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AvalonReeseFanFics

A/N: HEY GUYS! So, this chapter is a little bit of filler to see how everyone's doing. As I'm the queen of angst… well… there's gonna be a whole bunch of angst. BUT! It's not all bad. We have Rowan starting to straighten out her life, find her own source of income and starting to chase her dreams a bit. (Keep in mind Rowan has never been alone, she's always been with Trevor, and when not with Trevor she was with her friend Sarah or her parents so this is like a BIG DEAL). I'm also going start a count down. IN 9 UPDATES Y'ALL ARE GONNA GET TO READ THE FIRST OF SOMETHING! I'm making it a much bigger deal than it is, but as it's their first proper one I thought it might be fun to count down to when we get it. ALSO we got something big coming as of Feb 14th, be prepared people! See you Friday and don't forget to review!

Chapter 64

A week had gone by since she dropped all contact with the Five-0's. A week where she clung to Alex like glue because she had no one else. A week where she stared at her phone and wished she had text messages from the people who used to be her friends. A week where she wrote the most songs she had ever written in her life.

A week that almost ended her and Alex because she drove him up the wall because even though she was no longer talking to Steve she was still dreaming about him. Still dreaming about terrorists cutting off his head, of him and Danny getting stuck in a collapsed building. Steve getting shot. Chin being tortured and emancipated by a man with dominance issues. Kono's throat slit by Yakuza.

The nightmares got worse. And Alex didn't like being woken up every night cause his girlfriend was screaming another man's name. Especially if that name was Steve.

Alex no longer feigned understanding. He just wanted it all to stop, so she stopped talking to him about the dreams. She'd merely apologize and combine it with some sort of sexual act to mollify him. Usually a blow job. He loved her blowjobs.

But even though he was constantly upset with her, Alex still tried his very hardest to be a good boyfriend. Which was how, before going in for an audition with Atlantic Records, he was dropping her off at Governor Denning's office.

"I'll call you when we're done, sound good," he said as he leant in for a kiss. Rowan accepted it quickly and then hopped out of the band's van.

She wished them luck and then rushed into the town hall. She glanced around at her surroundings wondering if Steve could be lurking around any corners. She both dreaded and relished the thought of seeing him again.

It took a lot of willpower to remind herself that she needed to be strong. She couldn't run back to Steve whenever she was lonely or missed him.

She got to the Governor's office and let herself in. He was on the phone at the time, was slightly startled by her appearance, but when she just calmly sat down in one of the chairs in front of his desk, he adverted his eyes from her and continued to talk as if she wasn't there.

Once the phone call was done he pinned her with a stern glare and a sigh. "You know, I find it quite odd that you always end up in my office after you end things with McGarrett. What is this… the third time now? Ended things with the whole Five-0 team this time though… or so I heard," he said. Rowan blanched how had he known that? Why did he even care? "You gotta give that poor boy a break, I swear he's going to go crazy if you keep doing this to him."

Rowan shook her head. That wasn't important. Steve didn't need her, and he wasn't going crazy. He was just fine without her. They all were.

"It was necessary," Rowan tried to wave off but Denning was far from impressed.

"I doubt it, the boy's gonna get himself killed at the rate. He's been even more reckless since you cut him out… again!" Denning snapped. Even more reckless? For god's sake was that even possible? "What do I have to pay you to fix this?"

"Sorry, not fixable," she said. "But I did come for a favour."

"Of course, you need a favour," Denning sighed. "You don't have the Five-0s anymore, Wo Fat's in Colorado so I'm all you have left."

The two of them stared at each other. Rowan didn't know what to say, it was true, obviously, but this wasn't going the way she wanted it to go.

"So what do you want?" he asked.

"A reference," she answered. "For my resume. Cause… well… I need one. I can't ask any of the Five-0's and… uh… well… I don't think an international criminal is a good reference… you know?"

Sam Denning just stared at her before a smile broke out on his face. "A reference? You're here for a reference? What job are you going for?"

"Uhm… well… all sorts, you know? I want to build up my experience," she said.

"Let's see that resume," he ordered. Rowan had expected this though so she brought it out of her purse and handed it to him. He chuckled at it. "I see you already have me down."

"I haven't handed it out yet, I wanted permission first," she said.

"It's quite sparse," he said. "No schooling, no previous experience, how do you plan to explain that?"

Rowan sighed. "I don't know. I plan to start small and go from there," she admitted.

