pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq
"Good honeymoon?" I asked on the evening of the third day in Costa Del Sol.
"If it was as good for you as it was for me," Weiss wormed her way in.
Ruby nodded and moaned a "mhm," of agreement around her drink. We were all a little intoxicated in our resort room-house. "I can't wait to see if I miss my cycle."
"We'll just have to see," I agreed halfheartedly. I had my reservations about my children. I wasn't really allowed to share them.
"Was that how you found out Weiss?" Ruby demanded. "Did you miss your period then test yourself?"
"I just tested myself. I had a feeling. I basically just had mine," Weiss confessed.
"Shouldn't your cycles be synced up? Isn't that a thing?" I asked. I was married to two girls. I really should know this stuff.
"It takes time. It takes a while," Weiss corrected. "Like months and months. We didn't have that long before we came here in Patch."
"We got synced up in Atlas. So we didn't really fall too far out of sync. But just a little bit of time can throw you off," Ruby admitted like she was guilty of something.
"I was just curious. For somebody married to two girls with seven sisters I really don't know very much. And I should probably know," I confessed my sin.
"Not...really...a fair comparison," Ruby informed me.
"Yeah. You're like four," Weiss rolled her eyes at me. "Also you didn't grow up with those sisters. You have no clue what girls are like. And now that we're married I want to keep it that way."
"Keepin' me in the dark, eh? I respect that." I took a drink. Alcohol was my companion in suffering.
"Not for the reasons you think," Weiss corrected.
"I think you're a little jealous and possessive. You share me with Ruby but Ruby is also yours," I murmured. "Am I off base?"
"Okay. Maybe it is the reasons you think. I just don't need some poor girl putting her hooks in you. My hooks are in you already."
"Oh so you know?" I demanded.
She laughed. She just fuckin' laughed. The bitch. "Ice queen." She had her hooks deep in my soul and they tugged on my flesh. She stopped laughing when I called her 'ice queen.' "Well?" I demanded. "Do you have any idea what you fuckin' do to me? You enslave me. You told me to get a psychiatrist and I did. Just like that. You trap me but it's my fuckin' soul."
"I do not," she lied. Like a lying liar. "What else do I do to you?"
"Kids," I blurted. "You wanted kids. So I gave 'em to you. You're pregnant," I accused.
"Okay I did do that. But it's so beautiful. Our babies will be so cute," she agreed to disagree.
"You bitch. You have no idea how you draw me out and demand bullshit of me. I love you so fucking much. You tease me. You're all like 'look how wonderful I am. Wouldn't it be great to knock me up,' you get so much out of me."
"Okay, well…"
"Well what?" I demanded half shouting.
"I don't know!" She shouted back. "Thank you."
"I'd do anything for you. That's not fair," I protested. "Why can't I get what I want?"
"Because you don't want anything," Ruby pointed out. "We can't give you anything more than ourselves."
"And you are," I agreed.
'We are. But you have to admit you're hard to get things for," Ruby went on. "We weren't sure we'd be able to get you any kind of engagement present because everything you want you already have with us."
"Maybe," I decided. "Maybe you should offer more."
"Like what?" Weiss demanded. "Seriously."
"What do you want? Anal?" Ruby wondered. "I'd give it to you."
"I don't want that. It doesn't sound pleasant. For either person it doesn't sound pleasant."
"See you don't want anything weird, even sexually. You demanded that we both blow you in your limit break state but you didn't demand it really and that was as much about us as it was about you," Weiss offered. "What do you want from us?"
"I want you," I hastened. "I just want you two. Ideally you'd be naked all the time but that's not practical."
"Oh my god. You really would have been happy with just a blowjob as an engagement present," Weiss realized.
"Yeah. I would have," I agreed. "I like my earrings but a blowjob from you two would have been super," I nodded. "What can you do?"
"Blowing you is super easy," Ruby murmured. "It's like so super easy. You're never rough even with my face."
"Yeah," Weiss agreed. "He really would have loved it. He got it anyways. But he really would have loved it. What a manwhore," she called me without looking at me.
"Hey," I protested lightly.
"'Ice queen,'" she quoted. "You know I hate that."
"True. But you deserved it. You draw me out and string me along," I pointed out.
"Ture but you deserved it. You force us into these patterns like we're asking things from you."
"Ask me," I begged. "I'd put the moon back together for you."
