(Soda)
"It's him" Darry whispered.
The photo is quivering in my grip, my hands are shaking badly as realization crashes over us. 'It's him' I think, 'It's Pony, my little brother'.
Darry takes an uncertain step towards the open back door, looking unsure of what to do.
"I told you it was him!" I practically yell, whirling around to face Darry. I know I sound mad but I'm really not angry at Darry. I just can't believe that our little brother was here, he was right here, and we might have let him slip through our fingers again.
Emotions swirl in me, anger that we didn't realize the kid was our brother, fear that we would lose him again, and hope. A hope so big and blinding I can feel it all the way in my bones.
"Let's go, we gotta find him" Darry says, sounding strong and sure. He grabs my arm and gives it a squeeze as the two of us head out the back door.
The streets are dark. So dark that I'm scared we won't be able to find him. But Darry is determined, and nothing can stop him when he's like this. So I follow him through the dark streets until we end up at the park. Darry comes to a stop and I stop next to him, breathing heavy from the pace of our run here.
And there he is. Sitting with his back against the fountain, head buried in his hands. My little lost brother.
"Ponyboy?" Darry asks softly, the name coming out as a question.
The kid looks up slowly, his tearful eyes meeting ours.
He looks so lost and scared. I can't take it. I need to hold him, to get that look off of his face. I walk towards him slowly, and crouch down next to him. His eyes meet mine and I want to kick myself for not immediately knowing he was my brother.
"You still have the picture that I gave you, on the last day we were together" I say softly.
"You're him. You're our brother. You're Ponyboy, aren't you?" Darry asks, not even trying to hide the fact that he's crying. I'm crying too but I couldn't care less.
"I don't remember but I- I think so" Ponyboy whispers in a soft voice.
"I thought we lost you like we lost mom and dad" Darry cries.
Pony dives into him, wrapping his skinny arms around Darry and squeezing tight. I wrap my arms around him too, unable to stop myself from hugging him like I've wanted to do since the moment I saw him. Darry throws an arm around me, pulling the three of us even closer together.
"Oh God, I missed you kid" I say, pressing my face against his head.
He cries under me, seeming unable to talk. The three of us sit like that for a while, just holding onto each other. Finally it seems like Pony has a little more control of his emotions. He eases back from the hug, shifting so now he's sitting in between me and Darry. Darry and I still stay close, our arms still touching him. I don't want to let him go, too scared he'll disappear again.
"I'm sorry" he whispers, wiping tears away from his eyes with his hands.
"You don't have anything to be sorry for. I'm the one who's sorry. I'm so sorry I let this happen, Ponyboy" Darry says.
"You know my name" he says softly.
"Of course we know your name" I tell him, putting an arm around his shoulder, pulling him closer to me, "We've been looking for you for a long time".
Pony takes a shuddering breath as fresh tears well up in his eyes.
"I don't understand what's happening" he whimpers.
"I know it's a lot to take in. But we're your brothers. The social worker separated us when you were only four. We've been trying to find you since then" Darry says gently.
"I can't remember anything. Why can't I remember?" Pony asks desperately, eyes darting between me and Darry.
"I don't know, baby. But we'll figure everything out. Everything will be okay" Darry says, brushing the hair off of Pony's forehead. Darry stands up and turns to face us. He holds out a hand to Ponyboy.
Pony looks up at him, like he's searching for something, "Promise?"
"I promise" Darry says.
Pony must see whatever he's searching for in Darry's determined face because he accepts the hand held out to him and stands. I follow him up, shivering a bit in the cold.
"Let's go back home" Darry says, "It's too cold to be hanging out here".
Pony nods. And with that, me and my brothers head back home.
…
The lights are all still on in the house. The light spilling out the front window, seeming to guide us back home. Like a lighthouse shining through in a storm. The house is warm, much better than the chilly air outside.
Darry and I make eye contact over Pony's head, making a plan without having to talk. I go and sit on the couch, patting the seat next to me gently. Pony stands in the entryway, his arms crossed tightly across him but he makes his way slowly to me, taking the seat next to me on the couch. Darry sits on the coffee table, facing the two of us.
"Are…are you sure it's me? How do you know I'm really your brother?" Pony asks.
"I just know" I say determinedly, my arm once again going around his shoulders.
Darry, who has always been more logical and fact driven than me, surprises me with his answer, "I'm sure. I'm sure because I can feel it, right here" he puts a hand on his chest, where his heart is.
"And I know Soda feels it, he felt it the second he saw you" Darry says, "You feel it too, don't you?"
Pony closes his eyes and presses his lips tightly together, but he nods. I give his shoulders a little squeeze. He opens his eyes and they meet mine, he gives me a small smile.
"It feels...right. Like I'd always had a puzzle piece of me missing" Pony says, and then he adds sadly "But I still don't understand why don't I remember?"
"Well, you were pretty little when we got separated. I think it's hard for anyone to remember much of that age. And you had some really terrible stuff happen, maybe you didn't want to remember" Darry says.
"But how could I forget my family? I feel like I don't even know who I am" Pony says softly.
"You're our brother. That's who you are" I tell him.
"They told me I didn't have brothers. I used to tell them I did but they said I'd just imagined it. I guess eventually I believed them" He says, looking sadly between me and Darry.
Darry reaches out and squeezes Pony's knee, "None of that is your fault, kiddo. It sounds like the system really messed with your case. They took you away from us, they didn't let us call or write to you. They even changed your name."
Pony's eyebrows furrow at this, looking lost and confused.
I think back to the phone call Darry had got before Pony ran out, how the supervisor said she'd found Pony but his name had been changed.
