Hello you lovely readers of mine, I hope you thoroughly enjoy this 5-day writing frenzied piece I wrote for you all! It was so long I actually had to break it up into two parts. This first one is a doozy, and the second one will be put up in a few weeks - hopefully I'll be done with the one after that by that time. This is Chapter 26. Wow, can you believe we've already been through 26 chapters with these two? And we've got quite a bit to go still! Alright, enjoy! ;)
"It is my expert opinion, that Richard Underwood, and Amy Juergens, were unable to reach an agreement plausible for both parties. Due to being unable to compromise, or reach a like-minded verdict, I, Geoffrey Owen's, complied a collective decision pertaining to -" There was a rustling on the line as she turned the page, and sighed.
He paused at the top of the stairs, "Would you skip the legal jargon? What was the ruling?
"I'm trying to tell you if you'd quit interrupting me!" She countered, rustling more papers, "You were with her yesterday, why didn't you ask?"
He blew out a breath, "She didn't speak to me, and given Ricky's expression I wasn't asking him either. So what's it say?"
"The custodial arrangement of one John J. Juergens (age 3), and one Emma S. Underwood (age 8 months)..." She paused, taking a sip of something through the receiver, "Richard Underwood, biological father to both John J. Juergens and Emma S. Underwood, will continue to be the sole proprietary custodial caregiver. Amy Juergens, biological mother to both John J. Juergens and Emma S. Underwood, will have open visitation and free parental will to continue to be involved in both minor children's upbringing..." She paused again, tossing something to the floor, "You've got to be kidding me!"
His eyes widened, "What?"
"I can't believe this!"
"What? What does it say?"
"Did you not hear me? He won, George!" Anne spat, angrily, "Ricky won the mediation... Oh, Amy must be so devastated!"
"Good!" George responded, shoving the phone closer to his ear, and pulling it away a second later as his ex-wife loudly yelled his name, "No, Anne, this is exactly the kind of kick in the pants she needs - maybe it'll screw her head on straight!"
He could tell his blunt statement upset her as she got quiet before clicking her tongue, "You need to talk to him, George - talk to Ricky before Amy signs those papers and this thing becomes binding. He'll listen to you."
He furrowed his brow, "And why the hell would I do that? That decision was based on facts and those facts are that Amy left while Ricky stayed. That mediator saw a good and responsible father who doesn't deserve to have his children yanked away from him because the woman he loved, ran off."
"So Amy should just have to sacrifice being their mother because she chose to make a better life for herself? How is that fair?"
"It is fair! Amy can always come back and go to school here - better herself where her kids are - and continue to be an active parent in John and Emma's lives. She just doesn't want to. She wants Ricky and their kids to follow her to New York so she can have the best of both worlds - but he didn't. And frankly, I'm proud of him for not doing it." George nodded to himself, glancing at his watch, "Look, Anne, it's my wedding day and I don't want to fight about this. Is there anything else?"
"No. Have Robbie ready with Ashley Monday morning, I'm picking him up after I sign the papers on the apartment." Anne's tone was cold before abruptly ending the call.
Tossing the rag into the sink and scooting the chair under the table, he blew out a breath, careful not to hit or nudge the sleeping toddler across her legs, as he took a seat on the sofa.
It had been a rough day - a rough week - for both of them. She was uncomfortable and miserable most days, and he couldn't help her; just gave her backrubs, and foot massages, or made her food whenever she wanted it. She wasn't sleeping much, not being able to get comfortable no matter how she laid down - the basketball under her shirt limiting her in every way, frustrating her.
So when he got off work Ricky picked up something to-go and brought it back, eating in silence as she scolded their son to quit playing with his food. She didn't say much to him, knowing that when he got like this it was better to let him sort it out on his own.
Noticing his demeanor, Amy put her hand on his arm, "You okay? You haven't said much since you got in..."
His eyes cut away afraid to tell her the truth. Afraid to tell her about the nightmares he'd been having all week where he found her lying in a pool of her own blood having hemorrhaged, or heard her screams in their son's room where an empty crib was - also with a child covered in blood. The screams oftentimes would wake him, dripping in sweat.
She was having them too, although she never admitted it. He felt the jolts and heard the whimpers when she actually would sleep.
They had gone to their bi-weekly appointment a few days ago, and nothing had changed since the last time. Her condition wasn't improving, and it was starting to sink in just how serious this all was. So serious that it was almost unspoken; like bringing it up again made it more inept to happen if it was uttered aloud. So they didn't.
She was 10 weeks from her due date. In another 2-weeks they would have the opportunity to know the sex of the baby - not that they couldn't already, but Amy wanted it this way. And he understood why. A lot could happen in 2-weeks. And while she seemed content with not knowing, Ricky was not. It was starting to weigh on him that he was having all these fears and doubts about a person he couldn't even see; couldn't envision the little life growing inside of her - what he or she would look like. Although he knew already because the ultrasounds often gave it away.
The idea of becoming a father for the second time, scared him, but it also somehow made him feel whole; like the missing piece of his life was finally going to be snapped in. He'd have two little miniature versions of him and Amy running around, and the thought brought a small smile to his face.
Her voice was small, asking through a whisper while she stroked his forearm gently, "Ricky - hey what's going on?"
Ricky sighed, knowing that he needed to come clean about the internal battle he was dealing with, "I just... I feel like I'm not - I'm not doing enough for him, and you, and... her..." sighing again, he shook his head slowly, avoiding her eyes, "Like I'm just skirting around trying to balance everything while you're doing the majority of the work - housing our child inside you. I know that's crazy but -" She stopped him with her lips.
When she pulled away a second later, Amy touched his cheek, "It's not. You're human, Ricky, not Superman. And hey - I'm fine, okay?" She moved her fingers to the hair by his ears, stroking gently as she did to their son, "Is this the nightmares talking?" He looked down at his hands, ashamed she had found out but relieved when she sighed, "I know... and I've been having them too... I keep telling myself it's okay to be scared; having a baby is scary but..." Her voice was starting to crack, the emotion starting to wash over her. Taking both his hands, she swallowed but let the tears brim in her eyes, "But don't ever think that you're not doing enough, or being enough for us. Because you are. You do everything - more than you get credit for. I should feel like the burden, always lying here being -"
His eyes were soft, moving his thumb across her hand, "Being amazing and taking care of our baby. That's your only job, to protect her, and keep her safe."
Sniffling, she let out a little giggle, "You keep saying her as if you think it's a girl. We haven't found that out yet."
Looking into her eyes, Ricky reached up and tucked some hair behind her ear, his lip tipping up, "I don't need a test, or a picture to tell me what I already know." Leaning in, he pecked her lips and put his right hand on her bump, moving it in a slow circle, "She's going to be wrapped around daddy's little finger, huh?" He whispered, lighting up as he felt the little jab of their baby's strong kick. He kissed her again, thankful for the life he had, and for her. "I love you, you know that?"
Amy nodded, her hand joining his on her belly, patting it gently, and lacing her fingers through his, "Forever"
Feeling a presence, and thinking it was his son waiting to pounce on him, he opened his eyes slowly; startled as the grown man loomed over, watching him sleep. "What the -" He recoiled, pushing back against the pillows, startled and slightly annoyed.
"Rise and shine" He enthused, looking at his watch before slapping his palms and rubbing them together, "Breakfast at Jeff's in one hour."
Groaning, Ricky ran a hand over his face, "You couldn't have texted me this? You had to break into my apartment?"
"Easier this way than all this technology stuff - besides a text you can ignore." George shrugged following Ricky as he stumbled to the kitchen.
"Yeah well, I'm not hungry, nor do I feel like being social." He deadpanned, grabbing the already brewed pot of coffee from earlier that morning when he was up with both kids because of the storm, and pouring it into a mug.
