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AvalonReeseFanFics
A/N: HEY guys, surprise! So I'm posting early this week because I'm driving up to Ottawa tomorrow (which is about 4 hours away from me) and I foresee that I won't be able to post on time, so instead of being late… I'm gonna be EARLY! WOOT WOOT! So, no post tomorrow cause I'm giving it to you guys today. Alright guys, we have a series of really long chapters coming. This one is 13 and I think the next few are either between 13 and 15. So… I hope you guys enjoy that. But we get to see a little bit of Steve regretting his decision and being an ass. Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter too and I'll see you guys on Tuesday!
Chapter 104
Steve opened the door to his office and was immediately in shock by what he saw. Big white numbers written on glass planes, sticky notes and paper stuck everywhere. And in the middle of it all was Jerry who was staring at him with appraising eyes, as if he was expecting Steve to freak out.
"Uh… hey," he said and Jerry looked around at the chaos he had created and then had the nerve to fucking smile.
"Uh… I know what you're thinking. A Beautiful Mind. I get it. Don't worry. Marker's erasable, and I can clean this in five minutes. You won't even know I was here."
Steve, with hands on his hips took another look at what he was surrounded by and then asked: "What is all this stuff?"
"Well, I was thinking about what you said, about Shelburne being misspelled. You see, a lot of codes use ciphers that don't repeat letters. Shelburne has two es but on the toolbox, there's only one. Now, one of the ciphers that eliminates repeat letters is called Polybius Square. I think that's what the PS stands for in the last line."
"Polybius Square," Steve echoed walking around his desk and looking a all the numbers that and letters and crazy looking math equations.
"Boom. You see that? You and me, finishing each other's sentences!" Jerry crowed.
Steve turned to him. He was in a bad mood, his face was still sore from the beating he had taken, he was pretty sure his arm was fractured and he was just ignoring it, heart was sore from the emotional beating it had taken, and he just wanted this case to be over so he could go home and drink the pain away.
"Well, you just told me what…" he started and then trailed off. Jerry looked so excited and it wasn't really his fault that Rowan was being unreasonable, her brother was trying to seriously injury him or that Steve had fucked up his burgeoning relationship with Rowan so badly. "Oh, alright. I got it. Can we…? I don't have all day is all…"
He hoped letting him down lightly was better then whatever sassy remark was going to fly out of him before.
Jerry looked a little crestfallen but luckily he moved on. He sat down at Steve's desk and pressed a single key on the laptop he had borrowed. "I constructed this Polybius Square and I used the code name "Shelburne" to decipher the two other letter sequences on the toolbox, and it gave me these numbers. It's pretty cool, right?"
"Sure," Steve answered automatically, normally he'd be geeking out, but today, he wasn't feeling it. "It'd be cooler if I knew what the numbers meant though."
"The Q in the first sequence is actually the Greek Symbol Phi…" "… Phi… which is sometimes used to denote latitude."
Great now they really were finishing each other's sentences.
Jerry was pulling up the maps on the Five-0 Tablet as Steve asked: "Wait… so these are geographic coordinates?"
"Exactly," Jerry said smugly handing over the tablet. "and your mystery location is…."
"Cambodia," Steve muttered and his heart sunk down to his stomach. "Son of a bitch. It's Cambodia. It's mother fucking Cambodia."
"Oh… did something go down with your dad in that part of the world?"
Steve sighed. "No… No Jerry… before my mom left… she and Rowan got into it, and she… she tried to shoot Rowan."
"In Cambodia?"
"No, over something Rowan knew about Cambodia," he sighed.
Jerry's eyebrows furrowed. "But… if Rowan knows about Cambodia, why didn't she just tell you? Why did she make me find a clue?"
"You know… Jerry… Jerry it's complicated. You know? Rowan… she's… she's just… a complicated girl…"
"Is she a spy too?" Jerry asked and Steve couldn't get the no out of him fast enough.
"Jerry, can you do me a favour… can you uh… can you call Rowan and tell her that you've had an emergency and you need her here…"
"Uh… why don't you just…" "Because she's not talking to me right now, can you do it or not?"
