keep an eye on your mother," he reminded him. Steve wanted to hit him, this was not what he meant.

"An eye, not a hand. Not any other part of your body," Steve repeated. He got in a little closer and hissed: "She is my mother."

Mick shook his head. "Steve, at my age, they're all mothers or grandmothers. What can I tell you? We got chemistry," he told him and Steve had to bite back his curses.

Doris tugged the door out of Steve's hand and gasped. "Oh! Anthuriums," she cried. "Oh, they're so beautiful. Thank you. Mick, this is Catherine. Catherine, this is Mick."

Catherine leant in. "Very nice to meet you," she said as Mick shook her hand and asked: "Hi, how are you?"

"And I think you already know Steve," she said pointing to him. It was the way she said it though. Like she knew more than she was letting on. "I'll go put these in water, you wanna wait in the car?"

"Yeah, but don't be too long because we got reservations," he said and Doris smiled.

Catherine shook her head. "Oh, Doris, let me take the flowers," pulling them from his mother's grasp before she could say anything else. Steve avoided Mick's smirk. He tried to think of anything else other then what Mick wanted to do with his mother. He ignored Mick's whisper of chemistry before he turned to go to the car because if he didn't he'd chase the man down and break his face.

As his mother went by him she whispered: "You know, if you wanted to know what I was up to you could have just asked."

She leant in quickly and pressed a kissed to his cheek. Great so his mom did know who Mick was. Maybe this was all just to punish him.

"And you should probably pull the tail off of Rowan. At this rate every PI on the island is going to be tailing her," she added and then skipped off into the night giggling and calling out: "Don't wait up."

Steve watched her go that old worry and concern rising to the surface. Doris was hiding something. He couldn't hire a PI because she could easily make them, and he should have realized that. And on top of that she had just implied that someone else, or maybe multiple someone's, had put surveillance on Rowan. How did she know about the tail on Rowan anyway? Was he that predictable?

But he couldn't ask his mother that. He'd have to wait until she came home. And best believe he'd be waiting all night for her to come home if he had to. His phone rang and Steve quickly picked up the call his heart stopping when he heard Max's voice uttering the one sentence that he wished he wouldn't hear.

You know how you told me to call you if a man came in asking about Rowan? Well… he was just here.

Fuck. Now what was he going to do?