George shrugged again, "Alright, your choice... I guess I'll just stay here and we can discuss why you and Amy had sex last night." Ricky's eyes widened mid-sip. George nodded, lips pursed inward, "Yeah, I know - Care to explain how that little slip-up happened?"
Opening his mouth, he was saved by a loud wail coming from the baby monitor. He smirked, thankful that for once his daughter crying saved him as he put the mug down and went to attend to her.
He shook his head in annoyance, shouting after him, "This isn't over - that baby can't save you from this conversation!"
"Uh oh, what conversation?" She asked, stepping out of the bathroom and into the hallway.
He turned to look at her, "Did you know?"
His early morning outburst was too much to counter not having breakfast yet, so she mumbled, "Well good morning to you too"
"Good morning everyone" Ricky muttered tiredly, not even flinching as he handed Emma to her grandpa.
Holding the fussy baby across her waist while his other arm supported her bottom, George kissed Emma's temple and gave Nora another look. His eyes basically showed her what he was talking about before he had to say it aloud.
Nora's brow raised, "Oh - those two you mean? Yeah I know," she pointed her finger in her son's direction, tilting her head, "But someone doesn't want to talk about it..."
Ricky was getting annoyed now, snapping back before shutting up as his son stumbled into the room, "Would you both just - never mind."
"Hey, Johnny!" George greeted his grandson, tousling his hair.
John shook him away, not yet fully awake enough to register who was touching him. Just like his mother. "Daddy... pan-taks..." He mumbled into his blanket, rubbing a fist into his eye socket.
George stepped over by the wall, "We're all going to breakfast - my treat!"
Putting the box of cereal on the table, Nora looked up, "I'm in." Turning to Ricky, "You're out of milk and eggs, by the way"
Ricky scoffed, rolling his eyes, and picking his son up, "Thanks for the notice."
Nodding to himself, his phone let out a loud ring, as he adjusted the baby to answer it, "George!" He answered into the receiver, eyes going wide at the words being spoken, "Wait, what?... When did - well did you - yeah I'm on my way-" Not giving an explanation, he practically threw the whimpering baby into her arms before sprinting out the door in a panic.
"What was that about?" Nora questioned, patting her granddaughters back
Ricky shrugged, "Who knows, it's George."
"So breakfast at Jeff's, huh?"
Putting John down, he took hold of his mug again, "Go for it, I'm not hungry."
"I wanna see mommy..." John tugged on his dad's shirt, looking up at him with those big brown eyes. Her eyes. The ones Ricky couldn't deny no matter how angry he was.
Nora slid into a chair by the table, playing with the baby's hands, "Are you going to talk to her?" Emma screeched, reaching the hand that wasn't in her mouth, out towards him.
He took another long sip, "Can we just drop it? It happened and I'm over it. Amy and I are co-parents - that's it!" Walking the two steps to retrieve his whining child from his mother's care.
"But -" She countered, but quickly put her hands up in surrender upon seeing the 'I mean it' look on his face. He was angry and it was best not to push it. "Alright, alright." Standing, she chuckled, "Hey, if we tag-team, think we could make it out the door in 20 minutes?"
Raising a brow, he smirked, "I'll take that bet."
"A-me!" He shouted excitedly seeing his big sister's car in the driveway.
"You want to hold Moose's' leash?" She asked him, guiding him by the hand around the line of vehicles in the Bowman's long driveway. "Here hold it tight" Doing as he was told, Robbie shook it with giddy, unfazed that Moose wasn't the least bit interested in moving more than a few steps.
Stepping up to the tinted window, Ashley tapped her knuckles hard against the glass. When it started to roll down, she pursed her lips and mumbled out an uninterested, "Hey"
"What do you want? Actually no, save it. Leave me alone." Amy grumbled, adjusting herself further against the seat. She was lying on her side, knees bent just below the steering wheel. The position didn't look comfortable at all.
Not feeling like putting up a fight, Ashley simply glanced at her sister's disheveled appearance, and grabbed her brother's hand again, "Dad invited everyone to breakfast so you might want to take a shower and turn your dress around - before someone hits you trying to back out of the driveway." Smugly responding, and walked back up the driveway with the eager toddler pulling her by the hand to keep up with the dog determined to get back inside.
Once they were out of sight, she sat up, smearing the lines of the mascara on her cheeks more as she ran a hand over her face and sighed heavily, looking at her phone to see she had received zero messages.
Tossing the device with a sad scoff, her eyes traveled to the seat beside her, the reliving of last night causing her eyes to pool with tears.
With her forehead resting on his shoulder, she breathed in his scent, grasping onto him tighter, afraid if she let go, he would vanish.
His breathing was hot, lips still pressed firmly against her skin as he struggled to breathe normally again. "Amy..." He said in a slightly weak, husky whisper, still feeling the effects of his high even though several minutes had passed at that point.
Exhaling through her mouth, she finally let go of him, gazing into his eyes as she lifted her head and leaned back, gathering his shirt from the seat and putting it on.
His eyes were still dark with lust, watching her tug on the fabric and start to button it as it draped over her back and covered the markings he'd caused. She was still on top of him; every small movement she made caused more friction with him still deep inside her - so much so that he thought he felt himself twitch.
With a small smirk, she buttoned the shirt about halfway before rolling her hips in a slow circle, nudging her nose against the bottom of his jaw as her lips sent a trail of soft perks along his neck, making him moan. She was torturing him, and he knew it. Not being able to withstand it, he let out a small breath and nudged her, craving her lips on his again. Obeying, she pressed her lips to his, relishing in the way he wasted no time as the rhythm of his tongue pushed against hers, and sent a tiny shockwave to the rest of her body, picking up speed as she swiveled and ground her hips against him.
She needed more; needed to feel him in the ways she loved. The ways he loved. So when his tongue got needier, and his hands went to her waist, slowly starting to roll them over to where she was on her back, she didn't protest. Instead, moaned deeply into his mouth as she felt him shift inside her, hitting that spot again.
He broke their kiss for air, moving his hand to unbutton the shirt one button at a time, "Ready?" He breathed, knowing she probably still needed a few seconds to adjust before he started going at it.
Nodding, she kissed him again, rougher, needier, as he began to pump in and out of her, ripping the buttons on the shirt open to expose her hardened nipples to him again under the lace of her bra. His eyes were illuminated by the blue-tinted glow of the lights inside the car, making him that much more sexier as he increased his speed.
"Mommy!" John shouted, not wasting a second as he threw off his buckles and jumped out of the car, springing into her legs.
Amy giggled, "Hey buddy." Watching her ex jostle their daughter as they got closer, "Hi, peanut!" Emma smiled, batting her hand against his shirt with a squeal. It was starting to get awkward now, "I didn't think you'd come."
"Yeah well, here I am." Ricky stated roughly, kicking a rock with the side of his sneaker, "And as soon as I'm done - I'm leaving."
She shrugged, not wanting to give him what he wanted - her anger toward him. "Okay... my grandmothers here..." She pursed her lips, "My dad's mom. I haven't seen her since I was a kid."
His brow furrowed, not the least bit interested in hearing about this, or anything else she had to say, "And you're telling me this because?"
She shrunk back a little at his harsh tone, "I don't know... I just thought -"
"We could pretend like we actually like each other?" He continued, scoffing
"I was going to say, we could be civil - maybe sit next to each other."
"Why?"
Her eyes lifted up at him in hurt, "Why? Because we - never mind... could you just not be an ass today, please?"
He shrugged smugly, "No promises. I'm not going to pretend for your grandmother's sake - or anyone else's for that matter." Stomping away from her to get to the other side of the parking lot.
She blew a breath from her cheeks, and took John's hand, "Let's get this over with."