"Yeah, sure," Jerry said with a shrug and Steve sighed in relief.
"Okay, I can give you her…" "—Oh, don't worry about it, I already have her number." "And how did you get her number?"
Jerry looked up from Steve's desk phone and just froze like a deer in the headlights. Great. Just Great Not only was Rowan right about Cambodia, but she was better friends with Jerry then she was with him. God.
H5O-H5O-H5O-H5O
"Why did you trick me into coming to the Palace, if you were just going to put me in the Camaro?" Rowan asked. She ignored Steve's glare by pointedly not looking into the rear-view mirror. "Why didn't you just pick me up?"
Rowan finally turned her scowl away from the window and in Steve's direction but as he was driving he didn't notice. Before this they had been sharing covert glances through the rear-view mirror, now he wouldn't even look at her. When she answered Jerry's distress call she had assumed he was calling because Steve wasn't there, it was quite upsetting to know that he even had Jerry, sweet previously very loveable Jerry, doing his dirty work for him.
"We didn't think we'd get a lead on a case," Danny said. Steve took the corner terribly aggressively, so much so that both Rowan and Danny were slammed into their respective car doors.
"Slow down!" Danny yelled at him while Rowan struggled to get herself into a sitting up position that wouldn't land her in the next seat. Maybe she could double seatbelt herself in.
"What's wrong with you? What's the matter?"
"What's the matter with you?" Danny shouted back. "What, you're mad at Rowan so you're gonna get us all killed?"
"No. No. I am not mad at Rowan," Steve snapped and when silence met him he frowned and said: "Okay I'm a little mad at Rowan, but that doesn't explain your over reacting today!"
Steve took another turn a little too aggressively and this time Rowan gripped Danny's passenger seat very tightly so she wouldn't go flying.
"For God sake, you animal! Slow down!"
"What are you talking about? It's like your first time on a rollercoaster or something."
"No. Roller coasters aren't this scary. Okay? This is petrifying."
"Danny. Danny. Danny…" "WHAT?!" "—We've done this 118 times."
"And I have been petrified 118 times. Okay? I'm just verbalizing it."
"Verbalizing?" Steve echoed.
"Oh yeah, it means to be verbal," Rowan clarified and Steve scowled in her general direction via the rear-view mirror.
"I know what it means, Rowan," he snapped and then took a call from Catherine and Kono probably to stop himself from losing another argument against her and Danny. Rowan sat back in the car not really caring about what was going on. She wanted to know why Steve wanted her so badly he made Jerry call her and pretend to be in trouble.
"If she wasn't abused, why did she want to murder her own father?" Steve thundered, well that got Rowan's attention.
"For the insurance money," Rowan said before she could register she was talking. Was that true?
"What?"
"Actually, yeah, that's right," Kono said. "Her father had a platinum insurance policy and Kelly was the only beneficiary." Steve shook his head at her but ended the call. As soon as it was quiet Rowan leant forward.
"Maybe next time we should let me drive," Rowan.
"No… what… no way… what the hell are you thinking? You in a car chase?"
"Well I mean, I'm better than you," Rowan muttered.
"She's got a point," Danny said. "She's wicked smooth on turns, I was never as scared with Rowan as I am with you."
"Why do you always side with her, why do you two side with each other?" Steve suddenly shouted. "I mean really, you're supposed to be my best friend… Rowan's supposed to be my… I unno what she is right now but she's supposed to be something. Why are neither of you, EVER, on my side?"
"Really we're going to do this right now?" Danny asked just as Rowan asked: "You just got back together with Catherine. What do you think I'm supposed to be?"
Luckily for Steve he didn't have to answer either question, he just stared at her with a panicked look on his face through the rear-view mirror, but they pulled up to the crime scene and then he and Danny left her behind.
Rowan sighed, she slowly got out from behind the passenger seat. She slowly made her way to where Steve and Danny were standing. They were surrounded by cops. There was a single car sitting in the middle of the police barricade and Rowan had this ominous feeling that something terrible was going to happen settling in her bones. She made the mistake of putting her hand to Steve's elbow for comfort. This was a mistake for two reasons.