"We know!" Ruby threw her bottle at my face and it bounced harmlessly off me due to my aura. "Fuck you!" She spat. "It's like I'm always demanding something of you and you're always relenting. Do you know how that makes us feel? It makes us feel possessive and demanding and cruel. Ask me for something. Ask me. Be the one to ask for once."
"All I want is you," I declared. "I ask for you. I ask for you to beg of me things I can give you," I murmured. "That's all I want. I want to give you things. Salem aside, I want to give you as much as I can."
"We know that too. And that makes our job difficult because we can't be sure when we're asking too much," Weiss mumbled.
"I'll let you know when you're asking a lot of me. Like I did before you made me get a psychiatrist and a therapist."
"But you didn't fight me. You just let me know what you were thinking. And you went along with it."
"I'd put the moon back together for you. But you better know you're asking me to put the moon together when you ask it of me. That's my take. I'll still do it. But you need to know. You deserve to know."
"And kids?" Weiss demanded.
"You're asking for more than the moon. But I'll do that too," I agreed. "I'm trying to think of a task you could ask me to do that I wouldn't try my hardest at and I'm coming up short."
"Me too. That's how I know I know that I'm asking too much of you," Weiss murmured.
"You can never ask me for too much. I'm begging you to ask for me more. Please ask me to do more for you. I seriously dead ass will put the moon back together for you. Just for a smile on your face. Please."
"But that makes it so hard to get you anything. You can see that," Ruby pointed out.
"Get me a blowjob." Weiss threw her bottle at my face and it bounced off harmlessly.
"Asshole," she called me.
"Am I?" I wondered.
"No, you're a honey," Ruby corrected. "But you must see how you make our job difficult because you don't want anything material. You just want time with us."
"Yeah before my end," I agreed. "Salem is my end. I can see it. Like the horizon."
"No. You can make it," Ruby disagreed.
"No. I can't," I shot right back. "She's too old and too strong. She'll split me in half. She's ever so convincing," I digressed.
"You don't know that," Weiss pointed out.
"I actually do. I might get lucky but I'm not lucky," I went on.
"It's going to break our hearts," Ruby mumbled. She said it so softly that I flinched. "Does that matter to you?"
"It means the world to me," I confessed. "Your hearts mean the world to me. Don't you get that? It's going to break me to leave. But I still have to. The world depends on it. Don't beg me to stay. It'll only make things harder. I have to go. I have to leave your warm wombs. I have to face this devil in me. It's justice. For what I've done."
"What have you done?" Weiss demanded.
"I've killed a lot of people. A lot. A lot of people," I confessed. "So, so many. I'll ask you. If I don't face my mother. If I live my life as a victim. As a passerby. Would you really love me? Am I worthy of it?"
"Yes," Weiss supplied.
"No. Come on. I have to try and beat her. I have to try at least. Or what am I? What am I if I don't try and beat her? Was I even born at all? If I don't try?"
"Damn you," Weiss accused. "I can't even be mad though I am trying. You have too much honor. It's not a bad thing. But I hate it."
"Yeah. What are we supposed to say to that? You make it sound like we'd be robbing your humanity," Ruby coupled.
"Well, you would. What little humanity I have. I only have it because I rebel against her," I took a drink. I gasped off the alcohol. "But you could. You could beg me to stay."
"Can we?" Weiss ordered.
"Seriously though. Can we," Ruby agreed. "Knowing what we know about you and your views of yourself could we really ask that of you? Think about it."
"Of anyone you two are the only ones who could…" I trailed off. 'I've got no soul in my body. I've just got soul in my brain. You two lead my heart. You could make me stay."
"But we can't ask that from you," Weiss pointed out.
"Yeah. It's too important. It's too quintessential to who you are," Ruby agreed.
"Then you're not asking me to stay," I made myself sound disappointed. "I have to go."
"It's only you that's making you go," Weiss murmured. "The only person holding you accountable is you."
"But that's why I gotta. I have to. I have to hold myself accountable somewhere. Somehow. I deserve to be held accountable. Don't I? I deserve that."
"When you say you deserve that…?" Ruby trailed.
"I mean surely somebody has got to hold me accountable. I deserve that justice at least. It's a good thing. Somebody should hold me to that standard. I deserve that justice after all I've been through. On the other hand I deserve that after all I've been through."
"See I don't know if it's a good thing," Ruby mumbled.