The breakfast was extremely awkward. George's mother had shown up out of nowhere, sitting beside Kathleen's mother who barely spoke to anyone, while Nora sat by Ashley who had Robbie separated across the table from John, by his parents who refused to sit beside each other - using Emma as the median.
"L-ook Em-ma! I a pan-cak mon-stwer! Rawrrr!" John joked, putting his breakfast which he'd poked holes into, up to his face to show his baby sister.
He and Robbie had been playing with their food since it arrived, prompting his mother to scold them both, "boys - sit down, please."
Doing as he was told, Robbie sulked back in his chair, giving a mean look to his sister. John just looked over at Emma, taking a strawberry from the plate their dad was feeding her off of, and putting it to his mouth enthusiastically.
Grace looked over at them, noting the way her grandmother glared at the young boys. It wasn't proper for toddlers to act like they were. At least not by that woman's standards - kids were to be seen, and not heard.
"She looks just like you - but you always did resemble George." George's mother grinned, looking between the curly-headed baby, and Amy before looking at George.
The comment made Amy slightly uncomfortable, shifting in her seat as she tried to fake a smile and think of something to say. Thankful she didn't have to as their son declared aloud, "Daddy... I need to go potty..."
Her bother chimed in, "Me too!"
Putting his napkin down, George quickly stood up, declaring "I'll do it!" As the boys hopped off their chairs and started tagging each other.
Pushing his plate forward, Ricky handed Emma a tiny little shard of strawberry and scooted the chair back, "And I think I'll help"
The tension was so thick it was stifling, threatening to choke the life out of her as she was made to sit there amongst fake smiles and fake sincerity. Nobody at that table wanted her there - other than maybe John and Emma. The rest, she was the bad guy in this situation.
"You've got a cute little family" her grandmother smiled, pointing to the baby gnawing on that strawberry like it was the best thing in the world. Amy couldn't help but tip her lip up at her messy child, bopping her nose with the tip of her index finger.
"Yeah if only she was around to be in it." Ashley mumbled under her breath, moving hash browns along the plate with disgust.
Knowing her sister's foot was just across from hers, Amy made sure to stomp on it hard as she faked a smile and said through hidden clenched teeth "Thank you. Ricky and I are very lucky."
Tom scoffed this time, "Yw-ou're kidding yw-ourself."
Grace's eyes widened at her brother, "Tom!" Who just shrugged it off and went back to his plate.
Needing to lighten the mood, Nora grabbed the plate of blueberry pancakes in front of her, holding them up, "These are really good - have you tried them?"
Kathleen's mother, who had barely uttered a word that whole time, turned in her chair towards her daughter, "Surely you haven't thought this through..."
Putting her fork down, George's mother turned in her chair to face her, "And what the hell is that supposed to mean?"
Coming back into the chaos, Amy grabbed Ricky's arm before he could even sit down and asked, a rushed "Can we go now?"
He blew out a breath and stabbed a piece of his omelet, "I'm going to finish my meal. You wanna go? Be my guest."
Ashley scoffed, "Yeah we know she's so good at that."
Annoyed with everyone, Amy stood, her eyes turning to daggered slits, "Can I see you for a second - alone?"
With his jaw tensed, Ricky rolled his eyes and stood, following on her heels to the booth 10 feet away, "What?"
Her brow furrowed, confused by the question, "What? What is your problem?"
"My problem?" He countered, grasping at his curls, with his hands laced behind his head, trying to alleviate some of the tension in his body, "You. You're 'my problem', and pretending all of this is normal for us!" His tone was slightly elevated, earning the attention of his mother who glanced behind her at them.
Noticing, she got closer, not wanting their unwanted audience to hear her ask, "Is this about last night?" Shaking his head, he started to walk away, prompting her to grab his elbow, "Will you just talk to me?"
Yanking out of her grasp, "I can't spell it out for you, Amy - so why even try?" He stomped back over to the table, leaving her there to sulk with her arms crossed across her chest. He didn't see his mother get up, or else he would have stopped her.
"Your son is such a child!" She fumed at her ex-mother-in-law, tapping her foot the way she often did when she was angry.
Nora nodded slowly, "Yes he is - but in this case, he might be right. You told him you were leaving again, after the two of you -"
"Mom!" Ricky shouted at her from the table, stomping over there again to break their argument up. But it was too late.
Amy's mouth went slightly agape as she growled, "You told her that?"
Not having any time to defend himself, he watched her snatch their daughter from the highchair, and grab the back of their son's t-shirt, "What are you doing?"
Slinging the diaper bag over her shoulder, she brushed past him, knocking into his shoulder, angrily declaring, "Leaving. Feel free to tell everyone, since you have no problems with it!"
He wasn't doing this with her - fighting about something so personal in front of everyone, so he just shook his head, "Just... have them back before 2!"
As soon as he heard the front doors slam, he turned to his mother, his eyes filled with rage, "I told you to drop it!" Grabbing his jacket from the seat and storming away.
Ashley looked around the table, pursing her lips and saying what everyone else wouldn't, "Awkward..."
"You couldn't have told me she was coming?" Kathleen scolded quietly, thankful that Ricky and Amy's little scene allowed her and George to sneak away.
George touched his face with his hand, "I didn't even know. She just showed up - same with the warlock in there."
"What are we gonna do?"
"We're going to deal with it. We're going to go back in there and mingle like a normal family." He stated, putting his arm around her
She giggled, patting his hand as they made their way back into the dining area, "One big ole, very dysfunctional, family!"
Their brows furrowed upon reentry, seeing all the chairs empty except their mothers, who just glared at each other, "Where did everyone go?"
"They all had the common sense to get the hell out of here." George's mother quipped as the old woman next to her scowled.
"You can go play, but stay where I can see you, okay?" She warned, shaking his hand that he was determined to break from her grasp, "I mean it, John - Don't go wandering around. If mommy yells for you, you better come, okay?"
Stomping his shoe into the semi-soft mud of the grass, he let go of her hand, "O.k. mommyyy!" Taking off in a crooked sprint to the sandbox.
Watching as he plopped into the box, Amy puffed air from her cheeks, turning her attention to her fussy daughter trying to rip her hair out, "Just me and you - you wanna go swing?" Emma whined, pointing towards her brother, who was dumping a truck of sand on his shoes. "Yeah, you wanna go? Let's go!" Amy cooed, bouncing her gently before sliding her into the hard bucket seat made out of plastic and rubber, and pushing slowly, trying to feign enthusiasm for her benefit. But the baby wasn't having it, whimpering as slobber dripped from her mouth as she started to cry. "What's wrong? You don't like the swing?" Emma's cries got louder, outstretching her little arms towards her mother. Sighing, Amy picked her back up, swaying the over-tired infant as she screamed into her shoulder.
As if that wasn't bad enough, she could also see her little brother sprinting up the walkway, guiding their sister by the hand. "Great, as if this day couldn't get worse..." She huffed, but still gave her brother a small little smile, "Hey, Robbie - John is over there playing with some trucks." He nodded, breaking free of her hand to join his nephew.
She kept her gaze on her, making Amy uncomfortable and slightly irritated, "What?"
Ashley chuckled, digging her boot into the grass, "Quite a dramatic exit you made back there. I'm impressed."
Not wanting to deal with her sister and all the snark that she came with, she shifted her daughter to the other arm, pushing the hair away from her eyes, "What do you want, Ashley?"
"Besides to escape the convent of breakfast with the Bowmans?" She replied, holding her hands out to take her niece who kept fighting against her sister's chest, "... I wanted to talk to you, I know you could use a friend."
Hesitant to hand Emma over, Amy's eyes turned to slits at her sister's unusual response, "Oh, and why is that?"
Ashley shrugged sadly, keeping her hands out, "Because you have something you want to talk about, and Ricky doesn't want to see you. So spill, what's got you wound up more than usual?"
