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A/N: Hello my wonderful readers! Remember how I said the cute stuff is coming. Well it's here! Part of it anyway. I promise that, even though this chapter is gargantuan (15 pages long) not only do we see some more of Rowan's back story, we get to see Steve and Rowan be super cute. And that will only be eclipsed by the next chapter, which, I think, is probably the cutest chapter I've written to date so I really hope you guys like the next two chapters! We're also coming up to the 800th review soon, which seems altogether too many and I'm still in shock about it. I was thinking of running another contest for this one, with a dedication and Character insert for the winner. What do you guys think? Don't forget to leave me a review and let me know! I'll see you guys on Wednesday!

Chapter 176

When Danny woke up again it was super dark, the place was quiet, there was a blue light coming from the monitor and he quickly realized that what had woken him up was Rowan's shivering form draped over him. Danny got his bearings, glanced around and out of the corner of his eye caught Steve staring, his eyes on Rowan of course, with a strange look on his face.

"I fell asleep," Danny announced, on top of him Rowan groaned again and shuddered. Steve immediately looked away, no doubt not want to get caught. "I miss anything?"

Instead of answering him, Steve turned the volume up on the laptop and the moaning coming from the other apartment got louder. Danny sighed. "Apparently not."

"They stopped for a water break about half an hour ago," Steve said, his voice low and quiet. He seemed unimpressed, which was great because Danny was unimpressed too.

"That's good you gotta stay hydrated," Danny said sarcastically.

"Very important," Steve agreed.

"See this, this is bad for us men in general," Danny snapped, ready to stop being sarcastic and ready to actually get into the lecture. "This is what gives us a bad name. Twenty, 30 minutes, that includes a drink. They're at three hours, makes us look terrible. We can't do this."

Groaning Rowan shivered into him. "God, what is going on with this girl, she's shaking so hard she's vibrating."

Immediately Steve was shifting, his hands moving towards Rowan. "She's just cold, let me take her."

"Cold? We're in Hawaii how can she be cold," Danny snapped, slapping his hands away. "She doesn't want you, remember?"

A darkness passed over Steve's face and for a moment he thought Steve might attack him for her, but they were interrupted. Rowan groaned, her body began to quake and she pressed her face into Danny's arm. "What the hell is…" Danny found himself asking but Steve knew what that was, and Danny realized that the second he saw Steve's face.

"That's a nightmare, she's having a nightmare," he said, watching as Rowan's hands gripped into Danny's side so tightly he actually yelped. Steve, however, was used to that and knew what to do.

With Danny distracted, Steve stood up, he grabbed Rowan by the shoulders and tugged her away from Danny. With Rowan back in his arms he settled back on the couch, draping her against him in that way she liked. He leant back, let her rest between his legs, her fingers digging into his side her cheek against his chest. His had a hand stroking the back of her hair and already she was more settled. With his arms around her she had stopped shaking, as if the mere act of encircling her in his tight embrace had dispelled the nightmare that had been sinking in.

"It's okay," he whispered into the top of her head. "I have you now."

He ran his hands up and down her back for a moment until her was certain that she was okay and then he smiled to himself. "See… see you just didn't have her right. This was all she needed."

Rowan murmured against his chest and he smiled absently, when he looked up at Danny he was wearing an expression he knew wasn't going to lead somewhere good for him.

"See… why… look at you two… just look at you two…"

"Danny, stop. Okay? I don't want to do this right now. She's tired, just let her sleep, please?"

Danny settled down again, ready to let Steve be delusional when he noticed something on the table beside him. Danny glanced down to where his workbook would have fallen had he fallen asleep with it and then back to Steve who probably hadn't touched his workbook let alone packed it.

"You uh… reading the workbook?" Danny asked.

"No."

"No?" Danny echoed. "It was over here. Now it's over there. You had something to do with it."

"When you fell asleep, you dropped it on the floor. I moved it for you," Steve answered. Oh, how nice of him.

"You didn't look at it?"

"Did I look at it? Maybe, yeah, I looked at it a little bit, to get a feel on how to answer the questions. I only skimmed a bit cause I was bored."

His main focus was still on Rowan. He kept shifting her, trying to settle her in some position, she had her nails digging into his side, but Steve hadn't flinched once. Danny wondered how often Steve ended up in that position, wondered how many nightmares Rowan had that he didn't hear about, but Steve dealt with, soundlessly. Clearly often enough for him to be that good at soothing her no problem, in fact it looked to be second nature.

"What did you think?" Danny asked.

Steve looked up to him. Looked to the workbook. And then he just shrugged and turned his eyes back to Rowan.

"That's it? You're unbelievable. I mean, I have personally seen you put yourself in every conceivable life-threatening situation without batting an eye, like it's nothing. But when it comes to talking about your feelings, forget about it you'd rather chew cyanide. Huh?" When Steve said nothing, Danny sighed. "Forget it," he snapped throwing himself back down to the couch. "Wake me up if they stop or do something interesting or open up that curtain."

Steve looked down to Rowan. The way her hand gripped his shirt like he was the anchor in her sea of nightmares. He wanted to be better, he wanted to be able to talk about things like this with Rowan. He wanted to trust people, to trust her.

