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AvalonReeseFanFics

A/N: So we finally met the girl who will eventually start dating Wo Fat. What do you think? Cute? I think they're cute. And here we are. The last chapter, where they're being obnoxious. Steve is going to smarten up, Rowan's going to explain and then the two of them are out of Angst-ville and driving straight to Cute-tropolis... like literally immediately. I liked how this one went, granted they don't really fix their problems, but at least they're going to be addressed. But what do you guys think? Are you ready for all the cute stuff? Don't forget to leave me a review, and I'll see you guys tomorrow!

Chapter 148

Clue #1

Steve and Danny came out of Rowan's bank, finally getting them to give him info on her bank records. They wouldn't let him see them, they could only verbally confirm his questions. No activity since the day before. Steve wouldn't be able to report her missing for another 34 hours.

If he actually got to the point where he had to report her missing, he'd have a mental breakdown.

They were walking back to the car when they spotted Jerry coming out of a music store, he had a guitar case strung across his back, a book of music paper under his arm.

"Hey! Jerry!" Danny called. Jerry turned and then froze like a deer in the headlights. They came up to him, looked him over.

Steve, who was trying his hardest not to break out into tears, tried to smile. "Hey, since when do you play the guitar?"

Jerry blinked his eyes. "Uh… I'm trying to learn," he said. Then stared at them really awkwardly before saying: "Kay, well bye."

He tried to walk past them but Danny stopped him. "Oh hey, probably a weird question but uh… you haven't seen Rowan today, have you?"

Jerry turned back to them his eyes twice as wide. "Seen Rowan? Why would have I seen Rowan? Well this was nice see you guys later," and then he rushed away. Steve, for a moment, thought it was weird, but he had already checked Jerry's house, he was still moving out and into Chins, he hadn't gone over himself but Chin had checked while helping Jerry move boxes. Rowan hadn't been there.

"Come on, let's check Atlantic Records, maybe she's gone there," Danny urged tugging Steve along. And Steve let him do it because standing up right was becoming too hard for him, but he didn't want to go home, not to get the pain meds he needed, not for anything, not unless he knew she was there waiting for him.

Clue #2

The night had been hellish. The only time Steve had slept was when the meds had knocked him out. But even then, he woke up, startled, afraid, from terrible nightmares and Rowan wasn't there to soothe him. Which had made everything worse because the nightmares were about her.

By morning he had become a shaking mess. He was running out of options, out of theories, and he couldn't report Rowan missing for another 24 hours. When Danny saw the state that Steve was in the next morning, he took him to Kamekona. To ask if Rowan had been by that morning or the day before after they left, she had not, and where one would go to get fake passports. He had been acting weird, cagey, like he hadn't wanted to talk to them, but it was McGarrett that glare was pointed at.

Kamekona had thought about the question carefully. "So, you're looking for someone from Wo Fat's Network of people that Rowan would know to go to if she needed a fake passport?" he asked.

"Or maybe… if you saw her, you may have mentioned someone she could go to?" Danny offered.

Kamekona scowled. "I already told you, I ain't seens her in a while." He thought a little longer. "But the only man I know who Fat knows who deals with trafficking peoples and knew her too was Arturo Casey but the word on the street is that he doesn't like her too much, you know? Something about Five-0 owing him a door cuz-uh her."

They thanked him for his time, grateful for the familiar name and then turned around. Ready to go and knock down Arturo Casey's door again only to find a familiar face behind them.

"Hey Jerry," Danny said and once again Jerry froze but said hi to them in that same awkward way as the day before.

"Oh, you back again, bruddah?" Kamekona asked and Jerry pointed up to him.

"I'm doing a shrimp run," he said answering a question that neither of them had asked. "Uh… you guys find her yet?"

Steve sucked in a hard breath, the burning ache where Rowan had been fired up as soon as Jerry asked about her.

"No," Danny answered for him.

"Kay well keep me posted," he said and then turned back to Kamekona.