Exhaling slowly, Amy stared at her sister with glassy eyes, kissing her daughter's mess of curls before passing her along.
"Thought I might find you here." He announced, taking a step up to the platform adjacent to the one he was standing on.
Ignoring him, he hit the ball hard, before speaking, "I don't want to talk. I just want to clear my head and not think about it, or anything else."
"Yeah, I came here to clear my head too - and get away from my mother." He nodded, lining up the club to swing, "Who just shows up after 10 years with no announcement?"
"Well you are her son, so..."
"So, I didn't need my mother, and Kathleen's mother to be at my wedding, alright? Makes us look like a circus!"
Ricky couldn't help but chuckle at that, "Your family was a circus long before you included the Bowmans, George."
"Funny. You know you helped with that - You and your hormones." Lining up another ball to send down the fake greens. Grimacing at the way the ball hopped the hole and landed another few feet away from the flag, "Really though... how did it happen? What caused you to go backward and end up in bed - or should I say the car - with Amy?" George's eyes cut over to him, causing him too to miss the flag. He nodded, "Yeah - I was once a teenager too, you know." Dragging the club, over to the barrier to face him, "Here's a tip, when having sex in a car, roll the windows down so that afterward the car doesn't smell like two people just had sex in it." Ricky's mouth opened just enough to show his teeth, unknowing how to respond. "So what happened, you won the mediation, you got want you wanted, didn't you?"
Swallowing, Ricky nodded and shrugged a little, "I thought I did, yeah. But when he said those words - that they got to stay with me, I just... I don't know. I thought if I won, life could start going back to normal - or, a new normal... but all it ended up doing was reminding me of my anger - and how angry I am at -" Pausing with his hands gripping the golf club so tight he thought it would snap in half
"You still love her?" George finished, taking the club from him
"I thought things could be different. That we could be different after we -" He paused again, pacing now as he fought the crack in his voice and the tears brimming his eyes, "But the realization that wasn't possible came too late. The damage was done; splayed out in front of us as we laid there -
His cheeks drew up in disgust, holding up his hand, "I don't need the details. Did you tell her any of this? How you were feeling?"
"I asked her to go to therapy with me! She made her choice, George. Amy doesn't want me, and now - I'm accepting that." He sniffled twice, kicking his sneaker against the heel of the other, "I'm accepting that I put my heart out there again because I still love her. And I'm accepting that I'm angry at the fact that yesterday was one year -" looking up, the tears rolled down his cheeks, "What should have been a happy occasion, celebrating how much we loved each other, and how hard getting through the first year was - We spent in a conference room, battling over the two most precious things to both of us! That's why I'm so angry! Because I had to watch the woman that I vowed to spend the rest of my life with, turn into someone I don't even recognize!" Turning his back, Ricky put his hand over his face, collecting himself so he wouldn't continue to fall apart in front of ex-father-in-law, "I can't take this anymore. I love her. I love your daughter - but I can't continue to get my heart stomped on... Emma and John were the only things keeping it together the first time."
Grabbing his shoulder, George pulled him into a much-needed hug, "Talk to her. Talk to Amy. You both need it."
"So why did you?" Ashley asked genuinely, playing with her nieces left hand
"I don't know... it was a mistake. A very stupid, stupid mistake! We cheated on our partners, with each other... and that's the worst part." She was looking at her hands, shame in her voice as she spoke.
"I agree - not the cheating part - because it makes the obvious more obvious."
She looked up, confused, "What?"
Handing Emma a toy, "You didn't have sex with each other just for fun - you both could have done that with anyone. You had sex because you still love each other." The little girl squealed, batting her arms. "I know you still love Ricky. That's what's making you angry - the fact that you still love him and don't want to, but you can't stop."
Amy's eyes became slits again, "How did you come to that conclusion?"
It was time to get real with her sister, shifting atop the hard step beneath them, "Because I know you, and I know him. You're both messy and dysfunctional - but it works for you. It's what brought you together."
She let out a sad chuckle, "That would actually be John..."
"Sure he had some hand in it, but be honest, he wasn't the only reason." Amy pursed her lips inward, not wanting to admit her sister was right.
Luckily she didn't have to as a small boy ran towards them, waving "Ms. Amy! Ms. Amy!"
Amy recognized the boy from the nursery, he often played with John outside on the monkey bars. She waved back, putting on a smile, "Hi, Evan... John is over there if you want to play with him?"
The boy looked up at his mom for permission, "Mommy, can I?" Grinning when she nodded and took off towards the other boys.
"It's so good to see you!" The mother greeted with a big smile, not even asking before she went in for an unwanted hug.
Not wanting to be rude, Amy accepted before pulling away a few seconds later, touching the back of her head awkwardly, "Um, How are you? How's Evan?"
"We're good, he's good. I'm sorry to hear about John though."
That got her attention, "Wait, why? What's wrong with John?"
She figured she must have misspoken, pursing her lips before waving the comment off, "I just meant the daycare thing. Poor kid didn't deserve to get kicked out, especially because of that Trevor who is just a bully to every child, you know?"
Unbelieving what she was hearing, her eyes enlarged slightly, eager to know more of what everyone else failed to tell her, "No, I um - I didn't. Ricky didn't get a chance to tell me yet I guess. I just got back into town from New York."
Opening her mouth to respond, the mother bit her top lip with her teeth, now knowing she had revealed something she shouldn't have, "Evan! Hey Ev, time to go!" The boy looked up, waving her off, so she waved at Amy and went to retrieve her son before they took off, away from them.
Amy was raging, shouting, "John!" Invisible smoke billowed from her ears, as she turned on her heels and yanked the infant from her sister's lap a little too roughly. Emma coughed on her fingers, releasing an irritable cry as a response.
"What are you doing?" Ashley questioned, rising to stand and follow her.
"John!" She shouted again, louder, rougher, stomping towards her defiant child, "I'm going over to my ex's apartment to find out why he's been keeping things from me!" Grabbing his shirt sleeve to get him up on his feet, "John, now!"
"You're making too big a deal about this. I'm taking my mom because she's friends with George, and Kathleen." He stated matter-of-factly, swiping the razor under the faucet: the rush of their night together plaguing his thoughts.
She was rolling the black lace from her body, exposing her wetness to his hardness, making him gulp back a rushed breath. The fingers, on one hand, grasped the remaining black lace that kept her breasts from him, while the other hand ran up her right outer thigh: the spot that dimpled just below her butt. He heard her giggle softly, gliding her nails as she caressed his face; the stubbly five-o-clock shadow he'd neglected to shave for the last week, enticing her, driving her chest into his, as she breathed out a panted, "I need you, Ricky..."
Shaking it from his mind, Ricky put the razor on the sink, stepping away and patting his face with the towel hanging on the rack, "Besides, this is Amy's dad's wedding - you don't find that weird?" Setting his phone down, he pushed the speaker button, cleaning up the used supplies
"Not really, no. It's normal for people to bring their girlfriends to weddings. Regardless if it is your ex's family." Clementine countered, pausing before her voice changed in pitch: to a more seductive tone as she purred, "Plus... I really want to see you..."
He blew a breath from his cheeks, slightly annoyed with her, rolling the gray t-shirt back over his head, "I know... but it's been a hell of a week and all I want to do is just get this over with." She huffed like a child who didn't get their way, amusing him more, "Tell you what, tomorrow night we'll go out, just the two of us, okay?" Picking up the phone, he put it back to his ear, "I'll have my mom take John and Emma so we can be alone - alright?"
"Fineeee! But I get to pick the place - no more fast food joints or diners. I want to go somewhere nice!" She declared through the phone
"Deal." He chuckled but frowned upon hearing the door flying open, knowing it was his ex just by the sound of the angry footsteps.
"You liar!" Amy hissed into the air, waiting for him to come out and face her.