He nodded. "That's a good plan," he said. "You know what, I can do one more than giving you a reference, I can give you a starter job. Tomorrow, you can be my receptionist. If you do good work, I'll keep you on a temp, you can fill in when we need it."

"Wow, really?" she cried with a big grin on her face. That was more than she bargained for. "I'd love that."

"Good, it will also help me give you an actually actuate reference," he said. "I take it that was all?"

Rowan nodded. She knew a dismissal when she heard one. She thanked him again and rushed out of the office. She wanted to call Alex and tell him it worked, but he was probably still in the audition. And with her songs she knew that they would be getting signed today. She went to the closest Starbucks, feeling good enough about herself and her situation that she felt like she could justify a six dollar sugary coffee concoction.

She didn't even get to the front of the line before her phone rang and Alex was demanding that she meet him and the van at the curb where he had dropped her off. She left Starbucks-less and more than disappointed but also excited to hear how the audition went. But once she got there she saw that it had not gone well.

"What happened?" she asked as soon as she was sitting in the front seat beside Alex.

"They were just a bunch of fascist sell outs who didn't understand our music," Alex snapped to her and Rowan frowned.

She wanted to say: "But they loved my songs before when I sang them," but she couldn't bring up the alternative reality she came from when Alex assumed that she had let that "delusion" go and she was perfectly sane except for the psychic visions. So instead she said: "Those bastards," to him winning her a bit of a grin from him.

"Well you have the EP almost ready to go, we'll advertise the hell out of it, maybe I can get a few more upscale gigs, and make them beg to sign us," she said giving him a stern nod. This won her a cheer from Alex and his band mates and Rowan forced herself to smile and keep her own good news to herself. She didn't want to see crass by flaunting her own successful endeavour, plus Alex hadn't asked.

But while they all complained around her about the unfairness of the music world and how they didn't really want good music around to compete with the pop garbage they were funding, Rowan was thinking of a plan. A way to make Atlantic Records sign her again. They had done it before, she was sure she could get them to do it again.

H5O-H5O-H5O-H5O

Two and half weeks had gone by since Rowan had left their lives. Steve was an emotional wreck, easy to snap, the first to throw a punch and twice as reckless as he usually was. Chin was sulky, missing both Kono and Rowan and well Danny… Danny couldn't care less about what Rowan was doing. Though everyone complained that he was twice as grumpy and sarcastic as before. She wanted to write them all off, fine. She can be an ungrateful brat, he didn't give a shit. But she better not come crying to them the second she got herself into trouble again.

Until Grace called him crying because Rowan had not gone to the Aloha Girls meeting. In fact, according to their Troop Leader, Rowan had quit. She was no longer responding to Grace's texts or phone calls and his daughter didn't know what she had done wrong. And that was when Danny got mad. Cutting him off was one thing, but why Grace?

Rowan was going to get one stern talking to, whether she wanted it or not.

Danny pounded on the door. He didn't care who answered so long as someone answered. He waited a few seconds before he pounded again. He then listened carefully to the sounds behind the door. He heard a soft shuffling, and an even softer whisper.

"Open the fucking door, Rowan!" he shouted at the wood and after the locks turned the door opened and a scowling Rowan was staring at him.

"You could at least have given me a chance to open the door," she said sulkily. Danny ignored her and pushed past her and into the apartment. Rowan sarcastically snapped: "Come on in."

"I have a bone to pick with you!" he snapped pointing at her. "Where's the clueless nurse?"

"Alex," she clarified. "He's at work. What do you want Daniel?"

"Don't you fucking Daniel me! You didn't go the Aloha Girl's meeting last night, why?" he asked. Rowan's eyes fell to the ground. She looked upset. "I get you're mad at Steve. I get you're mad at me, but Grace loves seeing you and you're avoiding her now too."

"Because I have to," she whispered.

"You have to?" Danny snapped. "No you fucking don't. Steve's not going to come anywhere near you, he's so mad if he sees you again he'll arrest you on sight. But my daughter doesn't know that. All she knows is that her favourite Auntie Ro won't go to Aloha Girls anymore or pick up her calls."

"I know, But she said… and I can't… and I just… I just had to okay?" she cried. She had tears in her eyes that were starting to flow down her cheeks. "I had to do something! She was so mad. And she was right about Steve and me and I tried to argue but she's scary and she said EVERYONE and I mean everyone and I miss Grace and I miss you and I miss Steve and I miss Chin. I miss Kono and Adam and going to the food truck. I hate Alex's friends. I hate that I only go to band practices and I hate how his groupies look at me like I'm nothing or ugly or undeserving. I hate it. But I have to cause if I don't I'll make things worse so stop making it so hard for me!"

