(Pony)
One thing about me, I always keep my promises. I've been burned too many times to count by people who "promised" to help, so I know the weight a promise can carry. And the pain that a broken one can cause. When Darry asked if I would meet him back at the library, I had promised I would be there. I'm still not sure why I did that. I still have half a mind to run, hop a train and get as far away as I can. But I had promised to be here, so I head to the back of the library, and search the shelves for an old favorite of mine to settle down and wait with.
I've been to this library before. Just a few times. The library near my foster father's is small and the librarian is mean. This one is an hour long bus ride, but it's nicer and the calm I feel in here is worth it. I even had a sort of "friend" here, the kid that Dallas boy had mentioned. I didn't know his name, we've only said a couple words to each other but he's sat at the same table as me for hours, reading his book. I think maybe the library is as safe a place for him as it is for me.
I look for him, Johnny. But I don't see him. I'm a little sad, I miss his quiet camaraderie and I kind of want to talk to him about Dallas and Darry since apparently they all know each other. But since he's not here, I settle into one of the chairs and try to read.
As much as I try to focus on my book. I can't turn my mind off. 'What if Mr. Moore is looking for me' 'what if Darry doesn't come back for me' 'what if he's turning me into the cops right now'. That thought gives me a full body jolt, snapping through my spine making me sit straight up at the table. I really didn't know this Darry guy and aside from a gut feeling that I could trust him, what did I really know about him. Besides, why would anyone want to help some random foster kid. Why would anyone want to help me.
Now I'm full of nervous energy and I know I'll never be able to focus on my book. I put it back on the shelf and head outside the library, wishing I had a cigarette. The cold December seems to cut right through me, despite the fact that I'm still wearing Darry's jacket.
I feel like I can't stay here but I also promised I would. Darry had seemed so sincere in wanting to help me, something so earnest in his eyes that I felt like he actually could help me, save me from the mess I've gotten myself into. But I don't trust easy, it's one thing I've learned, don't trust anyone but yourself. Not only that, I don't want to drag him into the mess I'm in. No point in putting anyone else in trouble.
I figure out a plan. I'll wait across the street from the library, at the other end of the parking lot. There's a few cars parked over there that I can sit behind, shielding me from view, but I'll still be able to see the parking lot. That way if the cops show up I can split. Settling myself down on the cold ground, I sit and wait to see what will happen. It'll either be Darry or the cops. Or a worse third option, Mr. Moore, but I don't let myself even consider that possibility.
After about an hour and a half of waiting, I see an old pick up truck swing into the parking lot, parking close to the front. It idles there for a minute and then the engine cuts off. I sit and watch, wondering if Darry will just leave me if he doesn't see me waiting out here. But instead he gets out and goes toward the library, swinging his keys around his finger as he walks. I figure now is a good time to make my presence known so that he doesn't have to go hunting for me inside the library. I call his name, and lift a hand in greeting. He turns to me and smiles, switching directions to meet me in the middle of the parking lot. When he smiles, something hits me again, the strangest feeling that I've seen that smile before. But I brush it off and meet him halfway.
"Hey kid, I'm glad you're still here" he says, like he truly means it.
"Thanks for picking me up" I say as we make our way into the truck.
"Read anything good while you were in there?" He asks.
"Just picked up something I've read before. Didn't want to start a whole new book"
"You like to read?"
Yes. Yes I love to read. I love to be anywhere that isn't here and as silly as it sounds, it feels like my books have been the only friends I've ever had. Always there for me when I need them. Obviously I can't tell him that without sounding like a sissy though so instead I just shrug.
"Yeah, I guess so" I say.
"Hungry? I thought we could swing by somewhere and pick up some burgers on the way home" he says, steering the truck out of the library parking lot.
A burger sounds good. Any food sounds good. The thought of another meal, two in one day, makes my mouth water. But this man had already done too much for me, I can't stand the thought of him spending actual money on me on top of everything else he's done.
"No thank you. I actually was hoping you could maybe drop me off near the train station? So I can get out of your hair." I say, picking at my nails as I do.
"And what's your grand plan once I drop you off, kid?"
