Chapter LIX - Bitter Mornings

It was late in the night before Taija decided she needed to move. She was exhausted, injured emotionally drained and staring into the darkness would only take her so far. She was also starting to get cold, despite her webs. Maybe she'd feel better after some sleep? It seemed a forlorn hope, but she really was beyond tired.

Taija slowly spun a gateway back to the Golden Bowl, just outside the wards, targeting it away from the main entrance, where there was only sheer rock leading up to the top of the canyon. There shouldn't be as many sentries around there. She really didn't want to talk to anyone.

A step took her back to the Dedicated Waste and with a sigh Taija started spinning small webs of air, using them as steps attached to the rock to work her way up. If she wasn't feeling so exhausted it might even have been a pleasant climb. As it was, it was a struggle forcing herself to make her way up, but eventually she did.

At the top it was easy enough to quietly amble to her tent, unnoticed in the dark of the night and crawl silently into it before lying on her bedroll and pulling her blankets around her. Fortunately sleep came quickly to her and for once there were no nightmares.

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Taija was woken the next morning by Nynaeve's outraged shouting, her head poking into Taija's tent. "Taija Kosola what in the Light have you done to yourself?! How did you even get back here?! Do you realise how long we've been looking for you?"

Taija blinked sleepily at her. "Sorry?" It was more of a question than a statement.

"You certainly should be!"

Memory lurched back to Taija as she woke up a bit more and focused on Nynaeve anger rising in her. "I've had a very trying day. Please don't shout at me. I'm really not in the mood."

Nynaeve scowled and clenched her fists for a second before visibly restraining herself. "I'm sorry Taija. I understand that, but I was worried about you. We all were."

Taija grumbled internally at the lack of proper respect in Nynaeve's tone, but she didn't really care right then. "You knew I was alive, I'd be fine. Can't a woman have some peace sometimes?"

Nynaeve just gave her a look and Taija felt her face heat after a second. "Alright, you're right. I'm sorry. Anyway, where's Rand? I need to get up and speak to him."

Unfortunately Nynaeve's commotion seemed to have attracted more attention. Egwene joined her at the opening to Taija's tent, gasping when she saw her and, worse, so did Amys. For fuck's sake. "I'm fine, I'm getting up. Sorry for worrying you."

Taija levered herself up and stifled a groan as pain shot through her ribs. Had she slept in her clothes too? Of course she had. They were probably ruined anyway. Taija looked down at her bedroll, was that blood on it?

"What in the Light did you do to yourself Taija sedai?" Shouldn't Egwene be off dreamwalking or something rather than bothering her?

"Nothing serious I'm fine, just maybe a little healing and I'll be right as rain." Taija couldn't help that her voice was a bit brittle. She was dealing with this just fine thank you very much. "Now I need to find Rand to talk about the taint."

Nynaeve fixed Taija with her best glare, she'd give it a 7 out of 10. "You're covered in blood. It hurts for you to get up. Light only knows what you've done to your arm…"

"Oh I cauterised the wound myself, so it should be fine." Nynaeve and Egwene both looked a bit sick, but at least Amys looked suitably impressed at that.

Despite her obvious discomfort Nynaeve continued smoothly on as if Taija hadn't interrupted. "…and there's a slash right across your face. I've already had to heal one old scar, I don't want it to be two. Now you can let me heal you or you can stay in your tent!"

"You could try to sound more like an apprentice you know." Taija gave her a half-hearted scowl and then gave in, trying not to sound petulant. "Fine, fine, heal me. Thank you."

With a humph Nynaeve grabbed her and embraced saidar. A second later the complex webs of all five elements rolled over Taija leaving her shivering, but suddenly feeling healthy again. She really was a good healer, just a pity she couldn't heal the mental wounds. "There! Now try to go more than a few weeks without injuring yourself again!" Nynaeve spun on her heel and stormed off, muttering to herself about what kind of idiot would deliberately burn themselves with the Power.

It was ok, grumbling was her love language. Taija glanced at Egwene and frowned. "Shouldn't you be studying?"

"Yes Taija sedai." She grimaced and bowed before hurrying away.

That just left Amys who gave Taija a wry smile. "Taija Kosola I am not sure whether you are the luckiest woman I know or the unluckiest." She didn't wait for her to answer. "Come, I will take you to Rand al'Thor. We can walk slowly and enjoy the morning Sun."

Taija gave her a grateful smile, "thank you, but maybe I should change first." Her clothes were wrecked, holes, burns, sweat and tears marred them. Not to mention the blood, much too much blood.