"I gotta go!" He hung up abruptly, stepping into the hallway, his jaw tensing at the sight of them: his son covered in dirt and sand while his daughter gnawed on her fingers and her shirt sleeve. Shaking his head, "What is your problem? Why are they dirty? The wedding starts in 3 hours!"
"Screw the wedding - you lied to me!" She growled, putting the baby inside the playpen so she wouldn't be subjected to the rise in her voice piercing her delicate ears, as she walked over to the trash can, his shoes in hand.
Following on her heels, Ricky put his hands on his hips, "What the - what are you talking about?"
Shaking the sand from one sneaker, she scowled, "The mediation! You knew John got kicked out of daycare and didn't tell anyone?!"
Lifting his eyes to the ceiling, he sighed heavily, "I didn't lie - I just withheld it from you because it's none of your concern! I have it handled!" Turning his frustration to the boy fiddling with his sister's toys, "Why did you get dirty?" John's eyes shifted down, shrugging in the way he often did when he was about to lie or didn't want to talk, "Well, now you need a bath. So go in the bathroom, get undressed, and wait for me." Ricky huffed, waiting until the door closed before he spoke again, angrier, "Really Amy? This isn't about the mediation or John's daycare - it's about you and me and last night. Just say it - you're angry... and so am I!"
Amy paused from beating the worn sneaker against the trash can, snorting, "What would I possibly be angry about? Aren't you the one who always said sex didn't have to have any emotional attachment to it? That sometimes sex was just sex?"
That hurt him, and she knew it.
"Amy..." He said lowly, pain in his voice
Not looking up, she tapped the other sneaker, "It was a mistake, okay? A stupid mistake that never should have happened! So why don't we just pretend it didn't? For both our sakes."
"Because I can't! It might have been just a mistake for you but to me... I actually took my vows seriously!"
"What are you talking about?"
"Just forget it!" He boomed, tossing a sippy cup into the sink
Turning on her heel, she shook her head, not allowing him to push anything else aside. That's what contributed to their problems the first time. "No! You brought it up - say what you want to say."
Ricky gave her a look filled with so much anger and pain, it caused her to gasp a little. His voice was controlled, "Do you want to know why I'm so angry about this? Do you?" Amy nodded slowly, assuring him that she did, want to know and she wasn't just saying she did to use it against him. He nodded too, sucking in his bottom lip as he began to pace, "Because we spent what would have been our first anniversary married, at each other's throats when we should have been here - in our home, in our bed - together!" The control was gone, emotion breaking through as he continued to shout, "And then you tell me you want me - you need me - but you lied! You lied to get what you wanted not caring about anything else! That's why I'm so angry!" He was crying now, "Because I let you slip back into my heart, and... other things... just for you to throw it back in my face!"
"Daddy!" A shout came from the other side of the apartment, wanting his attention.
She stood there, frozen, unknowing what to say. She was hurt by his words, but also angry at herself for not remembering; pushing the happiest day of their lives from her mind as her lip wobbled uncontrollably. "I... can't -" Amy shook her head, with tears stinging her eyes, rushing to the door, "I can't do this right now..."
"Daddy!" John yelled again, louder.
Sniffling, Ricky shook his head again, the tears rolling down his cheeks, "This is it, Amy. I'm done." His breathing was shaky, "If you walk out of that door, don't expect it to be open when you want to come back. I mean it - your choice."
Unbelieving he had said such a thing, she couldn't stop herself from grasping the knob, hoping with a held breath that he was bluffing. He wouldn't do that to her. He couldn't. Could he?
Margaret stepped in front of her, unknowing she was there as she quickly bolted past her, towards the stairs, sobbing into her palm
She turned her head to make sure she wasn't imagining it, "Was that Amy?"
A loud crash came from the bathroom, followed by an annoyed complaint, "C'monnn, daddyyyy!"
Hanging his head in frustration, he snapped at his mother, "Did you need something?"
Unfazed by her son, Margaret stepped further into the apartment, putting her purse on the bookshelf and closing the door, "Nora called me. She's worried about you, and frankly so am I..."
"Yeah well stop! I'm fine!" Ricky's outburst upset the baby, who whimpered before starting to cry, causing him to sigh in frustration.
Putting her hand out, she took care of it, picking her granddaughter up and taking them both to the sofa, "Go on, I got it."
Rushing into the guesthouse, she clutched the phone to her ear, begging through tears to hear her mother's voice come through, "Mom! Come on, mom pick up! Mommmm!" When it went to voicemail for the 5th time, Amy tossed the device across the room, crossing her arms and hanging her head, crying openly.
Kathleen stepped out of the guesthouse bathroom, her footing slow, trying not to be noticed. But it didn't work. "I didn't mean to impose..." She spoke softly, not wanting to upset her soon-to-be stepdaughter any further, but feeling a twinge of sadness because she could tell she needed someone to talk to, "Amy, are you okay? Do you need to talk to someone?"
She didn't say anything, just kept crying, taking in a shaky exhale before spewing her venom, "Not with you. How could the perfect Kathleen Bowman possibly know what I'm going through? After all, you're remarrying my father - and for what? Don't you know that he's just going to cheat on you and break your heart? Because nobody in our family can be happy, or in a functional relationship! Might as well just save yourself the trouble and leave now before he destroys you..."
Unable to prevent herself from crying, Kathleen quickly ran out the door, almost knocking into Ashley who was confused at why her dad's soon-to-be-wife was so upset and sobbing into her hands - until she saw her sister standing inside the guesthouse. Slamming the door, she hissed, "What the hell did you say to Kathleen?"
"Can you sit still, please? You're getting water all over the floor!" He scolded him, dragging the washcloth over his arms with gentle pressure to get the dirt and sand off his skin.
Swaying his head, John stared at him with a curious expression, "Daddy... are you jus m-ad at mommy?"
Dipping the cloth inside the water, Ricky sighed, "I don't want to be, but sometimes when adults get angry, they say mean things to each other to hurt the other one's feelings. Mommy and I hurt each other's feelings because we have some things to work out. But we shouldn't have done that. It wasn't nice."
"Do you jus luv mommy?" He asked, scratching his cheek
Gently removing his son's hands from his face to prevent soap from getting into his eyes, "Yes buddy, I'll always love mommy because she gave me you and Emma."
"Sooo mommy is y-our best fwiend?"
"She was... yeah... but I don't think mommy wants to be my friend anymore." Ricky sounded sad as he said it, standing and grabbing the towel from the rack, wrapping John up like a burrito. He giggled, fighting the way his dad scooped him up, where only his head was showing. He did that to his sister too. Relenting, Ricky chuckled and unwrapped him partially from the towel, kissing his temple, "But hey, no matter what happens with me and mommy - even if we're not together anymore... that doesn't change how much I love you, okay?" John nodded, putting out his fist for his dad to bump, which he did happily, and added an "ow, not so hard" amusing him.
Coming back into the room, he couldn't help the crease from forming in his forehead upon seeing his mom pacing the floor as his daughter thrashed, and fought through fussy whines.
Touching her hand, Ricky tucked a curl behind her ear, "What's got into you, huh? Why you fussin' so much?"
His mother sighed, "She felt a little warm to me" Shifting sides and jostling her.
Putting the back of his palm to her forehead, he pursed his lips, "I don't feel anything..." but went to gather the thermometer from the bookshelf anyway. Feeling guilty as she wailed the whole 45 seconds it was in her ear. The digits flashed a mild 99.9. Looking at the clock, and seeing that they had exactly 1 hour and 12 minutes until George's wedding, Ricky threw his head back and sighed, "Great! Just... great!"
Starting to sway, Margaret patted her bottom gently, "I'll stay with Emma. You take John and go to the wedding."
"It doesn't matter how you feel about it! Dad deserves to be happy, even if it's with Kathleen!" She yelled at her sister, pacing the floor in her wedding attire.