One. Steve was now aware that she was there. And he was telling her to go back to the car. Two. She got a vision.
That poor innocent, manipulated boy was literally seconds away from getting shot.
Rowan ignored Steve. She refused to move. She was staring at the scene unfolding in front of her. The girl who caused all of this, Kelly, had gotten out of the car and was now running forward screaming "Help! He's gotta gun," Steve was screaming "Don't fire, don't fire," and Rowan… well Rowan just ran forward and Steve's screams turned into something else entirely.
But Rowan couldn't get distracted by Steve's horrified cries of her name not when she was literally charging a young unstable boy with a gun. To be honest, she wasn't sure how she managed to do it in the first place. How she got past Steve. How she got past that line of cops with their gun's cocked and ready to shoot. How she had managed to duck all those outstretched hands that were desperate to hold her back. But she had managed to evade everyone that had tried to stop her and then she was running, fear budding in her stomach, worried they'd shoot her by accident, but she was lucky. Steve's frantic screams were now echoed by Danny and Duke.
Civilian. Don't shoot. Don't shoot. For god sake. DON'T SHOOT HER!
Poor Tommy slid to a stop, eyes wide in horror staring at her so Rowan came to a stop as well. She raised her hands out to ward him off, to show him that she wasn't armed.
"Hi, hi, hi, Tommy… uh… hi… I'm Rowan. I'm Rowan Pierce. And… I need… I need you to just keep looking at me," she said to him, his eyes darted behind her to the cops with all their guns, to probably Steve who was probably having an aneurism. "They're not going to shoot you, not when I'm here, not when I'm in the way. Okay. Okay? So you're okay. But you're… not gonna lie, this is a shitty situation."
"She… she tricked…"
"Yes, I know. I know. Honey yes, you got tricked. I know what happened, but more importantly, that man behind me, he's got the impossibly blue eyes and the Kevlar that reads Five-0, he knows what really happened. Okay? And that's good cause Five-0… they help people, people in situations like yours. Okay? So if you give me the gun," at this point she edged forward, just slightly, arm outstretched to accept the gun. "If you give me the gun Tommy, me and Steve, Five-0, we're going to help you."
Tears were streaming down his face. His hand was shaking, the gun trembling in his grip, half raised, sort of in her direction. "His gun… his gun…"
At this Rowan turned, and there was Steve, less then five feet away from her, a determined angry look on his face that stupid pistol with the flashlight attached to it was raised and aimed at him. He must have been inching towards her, getting ready to back her up or shoot him if it looked like she was going to get shot first. Rowan put a hand out to him. "Back up."
"Rowan," he growled in warning and in that one word, that one utterance of her name, she knew that Steve was utterly terrified.
"Steve, you're freaking him out, put the gun away and back up now!"
His jaw was twitching. She could see it. A terrible fire burned in his eyes, he was ready, ready to move, ready to shoot, and if he did, if Rowan put him in a situation where he had to pull that trigger to save her, he'd feel guilty for the rest of his life. But Steve listened her to her, he holstered his gun, hands raised he backed away, his eyes holding hers. That angry fire, burning through her. Oh god she was going to be in so much trouble when this was over.
Rowan turned back and saw that Tommy had lowered the gun entirely. He was full out crying now.
"See, see, it's okay," she said to him. "He's lowered the gun. We're going to help you, but you have to give me the gun, you have to end this okay?"
Tommy shook his head. "I can't… I… I killed someone…" he sobbed.
"You thought you were saving her, okay? We know that, we know that now, alright? Just come on, please let me help you," she whispered. She slowly inched towards him, each step building up that nervous knot in her stomach, at any point in time this kid could change his mind at any point in time and shoot her. But she was lucky.
She got close enough and the gun clattered out of his hand and the kid collapsed into her. Rowan held him, she hugged him tightly as he sobbed into her shoulder. He was there, trying to soothe the boy with soft pets, for two seconds before she shouted: "Steve!" and he was there.
He peeled Tommy off of her and clapped the handcuffs on him. Rowan let out her breathe in one shuddering exhale and then her legs gave out. She collapsed to the ground, shaking and unable to get up. She had never been so scared in her life. She felt Steve above her before she heard him groan out her name.