"I have to have a standard somewhere. I have to be held to something. And what am I if I don't face Salem? I mean it. Am I a person?"
"Yes," Ruby affirmed.
"To Penny's standard. Yours is too easy. It's hard to be faithful. It's hard to take risks. You're too generous with me," I claimed.
Ruby said nothing.
"You're a pessimist," Weiss pointed out. "Let yourself have an end," she demanded of me. But I couldn't.
"I have to march forward. Especially if her influence extends to our baby. Our babies. I'm gone in that case," I deserved that. I know they will desert me.
"Please don't," Ruby begged. She begged.
"I have to for our kids. You knew that when you asked me for them. I have to. Or I risk being a cruel father. Not a bad father, a cruel father. You knew what you were asking from me. Get over yourself," I said under my breath.
"And that's justice?" Weiss ordered.
"I think so. I have to do it for my children if for nobody else. You've got to know that. You knew that about me when you agreed to marry me. You must."
Weiss said nothing.
"I know I deserve it. I get you two. I get two fantastic ladies. This is the price I pay. It's the cost of knocking you up. I deserve it."
"You deserve better," Ruby mumbled. "For me and for you and for Weiss."
"Nothing I can do. This is our hand. If I feel Weiss's baby join me and my sisters I'm flyin'. Those are the terms."
"Is that fair on you?" Ruby demanded.
"Does it matter?" I wondered. "I have to for my kids. I have to fly if I feel it. And I will feel it if that's the case. I will. You ordered me to be a good father. Are you retracting that? Does it matter? Or will I have to fly regardless of what you tell me now. I'm locked in."
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I did this to you," Weiss mumbled.
"I'd put the moon back together for you. You had to know I would do this. But I also have to be a good father. Where your father and mine were absent. I have to be better than them. That means putting my life on the line for my kids. You knew what I would be. You must have. You know me."
Weiss said nothing. She just rubbed her tummy softly.
"You knew!" I demanded. "You knew what you were asking."
"I just wanted your baby. I didn't think it through."
"That's not like you," I disagreed. "You're an overthinker."
"I just wanted your family. I wanted that with you. I still do. How likely will you fly? What are the chances?"
"A generous fifty-fifty. I'm not lucky," I responded quickly with the repeat. "I'm not. Beyond you two. I will probably be flying in less than nine months. I will feel it joining the rest of us. The infant. The baby."
She rubbed beneath her navel hard.
"And maybe I don't feel anything. Maybe I don't," I went on.
"But you doubt it," Weiss agreed. "You'll feel it."
"I'm not lucky. I have to fly. For our baby. I have to or I risk being a bad father."
"Well," Ruby cut in.
"Or not a good father. I have to fly for our baby. Our babies," I took a long drink. "Ask me to not. Tell me I'm a good father if I don't. Lie to me," I challenged.
Ruby and Weiss were silent.
"And who knows. Maybe I win that fight. For our babies. But tell me I don't have to fly," I demanded. "Do it. Lie to me. Tell me I don't have to challenge my Mother. Tell me I don't have to do it. I'll try to be faithful. I won't desert you. The hope can be painful."
"You have to fly," Ruby whispered. "You do."
"I knew it. You won't lie to me. You can't, can you? I'm too honest with you. The secret will travel. I knew you'd unravel," I mumbled back. "It's hard to take risks. With a pessimist."
"If our baby joins you. If you have to fly…" Weiss trailed. "You'll tell us. Won't you?"
"I will. The way I won't. I'll at least let you know. But if I have to fly then I will have to fly. You begged me to be a good father. That means flying if I catch a whiff. And you will unravel. The secret will travel. It's hard to take risks with a pessimist. Blame me. Set me on fire. Ask me for more," I pleaded.
"No. I can't. Not for our baby," Weiss decided. "You're willing to die. How much more can I ask from you?"
"I don't know. Ask me for more anyways. Find a way," I begged. "I'll do more."
"I can't ask you for more," Ruby mumbled. "I just can't. Weiss?"
"No. He's a good man. I mean, if I didn't want a good man, then I would have married them. I wanted a good man. I asked for this. I can't order you to not fly. Not over our baby. You have to fly for our baby. If not for me than for our baby."
"Beg me," I ordered. "I won't fly if you beg me. Beg me."
Weiss and Ruby were silent.
pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq
-WG