"What'd you think your name was?" I ask.
"Ponyboy Thompson. But my social worker didn't like my name so she always introduced me by my middle name, Michael. Nobody ever called me Ponyboy"
I feel my blood start to boil. Not only did they take my brother from me, they took his identity. I'd always loved his name, I thought it was real tuff. And I hated the bastards who'd done this to him, who tossed him around and confused him to the point where he didn't know who he was. I took a deep breathing, trying to tamp down on my temper. I didn't want Pony to know how upset I was, I needed to be strong for him.
Darry was nodding softly in response to what Pony said.
"I talked with one of the supervisors at the child welfare office tonight. She was the one who figured out the name change. That's why nobody could find you in the system."
"Now that she had tracked you down, she was going to check in with you and your foster family tomorrow. But since you ran away…" Darry says and a look of anger crosses his face. The realization hits me seconds later.
"You had to run away from that bastard" I say, anger boiling up in me again at the thought of the abuse my brother had faced.
"She won't find you there. She'll have to report you as a runaway" Darry says.
"You ain't gonna send me back, right?" he asks fearfully.
"Of course not" I'm quick to reassure him.
"You aren't ever going back there. You're staying right here" Darry promises. Pony leans into me, seeming to calm down a bit with our reassurances.
Darry sighs and runs a hand through his hair. And then he looks at us, and I can tell he has a plan. Darry always knows what to do.
"The plan stays the same. You have to lay low here until Dallas finds a cop for us. Maybe once Mrs. Smith goes to your foster house and sees you ran away, she'll be more likely to give me custody. We'll figure everything out, getting Mr. Moore arrested and getting custody. I'll make sure its safe for you to come home, for good"
I nod along with Darry's words. I'd do whatever it takes to get Ponyboy home, officially and for good.
"We can call Dallas in the morning. Let him know that it's even more important to get a cop to look into this" I say looking at Darry and then I shift my gaze to Pony, "We won't let that asshole hurt you again."
He looks between the two of us and whispers softly, "Thanks"
"Hey" I say, nudging him, "you don't need to thank us"
"It's just what brothers do" Darry says.
….
We head to bed shortly after, all of us exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster of the night. Darry and I convinced Pony to take the third bedroom. He seemed nervous, like he was overstepping or something. I gave him a pair of my pajama pants and one of my sweatshirts, seeing as he'd been wearing Darry's stuff to bed and it was huge on him. He gave me a look so thankful it about broke my heart. I pulled him into a hug, so incredibly thankful to have him back. The three of us say our good nights, Darry ruffling Pony's hair before giving him a hug good night.
I think about what happened tonight. I'd always imagined our reunion with Ponyboy to be a happy one. With him running to us with open arms, happy to see us, like he missed us as much as we missed him. I'd never thought he'd forget us. It hurt a little that he forgot me. But I wasn't mad at him. I was sad for him, the little boy who lost his family, his brothers. I would fix it though, I'd make it all up to him.
I had just drifted off to sleep when a scream ripped through the house. I'd never heard someone scream like that. It sounded like someone was in his room, torturing him. I wrenched my bedroom door open and saw Darry running down the hallway. I ran after him towards Pony's room, ready to tear apart whoever was hurting my brother.
But there was no intruder. Just Pony in his bed, twisting around in the sheets, screaming bloody murder.
"This happened the other night" Darry mutters, flipping on the light and going to the bed and placing a gentle hand on Pony's shoulder.
I sit on the end of the bed, my hand going to his legs that are thrashing around.
Pony thrashes more, jerking away from me and Darry. Darry looks at me, lost at what to do as our brother continues to scream. I scoot up closer to his head. Gently, I start to stroke his face, pushing his sweaty hair out of his face, murmuring softly for him to wake up. He seems to calm down, his screams turning into whimpers.
"Wake up, Pony" I whisper, my hand still softly pushing his hair back.
He wakes with a gasp, eyes darting around the room, full of panic. Eyes full of tears finally settle on me.
"You're okay" I soothe, rubbing his shoulder. He takes a shuddering breath and wipes at his eyes.
"I'm sorry" he says.
"You don't have to be sorry. You just had a nightmare" I say softly.
"You okay now?" Darry asks. I had almost forgotten he was there, standing behind me with his hands in his pockets.
Pony nods, "Yeah I'm okay. And I'm real sorry I woke you up again"
"Don't worry about it, kiddo. It's not your fault" Darry says, giving Pony's knee a gentle pat, "You need anything?"
"No. I'll be okay"
He's still shaking, chewing on his bottom lip.
"Want me to stay with you?" I ask.
"You don't have to. I don't wanna wake you up again" he says in a small voice.
"I don't mind. I don't wanna leave you if you're still feeling spooked"
He gives a small shrug, but he scooches over, making room for me. I lift the covers and get under them. Darry gives us a smile and turns the light off as he leaves, wishing us a quiet good night as he goes.
Pony lays next to me, his arm against mine.
"You sure you're okay?" I whisper.
"Just a little shook up" he whispers back.
Cautiously, moving slow enough for him to move away if he wants to, I put my arm around him. He scoots even closer to me. It reminds me so much of when we would share a bed when we were little that I have to swallow hard to get rid of the lump that appeared in my throat. When he would crawl in bed with me, afraid of monsters and thunderstorms, knowing I would keep him safe. I tighten my arm around him, feeling the same sense of protectiveness I'd had then, I'd still keep him safe.
"Soda?" he whispers.
"Yeah?"
"I'm really glad you're my brother"
"You have no idea, kid"