"Come on, let's go see Arturo Casey," Danny said pulling him away and even though Steve was almost sixty percent certain Jerry said: "One Garlic Shrimp and One Rowan Special," to Kamekona, he quickly brushed that aside.

You couldn't order a Rowan special without Rowan being with you, not unless Kamekona knew it was for Rowan. But they had just been asking about Rowan and he hadn't mentioned Jerry ordering Rowan specials before. No, it had to be Steve's subconscious seeking Rowan out everywhere.

Clue #3

By the third day, Steve was running on 5 hours of sleep combined over an almost 72 hour period. He was a mess. But Duke had finally agreed to file the missing persons report on Rowan and cops were officially looking for her. Five-0 was not allowed to be involved in this one, conflict of interest since she had run specifically from him.

But that didn't stop him from looking.

They were now chasing down shadows. Anything that could have led him to her, which meant places he knew she liked to go. Like the bookstore downtown, three blocks from the music store, two blocks from her favourite coffee place.

They were walking in when they spotted Jerry, coming out, a bag of books hanging off of him and that shocked look back on his face.

"What are you doing here?" they all said together and then they paused.

"Looking for Rowan," Steve answered as Jerry said: "Buying books."

Danny peered into the bag and frowned. "Young Adult?"

"It's all action man," Jerry said. "It's my guilty pleasure but uh… I gotta go, I promised my mom I'd be home to help her move the rest of her stuff."

And then Jerry pushed past them and left.

But Steve didn't stop thinking about it. Because that was the third time Steve had gone looking for Rowan and found Jerry instead.

And if he actually added it all up, the Rowan Specials, the guitar, and the young adult books Rowan was always reading, it equalled the same thing. Rowan was with Jerry.

H5O-H5O-H5O-H5O

It didn't take much to convince Danny to go to Jerry's, once Steve had put it together. They were out of leads. It was worth a shot, Danny had said and then drove him over. He was humoring him, of course, Steve was a wreck, anyone could see that, Steve himself could see that, and if going through Jerry's place again would make him feel a little bit better, Danny was going to let him do it.

"Okay, now don't get your hopes up. We've had a few coincidences but that's it. Kamekona wouldn't confirm if he's been selling Jerry Rowan specials and everything else we got is circumstantial. There's a good chance she's not here," Danny warned him as they walked up the drive.

Steve didn't believe Kamekona, he figured him in on it. The two of them colluding together. It was his eyes, the way he'd look at McGarrett like he was the villain of the piece that had him believing that. Problem was, as soon as he put it together, as soon as he figured she was with Jerry everything in him came alive, like his body knew she was there, and had been waiting for his brain to catch up. Nothing short of tearing that house apart would convince him that she wasn't there.

They knocked on the door and then waited. Jerry opened the door, but not all the way, already suspicious behaviour, Steve was right. He just knew it.

"Oh hey guys, what's up?"

"Is Rowan here, Jerry?" Danny asked.

Jerry blinked his eyes, suddenly becoming a bit twitchier than usually. "Uh… I thought you guys already checked… remember Chin came by…"

"She could have come by after he left," Steve whispered. "You bought a guitar, and bought blank sheet music, Rowan writes songs and left all her song writing stuff at my place. You bought her favourite kind of books and I know you've been buying Rowan specials which you cannot do without Rowan. I know she's here Jerry."

"Well I mean for starters, I rented a guitar, to see if I liked it you know? And the blank music was a mix up and… why am I explaining myself to you?" he asked. "All of this just sounds very circumstantial… wouldn't hold up in court you know? And as much as I'd like to hang, I've got packing to do, and I don't feel like letting you in after you accused me like that… and I don't see the police or a warrant…"

That was it. He had her. He one hundred percent had her. But then that didn't matter because a familiar haunting voice echoed up from the basement and all three men froze.

I'm running outta patience, I wanna be a great one. And when the spirt calls me, I wanna throw my hands up, ready to be saved, yeah. And when my day's done. I hope I die faded. When they take me way up I hope I fly faded.