"Like I said, hop a train and figure it out. It's really not your problem and you've already done enough for me, letting me stay and all."
"I just don't feel right about that. Sending a kid off like that. I know you said you can't go to your social worker but I don't think just running off is a hot idea."
I bristled at that. I didn't think it was a hot idea either but what other choice did I have? I'd end up dead if I had to go back to Mr. Moore! And if my social worker or the cops got wind of me, that's exactly where I'd end up, back with him. But Darry didn't know that I suppose, it's not like I'd given him a lot of details. And in a weird way, it truly did seem like he was trying to look out for me.
"I don't have another choice, I've gotta get away from here" I tell him, my voice sounding younger than I would've hoped.
"Look I really appreciate all you've done for m-" I cut off mid sentence. There, slowly cruising on the other side of road is a painfully familiar truck. With a painfully driver behind the wheel, scanning the surrounding park area we are driving past. I feel the blood drain from my face and my hands start to shake. Darry looks over sharply at me and seems to sense my sudden panic. He makes a quick turn, taking us in the opposite direction. He guns it once were clear, driving faster than he has been, making turns seemingly at random. His eyes are flickering between the road, his mirrors, and me.
I've been holding my breath since I saw that car and now I'm starting to feel dizzy. I let all the air I've been holding but when I try and take another gulp of air I can't. It feels like my lungs hitch but can't actually expand to get the air in. Like my throat has shrunk down to a tunnel so small that even oxygen can't get through. A rattling gasp comes out as I fight to get the air into me. Darry stops his eye flickering and looks only at me. He pulls the truck quickly to side of the road.
Slowly, he puts a hand on my shoulder.
"You gotta breathe, kid" he says in a gentle voice.
"I- can't" I wheeze out. I should've been more careful. I should've left town. Darry's hand starts rubbing a circle between my shoulder blades.
"Yes you can" he says in that gentle voice "Nice and slow. In through your nose and out through your mouth". He demonstrates.
I try to match my breathing to his and after a few minutes, I start to feel like I can breathe easier again.
"Good" Darry says "Just like that". His hand still rubbing my shoulders.
"You okay now?" He asks when my breathing has finally returned to normal. He takes his hand off of me and places both of his hands on the steering wheel.
My hands are still shaking and my heart is still thrumming in my chest, but I do feel calmer than I did before. Or at least on the way to being calmer.
"Yeah. I'm okay" I look up at him "I'm sorry. I don't know why I freaked out like that".
Seeing that truck brought all my fears flying to the surface, that Mr. Moore really was after me. For the briefest moment, before Darry had turned the car around, I was scared Darry was bringing me to him.
"It's okay kid. You don't have to apologize" Darry says softly "You saw him, didn't you? Your foster father?"
There was no point in pretending or trying to play it off consider the freak out I'd just had. So I just nodded slowly.
"Well we're okay over here. Nobody followed us." Darry glanced over his shoulder "Which car was his?"
The street had been pretty busy with people going about their Saturdays. I was grateful that Darry hadn't seen the truck. I didn't need to drag him further into my mess.
I shrugged.
Darry gives me a hard look. And then he sighs and runs a hand through his hair.
"Let's head back to my place. We'll figure out what to do there"
"No! I need to get out of here. He's already looking for me!"
"Look kid, if he's reported you as a runaway, there'll be cops looking for you at the bus stops and train stations. Why don't you just come lay low at my place for while?"
I hadn't thought about that. That there might be people looking for me at the train stations.
"You'll be okay at my place. I'll make sure get you outta here in once piece. I promise".
I meet his eyes and wonder what the weight of his promise means. Is he like me, honoring a promise to the end? Or is he like practically all of the other people in my life, who broke their promises without a second thought?
His eyes, so achingly familiar, tell me that I can trust his promise.
I give another small nod and he starts the truck again and drives us back to his house.
…..
We make it back to the house without spotting that truck again. Darry decides to grill up some burgers since we never made it to the Dairy Queen. I hang out at the kitchen table while he cooks them on the stove, deeming it too cold to grill outside. As he cooks, he tells me a little more about himself, I think to distract me from what had happened. He tells me how he ended up with Tom and Maria, his last set of foster parents when he was 16. And how Maria died of cancer shortly after and he was convinced Tom would send him back but hadn't. I could hear the admiration in his voice when talked about them, it sounded like he really loved them, and that they had loved him too.