She wasn't having it, dishing it right back, "Ashley, this is wife number one we're talking about - remember mom, and how much it affected her when she was married to dad? I'm trying to protect him!"
"Oh please, you know just because you're miserable doesn't mean you can make everyone else around you miserable too! Maybe worry about your own failed relationship rather than try to destroy other people's!" Ashley pounded to the other side of the guesthouse, flying past them.
Turning around, Amy crossed her arms over her chest, startled by him standing across from her, "Oh... hi... I didn't hear you..."
Stepping through, grasping their son by the shoulders, "We just got here. John wanted to..."
Looking down at the smiling boy, she smiled at how handsome he was, "Oh my goodness, look at you! You're so cute!" Dressed up in a suit that matched his dad's. The same one Ricky wore to their wedding a year ago.
He was adjusting his collar fighting with a tie he inevitably decided against. She stepped into the hallway, clearing her throat to get his attention. When she did, she watched his eyes go wide and his mouth agape, taking in the sight of her.
"Are we really doing this?" He was nervous, hands shaking as she got closer, huge smiles splayed across both their faces. This was it.
Nodding sweetly, she stood against the doorframe, "We are!"
Holding his hand out, Ricky spun her and wrapped his arms around her waist, pecking the side of her head with his lips. Admiring her beauty in the bathroom mirror, he chuckled softly, "Are you ready to be Mrs. Underwood?"
Leaning her head back against his chest, hands placed on his arms, Amy exhaled slowly, grinning through her lip bite, "Depends... are you ready to be an official Juergens?"
He kissed her temple again, holding her tighter, continuing to chuckle, "Touche!"
The thought pained her, but she pushed through keeping the focus on the spiked hair prinking her fingertips as he rubbed his head against her hand, "You both look so handsome," her eyes held sadness, avoiding his, "I take it my dad conned you into being in this circus?" Ricky shifted uncomfortably, shrugging. Nodding, her brow furrowed, noting the absence of their youngest child, "Where's Emma?"
John answered for him, "Wit Gran-ma Mar-gy, cause sh-e jus s-ick..."
Seeing the crease of worry start to form on her forehead Ricky quickly remedied the situation, correcting his son's statement, "She's fine - just really fussy. She's cutting more teeth."
"That explains why she was so cranky at the park."
"We should get going, ceremony starts in an hour." Taking hold of their son's hand, "Come on, buddy, we'll see mommy at the church in a little bit, okay?"
"I'm not - I'm not going." Amy mumbled, walking towards the refrigerator
He stopped, "What?"
"I'm not comfortable with my dad marrying wife number one. I'm sorry, I'm just not."
"Isn't that why you came back here?" His tone became defensive, shifting his gaze, "Your dad and Kathleen have been huge helps these past few months. I'm still sane because of them. They deserve to be happy, Amy."
Slamming the door, "Why does everyone keep telling me this? I know he deserves to be happy, alright? I want him to be... just not with her! I know my dad and he's not going to be happy with her - he's just not!"
"You don't know that. You don't know anything. George makes Kathleen happy. Kathleen makes George happy. They love each other, Amy." Shaking his head in annoyance at her, "So, why don't you let them be happy and stop trying to ruin this for them, as well as everyone else, just because you're upset with our situation! We're not them!" Picking John up and slamming the door behind them.
"Hold on, hold on!" She shouted, stepping over discarded toys and empty bottles to get to the loud knocking at the door, not expecting who stood on the other side of it, "Hi... Amy..." She glanced behind her quickly, "Ricky left for the wedding already -"
"I know," she finished, biting her bottom lip nervously, "I uh... I - Can I talk to you?" Nodding quickly, she opened the door more for her to step through.
"Hii, pretty girl!" Amy cooed to the baby playing on the floor, scooping her up with a grunt, "You're getting so big!"
"Is everything alright? I figured everyone would be at the wedding by now."
"They are. I'm not going. I can't." She sniffled softly, "I can't sit back and watch my dad destroy his life with... her..." Emma grumbled, babbling aggressively. "Yeah, I know!" Amy agreed, gurgling along before her tone turned serious again, "She broke his heart before. Who's to say she doesn't do it again? Kathleen Bowman isn't a nice person!"
Patting the sofa cushion, Margaret waited until they sat down, "Amy... Kathleen keeps Emma and John every day. She volunteered to watch them so Ricky didn't have to struggle with daycare. And she offered it after John was kicked out for behavioral problems... and Ricky couldn't afford to keep Emma there... So maybe cut her some slack." Her eyes narrowed, knowing there was more to whatever she was upset about. "Is this really about your dad and Kathleen, or... something else...?
The picture frame on the edge of the end table wobbled, catching her attention. Grabbing it, Amy brought it up, admiring the image inside. The pain was shielded by happy smiles on their faces, inside a 5 by 7 frame. Hiding their fractures to everyone who walked past it behind fragile glass and a lie.
Emma squealed, slamming her palms and grabbing at the photo aggressively, "Da-da-da-da!"
"... I don't have a family anymore, Margaret..." Amy gulped, trying to prevent herself from shaking, "I screwed up, and now... he hates me!" Crying now, she rocked them slowly back and forth, "...I swear I didn't mean to hurt him! I just - I- I w-w-asn't h-happyyyy!" She cried harder, pounding her closed fit against the frame on her lap, "I tried! I tried so damn hard! But I just couldn't shake it! It was like I was being swallowed; trapped inside these four walls and chained to the floor." Taking a shaky breath, "We were fighting all the time! I - I had to!" Emma started to whimper, reaching up and grabbing onto the hair on her shoulders. Amy kissed the top of her head, sniffling, "Ricky is a good man. He's a great dad, and I - I couldn't measure up to that. I was angry and... annoyed all the time... it wasn't good for them. We were both unhappy but refused to say anything about it. We just pushed it aside. And pushed, and pushed, until it couldn't be pushed anymore. There was no more room to bottle it up... and then..." The tears rolled down her cheeks, "It all blew up... I don't want to do this to him, Margaret... but what choice do I have when we both want different things? I want to be more than just a -"
"Wife and a mother?" Margaret finished, grabbing her hand, "Lots of women feel the same way, honey, it's normal. But you also have to weigh the price - is achieving your dreams worth all the heartache you're feeling? Taking Ricky out of the equation... do you think you'll want the same things in a year or two from now? Is going back worth the sacrifice?" Pointing to her granddaughter, she smiled, "She looks just like you, you know?"
Swiping some hair from Emma's forehead, Amy's lip tipped, kissing the tip of her nose with her lips. Emma had her dad's nose. "... I love you, Emma" She whispered softly, cradling her against her chest. Emma released a tired yawn, and a giggle, grasping onto her mother tighter.
"Have you talked to him?" Margaret asked, narrowing her eyes again, "I know about the car..."
Avoiding her gaze, "We got into another fight before the wedding... no surprise that he'd rather be anywhere else than near me." Amy's voice cracked, "How did we do this, Margaret? How did me and Ricky take a relationship, and two wonderful children, and turn it into this?"
Sitting on the sofa, they watched Cars for the 20th time. It was John's favorite movie and kept him entertained for hours, so they didn't mind rewatching the red stock car whenever he decided he wanted it played.
It was a dull April Sunday evening, a storm outside causing the thunder to boom as the rain down poured against the windows.
He was sitting opposite her, munching on a handful of M , trying to hide them from their sugar-crazed toddler, who was so enamored by the movie, he didn't even notice.
On the pillow in her arms laid their 4-month-old, determined to break her sanity as Emma pumped her legs and batted her arms, fussing loudly and detaching from her left breast for the fourth time. Amy sighed, flicking her nipple to entice her daughter to latch, and eat instead of just latching for a minute, not drinking, and using her sore boob as a pacifier. This was the third day in a row Emma would drink a little bit before unlatching and crying because of it, and it aggravated her because she wasn't getting the nutrients she needed from the milk, and her boobs felt like rocks: sore, hard, and painful rocks.