That was Rowan's voice. He knew that voices anywhere. Beside him Danny groaned but Steve… Steve growled suddenly becoming something less than human.

"Let me in Jerry."

His face had darkened. He was angry, he was seconds from her, he knew it and Jerry, who was usually on his side, was standing against him. Though Jerry was clearly scared of the face Steve was pulling, he shook his head, Steve had to brace himself against the door to keep Jerry from shutting it in his face.

"I can't do that McGarrett," he said standing firmly in the way.

"You shouldn't do that Jer," Danny warned him. "Steve tends to get a little… unhinged when it comes to her."

"I don't care," Jerry snapped. "I promised her, okay? I promised that you'd stay away until she felt better, and she hasn't felt better, all she does is cry. You didn't want her, McGarrett, you told her to leave. Why should she go back?"

Pain overwhelmed him for a minute, so much so that he stopped trying to push against the door to get inside. He hated hearing about her crying over him. He hated that she was in pain, pain that he caused and he couldn't wrap her up in his arms and soothe it. He hated that she was here the whole time and he hadn't figured that out. He hated that Jerry, who had believed in him who had trust him and looked up to him, no longer saw the man he idolized but the shitty person he seemed to always be to Rowan.

Steve pushed the door again. "I'll fix it. Let me in," he ordered but Jerry wouldn't move.

"She believed in me when no one else did, not even you," Jerry reminded him. Goddamn that Farrow situation, that was why Jerry had been so complicit in this. "I'm not going to let her down."

And then with one big shove the door slammed shut in his face.

"Okay," Danny said. He had a hand to Steve's arm. He knew better than anyone how close Steve was to a mental breakdown, he knew that this wouldn't be good for him. "We know where she is, if we call Duke, he'll come with the cops and pull her out, alright? Okay? So I'm going to call… WAIT!"

But Steve didn't wait, he had stormed away, stormed around the house until he found the back door and then kicked it right open. Jerry was there, shouting at him words Steve didn't understand because he wasn't in his right mind anymore. Something primal had taken over and it was going to get him to Rowan if it was the last thing he did.

He followed the sound of her voice, down the stairs to Jerry's pad, where he found her sitting at a keyboard, giant headphones on her ears, her fingers moving slowly over the keys as she sung, surrounded by his packed boxes.

What is life? What is love? What is lies? What is trust? What is everything? Everything is nothing without you.

She was wearing one of Jerry's shirt's like a dress. Literally she had put a belt around her waist to make it more dress like. The black Hawaiian shirt with the palm trees on it went down to her knees. She was barefoot, her red-blonde hair was piled up in a messy bun up top her head. There was a blanket on the couch, where there were scattered containers from Rowan Specials, a collection of mugs with half-drunk tea in them, papers with notes and words scrawled across them haphazardly, the guitar that he had rented propped up against the side of the couch. The key board was new, he hadn't known that she could play the piano, but her fingers were moving slowly through the notes, basic and easy, maybe she didn't really know how to play then.

But Steve's eyes stayed on Rowan. Standing behind her unable to move, afraid to reach out for her afraid she'd run again. He was shaking, desperate to feel her but too afraid to try.

What is life? What is love? I hope I am enough. What is everything? Everything is nothing without you.

Everything was nothing without her.

He reached out for her, a single hand to her shoulder and she turned. Her cheeks were red from her tears, her eyes actually had tears in them, those clear blue eyes he had missed so much. She wasn't wearing makeup, she wasn't dressed up or fancy, she looked sad and surprised at once but Steve had never thought she looked more beautiful.

"Steven."

She stood, the headphones ripped off her head. "What are you… how did you find me?"

He had been so afraid. So afraid he had lost her for good. That his stupidity and fears had chased away the only good in his life. And all of that came crashing around him the second she said his name.

Everything was nothing without her.

He collapsed into her, knees hitting the ground painfully, his arms wrapping around her waist and refusing to let go. He sobbed into her, relishing in her fingers digging into his shoulders. He heard her say his name again, asking him what was wrong.