And if he couldn't do it with his best friend, how could he do it with Rowan… how would he expect her to do it with him.

"Do you wanna know why I don't play guitar anymore?" he uttered into the silence of the apartment. Hoping Danny would just sulk and say no.

"Yes, I would like to know why you don't play guitar anymore," Danny said to him. Well so much for sulking.

"Tenth-grade talent show. I signed up to perform," he told him. Already his mouth was running dry at the memory like he was back on that stage once again. "I practiced the song every day for months and months, and the day finally came around. I was standing in the wings. My guitar was in tune. They called out my name, I walked out on stage. I turn around and look at all those people," he whispered his eyes closed and he was there, back on that stage with his heart running wild and his lungs constricting, refusing to take a single breath for him. "And I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it, so I walked off and never played guitar ever again."

For a while they were silent. "That's it?" Danny asked.

"That's it."

"In Tenth grade, you had stage fright, so you never played guitar ever again?"

"I didn't have stage fright, it was bigger than that," Steve whispered. "I'm telling you, man, it was a, uh… you know, I guess it was an existential crisis. I just, in that moment, I couldn't handle the vulnerability that I was experiencing. I couldn't handle how exposed I felt. I felt like I couldn't breathe and I thought it was gonna kill me."

All he got was an hmm, from Danny and when he turned to his friend he was just lying there, staring at the ceiling.

"Look, man, I was raised differently than you, okay? I wasn't raised in a house with a supportive family, encouraging me to share my feelings. Or in your case every feeling," he said and to his surprise Danny just nodded. Rowan shifted against him her breath exhaling across his chest and for a second he just held her accepting her soothing presence. "The McGarrett men are a different breed. They… to them, showing emotion is like showing weakness, you know? I mean it's stupid, but its just the way it is."

"I understand that. Uh…" Danny started his eyes falling on Rowan. "I just thought that after everything we've been through, you know, your father, my brother, everything, I figured maybe I was, you know… somebody that you could open up to, is all, you know? And if not me, then at least Rowan. I mean… after everything you went through to finally end up with that girl… I would have thought… I mean I know I joke about it… but we all just want you two to be happy, me included… so what is going on with this Steven, why are you fighting her on the label so hard when you two are clearly insane for each other?"

"Because with her… with her… sometimes it feels like I'm right back on that stage…" he said. "That's how she makes me feel. Vulnerable and exposed and I'm just… I'm overwhelmed."

"By what?"

"By how I feel. Nothing has ever felt this way before," he whispered. "Nothing in my youth, not even what I felt for Catherine comes close to… this… and that scares me, Danny. It scares me because everyone I have ever loved, they leave me. They choose to leave me. And I know… I know I won't survive it if she leaves me too, Danny. You saw how bad I was before… and back then she was just an option. I've had a taste… I have… I have everything I want. I have a pretty fucking domestic life, with the perfect girl and the perfect kid and the perfect job and friends and… and… I'm not… I'm not going to survive losing that, and if I lose her… if I lose her Nahele will go with her and then I'll… I don't know… I just won't survive losing it now I know how much I like it. Okay. I just won't. It will literally kill me and I don't… want…"

"Then you have to tell her that," Danny urged. "None of this you're not ready shit you've been giving her. She knows you're ready, look at you, you're ready, but you're scared and she will understand that, but you can't just not tell her and then pull this shit and just… you know? Because she needs you, hey? She needs you as much as you need her, and I bet you dimes to the dollar that she is just as afraid of you leaving her too. By the way, has she stopped shaking yet?"

Steve ran his hand from the base of her neck to her lower back, she murmured against him and pressed a little closer to him. "She's not shaking now."

"Obviously she needed you," he said and then left that there as if Steve didn't feel guilty enough.

"You two need to stop talking about me like I'm not here," Rowan murmured into the silence that fell between them.

"Come on," Steve whispered, "I'm going to get you to the bed okay?"

"No."

"It'll be better for my back."

"Your back deserves it."

"Will you please… just let me, I'll carry you, you won't have to move okay?" he said and with a giant sigh she sat up, let him disentangle herself from him. As she sat there she rubbed her eyes, wincing and hissing in pain when she agitated the bruise that he could see had darkened nicely into her hairline. He bent down, moving her hands away to look at it. He had forgotten it was there, he probed the sight of the injury softly which just cause her to wince and smack his hands away. When he straightened, she lifted her arms up so he could easily pick her up and carry her to the bed.

Once they were lying down, once he had her nicely tucked in, his nose millimetres from hers, he lay there staring at the girl that overwhelmed him. She was usually so strong, she usually took things much better then she seemed to be taking this, but he knew something about this incident had unnerved her. Not just the fact that a man had died in her arms, she was taking this more personally than she should have, then she usually did. And then there was the money. Why hadn't she told him about the money? How could she hide something like that from him, was it really because she was afraid they'd argue, that she didn't trust him with the truth and if she was hiding that what else was she too afraid to tell him?

Her breathing leveled out, she was probably asleep but Steven needed answers, so he brushed his fingertips against the edges of her lips, the sensitive soft spots at the corners until she started moaning and brushed his fingers away.

"Mmmmstopit," she murmured.

"Tell me the truth. Tell me why you really didn't tell me about the kind of money you were making," he ordered.