She was crying now. She wiped away her tears stubbornly and Danny stared at her. A lot of information was shouted at him right there. There were a lot of things to pick up on. Most importantly was that whatever had happened earlier that week had not been because she wanted to, someone had made her. The problem was who. Who told her to kick everyone out of her life? Danny had a theory but for her sake he better be wrong.

"Okay. So someone made you stop seeing all of us. Right?" Danny asked and Rowan blanched. "That's what I got from that."

"I can't talk about it Danny," she said.

"Yes you can. And you better. Or I'll hand cuff you to me and take you to work," he threated. "You wanna come to work with me and see Steve?"

"Danny, please," she cried, those tears forming again. "I'm trying to not make things worse. I'm trying to make everyone happy!"

"Rowan! Who told you to stop talking to us? Tell me!" he shouted.

"CATHERINE!" she shouted right back at him and then they stood there in the weighted silence of her confession. She caught her breath and wiped her tears away. "Look… she had every right to be mad at me. She saw what happened at the airport. She saw Steve almost kissed me. She brought up some good points."

"Fucking Catherine Rollins shouldn't determine who the fuck you choose to spend your time with," Danny growled.

"But she was right. I can't move on, Steve can't move on and all because I keep hovering. I shouldn't be friends with you or Chin, because then I'm infringing on Steve's life," she told him. Clearly she had bought that pack of lies, which was ridiculous to him because she didn't ever listen to him or Steve. But she'd listen to Catherine? It made no sense to him. "But I didn't know how to say that to you guys without flat out saying: Yeah Catherine said I can't play with you guys anymore. That would make her the bad guy and she's not."

"Yeah, but that made you the bad guy," Danny growled.

Rowan avoided his eyes and wrung his hands. "I thought it would make things easier for everyone," she admitted.

"That is the stupidest thing I ever heard," Danny snapped. "What about you? You deserve to be happy as well, Rowan."

Rowan looked away from him like she didn't want to tell him that she didn't believe that. Well, fuck this. He couldn't spend all his time making sure Rowan knew she deserved to be happy. This wasn't a one mad job. He needed support here. He needed to tell Chin what happened, Chin would understand, forgive her and help him out. But most importantly, he needed to tell Steve what his girlfriend had done.

"You can't tell him," Rowan said as if she were reading his mind. Danny scowled at her. "You can't. It'll ruin everything and she'll be twice as mad at me."

Danny sighed. Of course it would ruin things. Steve would be livid that Rowan did all of that just because his girlfriend got a little pissy. Maybe then Steve would just fucking admit to Rowan that he liked her, that he wanted to date her and the two of them would stop doing this crazy dance around each other. Of course Danny would lose out on that bet to Kono, but Kono had won all their other bets so it essentially it wasn't that bad to his already dinged pride. And Steve and Rowan's happiness was more important than him winning what should have been an easy five hundred dollars.

But Rowan looked so upset and worried that Danny knew he wasn't going to tell Steve. Rowan would probably have a heart attack and end up back in the hospital, and Steve probably wouldn't say anything to her and choose to stare at her from a far instead.

"Alright, here's the deal," Danny said. "You're not going to avoid me anymore. You're gonna continue going to Aloha Girls, you're gonna return Grace's calls and I won't tell Steve what happened it can be our little secret."

"She was very clear…" Rowan started.

"Catherine Rollins doesn't get to decide who I see, Rowan. And she sure as hell doesn't get to dictate who Grace gets to hang out with," Danny snapped. "You are my friend. Do you understand? You are my friend and I want you in my life. Alright?"

Rowan was crying again. He knew she wasn't sad, she was just happy, or relieved to not have this carry that weight around on her own anymore. She suddenly hugged him, and he almost chuckled at her as he hugged her back.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed into his shoulder.

Danny patted her back. "It's okay, Ro. I forgive you," he said to her. "But call Grace."

Rowan smiled weakly at him as she wiped her tears away. "Okay, I'll go shoot her a text, let me get my phone."

Danny watched her go. He had just entered a very dangerous territory, one that was going to be filled with lies and subterfuge. He was going to become a McGarrett all spies and lies, tricks and treason. And possibly a dash of betrayal if and when Steve ever found out what he was doing. He was going to have to keep this secret. He'd have no choice. Because if he told Steve what happened, Rowan was right, it would ruin everything. Steve would lose his damn mind, Catherine would probably beat her up and Danny didn't want to deal with that.