"Rowan, Rowan, what are you doing on the ground?"
She turned up to him. "My legs gave out."
Steve looked between the guy he was handcuffing and her and then he shouted: "Danny!" on the top of his lungs.
"Yeah, yeah, you maniac, I'm right here," Danny said appearing beside them. He took the kid from Steve and the Steve had hoisted her up.
She couldn't help herself as soon as his strong arms were around her she threw herself at him. Throwing her arms around his neck and burying herself in his strong muscular chest and breathing in the soothing manly scent that belonged just to him. Steve held her back, his own grip just as tight, his lips against her neck so she could feel each shaking inhale and exhale he took. He must have been scared too.
"Thanks," she whispered and Steve pulled his head out of her neck to nod to her a sudden smirk donning his face. He was so close she could have kissed him and god she wanted to.
"You know… if you had been with Alex… you would have been shot."
Okay, and now she didn't want to at all.
Rowan groaned and then let go of him, putting a good three steps worth of distance between them. Steve just stared at her, like he didn't understand why she didn't want to be near him, with his arms outstretching in Danny's signature what gives motion.
"Steve, we were having a moment… I could have kissed you…"
"Really? I'd take a kiss," he said a roguish rakish grin on his face. God now she wanted to kiss him again. Be strong Rowan!
"Well I'm not gonna kiss you now!" she shouted. "Not if you're gonna be a dick!"
"Hey! It was just the truth!" Steve cried, chasing after her as she headed for the line of police cars she had previous left behind. Steve had more to say, more lectures, but Rowan put her fingers in her ears.
She playfully turned to him, grinning as she did so. "I can't hear you," she sang causing him to shake his head. As she rushed away singing "La, la, la, la," to herself she could still hear and feel Steve jogging towards her, she wasn't fast enough to out run him but she knew he wouldn't tackle her again. God the man would have been perfect if he wasn't such an idiot.
H5O-H5O-H5O-H5O
His heart had finally gone back to normal. With Rowan safely in his office surrounded by Jerry's mess, her eyes taking in all the numbers and papers, he could breathe right, he could stop seeing that moment he realized she had gotten away from him and the other cops and was sprinting towards Tommy Fa'aloa who had a loaded gun in his hand. Now Steve could stand back at the smart table and just watch her, be grateful that Rowan was alive, that nothing bad had happened to her.
Tommy had been arrested, he wouldn't get first degree murder, but he would be going to jail, just not for as long as he would have been going originally.
According to Rowan, if she hadn't intervened, if she hadn't gotten in the way, Tommy would have been killed. Steve was just grateful that no one had accidentally shot Rowan instead.
Steve let Kono take the daughter, she and Catherine really wanted to break the bad news to her. That she had killed her father for nothing because his policy had lapsed. He went into his office, loving that Rowan immediately turned, that long glance at him over the shoulder setting him off again. He wanted nothing more than to throw her down on the desk and take her then and there.
"Are you okay?" she asked him.
"I'm less freaked out now," he admitted.
"I'm sorry, it was just… he didn't deserve to die…"
"No I get it," he said quickly. "But that's not what I pulled you in for originally. Don't you want to know why I had Jerry bring you in?"
Rowan pinned him with a dry glare and gestured to the office. "I guess he found the clue on your dad's tool box."
Steve glared at her, why did she say that like it made absolute sense, when he had no idea the clues even existed before this afternoon. "Why didn't you tell me it was there?"
"Because. I was mad at you," Rowan said with a sniff. Ah so she hadn't known for long, probably just this morning. "And Jerry was always supposed to be the one to crack it. I thought it would help him with you shunting him out. He just wants you to like him, it wouldn't kill you to be nicer McGarrett."
He hated it when she called him by his last name. It was his full name or Steve, or nothing. And he had gotten rid of Jerry for her, so when would start coming over again, but he couldn't say that now because after this morning she probably wouldn't come over ever again.
"Okay, and do you know what I found?"
"Is it coordinates to an empty field in Cambodia?"