Rowan's eyes opened, those sapphire blue eyes burning in the darkness. His hand continued to brush her hair back being conscientious of the bruise she had forming just by her eye. "Honestly?" she whispered and he nodded. "With the way we were arguing… I didn't… I just didn't… I didn't want to make things worse."

"You thought I'd argue with you over the money you make?" he asked.

"Well… most guys are intimidated by that sort of stuff, you know?" she said. "And I was afraid that… with everything else… it would just pile on…"

"Babe, I'm not… I'm not mad I just… I want to share in your success… I'm already so proud of you… I just wish that you… you know… you wanted me to…"

"I did, and I was going to tell you… but… we've just been arguing so much… and when we were good we were like… really good and I didn't want to ruin it with what I figured would be an argument. And then it just got to be longer and longer and… I… I unno… I just never found the right time, you know?"

So she had been making good money from day one then. That's what that meant. He nodded and her eyes began to drift closed again. "Wait, just… just one more thing…" those eyes opened up again, so blue he almost lost himself in them. "You're feeling really guilty about this one, I can tell, and I just wanted you to know that it's not your fault. I know you would have told me, but I've been difficult…"

"That's not… that's not why," she whispered and his heart lurched into his chest. There was something else? How could there be another thing she hadn't told him? "I… I told him the wrong day."

"What do you…?"

"I've been dreaming about it, I have, but I dreamed the wrong day. It was supposed to be… it was supposed to be next week," she said. "I told him to take the wrong day off… I told him the wrong day… he would have been… I… I'm why he's dead…"

And then she started to sob. Immediately Steve pulled her into his arms. That was why she felt guilty. That was why she hadn't told him. It had nothing to do with their argument, she simply hadn't dreamed the right day.

"Rowan… that's not… that's not your fault… You had… you had the wrong date, that's fine," he said. "You didn't do it on purpose… you know? And we always knew… or at least I always knew that this wasn't an exact science, you know?"

"But I…"

"You did what you thought was right. You tried to help, and I know, I know you would have told me about it if you thought it was happening, but just because you got the date wrong, doesn't mean it's your fault," he said forcing her to look up to him. "Sometimes things just have to happen right? That's what you said about my Aunt Deb, right? That you can't changed everything, no matter how much you want to? Well… clearly this is one of those times. Okay?"

Rowan nodded and Steve held her close to him again. "You just… you just go to sleep, I'll be here, I promise, the whole night. For real this time."

She snuggled into him and Steve held her a little tighter. As he fell asleep he dreamed he had put a forcefield around his girl, something to keep the dreams at bay… or at the very least, some kind of filter so that if they did come, if they absolutely had to be there, that they were going to be right. He never wanted his baby to hurt over her dreams ever again.

H5O-H5O-H5O-H5O

When Steve woke up, Rowan was gone. That was the first issue. The second issue was that Danny had left the window open and the cat had gotten out. The third issue was that their bad guy, Jacob or Radomir or whatever the hell his name was, had gone into a gun and ammo shop the night prior and stole enough hardware to start a war. But since Steve was so upset about the first issue he was blowing the second and third issues right out of the water.

They finished their call with Kono who had been tasked to find Radomir and put him down with any means necessary and someone knocked on the door.

"I'll get it," he said throwing a blanket over the monitors.

"You'll get it? Were you expecting someone?"

Ricky, the drug dealer who had been hiding pot in their borrowed apartment, was at the door. "What up, playboy?" he said as he came in. He immediately walked past them both to go into Agnes' room.

"What the hell is this?"

"A cat's sense of smell is 14 times stronger than a human's," Ricky said coming back with an armful of Agnes' clothes. "And that sweet scent of Agnes is gonna bring Mr. Pickles back home. Stay frosty!" and then he was gone and Steve was shutting the door.

Danny scowled at him, but Steve just hit him with a dark glare and said nothing. The true hallmarks of a McGarrett man who was upset. Steve walked past him not even bothering to say a thing, as he pulled the pineapple print blanket off of their gear and threw it back onto the couch.

"You called the drug dealer to find Mr. Pickles?"

"And why did I have to do that, Danny?" Steve snapped back.

"No, no, no. Don't do this, okay? It's not my fault, it's your fault," Danny snarled pointing a finger at Steve.

"Oh! How is this my fault Mr. Pickles got out?" Steve cried. "You're the reason the window was left open!"

"Well I wouldn't have had to leave the window open if you hadn't decided it was a good idea to make a microwave omelet!" Danny cried back.

"Okay, this whole passive aggressive thing? I'm done. It's tired."

"Oh alright, okay. Let's do aggressive-aggressive."

From their feeds came the distinct sound of someone knocking on a door and both Danny and Steve turned. "Who the hell can be visiting her now?" Danny snapped just as Emma Mills opened the door.

Steve knew exactly who it was the second he heard that hi.

"Hi, I'm Rowan, I'm dating one of the cops that are watching you across the street," she said.

Steve and Danny stood there, mouths open watching as Rowan pointed at their window and Emma Mills followed her stare. That fucking cunt had sold them out.

"Fucking hell I knew she was mad at you but I didn't think she'd throw an operation just to piss you off… what the hell did you say to her last night?" Danny cried. "I thought you said you and her had like… a moment or something."