"What's wrong?" Ricky asked, concerned at their daughter's continuous irritability, and the crease in her forehead.
"Nothing, I got it." Amy replied, shifting their position, but ultimately blowing out a breath of frustration as Emma did the same thing she'd done previously.
He must have sensed she was at her limit, when he stepped in, scooping their baby into his arms, "C'mere miss fussy pants," bouncing her gently while she continued to cry, "You look tired," he noted, putting the pacifier clipped to her onesie, into her mouth.
Putting the pillow on the cushion, "She is - she woke up from her nap twice today. I think she's starting to teethe. She keeps chewing on her fingers and her gums are inflamed."
Nodding, he went to the kitchen, popping the spare pacifier on the table, into the freezer, "I read somewhere that this helps"
Taking his attention away from his film, John leaned forward and grabbed at a weird device on the coffee table, holding it up, "Wat dis, mommy?"
Catching sight of it, Ricky quickly scolded him, "John, buddy, put that down," taking it from his hands and putting it back on the table, glancing at her as she was squeezing her right breast to aid the pump in collecting her overabundance of breast milk. Because if Emma didn't eat right away, her boobs started to fill and she often complained about how painful it became. "Mommy is trying to pump out milk for the baby."
John's tiny brow rose, curiously, tilting his head up, "Why?"
Bouncing the baby, Ricky fiddled with the part of the pump he took away from him, "Well... because she has to. Emma has to drink mommy's milk to get bigger and stronger." He explained, hoping that was enough to get his mind on something else, "Go watch your movie, buddy"
Taking the pacifier out of the freezer, he traded the one in her mouth for it, his lip tipping up when Emma's whimpers softened and she began to suck vigorously on the cold rubber.
Putting the pump halfway filled with milk on the table, Amy's mouth opened slightly, amazed that he not only was able to handle John but also that their screaming little ball of rage, settled in his arms. Ricky was magic. "How do you do it? Explain everything in a way he actually understands it?"
Ricky chuckled, propping Emma against his chest, "I'm not going to reveal my superpower," winking and mimicking their son's favorite catchphrase, "Ka-chow!" A tiny little sound sent their eyes to the baby, who had released a tiny little giggle sound upon him saying the phrase. His eyes went wide, gesturing to her, "Did she just - did you hear that?" Amy nodded, giggling herself as he continued to chant, "Ka-chow!" Emma giggled again, a little rougher than the first time before he said it a few more times and she almost snorted in amusement, "Ka-chow! Ka-chow!"
Amy smiled, tickling their daughter's leg with her index finger, "Is daddy funny?" Putting her hands out to try again now that she was in a better mood, "You ready to eat now?" Emma's green eyes looked around, breathing quickening as she saw her mother lift her right breast from the confinement of her bra. She knew what that meant, and vocalized the want with a whine.
"Oohh, you want some milk?" Ricky teased, sliding her into his wife's grasp, before focusing on his son, grabbing playfully at his feet, "What about you, huh? You want some tickles?"
Moving to his sides as John bucked and thrashed through intense giggles, "Noo-ooooh!"
Relenting Ricky turned to her, twitching his fingers, "What about you?"
Amy giggled, "Maybe later..." Giving him a rather suggestive look at things she couldn't say aloud in front of the boy who repeated everything. Winking at him and remembering how they'd almost been caught by him that morning.
His brow rose, winking back, "I'm holding you to that!" Leaning in to peck her lips as the obnoxious songs made their son sway in his lap.
"Oh, sweetheart..." Margaret comforted, wrapping her in a warm hug.
Amy broke at the gesture, weeping against her shoulder, "It's all my fault! He'll never forgive me for this!"
"Yes, he will. Ricky is angry. Give him time... he'll come around." She patted her back, allowing her all the time she needed to fall apart, "He loves you, can't you see that, dear?"
She nodded into her sleeve, biting her top lip with her teeth, "I know he does!" Choking on her tears as she struggled to control the shakiness in her voice, "T-That's w-whats tearing m-me a-apart!"
"This is it - you ready?" He asked, standing by his side, fiddling with the cufflinks on his wrists.
He wrung his hands out, "This is my third time doing this. You'd think I wouldn't be nervous." A minute of silence passed between them before he turned to face him, putting his hand on his shoulder, "Hey, one day you'll be here again."
Ricky sighed, looking down at his shoes, "Doubt it."
Moving his hand to his cheek, "I don't." George said gently, the way he did to his children when they were upset - but he was a part of that too; the messed up kid who overcame it and became a very decent man. One he was proud of and proud to have standing by him on this day. "It took me over 20 years to be with Kathleen again - don't lose hope. If it's meant to happen, it will."
Ricky's eyes were starting to get glassy, not wanting to allow his emotions to show.
Not there. Not today.
Opening his mouth, the double doors at the back of the church swung open, flooring him as she stood there with a blue dress that cut just below her knees; her hair in a high ponytail, as the earrings, dangled from her ears. He recognized them. The same ones she wore the night of their first official "date".
She gave them a small smile and wave before taking a seat towards the middle of the pew, somewhat shielded away from the peering eyes of those that chose to cast their judgment on her for showing up.
George grinned, giving him a wink, "Told you."
Catching sight of her, John got excited, bouncing on the balls of his feet inside the shiny black dress shoes he was wearing, "Daddy, I go see mommy?"
George turned to his eager grandson, pointing to his aunt who was standing near the door with his uncle, "Ceremony is about to start, Johnny. Go with Ashley"
Taking that opportunity to wander off, Ricky walked up to the pew, tapping his knuckles nervously, "You came." She nodded, folding her left leg over her right one and straightening out her dress. "Good, I know it means a lot to your dad."
Nodding again, Amy blew out a breath, "You're right, my dad deserves to be happy." Giving him a small, dimpled, smile - one he hadn't seen in a while. She looked so cute when she did it. He smirked, his dimples also showing.
You mean it? You'd kiss me after witnessing me in here?" Amy asked him, gesturing to the space around them.
"Of course, I will." Ricky smiled at her, "I'll kiss you whenever I get the chance."
She smiled back, wrapping her arms around his torso "Am I crazy for wanting to do this?"
"You are crazy. But, I'd be lying if I said I didn't love it, and you." He kissed her temple, "let's go." gliding his hand into hers and walking out slowly.
Overhead, an instrumental song started to play, serenading the sanctuary with tones of violins and harps.
Amy tapped his arm, pointing towards her father, subtly waving his hand at him to get his attention, "I think that's your cue -"
Ricky blushed, feeling a tiny shock go through him at her touch, "Oh - yeah, right the - I'll see you afterward?" Bolting back up to the platform to fulfill his duties.
The music got louder as the ceremony started. Ashley stepped forward, grasping John's hand in one, and Robbie's hand in the other, guiding them to the platform as they took turns tossing flowers around the carpeted floor. The goers chuckled at their antics, enamored by how cute they both were. When they reached the platform, she gave them both to Ricky, who rewarded them with fist bumps. It was cute and made her smile.
The music got slower as she stepped out, aided by Grace and Tom, all making their way down the aisle, together. It was traditional, nothing out of the ordinary as it glided along.
John was so cute handing a ring to his father, who handed it to George as he started to speak, "I once read somewhere that you don't truly love someone until they've hurt you, and you still think of them as the greatest person in the world. Love is the most violent act because it is so vital to us. We need it to survive. And that's what I found with you. A love I can survive too. A love that requires each new chapter of our lives to rise as an old piece falls."