Steve glared at her. Steve handed her the screenshot he had printed out of the coordinates and where they lead. Rowan stared at it and then up to him. "I don't know what you want me to tell you."
"Do you know what's there?" he asked and Rowan nodded.
"Do you want me to tell you what's there? Is that why you had Jerry betray my trust by doing your dirty work for you?"
Steve stared down at her. He remembered his mother pulling a gun on her for just threatening to tell him about Cambodia. He wanted to know, but he wasn't sure he wanted her to be the one to tell him.
"Does it involve Wo Fat?" he asked. Rowan nodded again. "Have you told him about it?"
Rowan shook her head. "It's uh… it's bad… what's there. And I wanted to be sure before I drop that bomb on him."
Bad huh? That didn't bode well now did it? "And how were you going to confirm it?"
"Well, despite everyone telling you not to, you go to Cambodia to see for yourself. I think you take Danny with you…" "Okay…" "The CIA is going to get there before you though."
"The CIA?"
"Well… uh… uh I think you get in touch with some guy from the CIA, I think Joe White sets the two of you up. He's not that helpful though, he doesn't want to tell you anything," Rowan whispered.
"But I find out?"
"Yes. There's a lot of blackmail and other tricks but, yeah, eventually you figure it out."
"Then I don't need you to tell me, now do I?" he asked. Rowan's lips pursed and twitched but otherwise she said nothing to him. Which left Steve to lower his eyes from her and bring up a completely different conversation entirely. "I want you to leave Alex."
"Uh… excuse me?" Rowan snapped. She was no longer behind the desk but on the other side, arms crossed over her chest as she glared at him. He wanted to grab her and crush her to his chest, he wanted to smother her in kisses and beg her to leave Alex, drop to his knees and tell her how sorry he was. But he couldn't do any of that because he was too prideful and he was just too angry at her for getting back together with Alex to concede.
"Rowan, we both know you're dating Alex because you're mad at me," Steve growled. "The man tried to steal your songs, and he's all over his groupies all of time. Why are you doing this to yourself? Huh?"
"I don't want to argue about this anymore Steve," Rowan said with a soft sigh.
"Okay, you know what Rowan, you're right, I'm not arguing about this anymore either," he snapped which caused her eyebrows to raise up in surprise a playful smile donning her lips. Did she think she had won? Did she think this was a game? Well it wasn't. Not to him. "Leave Alex or I will continue to date Catherine. In fact if you don't break up with Alex right this second I'm going to take Catherine out again tonight."
Rowan was no longer playfully smiling at him. Her eyes narrowed, like a challenge had been thrown down. "You're still trying to control me, Steven," she growled.
"No… I'm not…"
"Yes, and this time you're doing it through blackmail. Once again, if you don't get your way you're going to run straight back to Catherine."
"Alright, wait a second…"
"Go ahead Steve," Rowan said heading for the door. "You want to go out with Catherine so badly I'm not gonna stop you. Have fun."
And with that the door to his office slammed shut behind her and Steve was left groaning in frustration.
H5O-H5O-H5O-H5O
While Danny was getting his parents back together. Steve had gone to see a CIA operative that Joe White swore up and down knew everything there was to know about what his mother was up to. And just like Rowan had said, he hadn't told him anything of use, except that the field contained a grave.
So there was that. Why hadn't Rowan just told him that Wo Fat's father was buried there? Unless… unless it wasn't his father… but then who could it be? Steve was too afraid to ask her.
And of course he had larger issues to deal with where Rowan was concerned. He wasn't sure what to do with her, but he had a feeling that she wasn't as okay with the two of them seeing other people as she was saying.
So he was going to call Rowan's bluff.
It hadn't taken much to convince Catherine to come out again and he had purposely taken her to the club where Rowan was performing with Alex. He had worn the grey suit from his birthday purposely because she literally loved that suit on him, and it still reminded him of that night on the beach and he needed something to keep him going and all he had was that night burning in his mind to help him go on. He then purposely got seats at the table right in front of the stage. Front row and center, no way for her to miss them.
