AN: I posted chapter 15 about a week ago and the sight was glitchy, so if you happen to have missed that post you may want to read that one first. I hope things go better this time, that was discouraging. Especially as I was so excited to finally be continuing and to have a long chapter for you. But I did get your reviews by email even when they weren't showing up on the site so that was encouraging. Anyway thank you again for reading and reviewing and I hope you enjoy:
Darcy had been true to his word and stayed busy with Georgiana. He did not see Miss Bennet outside of church until Easter when his aunt invited The Collinses and their party for tea. Fitzwilliam was eager to join the ladies soon after dinner and neither Darcy nor Mr. Collins made any objection. The Colonel took a seat by Miss Bennet and the two of them talked with such spirit that Darcy wondered how often his cousin had been visiting the parsonage. What could he be saying to Miss Bennet to make her eyes dance as they were? What could she be saying to him to hold him so intrigued?
"…and venison of course." Darcy had missed whatever Lady Catherine had been saying.
He tore his eyes away from Miss Bennet to say, "Of course."[i]
It had been some time since he had seen Miss Bennet so animated. His memory had not done her justice. Lady Catherine followed his gaze and soon called out, "What is that you are saying, Fitzwilliam? What is it you are talking of? What are you telling Miss Bennet? Let me hear what it is."
"We are speaking of music, madam," said he, when no longer able to avoid a reply.
"Of music! Then pray speak aloud. It is of all subjects my delight. I must have my share in the conversation if you are speaking of music. There are few people in England, I suppose, who have more true enjoyment of music than myself, or a better natural taste. If I had ever learnt, I should have been a great proficient. And so will Anne, once her health allows her to apply. I am confident that she will perform delightfully, once she is strong enough to practice. I often tell young ladies that no excellence in music is to be acquired without constant practice. I have told Miss Bennet several times that she will never play really well unless she practices more; and though Mrs. Collins has no instrument, she is very welcome, as I have often told her, to come to Rosings every day, and play on the pianoforte in Mrs. Jenkinson's room. She would be in nobody's way, you know, in that part of the house."
Must his Aunt be so rude? Miss Bennet showed no sign of offense but she was far too clever not to have noticed the slight and she knew too much about Griffins not to be thinking of Lady Catherine's foolishness.[ii] The last thing anyone who was newly bonded would have time for was practicing the pianoforte. If his cousin did bond she could not even be reasonably expected to perform her duties as Mistress of Pemberley until…Why did he feel such a hollow empty feeling at the thought of cousin Anne as Mistress of Pemberley? If her health improved who knew how her disposition might change as a result? She could make a very agreeable companion if… if what? Her eyes came alive with intelligence? She were able to match wits with him in a lively debate? She were suddenly willing to walk three miles without regard for the dirt? It was impossible to imagine it, too much to wish for. He had never expected these things in his future wife before, why should be disappointed now not to have what he never thought of?
When coffee was over Colonel Fitzwilliam reminded Miss Bennet having promised to play to him. Darcy expected her to protest, as she always did, but she sat down directly to the instrument and Fitzwilliam drew a chair near her. When had Miss Bennet made such a promise? Darcy wondered again how often his cousin was calling on her.
Lady Catherine listened to half a song and then talked to him as before until she was forced to draw breath and he took the opportunity of moving towards the pianoforte, where he could command a full view of the fair performer's countenance and listen without interruption.
When the music allowed her to pause Miss Bennet gave him an arch smile, and said, "You mean to frighten me, Mr. Darcy, by coming in all this state to hear me? But I will not be alarmed though your cousin will one day play so well. There is a stubbornness about me that never can bear to be frightened at the will of others. My courage always rises with every attempt to intimidate me."
Darcy replied, "I shall not say that you are mistaken, because you could not really believe me to entertain any design of alarming you; and I have had the pleasure of your acquaintance long enough to know that you find great enjoyment in occasionally professing opinions which in fact are not your own."
Miss Bennet laughed heartily, and said to Colonel Fitzwilliam, "Your cousin will give you a very pretty notion of me, and teach you not to believe a word I say. I am particularly unlucky in meeting with a person so well able to expose my real character, in a part of the world where I had hoped to pass myself off with some degree of credit. Indeed, Mr. Darcy, it is very ungenerous in you to mention all that you knew to my disadvantage in Hertfordshire - and, give me leave to say, very impolitic too - for it is provoking me to retaliate, and such things may come out as will shock your relations to hear."
Darcy had to admit he had missed her repartee. He could not help smiling as he replied, "I am not afraid of you."
"Pray let me hear what you have to accuse him of," cried Fitzwilliam. "I should like to know how he behaves among strangers."
"You shall hear then - but prepare yourself for something very dreadful. The first time of my ever seeing him in Hertfordshire, you must know, was at a ball - and at this ball, what do you think he did? He danced only four dances! I am sorry to pain you - but so it was. He danced only four dances, though gentlemen were scarce; and, to my certain knowledge, more than one young lady was sitting down in want of a partner. Mr. Darcy, you cannot deny the fact."
"I had not at that time the honor of knowing any lady in the assembly beyond my own party."