"What happened to Tom?" I asked. Darry had mentioned that this had been their house, but it was obvious that no one but Darry lived there.
"He had a stroke. Couple months ago."
I felt bad for Darry. He'd been through more heartbreak in his nineteen years than most people go through in a lifetime. And yet, he didn't seem bitter and cold. He seemed caring and compassionate and fiercely protective of the people he still had.
"I'm sorry, they seem like real good folks" I tell him.
"Yeah they were" he replied softly. "Do you remember your folks?"
I shook my head sadly. "No, I was pretty little when they died. I- I don't even know their names."
"I bet they were real good folks too" Darry said with a smile.
Goosebumps spread across my arms and I got a real eerie feeling. It felt like there was a dam in my brain and the water behind it was building up, pushing harder and harder against it.
I needed to change the subject and get rid of this feeling. So I got up and started clearing the plates from our finished lunch. I washed this time while Darry dried.
I'm scared of the conversation we'll have to have once we're done but I'm saved by the door loudly opening, making me jump again.
"Hey-o Superman!" a loud voice calls out.
A tall kid with red side burns saunters into the kitchen.
"Hey! You had lunch without me!" He says indignantly, gesturing to the last plate that Darry is drying.
"I ain't running a soup kitchen here, Mathews" Darry says sternly, but he looks likes he's fighting back a grin.
"And who's this little greaser?" the boy asks, cocking an eyebrow.
"This is Philip. Philip, this is Two-Bit." Darry introduces.
"Ah, is this the little stray that Dallas said you picked up?"
Darry cuffed him on the head "He ain't some stray puppy"
Two Bit held up his hands in surrender. "Just repeating what Dal said, don't whack the messenger".
The phone rang, Darry went to answer it, leaving me alone with the other boy in the kitchen. He hopped up on the counter, opening the cupboard and peering inside.
"So, where'd you come from, Philip?" He popped the last "p" on the fake name.
"Not from around here, just passing through" I tell him, watching as he digs into a bag of chips Darry had in the cupboard.
Darry comes back in, his hand running through his hair. He sure seems to do that a lot.
"Listen, that was the social service office. They have an update on Soda's case, they asked if I could run down there for a quick meeting." He's looking at me as he says it, like he's making sure I'm okay with him leaving.
"I hate to leave you here, but I need to go to make sure I can still get custody of my brother. Will you be okay here until I get back?
"I'll be okay" I shrug. This house feels oddly safe and homey, something I've rarely experienced. I didn't know if it was Darry's presence that made me feel that way but I was okay with waiting here, especially since Mr. Moore was out there.
"I'll puppy-sit the little guy for you!" Two Bit pipes up around a mouthful of chips. Darry groans. "Stop calling him that, Keith!"
"Okay, okay" Two Bit concedes "But really, I'll hang here until you get back if you want."
The two of them make eye contact, they seem to be speaking to each other with just their eyes.
"That'd be great, Two Bit. Just hang out here until I get back, don't go anywhere, savy?"
"Yeah yeah, we savy" Two Bit says as he makes his way into the living room and plops down on the couch and starts flipping through tv channels.
Darry says a quick goodbye and then leaves. I feel kinda nervous being alone with this older boy, but he seems pretty harmless.
"So kid, what do you wanna play, poker or rummy?"
I look down at the carpet. "I don't know how to play either of those." I say quietly.
His face lights up "Well it just so happens I'm an excellent teacher!" He beckons me over and I sit on the floor opposite of the couch, the coffee table in between us. He takes out a deck of cards and starts to shuffle.
Over the next hour, Two Bit patiently teaches me how to play rummy and poker. He surprisingly is a good teacher. I feel relaxed as we play, like this is something any normal teenager would do. It feels good to do something normal, like play cards with a friend.
The best part was that Two Bit kept me laughing the whole time. By the time Darry got home, my cheeks were sore from smiling, something I didn't know was even possible.