Steve just stood there, looking past betrayed. Emma stuttered but Rowan had already pushed past her and into the apartment.

Two floors below came a scream and with the binoculars Steve narrowed in on it. "We got a male accosting a female," he said but Rowan's was talking again and his eyes peeled away from the other girl and back to her.

"Help me with the couch," she ordered but Emma wouldn't move.

"No, now wait a second…"

"No, not wait a second, that guy you and your little girlfriend ripped off for the diamonds is still alive. Yeah, surprise, and he's a little mad that you tried to kill him to get a bigger share of the cut. Now he's on his way up here to kill you and take the diamonds, NOW HELP ME WITH THE COUCH!" Rowan shouted and Emma jumped to help her. Together they moved it across the door just as someone started knocking. Already Steve had binoculars.

"She's right, it's Ivanovich,"

Rowan turned to the camera. "I'm gonna find us an exit point. Steven, if someone's throttling a girl a few levels down it's a distraction. Ignore that and come help me please!"

Yeah, like Steve was gonna go after someone or something else when Rowan was in danger. She already had Emma's hand and was dragging her to the balcony, just as Ivanovich opened fire on the door.

"SHIT!" Steve screamed and then he and Danny were sprinting out of their apartment, down the stairs and across the street. "It looks like they went across balconies," Steve called to him as they sprinted up the steps. "I'm gonna go high, you go low, try to cut them off!"

Danny split ways from him, watching as the man sprinted up the stars, dashing off this snarl on his face like a predator chasing his prey, anything to get to Rowan on time, it seemed.

Gunshots echoed a floor above him, there was the sound of a few high pitched feminine yelps and then two bodies practically clamoured down the fire escape and onto his floor. Danny got a hold of Rowan, who was still holding hands with Emma, and practically threw them both behind him, just as Ivanovich came into view. Danny raised his gun, shouted something about being Five-0 and freeze, but Ivanovich had a bigger gun and he was raising it in their direction. There was this warrior cry and Danny didn't even have to shoot. All they saw was Steve's boots as they collided with Ivanovich's chest and then that was the man over the railing and crashing two storeys below.

Panting Steve got up, he went to renew chase but Rowan let out a strangled sob of his name and he faltered.

Danny turned and Rowan was flat out and properly crying. Steve immediately stopped what he was doing, jumped off of the fire escape and went to her.

"What's wrong, are you shot? What happened? Where are you hurt?"

But once he got close she just hugged him and the sobbing stopped. He didn't even get the first syllable out of her name when Danny clocked the remote in her hand. He yelped, tried to reach for it, but it was too late, Rowan had pushed the button. Across the street from them a car blew up and everyone cringed. Steve dropped his hold on Rowan and she let him do it. He went to the balcony, standing shoulder to shoulder with Danny, watching as the fires burned and a body lay motionless in the street, they couldn't tell if it was Ivanovich or not, but it was singed and smoking.

Steve turned back to Rowan to find her face impassive, and to her calmly wiping away the fake tears. "Did you just…"

"Break into his car, find his stash of weapons and explosives and wire it to explode, yes," she said as if it were perfectly normal for anyone to do that. "Don't worry. He wasn't in the car… I think… though after what he did to poor Mike, honestly, I don't really care."

Danny and Steve turned back to the wreckage just a few floors below them. Danny glanced to Steve, to be fair, he was very, very proud of her. It was scary but hey, she hadn't used the app or got Wo Fat involved. But Steve, Steve looked like he was going to be sick.

"Who the hell are you people?" Emma cried, which reminded both boys that they needed to arrest her.

"We're your worst nightmares," Rowan growled, clearly not knowing exactly how true that was.

Steve and Danny, though, exchanged glances. Well… that wasn't how they wanted that day to end, but at least they had gotten the bad guy.

H5O-H5O-H5O-H5O

Steve, with Rowan's hand in his, walked slowly towards where his friends were waiting at their picnic bench right in front of Kamekona's shrimp truck. Emma Mills, who was supposed to be dead, was alive. The fleet of squad cars they sent to the Jewelry store to pick up Mia Price, also suffered no casualties as Ivanovich hadn't gone to storm the place as planned. All because, while he had held Rowan last night, she had dreamed of Ivanovich, what he was going to do, and where he was going to park his car in the morning when he went to kill Emma.

And his girl had done something with that dream.

"I know you don't like questions, Rowan, but I gotta know. How… how did you know how to rig the car to explode?"

"Well… uh… when I was in WitSec, Malcolm taught us how to check for car bombs. All the types. He also taught me what to look for if something had been tampered with, like doors, or trunks or hoods of cars. That lead to me just asking him how it worked, which meant, in theory I could set one myself… he also taught me how to jimmy things and steal cars, but that was more for if we were compromised and needed to run. To be honest I didn't think I'd remember how to do it, the plan was just to steal all his stuff, let you rough him up and bit and then tell you where his car was and where he planned to go next. But when I grabbed the C4 it all came back."

Steve nodded. Well at least she didn't say that Sandy gave her instructions.

