Chapter 2: Sorrow and Excess
The moonlight filtered through the curtains, casting a soft glow across the room. It was quiet now, the kind of quiet that felt suffocating. Tomoyo Daidouji sat on the edge of her bed, staring blankly at the ceiling, her thoughts a whirlwind of contradictions. The day had been long, and her emotions even longer.
Sakura was asleep in the next room. Safe, comfortable... oblivious. Tomoyo had spent hours helping her unpack, setting up the room, making sure everything was perfect. And now that it was done—now that the girl she loved was finally living with her—Tomoyo felt more alone than ever.
She leaned back on the bed, closing her eyes, willing herself to find some peace in the quiet. But all she could think about was Sakura. Every smile, every laugh, every word she spoke... each one was a knife in Tomoyo's heart. How long could she keep this up? How long before the weight of her love, her unspoken love, became too much to bear?
Tomoyo sighed, opening her eyes to the moonlight once again. *I should be happy. I should feel lucky. She's here. She's safe. She's with me.* But that nagging ache, the one that never quite left her, was still there, stronger than ever. The closer Sakura was, the further away she felt. And no matter how much Tomoyo tried to push those thoughts aside, they kept creeping in, filling every quiet moment with doubt.
Sakura had needed help after Li left. She had needed comfort, someone to take care of her. Tomoyo had always been good at that—being there, being the strong one. But now, watching her best friend move into her house, knowing they would be living together every day... the weight of it all was starting to crush her.
This is what I wanted, isn't it?* Tomoyo thought, her hands curling into fists on the bedsheets. *To be close to her. To help her. To make sure she's happy.* But it wasn't enough. Not anymore.
--
Sakura had been in the next room for hours now, fast asleep, while Tomoyo sat there in the dark. She knew she should get some rest, but her mind wouldn't stop. The thoughts kept swirling, like a storm she couldn't escape. She got up slowly and walked to Sakura's door, gently pushing it open.
Sakura was sleeping soundly, curled up under the covers, her face peaceful, undisturbed by the heaviness that weighed on Tomoyo's chest. She watched her for a moment, her heart swelling with that familiar mix of love and pain.
What would you think, Sakura-chan, if you knew?* she wondered, her gaze soft but full of unspoken words. *Would you hate me? Would you leave me?*
Tomoyo leaned against the doorframe, fighting the urge to step closer. Watching Sakura like this, she could almost pretend everything was okay. That she wasn't falling apart inside. That she wasn't hopelessly, helplessly in love with someone who could never love her back in the way she needed.
"I'm so glad you're here," she whispered softly, almost to herself. "I just... I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this."
Sakura shifted in her sleep, mumbling something incoherent, and Tomoyo's heart skipped a beat. She quickly stepped back, afraid to wake her, afraid to face the questions she wasn't ready to answer.
--
The next morning, the sunlight filtered through the windows, but Tomoyo felt no relief. If anything, the daylight only made the tension worse. Sakura was already up, her mood visibly lighter. The move had given her something else to focus on, a distraction from the heartbreak Li had left behind.
"Tomoyo-chan, you didn't have to do all this for me," Sakura said with a smile, walking into the kitchen where Tomoyo was preparing breakfast. "I feel like I'm imposing."
Tomoyo smiled warmly, hiding the tiredness in her eyes. "You're not imposing, Sakura-chan. I want to do this. You've been through a lot... you deserve to feel comfortable."
Sakura's smile widened, and for a moment, Tomoyo felt like everything might be okay. But it was fleeting. The reality of their situation—of Tomoyo's silent suffering—was never far from her mind.
As they sat down for breakfast, the air between them felt lighter, though Tomoyo could sense something tugging at her heart. Being around Sakura was always like this: moments of joy intertwined with the constant ache of what could never be. She watched Sakura eat, her carefree demeanor so at odds with the weight of Tomoyo's thoughts.
"Tomoyo-chan?" Sakura's voice broke through her thoughts, and Tomoyo blinked, realizing she had been staring. "Is everything okay? You seem a little... distant."
Tomoyo quickly shook her head, smiling reassuringly. "I'm fine, Sakura-chan. Just tired, that's all. Don't worry about me."
But that wasn't entirely true, was it? She wasn't fine. She hadn't been fine in a long time. Not since Li had left, not since Sakura had moved in. Not since her feelings had grown so strong they felt like they were choking her.
Sakura smiled softly, oblivious to the inner turmoil. "Well, if you need anything, let me know. You've done so much for me already... I just want to make sure you're okay too."
Tomoyo's heart twisted. *If only you knew, Sakura-chan. If only you knew how much I'm hiding from you.*
--
Later that day, after helping Sakura unpack more of her things, Tomoyo found herself standing in the hallway, staring at the door to Sakura's room again. The house felt too quiet now, too big for just the two of them. And yet, in the silence, all Tomoyo could hear were her own thoughts, louder than ever.
The proximity was suffocating and comforting all at once. Having Sakura so close was everything she had wanted for so long... but now, it was also a reminder of everything she could never have. How much longer could she keep pretending?
She leaned against the wall, taking a deep breath. *I love you so much, Sakura. But it's not enough, is it? It'll never be enough.*
She thought back to the conversation they'd had over breakfast. Sakura had been so light, so carefree, as if the move had erased all of her pain. But Tomoyo's pain wasn't so easily erased. It clung to her like a shadow, always there, always reminding her of the distance between them, even when they were standing side by side.
I should be happy for her* Tomoyo thought, closing her eyes. *She's getting better. She's moving on. But where does that leave me?*
She pushed away from the wall, walking to her own room. The night would come soon, and with it, the silence. She would sit on her bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering how much longer she could keep her feelings locked away. And in the morning, she would get up, put on a smile, and be there for Sakura again. Just like always.
But each day, the weight grew heavier.