"True; and nobody can ever be introduced in a ballroom. But the truth is, Colonel Fitzwilliam, that none of us could tempt Mr. Darcy to lower his standards, and where Mr. Darcy is not tempted, he must make sure his friend is not either. Well, what do I play next, my fingers await your orders."
"I will not pretend," said Darcy, "Not to understand your reference. You must have learned of my attempt to influence my friend. But while we naturally disagree on the desired outcome, you can not blame me for expressing my opinion regarding his affairs. You did the same yourself when you spoke with Eleos."
She took her fingers off the keys and finally addressed him directly instead of pretending to talk to Fitzwilliam."
"You once claimed that it was not possible to communicate with a Griffin without being bonded. Now you accuse me of having said enough to Eleos to influence Bingley. You can not have it both ways."
"You have not considered a third more likely possibility."
"Which is?"
"That you have a special affinity with Griffins, unique to you rather than something anyone can learn."
"Take care, Mr. Darcy, that almost sounded like a compliment. Do not be so eager to win an argument. That you do the thing you most detest."
"I have no objection to paying a compliment when a compliment is deserved."
"Do you not?" asked Fitzwilliam. "I do not believe I have heard you pay more than three in the whole course of my life and that includes what you just said to Miss Bennet, which I only count for the sake of argument."
"Then I can easily make it four by telling Miss Bennet I do not agree with my aunt regarding her need for practice." And then addressing himself to the lady in question he continued, "You have employed your time much better. No one admitted to the privilege of your performance could find anything wanting."
He did not have the pleasure of hearing her reply for they were interrupted by Lady Catherine, who called out to know what they were talking of and Miss Bennet immediately began playing again.
Lady Catherine approached, and, after listening for a few minutes, said "Miss Bennet would not play at all amiss if she practiced more, and could have the advantage of a London master. She has a very good notion of fingering, though her taste is not equal to Anne's. Anne would have been a delightful performer, had her health allowed her to learn." Darcy glanced at Miss Bennet to see how she bore the comparison but she only looked as if she were repressing her amusement.
Lady Catherine continued her remarks on Miss Bennet's performance, mixing with them many instructions on execution and taste. The lady received them with all the forbearance of civility, and, at the request of himself and his cousin, remained at the instrument till her ladyship's carriage was ready to take everyone home. Darcy was glad to see her hold her own so well against his aunt, though when he questioned himself as to why he, could not satisfy himself with an answer.
Her Ladyship's pianoforte was a superior instrument. He ought to think about getting something similar for Pemberley. Georgiana was as fond of music as he was, though she did not have as many opportunities to indulge in the pleasure. He could imagine her on a summer evening perched outside with her head through the open window, listening to Miss Bennet play while he… What was he thinking? Miss Bennet would not be visiting Pemberly let alone running her fingers across his instrument. Not unless the future Mrs. Darcy were to invite her and that seemed unlikely… unless she were to come with the Bingleys. Yes. Nothing could be more natural than for the Bingleys to bring their sister when they visited Pemberley, It would not even be improper for him to suggest to Bingley that they bring her along. It would be no different than his bringing Miss Bingley. But to what end? So he could torture himself having her so near while taking care that no sign of interest escaped him? Listen to her play while his other men gathered around the piano vying for her attention? He signed. It was impossible. In every way impossible.
As Darcy had been musing, he had moved to the widow, barely noticing when his aunt bid him goodnight and stood looking out into the night. Fitzwilliam came up behind him and handed him a glass of port saying, "I have now heard you give four compliments and two of them were to Georgiana."
After a brief pause, he continued. "You said the other day, when we were speaking of Rosings that you could not give up what you never had."
"Yes."
"I think it must also follow that your descendants would not feel they had lost anything if you did not unite the two estates. Your parents were good people. I am sure they planned according to what they thought best for you, but you can not know that their opinions would not have changed depending on the circumstances. I cannot believe they would wish you to be unhappy."
"It is not that simple."
"Perhaps it could be."
Darcy was in no mood to argue and so made no reply. Fitzwilliam meant well but he could not possibly understand. After a while, his cousin left him to his thoughts.
Darcy downed the rest of his drink. Enough of this self-indulgent foolishness! There was no point in regretting what could never be. Still, would he be harming anyone but himself if he chose to make what he could of the brief time while they were both here? It had been a week since he'd visited the parsonage. No one would question his calling there again, especially with Fitzwilliam going as often as he did, and Mrs. Collins would be there of course.
Miss Bennet could have no hope of him now, not after having been in company so often with his aunt. Lady Catherine was more likely than not to have told her he and Anne were already engaged. He need not fear raising her expectations if he were to see her once, or even twice, while he still could. Eventually, she would be a fond memory that he would think on from time to time, and nothing more. It would have to be enough.
i Scholars have theorized that Lady Catherine may have been speaking of Georgiana's diet, (as she did in the past), a meal she was planning, a dinner she attended, or something else entirely. Thanks to Darcy's inattention we will never know. It is unlike Darcy to agree to something he didn't hear.
ii Darcy probably means either that his aunt is foolish to be so sure her daughter will bond or that she is foolish not to consider how much of her time and attention the fledgling would need if she did. It is unlikely he is referring to her belief that bonding would improve Anne's health as he seems convinced of that himself.