"I know it was awfully… monstrous of me… but I…"

"Rowan, it wasn't monstrous. Just a little… criminal," he said. "But I covered for you. I said I shot at the car, must have nicked the C4 in the back. So, you know, you're good, but uh… there's going to come a day when I can't cover for you babe. You know that, right?"

"I'm going to be better," she said quickly. "I promise, I'm really… I'm really going to try."

"Okay… uh… I'm going to say something," he whispered taking her shoulders. "And it's very important that you hear this, okay?"

Rowan nodded and he took a deep breath. "Alright. So… I like you the way you are. Alright? I like every bit of you, which includes this tendency of yours to jump head first into the grey area of law. What I meant, my comment before, was on my ability to save you from it. Okay? Babe, I'm afraid you're going to cross a line I won't be able to get you back from. And I really. Really don't want to see that day. Okay?"

Rowan nodded eagerly stepping up to her tippy toes to kiss him deeply. From their table they got wolf whistles and the like.

"Aw sweetie, your girlfriend's just as pretty in person as she is in the pictures," came a call from who Steve knew immediately as Ruth. Why had Jerry brought her there? Why?

"Did uh… did that old woman just call me your girlfriend?"

God fucking damn it. "No. Rowan…" he tried to tell her but Rowan had already moved away from him and towards the table smiling warmly at Ruth.

"Excuse me, hi, I'm Rowan, did uh… did Steve tell you I was his girlfriend?"

Ruth blinked her eyes surprised. "I'm confused, are you not his girlfriend? I mean I know he said he's not gay but you didn't hear those two arguing all the time. I swear, no one who argues like that isn't married."

Rowan turned back to Steve and his eyes rolled up to his skull. God damn it. He was not gay with Danny. He just wasn't. There was no McDanno. It was McRow or nothing.

Before Rowan could say anything he just pushed her towards the food truck. "Okay, babe, why don't you go, uh… why can't you go order something…"

"Why?" she asked. "Danny's here."

She nodded to something behind him and when he turned Danny was there. Half out of the Camaro and waiting for him. "Oh, that means it's time for me to go."

"Oh… the marriage counsellor?" Rowan teased but he frowned at her.

"You know it's not, babe, I don't like it when you do that," he growled and Rowan's smile widened. Kay so she was teasing, didn't mean that he liked it. As he moved towards Danny he noted that Rowan was following him. "So you go back to the table, Danny and I will take care of business…"

"She's coming with us," Danny said just as Rowan said: "I'm coming with you."

"Why the hell would you want to do that?" Steve asked but Rowan just shrugged and suddenly Danny was tugging on his arm.

"Hey I got you something!" he said moving around the trunk of the car.

"Wow, Really?" Rowan asked skipping over to join him.

"No not you, him," Danny said, shoving Rowan aside to show Steve what he had in the trunk.

"Whoa… what is that?" Steve trailed off, taking it out

"What is that? It's a tuba, you shmuck!"

"You got me a Tuba?" Steve cried as he opened up the guitar case. He smiled as he took it out to look at it.

"Wait… you play guitar? Why didn't you tell me that?" she asked him sounding surprised and disappointed at the same time.

"No, I don't play, I used to play, I'm thinking of getting back into it," Steve said. "And now I can…"

He strummed a few chords and suddenly Rowan's eyes lit up. Okay. Maybe he was definitely going to get back into it. Anything to keep that suggestive smile on her face.

"You like it?" Danny asked. Steve nodded strumming a few more chords surprised he still remembered how to play any of those chords after so long. "Alright, well I like this but we gotta go."

Rowan immediately bounce towards the back to get in but Steve frowned. "Wait, no Ro, you stay with Chin and Kono they'll drive you home," he said as he put the guitar back into the case so they could put it back into the trunk.

"But I want to come with you," Rowan said frowning up to him.

"Ro… come on now, what are you going to do? Wait outside? Wouldn't you rather wait here with Chin and Kono and Jerry?" he asked. He noted then that, for the second time since he had asked her to stay behind, that she and Danny shared a covert look. When they were done with that she turned back to him and hit him with her most innocent of looks.

"Well I was hoping I could sleep in the car, would that be okay?"

"Why would you wanna do that?"

"Cause it'll still smell like you…"

Steve's heart swelled up into his chest, he melted literally immediately. His poor girl, waiting to sleep in the car that smelled like him. Still he sighed, loud and heavily as if this were a great imposition. "Alright, alright," he whispered. "You can stay in the car."

He shut the trunk and moved over to the passenger side throwing Danny the keys. "Here buddy, you drive," he said.

Danny caught the keys and then just stared at him surprised. "Me drive?" he asked. "Whoa, that's some improvement…"

"Yeah don't get too excited, I'm still controlling the music," he said as he slipped into the passenger side. He glanced back at Rowan who was already curling up in the corner, no doubt to ready to try and sleep. He couldn't help but smile because having her there just made him feel better. He had a feeling that things would be better with all of them for now on.

H5O-H5O-H5O-H5O

They had left Rowan in the car. It was hard to do, like really hard to do, he had wanted to slip into the back and hold her, to cradle her while she slept and catch up on some sleep as well. But Steve left her in the back of the Camaro to go up for a Therapy session that he didn't want to through with.