He purposely avoided Catherine's eyes when Rowan and Alex came on the stage, but he purposely held Rowan's eyes. Her scowl was enough to make him smile. Oh yeah, she was very angry that he had showed up with Catherine. So much for being okay if Steve dated her.
Alex was talking but Steve heard nothing until Rowan said: "I've got a few new songs, do y'all wanna hear it?"
The cheers nearly deafened him. Steve had no idea when Rowan even had the time to write a new song, she had been so busy with him, and having head injuries and messing with his cases.
"So this new one is called Attention and it's dedicated to everyone who's ever had an issue with an ex that just won't go away," she said and Steve's smile dimmed a little bit.
The music started, it wasn't like her usual ballady stuff, it was pop-ier and light. And it was great until it got to the chorus.
I know that new girl's karma, cologne: regret. You got me thinking 'bout when you were mine, oh. And now I'm all up on ya, what you expect? But you're not coming home with me tonight. You just want attention, you don't want my heart. Baby, you just hate the thought of me with someone new. Yeah, you just want attention, I knew from the start. You're just making sure I'm never getting over you…
Oh that fucking bitch.
It was about him. Okay, maybe not, because this situation hadn't happened until like… this morning, but it was definitely directed at him. She was looking right at him.
And she was. Rowan couldn't help but be angry that Steve showed up at the bar, at this gig, looking like that, with fucking Catherine beside him. Fuck. He knew what that suit did to her. It was a good thing he wasn't wearing his navy blue one though. She might have jumped right off of the stage and into his arms.
He'd've caught her. She knew that much. He wanted her, she could tell, but she also knew that he was doing this to hurt her. To prove to her that he meant it. To punish her for not leaving Alex when he asked.
He had a point, because Rowan didn't want to be with Alex. She didn't even want to be faking it with Alex. What she wanted was for Steve to leave Catherine. For him to admit that he was wrong, that he should have just waited before falling back into bed with Catherine. For him to acknowledge that he had more than hurt Rowan, he had practically tore her apart. And she one hundred percent needed to know that it wasn't okay for him to try and control her with blackmail, ultimatums and threats.
Rowan left the stage, and before she knew what she was doing she was sitting in Steve's lap singing him the chorus of a song she wrote about him months ago.
I know that suit is karma, cologne: regret. You got me thinking 'bout when you were mine, oh. And now I'm all up on ya, what you expect? But you're not coming home with me tonight.
His hands had her waist before she even sat down. He had practically snatched her out of the air. She took his chin in her hand to squeeze it so he knew, he knew without a shadow of a doubt that she wasn't going to touch him with a ten-foot pole now.
He was scowling. That beaming, brilliantly smug smile that had been on his face when she first came on stage was gone. He was livid but he was also taunt beneath her, she had him right where she wanted him. And to their left Catherine sat forgotten, it was clear as day that Rowan's hold on Steve was stronger than pull Catherine had. With her point made she left him to go back to the stage, singing and dancing the whole way there.
She wanted to tell Steve that the only reason she agreed to this gig was so that Alex could test run the five songs that she was trading for this fake relationship she started with him. But then she'd have to admit she wasn't seeing him for real and that was the only thing she had over Steve right now and she couldn't give that up.
They finished the song. Alex, pressing a kiss to her lips before she could stop him. When she turned back to Steve's table he was on his feet, Catherine was practically hanging off of him trying to drag him back down. There was a fire in his eyes that both scared her and made her feel triumphant. It was working, now if only she could get the taste of Alex out of her mouth.
The song was met with a positive response from all except Steve, and then Alex was moving onto the song he really wanted. Treat you Better, which she had reworded so it fit coming from a male perspective and not female as she had originally written it.
Yet another song about Steve.
Rowan wondered if she'd ever tell him that all the songs she had ever wrote had been about him… you know… ever since she had come here anyway.
Rowan had gone to the bar because she couldn't handle the look in Steve's eyes. Beckoning and haunting at the same time. She wanted to go to him and kiss that pain away but he didn't deserve that right now, with Catherine sitting beside him when he wore the suit he had ravished her on the beach in. His eyes had followed her to the bar but he hadn't moved to come after her. It looked like he was going to stay where he was… until Alex got to the chorus.