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As it turned out, Amys' walk involved a diversion for some much-needed food and then a gateway back to Caemlyn, where Rand was holding court with a group of nobles in one of the few intact audience chambers left in the Royal Palace. Dedicated maidens and warriors stood guard around him and Cadsuane was at his side. Taija idly wondered where she'd put Savriti. On a boat back to Tar Valon hopefully, horrible woman.

Wasn't Elayne meant to be heir to the throne in Caemlyn? It was a stupid way of ruling a country, but Taija hoped that wasn't going to cause issues with Rand. Maybe he'd put her in charge once everything was organised. Anyway she had more important things to think about than archaic government.

As soon as Rand saw her he dismissed the nobles with a gesture. They seemed delighted to be leaving, hurrying out as he stood from his chair and came over to Taija with a smile. "Taija, I'm very glad to see you're well. Or at least standing again." He looked momentarily awkward, a brief reflection of the shy farmboy he used to be. "I'm sorry about Tel. I needed him and I couldn't see how you and he…"

Taija cut him off with a gesture. "It's alright Rand. I understand. You needed a teacher and I would have reacted… poorly." It still hurt that he'd kept it a secret though. She'd trusted him. Who else knew too? Did Aleksi know? Did everyone know other than stupid, naive Taija? "He's… he's proven himself." Her stomach clenched at the admission. "He says the right things and, for what it's worth, I believe him. Although I thought I could read him, but who knows now." She laughed bitterly. "Anyway, he's thrown himself in front of a sword for you. He risked his life to save me. He's taken too much risk for me to say that he's still a darkfriend. You people have your saying 'no one can go so far into the dark that they cannot return to the Light.' I'm not sure I believe it, but maybe he's the exception that proves the rule."

Rand seemed to relax slightly at her words. "He's taught me enough and most of his crimes are against you and your time. He's useful, have no doubt about it, but I don't need him anymore. I know he must be under a hundred death penalties from before the Breaking. If you want that… Well I'll do it, you wouldn't even have to think about it. Equally, if you want him sent away, say the word. He can seek redemption elsewhere."

Taija blinked at Rand in surprise for a couple of seconds. Rand had become a very hard man. Do she really want Tel dead? Despite all she'd said, despite everything he must have done, the idea made her feel sick. On some level she knew she was clutching at anything that was left of her old life. She wanted him gone, far far away, but at the same time after yesterday she felt ill at the thought of him gone again. Taija shook her head slowly. "No, it might not be justice, but he's earnt his survival. I know how useful he is to you, I can work with him when I have to."

Rand smiled and nodded, "thank you Taija. In that case, I have something to share on the taint, something great. I'd like to get Tel, Moiraine and Cadsuane here, along with you and Amys though."

"Of course." Good news on the taint, that was almost enough to cheer her up. As Rand started giving orders to maidens to go and find Moiraine and Tel Taija did wonder though. He only made the offer to kill Tel or send him away after yesterday's revelation and her saying she believed Tel was telling the truth. Did Rand only make the offer because he was now completely confident that she'd say no?

Even when she could understand the reasons, she didn't like people trying to manipulate her. What was new there though?

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It quickly became apparent that it would take a while to gather everyone. Moiraine had been visiting Siuan or something and Amys had already been called away on wise one business , so Taija had some time before Rand's meeting.

It left her free to follow up on she'd been thinking about for a while. Nynaeve's slightly aggressive mothering of her had only solidified her thoughts. Not everything needed to stay dead.

Since she had the time, Taija Traveled back to the Dedicated Waste, to Cold Rocks Hold where she'd been speaking to a tailor. Or were they a seamstress? She wasn't sure what the difference was. Anyway their skills weren't really on the level of those she'd used in Tar Valon, or Caemlyn, but they were good enough. She didn't want fancy silk for what she was doing now.

After a brief conversation and some back and forth about payment, it was very irritating how reluctant the Dedicated were to take money from her, Taija had what she wanted and could Travel back to the Golden Bowl to set things up. She stored her bundle of purchases in her tent and then headed a little way away from the canyon.

It took her about half an hour of careful thought and manipulation of the ground with webs of earth, but eventually she was satisfied that she'd got what she wanted. A raised platform with an earthen table on it. Three large chairs behind the table and a raised wall of earth around everything, creating a walled space that was open to the sky.

Now she just needed to try to remember the words. Taija sighed to herself, she was going to have to rehearse this.