But they were only in the chairs for ten minutes, had already slipped into one of their arguments, over who was to blame over the cat escaping, when someone knocked on the door. Dr. Carlin told whoever it was to come in. At first Steve was in shock that she would do that, normally she'd just tell them to wait, she had never invited anyone into their session before, but once the door opened and he saw who was coming in he was shocked for a different reason.

Rowan was still in her short shorts and flowing hunter green blouse. She smiled warmly at him as she pulled up her own chair. Steve turned back to Dr. Carlin. "What… uh… what is she…"

"I had Detective Williams, invite Rowan here, because I think she's part of the problem. Detective Williams was supposed to inform you, I'm sensing that he did not."

That little shit. That meant both Danny and Rowan knew she was coming in here with them, they had blindside him with this, on purpose. Well that explains the looks the were giving each other at Kamekona's shrimp truck.

"Wait… I'm the problem?" Rowan asked softly and Steve scowled. He didn't want her thinking that she was the problem, she had a habit of separating herself from him if she thought that she was causing issues for him and he didn't want her to do that again.

Dr. Carlin spoke before Steve could stop her. "Steven, has voiced some displeasure that you always seem to agree with Detective Williams…"

"What? Are you serious?" Rowan cried, but the question wasn't directed at their shrink, it was directed at him. "Really? You came into therapy and told this woman that you're picking fights with Danny because of me? Really? Because we both know that the fights are going on before I even get there…"

"Yes… yes, and we've talked about that, and my controlling nature and Danny's pessimism, but you… you come into one of our arguments and you're immediately and always on Danny's side. It doesn't matter what we're arguing about it always ends up being you and Danny versus me."

"That is not true! I side with you… and I defend you too all the time…"

"No, you don't!"

"I do too! You just… you know most of the time you're not around," Rowan answered sheepishly.

Danny nodded. "Actually ,that is true. She defends you a lot. And you are not around." Steve rolled his eyes and gestured to Dr. Carlin, that this, this was what he had been talking about. "But uh… he did have a breakthrough. Remember? Remember on the couch? I said you had to tell her, well… now is probably the best time to do so."

Steve eyes bore into Danny, his glare was so dark. How dare he throw him under the bus like that? "Is that true…?" Rowan asked.

"I mean… kind of… I did… I did tell Danny… but that was in confidence," he growled.

"You can tell her here, in a safe space, or I can text her… one day. Some day. When you least expect it."

"Now Detective Williams… blackmailing Commander…"

"I'm overwhelmed."

Silence met that comment and Steve realized that it probably hadn't been a good idea to just blurt that out there. Rowan was staring at him but Steve continued to stare forward at Dr. Carlin's shoes and he didn't move to explain. He wasn't even sure he could not without it coming out like nonsense.

"Go on, Commander," Dr. Carlin prodded and he realized that no was going to let him just say that and not elaborate. So he turned to Rowan.

"I really, really, really like you."

"I know that."

"No, I know, and that's great. But I mean… I really like you. Like more than anyone ever before. And… you know… I just… everyone I've ever cared about, anyone that's been close to me, they leave. Not on purpose, not because they want to, but they do. They leave. And you… with you… that feeling… it's ten times stronger than anything I've ever felt before and I feel… I feel vulnerable to it, like… if you were to leave me…"

"But I'm not leaving you Steven!"

"But you do leave!" Steve snapped. "When you get mad at me, when we have problems you run and I have to go on this scavenger hunt to find you!"

Rowan blinked her eyes and nodded. "Okay, you're right, that is something I do. But that… that predates you, I've been doing that for years. My uh… previous shrinks think I run… and have an obsession with things that go fast, because I'm running from my problems. They thought it was strange that I do everything except actually physically run. So, you know… that's not really something I'm doing to punish you… you know? That's something I do when I uh… when I do something bad and I think the people I care about are mad at me. Or when the people I care about tell me to leave…"

Steve stared at her. That actually explained a lot. Like a lot. Because every time she had run before, they had been arguing over some stunt she had pulled. And every time before that she had been running to keep herself from ruining a relationship Steve hadn't been trying to save at all. "I mean, I guess that helps a little… but I mean… why do you do that?"

"Uh… it's tied to an incident in my past, that I'd rather not talk about here… can we do that at home maybe?" she asked and Steve nodded. "That's not all is it though? There's something else?"

Steve lowered his eyes and whispered: "Yes… I guess I worry about… that… well... what happens if it… if the door opens again. You'll just… you'll go home… and then what am I going to do?"

Rowan blinked her eyes and finally understood. There it was, Steve's darkest fear laid out for her.

"Okay, you know what, you're right. You're right, Steven, if that door opened up for me again, I would definitely consider heading home, just cause I miss them and I kind of want to at least tell them I'm okay, but Steve… I wouldn't just jump into it. Maybe I would have before but now… I have you, I have Nahele, and Danny, and Chin and Kono, and I mean… I have a whole life here now. I'm not just going to up and leave it without knowing whether or not I can come back."

"Why wouldn't you be able to come back?"

"It's complicated," Rowan and Steve answered at the same time.

"That was very good Commander. And you see Detective Williams, Rowan was very supportive and positive, she listened to him, she didn't take it personal and really tried to understand what he was saying and accepted responsibility for the part she played and then explained her standing in a way that he'd understand," Dr. Carlin said to them causing Danny to scowl again. Ha take that Danny.