"I have to!" She screamed through her quivering lip, the tears rolling down her cheeks breaking him piece by piece. Her anger he could handle, it was wet, hot tears of pain he couldn't take. She was breaking apart in front of him, and he could do nothing except stand there and watch. "We need space! Real space, to sort out our feelings, and provide our children a loving and happy home together!" That hurt him. Loving and happy? Was it not already? Ricky loved her. Loved their two kids... who wasn't loved? Did Amy feel unloved? Did he do it? Her sniffle broke him of these thoughts, reaching for her as he begged through his tears. He couldn't lose her - not like this.
The clearing of George's throat brought him back to reality, eyes shifting to where she sat. She looked sad.
"I'm not a very poetic man, but I do know one thing - a year ago things were very different; we were in different places in our lives, blindly rooting to find the missing piece we both craved... and now here we are. We found it!" George beamed, putting the ring on her finger, "I found my missing piece in you, Kathleen."
Amy sniffled quietly in her seat, focusing on the clutch in her lap to keep the tears from spilling from her eyes.
"To have and to hold from this day forward" His hands were a little sweaty as they touched hers, squeezing them and trying to keep from shaking as he recited the words, "For better or for worse, for richer, for poorer... In sickness and in health... To love and to cherish..." Ricky's eyes never left hers: the pure love radiating from them, filling her stomach with warm butterflies as he rooted blindly inside the case before bringing the perfect little gold band up, smiling so big she worried his cheeks would pop as he slid the plastic ring on her finger. He was hers forever.
Unable to keep it together, she clamped her hand over her mouth and silently made her way out of the church. Not being able to take anymore without completely breaking and crumbling to the floor. It was too much.
He was too much.
Their memories were too painful.
He was too painful. His eyes. His smile. His gentle touches, and soft kisses. The gruff voice of seduction he had that had her under his spell. It was all just too painful to relive.
Ricky couldn't hear Kathleen's vows over the pounding in his chest at the sight of Amy bolting out the door. She was crying, no doubt reliving the painful memories his mind also wouldn't let go of.
Her voice cracked, trying to keep her tears in as she recited the words to him. Her left cheek dimpled just a little, "To love and to cherish..." She sniffled; the tears succeeded in spilling from her eyes. But they weren't sad - they were happy tears. From both of them. This was the happiest day of their lives. "From this day forward until death do us part." Amy followed his actions and took the ring in her hand, raising the matching plastic gold band she had on her finger to his, slipping it on his finger. It was crazy how one tiny inkling of plastic gold made him feel so whole. They'd done it. He wiped her tears away with his new ringed hand, a smile coming to his face. She was his forever.
"I have never seen two people more perfect for each other. George and Kathleen, we wish you a lifetime of happiness... and Kathleen just know the circus you're signed up to join." Ricky chuckled, trying to amuse the crowd of people slightly judging him. He never wanted to do this - be George's best man, let alone be giving a speech about how happy he was that two people loved each other. Not when his heart was breaking watching her across the grass, holding their son. But he pushed through, showering the couple with compliments he didn't truly believe in anymore. "These Juergens' are a handful... but they're also very loving, with huge hearts." He lied, raising the glass of sparkling cider in his hand, "To George and Kathleen!"
"George and Kathleen!" The crowd recited, clinking their glasses together with whoever was sitting next to them.
They locked eyes for a few seconds, both trying to build up the nerve to go on the other side of the grass, but ultimately parted opposite of each other. Him going to mingle with their friends, while she took John towards the guesthouse.
Leaning against the siding, Amy needed to catch her breath; gather her thoughts before she potentially made a fool of herself in front of him.
Nobody at the reception would even speak to her, aside from Omar. They'd had a nice, quick, exchange while Adrian went to get something from the food table. She liked Omar, and she liked him with Adrian. He was a good guy who made Adrian better. They looked very happy together.
At least she wasn't the complete black sheep of the event. Jack decided to bring Madison, which shook up some drama - what was he thinking?
In her walk of perpetual inner shame, she caught a glimpse of him. He was standing by the dessert table, hands in his pockets, mingling and laughing - happy.
Amy sighed and stopped at the little tent her dad and Kathleen had set up as a makeshift bar since her dad was too cheap to actually hire a bar service.
If this was New York, she'd have someone slid over a cup to drink her problems away; drink him away. Drink away the painful flashes of him that stabbed her like a needle: prick by tiny painful prick.
"Well looky here - now it's a party!" Nora chuckled, holding up a short glass filled with clear liquid.
She was acting weird - and this was Nora, so that was saying something. Taking a seat, Amy's brow furrowed, worried that her ex-mother-in-law had fallen off the wagon again, "Hello... is that - are you -?"
She kept chuckling, "Relax, it's just club soda." Setting the glass down, her demeanor changed: she stopped chuckling and just sat there, staring at the glass, "The scene was getting too feely for me."
She nodded, putting her clutch on the bar, "Same."
Nora raised the glass again, angling it towards her, "Club soda?"
She shook her head, "No, no thank you."
Putting the glass to her lips, she chuckled again, "Good luck getting anything else - ole Javier here has a list." The man who she assumed was Javier, gave her a disproving look.
Cutting her eyes away to catch a glimpse of him again, she started to cry.
Taken aback, Nora quickly tried to remedy her joke, "Oh, I - I was just joking -" Not yet understanding that it wasn't her lame joke that made her so upset until she saw her eyes. They were filled with pain.
"Ricky looks happy..." Amy mumbled sadly after several minutes of awkwardly filling the air around them with her cries and hard sniffles.
Nora's eye's were soft, "Yeah well... looks can be deceiving." Turning in her seat to look at her, "He's struggling. Your leaving broke him, and he's trying - really trying to put the pieces back together for the kids."
There was that ache again; coming back with a sharper blade, slicing with a vengeance as the tears spilled again, "I never meant to hurt him, Nora! I just -"
"Wanted your freedom? I know. It wasn't that long ago that I said the same thing." She stated sadly, reaching for her hand, "But freedom comes with a price... so ask yourself if the sad looks on your children's faces are worth it?" Nora could see her ex-daughter-in-laws walls starting to crumble at the mention of her children, her face contorting. "Don't be like me. Don't run away because you're scared, or feel unworthy of being a mother." She was spilling out her heart in hopes it would help her see the light she knew she was desperately trying to reach. Voice becoming softer, Nora squeezed her hands, "You're not a monster, Amy. I know that because if you were, you wouldn't have such a hard time admitting that having sex with my son wasn't a mistake."
Amy pulled away, using her hands to shield her face, sobbing into them. Nora swallowed, touching her shoulder, "Is New York worth it? Staining all your happy memories together? I love my son, and I love my grandson, and my granddaughter... and I know you do too... that's why I'm telling you to think about what you're doing. Cause while the door is open now, it might not be that way whenever you decide to change your mind and come back again."
Sniffling, he shook his head again, the tears rolling down his cheeks, "This is it, Amy. I'm done." His breathing was shaky, "If you walk out of that door, don't expect it to be open when you want to come back. I mean it - your choice."
His words ripped through her mind, making that slice in her chest, deeper; blood inevitability started to drip into her chest cavity from the wound.
She knew she was right... and it only made the pain worse. "This isn't the least bit easy for me, okay! It's not!" Amy screamed hoarsely, banging her palms against the bar.
Unfazed, Nora nodded and pointed to the right: Ricky was standing by himself, staring at them, "Then make it easier -"
Wasting no time, Amy bolted off the seat and stood in front of him, catching him slightly off guard as Ricky took a step back, but kept his eyes on her. "I was looking for you - you okay?"
She could nod, say she was fine, and just needed some air. But it would be a lie.
She wasn't okay. She wanted him to hold her, and never let her go.
But instead of saying those things aloud, she took his hand and gave him a small smile, "Dance with me?"
To be continued... ;)