He was in a bad position, obviously. But he'd deal with it. He'd deal with it because Rowan needed someone other than Alex. Because Grace wanted Rowan in her life, and if he had to admit it, he actually kinda liked having Rowan around. She was loyal but reasonable, kind of like how he wished Steve was.

He'd make this work. He'd keep this secret. Everything was going to be fine.

So long as Steve didn't find out.

H5O-H5O-H5O-H5O

Steve woke up to an empty bed and found himself frowning. Ro… no Catherine should have been with him. That was who he had gone to bed with last night. She may not have been on his mind as he fell asleep, he may not have dreamed of her, but she was the one he had taken to bed. She was the one he had rocked the world of before they fell asleep last night.

She should have been there. It was too early for her to have gone anywhere. Steve sighed and forced himself up and out of his bed. There was no urgency in finding her, not like there should have been, not like there was those times he woke up and Rowan was gone.

Fucking Rowan.

Four weeks of no contact and he was still no better. She still ran circles around his mind. Comparing Catherine to her. Thinking about her and what she could be doing at that moment. The answer was always Alex and he hated thinking about someone else in her, on her or touching her. Dreaming about her and the perfect life they could have had if he had just been smart enough or brave enough to tell her how he felt, or if she had just let go of Wo Fat.

Steve made his way downstairs and found Catherine on his lanai. Just sitting and staring off at the sunrise and the water. She was sitting in Rowan's chair again. God, he needed to move that fucking chair.

"Morning," he said as he leant against the back of the chair.

Catherine smiled up to him and whispered a: "Good Morning" back to him.

"You nervous about today?" he asked.

Catherine was quiet for a moment before saying: "I just can't believe after so many years, today's the last day that I'm going to be putting on a uniform."

Steve sighed again. He felt bad. He sort of knew what she was going through but he had something to fall back on. Not as great as what Catherine had, but at least he had something. "I'm not gonna lie to you and tell you it's an easy transition because it's not, okay" he said, because it was true, it wasn't easy. "But you're gonna be fine."

Catherine said nothing but just turned her eyes back up to him. Steve tried to look into her eyes but it made his stomach roil and he felt the grimace coming up on his face so he looked out to the waves to calm himself. "I mean, you should be excited. This is… this is like a new chapter in your life. It's the beginning of a new adventure."

He clapped a hand to her shoulder and then walked around the chair so she didn't have to crane her neck to look at him. She eyed him carefully before asking: "Are you sure it doesn't bother you?"

Steve had a feeling he knew what she was asking but he still countered with his own question: "What?"

"Billy being my new boss?" she reminded him.

Ah yes. He was right. That was what she was worried about. They had talked about this before. About how she was worried about working with Billy. About how Steve would feel. About how she was worried it would send him straight back to Rowan. Rowan's temper tantrum, the kicking of the Five-0's out of her life, had put an end to Catherine's worries about Rowan. Not Steve's, of course, but at least Catherine was at ease.

Now she only worried about how he was going to react with her working with an ex for a boss. God he should have cared a little more. Like Really. But he had to put on a show for her.

"Why, because he's your ex?" he asked. Catherine gave him a knowing smirk, one that told him she kind of wanted him to freak out over this. Well too bad, he was too tired for this. "No, it doesn't bother me. I'm fine."

There was on a beat of silence between that confession and her smothered giggles. "You're lying, you're totally lying," she said with this big huge grin on her face.

Steve found himself smiling too. Well alright then, if that was what it took to make her smile like that then he could do that. He could make at least one girl in his life happy. "Well, of course I'm lying," he said to her. "Look, I trust you, okay? That's all I need. Okay?"

Catherine nodded at him. She mumbled out a soft good. He waited. Waited to see if she'd say something like we'll you'd freak out more if it were Rowan, but it thankfully never came. She got up instead, put her arms around his neck and moved in to kiss him. Except his phone started ringing. Saved by the case!

Exactly what he needed right now. Something to take his mind off of everything.

"I gotta get that," he told her.

She groaned but whispered: "Yeah I know," to him before she pulled his lips to hers. The kiss was soft and quick and then Steve was rushing off.

"I'll call you later," he shot his shoulder and then disappeared into the house to change. All he needed was proper change of clothes and he'd be on his way to another distraction.