"However, there is one last thing I'd like you and Rowan to discuss. This other issue I'd like to acknowledge is that, from my sessions, I have gotten the impression that Commander McGarrett feels a bit insecure in your emotions for him," Dr. Carlin said and Rowan turned to her again. "He hasn't said it out loud, but it is something both Steven and Detective Williams have alluded to, that he thinks you two are unmatched… that he's not good enough for you."

Rowan turned to him surprised. "You not good enough for… Steven! Have you looked in the mirror? Steve you're fucking photo shopped. Girls trip over themselves trying to get your attention… do you even notice that?" Steve shook his head. All he ever noticed was her. "You don't think that's intimidating? Standing next to you looking like me and having girls question why someone like you is with me?"

"That's different," Steve said softly. "I only have eyes for you, you know that. But you… and I… we really only have sex in common. Granted it's phenomenal sex, but… like… that's only going to keep you with me for so long…"

Rowan groaned. "Ugh, Steven, we've talked about this. We have plenty in common and I'm always willing to try new things with you. You just have to remember that I need to be baby stepped into outdoorsy stuff, you can't just throw me into the thick of it and expect me to thrive!"

"But just look at us Rowan! You withheld sex for eleven days and we nearly broke up, how many times? If we're not having sex…"

"Of course we're arguing, we're pent up. That's a lot of sexual frustration, Steven," Rowan reminded him. "And besides, if you had just caved…"

"Why do I always have to cave, why couldn't you cave for once?"

"Oh my god! This is ridiculous, Steven! You literally just told all of us how much you care about her, just give her the label. She's not going to leave you, you tell everyone she's your girlfriend anyway, so just do it already!"

"Wait what?"

"Danny?!"

"Well it's true!" he cried and Steve lashed out at him, only to have Danny block it.

Rowan put a hand to his other arm and he stopped trying to hit Danny and turned to her. "Do you really tell everyone I'm your girlfriend?"

"Literally everyone," Danny growled. "I mean like all the time. It's always my girlfriend this, and my girlfriend that and I swear to god if you don't stop looking at my girlfriend I'll break your jaw…" "I only said that once, and that guy was practically bending over backwards to look at her ass. I can't believe Lou told… you weren't even there!" "He literally never shuts up about you and how you're his girlfriend."

Steve shook his head, but Rowan was smiling at him almost in a tearful way. "Why didn't you tell me that?"

"Because… Rowan… I was afraid. I was afraid if I opened up anymore to you and you eventually left… I wouldn't survive it," he whispered.

Rowan looked down briefly before turning back to him. "I can't promise that I'll never leave Steven. But I can promise, that if I do leave, it won't be of my own free will," she said to him and his eyes narrowed in surprise. "Steven. I want to be with you. Only you. I like the little family we've created. You me and Nahele. Door or not, I wouldn't just leave all of that behind. I know this is scary, I know that this is a big step, but it would make me feel better, it would make me feel more confident in our relationship, in your feelings for me, if we could do this together. Labelled and all."

That made sense, it made complete and utter sense and he realized that he wanted it too. Almost desperately, to be able to brag about her, to show her off, to make sure that all those guys staring at her knew she was his, and he'd kill for her.

Rowan smiled at him and Steve tried not to blush. She reached out to him, her hand grabbing his and squeezing tightly. "Okay… uh… I guess we're doing this then…" he said.

Rowan squealed and launched herself across from him, kissing him tightly as he smiled up into the motion.

"Great. Now they're going to be even more disgustingly cute," Danny muttered. But Rowan just smiled at him.

"Are we good now? Do you feel better? That includes you too Danny," she asked.

"How would I feel better, we didn't talk about me," he growled.

"Ohh that's true. Alright, well, Steven, I will try not to side with Danny in your ridiculous arguments as often, if that will help you," she said and he nodded. "And Danny, you and I should have a weekly bitching night where you can get all your frustrations out about Steve and so could I and then we don't take it out on him collectively."

"That's fair," Danny said. "Now, if you're done derailing our appointment, I'd like to show Dr. Carlin the homework…"

"Actually, we're out of time," she said.

"You've gotta be kidding me," Danny sighed. "We gotta come back don't we?"

"We'll schedule something for next week," she said and Danny sighed again. But Steve didn't care. What he cared about was that Rowan was holding his hand, and smiling up at him in that coquettish way, his blood boiling knowing that when he got home, he'd be getting everything he had been craving and more.

H5O-H5O-H5O-H5O

After making up for eleven days of holding out, a sweating panting Steven had flopped back down to the bed beside his newly official girlfriend. Though he was hot and sweaty he didn't care when Rowan rolled over to drape herself along side him, a single hand covering the heart that so clearly belonged to her now. He smiled warmly and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. His arms coming around her his heart beating wildly in his chest.

He knew he didn't want to do this, get into this argument now, but he wanted to know why she ran. He wanted her to open up more to him.

"Okay. I know you don't want to hear this… but uh… we're home now… and it's later."

Rowan sighed and rolled away from him. "Steven…" she groaned.

"No. Rowan. It's later. I need to know why you run from things, what happened huh?"