I know I can treat you better, then he can. And any girl like you deserves a gentleman. Tell me why are you wastin time, on all your wasting cryin, I can treat you better… better then he can.
It was supposed to be her singing those words. It was supposed to be that she, Rowan, could treat him better then Catherine. But in Alex's voice, coming from Alex's mouth it was something else entirely. And then Steve was no longer at the table and bearing down on her. God, those eyes, those smokey blue eyes glaring at her. Fuck she shouldn't have been turned on. Why was she turned on by this?
"What a lovely set you seem to be having tonight. What was is? The fuck-Steve set?" he asked when he got close enough to her.
"Why yes, yes it is. Just wait till you hear the others. But what do you expect? You showed up at my gig, purposely with Catherine to piss me off."
"I did not."
"Oh my god just admit it!"
"Fine, yes, I did it purposely. And it worked like a fucking charm."
"You're so pathetic you know that?!" Rowan cried and Steve half laughed at her.
"ME? Look at you. You put yourself in my lap to sing to me. What you couldn't just stay on stage?! And might I add, Alex did not treat you better then I did, so that song is a flat out lie!"
"Uh… that song is a masterpiece and it's also not about you. But hey, if you feel like it's about you maybe someone has a guilty conscience."
"Really… a 'if the shoe fits' retort? Really, what are you in grade school? Grow up, Rowan!"
Their argument devolved from there, they just started shouting over each other, Rowan wasn't sure what she was saying anymore, and Steve wasn't making sense either. She was just so damn angry. For fuck sake, how dare he show up here looking that fine with Catherine on his arm and then act like she was the problem.
She couldn't help but appreciate him, the way his barrel like chest was straining against button up black shirt. The way the stubble was defining his chiseled jawline. Fuck she just wanted to jump him.
He must have read his mind cause suddenly his hands had reached out for her, gripping her so quickly she barely registered that she was moving until she was up against him and then somehow they were making out. Tongues down each other's throats. She practically climbed on top of him, and somehow, she's not sure how they went from by the bar to in a private bathroom stall.
He locked the door behind him and Rowan hooked her legs around his waist. No more talking, no more arguing, all she knew was the raw need beating wildly in her chest. She wouldn't be okay until they were joined together.
So despite the argument, despite the fact that he had come here with Catherine and she had shown up with Alex, despite the fact that she had three more songs to sing in this set alone, Rowan was going to take all Steve had to offer. Screw her pride. She was on fire, and only he could put her out.
H5O-H5O-H5O-H5O
Steve came apart from her, his body slick with sweat, his fingers still gripping her hips. He stood between her legs, his forehead pressed against hers, as her arms encircled his neck. He was tired and spent, they were breathless and still helplessly intertwined. He thought he was too old for quickies in a small bathroom but Rowan proved him wrong.
Just like she proved him wrong about being okay with her going on a date with someone else and she wasn't even on a fucking date, she was at a gig, she was essentially working. He couldn't do this. He couldn't. There was no such thing as sharing, he needed her to see that, that this was killing him, that he wanted nothing more than to take her home and keep her for his own.
"We should probably return to our dates," Rowan said to him once she caught her breath and Steve shook his head.
"No. Come home with me."
"We came here with different people, that would be terrible."
Steve shook his head again. No. He wasn't leaving here without her. He just wasn't. He couldn't keep doing this. He couldn't keep fighting this. She needed to cave, she needed…
"I need this. I need you. I've missed you so much."
Rowan pressed a kiss to his temple as he kept his eyes lowered. "I know. I miss you too."
"Then stop being difficult. Rowan, just… just…"
"Difficult? Steve you're being controlling again."
Steve raised his eyes to her, how could she think that? How could she? "You know what he did to me, you know what he's done, how can you…"
"But I'm not asking you two to be in contact. I'm not asking you to forgive him, or spend time with him. I'm asking you to let me keep the only family I have left."
"You have family…"
"Fine. The only family I have that knows I'm alive."
"What about Danny and…"
"The Five-0's are your family first and foremost, Wo Fat is all mine and not swayed by you."