"What's wrong? What is happening? What is he on?"

But no one answered, and Steve was lost to the world. The exhaustion quickly caught up with him and with Rowan in his arms again, his head pillowed on her stomach, Steve passed out.

H5O-H5O-H5O-H5O

It was dark when Steve woke up. It was dark and he was alone. Panic hit him so hard he was sure he was having a heart attack. No. He had just had her, where was she? Still at Jerry's? No. She'd run. He knew where she was now and she'd have to run again. No. No. NO.

He bolted out of bed. It dawned on him to be surprised that he was still dressed, but he was too busy sprinting down the stairs, he got the door part way open, had one shoe on and was struggling to get the other on while he was searching for his keys which weren't in the bowl when…

"Where are you going?"

Steve turned, there she was, his Rowan standing in his kitchen. Wearing his grey sweater that he loved so much and a pair of black leggings. Two mugs in her hand. She was making tea, for both of them.

He shut the door his breathing and heart rate slowly returning to normal or at least it was until he saw a packed suitcase sitting by the couch.

"Why is there a suitcase at the door?"

Rowan, who had been making her way towards him with the two mugs suddenly avoided his eyes. No. no. "Rowan why is there a suitcase at the door?"

"Because you told me to leave, Steven," she told him and his heart slammed straight up into his throat.

"No."

"Actually, you did."

"I know what I said but that wasn't what I meant."

"Except you said it. You told me to leave."

"And you let your brother torture me," Steve shot back. It wasn't what he wanted to say, he wanted to tell her that he was willing to forgive her for that, because nothing made sense when she wasn't with him, but he couldn't get that out of his mouth.

"I did not let him torture you!"

"You knew he was going to do that to me, don't lie, you told me you knew."

"I did know, but that was a vision. That's not the same as him telling me he was going to do it and me just letting him go a head with it. I dreamed it would happen but I never thought he'd actually do it because he promised me that he wouldn't!"

"Why the hell did you believe him? Rowan, he's a professional liar."

"Not to me…" "When he kidnapped you, he told you I didn't want you back and I did." He shouted and she fell back. "You were dreaming about it. You knew it was going to happen and you said nothing!"

Rowan had tears streaming down her face and he wanted to feel bad about it but she wasn't the one who got tortured. She slowly put the mugs down on his coffee table and then when she straightened, she looked at him with all the pain and hurt in her eyes blinding him and made his own pain triple.

"He promised he wouldn't do it. So when I dreamed about it, I thought it was just because it was supposed to happen soon but I had already fixed it and then… and then Danny told me what happened and I knew he had done it and I went to find you…"

"So, you really didn't know he had grabbed me until Danny told you I had been grabbed?"

"Of course! You think I would have just let it happen if he had told me what he was going to do? I told you Steve, if I thought he was going to hurt you or your team that I'd tell you, I wasn't lying. If I thought he was going to do it I would have stopped you from leaving that morning. But he knew that too, so he didn't tell me, he just did it and hoped I wouldn't find out, like I wasn't going to find out, the asshole."

Steve watched her sniff. She used the heel of her hand to wipe her tears away and he was brought back to that stormy night in the tent and he was suddenly filled with the desire to grab her and crush her to his chest. Call him crazy but he believed her.

"Then you got mad and I get it, but I didn't know, really and you told me to leave and I didn't have anyone…"

"I know, the app's inactive and he says you've cut him out."

"Wait what… you called him?" she asked. When he nodded she blinked her eyes. "Alright, we can circle back that later but… yeah… that's right, I cut him out. Which means I don't have Wo, I don't have Kong, I don't have the app, and then you were gone and the Five-0s would go with you and I just… I just…"

She really had dropped him. "You… you really ended all contact…"

"Of course," Rowan sulked. "I told him if he did it, we'd be done, and he did it anyway, despite promising me he wouldn't and now…"

"You're not alone, okay?" he said reaching out for her to pull her close. "I'm sorry, I am…"

Rowan threw his hands off of her. "But you told me to leave…" "I was mad, I was being stupid…" "This isn't the first time you've done something like this."