For a moment she was silent. She sighed heavily and Steve was worried that she wouldn't tell him.

"Do you know who the first person to ever call me a monster was?" she asked softly and Steve shook his head. She kept her eyes staring straight up as she whispered: "My mother."

Steve was silent for a bit and she couldn't bear to look at him so she kept talking. "Sometimes, she'd ask me if I was trying to be a monster, to try and get me to act better… but she'd usually just say: stop being a monster. I think the worst of it, was after the incident… after I was diagnosed… I heard her talking to my dad and she said… she said… that she didn't know what to do now that she had a monster for a daughter and I realized that… it was real now… it wasn't a joke anymore, I really was… a monster…"

"That's pretty shitty…"

"I wasn't diagnosed… you know… as a sociopath until I was 11, though. And uh… well… Trevor would have just turned fourteen. He had just come out. And uh… well you know he was a figure skater, you know I don't know why anyone surprised. But uh… yeah… he uh… he… was late coming out of practice and I still hadn't found… you know… boys… they were just… I unno I was young. I knew gay was bad but I didn't know what it was. Not that it's bad, like you know that it's something prepubescent boys shout at one another until one of them cries?" she said and Steve nodded cause he got it. "But uh… I walked into the men's change room to get him and these bigger hockey boys… you know… I don't know why they'd… making someone blow you doesn't prove you're not gay… but… you know… I walked in… saw what I saw… picked up a discarded skate and sliced a sixteen-year-old boy's dick off."

She turned to Steve at that point and saw the shock on his face and sighed. "Yep. I always get that look when I tell people what happened. Look, I was 11, you know, I didn't think it'd come like… off… I just knew my brother didn't want it in his mouth."

"Yeah, sure…" Steve murmured.

"The point is. That happened. And then you know… police got involved, but you know… they asked me… they asked why I thought to do that and I just shrugged and said that it seemed like a good idea at the time and then you know… I got tested and turns out I'm…. uh… yeah… mild sociopathic tendencies."

"Okay… so that explains… but the running… where does that…"

"My mom… she uh… she had us move across the country to get away from that situation," Rowan said. "And then… you know… after that… every time I did something and I knew she'd be mad I'd just… uh…"

"You'd run."

"My problems can't catch me if I'm faster than them," she whispered. "The problem is… I'm… well the problem is me, so when I'm alone… I'm worse… It's why my mom always had someone with me, it's why I caddy for my dad on the weekends, so she could have some time to herself. It's why she went with me when I got that part in the musical. It's why Trevor and I did so much together, though he was pretty much an enabler. It's why… I just… never…"

"Okay, wait… so your mom is why you don't like being alone either?" he asked. "Really? Fuck and I thought my mom fucked me up."

"Mom's doing numbers on their children is the bread and butter of the psychology world," she said and then she laughed. "It's actually really funny but my mom is a psychologist, leading female in her field. Never thought once that I might have had something psychologically wrong with me, and that was part of the problem. I made her look stupid. Doesn't help that like all typical parental-problem child relationships, I always felt like Trevor was her favourite, and she sort of always did things that… well… that proved that theory true."

"Like what?"

"I unno little things… I don't want to talk about this anymore, Steven."

"Just one example," he whispered. "Just to gauge the damage."

"You're dating me, you can use our relationship to gauge the damage," she said dryly but he just smiled at her encouragingly and she sighed. "Fine. Uh… well… when the news hit about what we were doing with you know the get away driving… Trevor and I… mom gave a sworn statement into the police that if Trevor had gotten mixed up in this, it was because of me. Trevor was a good boy and he probably went to save me or I forced him to go along with it as I was the bad influence."

"But that's not true… Trevor was the gambler…"

"My parents didn't know that at that point, they didn't know until after we came back when he admitted to it. You see… he never had to go to them for help, I usually covered his debts. And she was right to a point," she whispered. "I didn't have to keep driving once he was debt free. I just… you know… did and he stayed so I wouldn't be alone with them."

That wasn't the first time she had said that. She didn't seem to understand that once you were in there was no leaving. The Stepanov's would have never let her just, leave the gang. And even if they did, that didn't make Rowan the bad person in that situation. She had gotten into that situation because of her brother, because she had to save him. But how the hell did she think that her mother putting in a statement that Trevor was innocent and Rowan was the problem, was only a little thing that proved her theory. Trevor Pierce was clearly her mother's favourite. It made him wonder what her father had to say about it.

"You never would have been driving if it wasn't for him though," Steve growled. Damn if he ever met her mother he'd have some choice words for her. Maybe it was a good thing he had sent her family away. Even if they weren't the same people technically and had never done anything to her at all.

"Now I'm sad," Rowan uttered into the silence and Steve froze. He pulled her back to him, draping her across him and holding her tight.

"Tomorrow we'll so something happy. Your choice, my treat," he whispered. "Even though you should be treating me, Miss. Secret-Millionaire."

Rowan merely smiled into his chest. "Let's argue about money tomorrow, okay?"

"Deal," he whispered rolling onto his side so she could snuggle into his properly. As he pulled her close and Rowan let out a string of giggles, he sighed contently to himself. He was right, things were going to be miles better between him and Rowan from now on.