"The others aren't swayed by me," he said with a frown.
Rowan shook her head, a look akin to grief on her face she wasn't going to back down and neither was he. "I want this as bad as you do, Steve, but not if you're going to try to control me. Not when you said you'd stop. Not when you… when you don't trust me."
"Okay, okay, I do. Rowan I trust you. I trusted you this afternoon when you were squaring off with an emotionally unstable kid with a gun. I could have shot him, I should have shot him, but you told me to back off and I did. I do trust you, I trust you with my life, I trust you with my he….." he faltered, he couldn't get that one out. He stumbled to a stop and just stared at her hoping she could fill in the blank herself.
Instead Rowan's eyes filled with this terrible sadness and lowered away from him. "You thought I'd hurt you..."
The Rowan-gram.
"No. Rowan. I thought I deserved it. Don't you see?" he pleaded with her, taking her chin in his hand so she'd look at him. "I believed you could send someone to beat me up cause I believed I deserved it. I know you never would, I know you only use that app to protect people, I knew if anyone were to use that app against me it would have been… him… but I deserved it Rowan. I deserved your anger and I thought… if it was you… if you were so angry that I warranted a hitman coming after me then… maybe… you still cared… that we weren't just… done."
Rowan pulled her chin out of his grasp and went back to avoiding his eyes again. Steve wondered if she felt what he felt. That aching pain radiating from his chest outward. He had done so much damage. Not just to himself but to her, he knew it, he was certain that his own heart was absorbing part of her pain. He needed to fix it. He needed to do something because he wouldn't be able to live with this pain for much longer.
"You had a plan, that counter offer, he said… he told me… and it… it would work, you know?" Steve asked. "Why can't we… why can't we do that?"
"Because, Steven. You haven't changed."
"But I have… I…"
"No, you haven't. You've gone straight back to hurting me the second you don't get your way."
"But I haven't…"
"But you did. I didn't cave to your demands and did the first thing you could think of to hurt me. You went back to Catherine."
Steve stared at her, that wasn't what he had done it for. He didn't think he had gotten back with Catherine to spite her but if he really thought about it… it made sense. Out of everyone he could pick to be casual with, he picked the one person Rowan had bad blood with. But what really got him was… that this really hurt her as much as she was saying. Really? He never thought it would… would hurt her that bad. He just wanted someone to want him… it never occurred to him that it would actually hurt her that much.
"I'm sorry…"
"We haven't changed, Steve. We're not better. I'm still a monster scaring everyone I get close to you. You don't… you don't want me the way you say you do. Because if you did… going to Catherine… you wouldn't have been able to do that."
Steve looked away from her and swallowed the ragged cry that rose up into his throat. She thought she was a monster. He did that to her. He made her think that. They were fixed, they were better and he had fucked them up again. How was he supposed to fix it now? God he'd do anything… with in reason.
"I think… I think… for now… it might be better if we… if we just stay separate."
"No," Steve barked. "No. No it would not be better. Us being apart is never better. Look… you… you still owe me for my birthday right?" Rowan sighed but nodded. "Okay. So we'll just… we'll just continue and we'll keep the whole other people part separate. I won't talk about it, I won't bring Catherine around you and you could… you could do that with Alex. That should… that should be okay? Right can we do that?"
Rowan sighed at him, her blue eyes looking deeply into his, and Steve immediately threw his pride to the wind. "Agree, please, just say yes. Say you can do that, say that it's okay, please?"
Rowan nodded again. "I think its time I returned to my date, and you returned to… Catherine."
Steve brushed his fingers through her hair. He didn't want to pull out of her, he didn't want to pull away, he didn't want to put that space between them again. But he let her push him away and as he fixed his pants she went about fixing herself up.
His eyes found her again, he watched as she adjusted her dress, how she fixed her hair. Everything she did, each move, dainty and perfect, ate him alive, set him on fire, left him nothing but a smoky ashy charred disaster.
He didn't know if he could fix this, he didn't know if he could fix what he had done to them this time. He just knew that he couldn't give up on her. Now he just had to make sure that she didn't give up on him too.