Holy shit she was actually still going to leave him. They were about to break up. No, no he couldn't lose her.

"Okay, okay, I… I'm going to tell you something and I need you to just… to just let me explain and don't panic… can you do that?"

Rowan nodded and he nodded too amazed that he was going to do this… like for real, but it was the only option and she'd… she'd understand… right? "Okay… look… part of my problem is that dream world I was living in. Remember, where my dad was alive and we were married and you were pregnant?"

"Yeah what about it?"

"Well part of that dream world… in fact every other sentence I said to you in that dream world, every time I saw you, I thought the same thing and that was I love you," Steve paused there and let that sink in. Rowan just stared at him and blinked her eyes. "Now… I'm not saying that now… and I don't know if it was my subconscious trying to tell me that that's how I feel, but I'm not ready for that Rowan… I'm not ready and it scares me to think that… I may… it's just… that's a lot for me… but I keep staring at you and remembering that world and how happy we were and I want it so bad but I don't know if we…"

She put up a hand to silence him. "That's what this has been about? That's why you've been so weird?"

"Well… mostly…"

"So, you're telling me that when things get to be too much for you, you pull a Danny?" she asked.

Steve blinked his eyes, oh god… that was what he did. He sabotaged his relationships if he thought people were getting too close. Holy fuck. "Okay… yeah… well… I thought that I was falling for a person who would let their brother torture than me and I was more than willing to forgive you for it and… and… why are you judging me?! You run when things get to be too much. You pull disappearing acts, which I think is way…"

Rowan threw herself at him, pressing her lips to his to shut him up and he practically melded into it. God he had needed this, had needed her against him, with him.

"You are so silly, Steven McGarrett," she whispered against his lips and he practically growled into the next kiss.

"You could have told me that was your problem," she whispered. "You got a little mixed up in that dream world, it happens, I'm not ready for that step either but it doesn't mean that we can't try to make that happy ending our own, you know, at a reasonable pace?"

Steve nodded. "Do you think… you might be ready for a different step?" she asked.

"And what's that?"

"Giving me that label I really want?" Steve grimaced and her hopeful smile faded. "Well it was worth a shot."

"I really like you Rowan, I do. I care for you, I really, really do. Like a lot. Like a lot, a lot, but this is way too much for me, you know? It's too much for me to take. I just need some time to breathe, to just let things stay the way they are just for a little bit? Can we do that? Is that okay?"

Rowan sighed. "Is it because… uhm… do you still think that I'd…"

"No," Steve whispered his hands gripping her elbows tightly. "I know you wouldn't… I just… with the evidence… and… and even with it… I didn't think you'd… no… that's not why I… I just… I'm really overwhelmed, that's all, it's really more a me problem."

He stared at her, his eyes softening to her as she just lowered her eyes away from him, clearly disappointment. He cleared his throat. "Can I ask for something?"

"Oh something else?" she asked a hint of bitterness in her voice even though she was trying to tease him. Well he figured he deserved that.

"You don't have the app anymore Rowan, you don't have his protection… what are the chances of you not getting yourself into every dangerous situation you find?"

"What are the chances of you listening to my dreams?" she shot back.

"Are you dreaming again?" he asked her.

"Well… no, right now, not recently, but if I do start dreaming again, what are the chances of you listening to me?"

"Pretty high if you've got enough information for me to do something with what you're dreaming," he snapped and Rowan smiled.

"Then I guess I won't have to go behind your back to get help then," she said and he pulled her close again.

"Can we go to bed, Ro? I know I just woke up, but I'm tired and sore… and I haven't slept right since you ran off."

She didn't answer him, instead she took his hand and led him towards the steps. Good. Great. Maybe now, with Wo Fat gone and finally out of the picture, he and Rowan would be better...