Chapter 4: The Weight of Everything

Sakura woke abruptly, her breath catching as her heart raced from the nightmare still echoing in her mind. The room around her was dark and suffocating, the silence thick in the air. Her fingers gripped the edge of the blanket as she tried to steady herself, her body trembling.

I need some water...*

She quietly slipped out of bed, the floor cool beneath her feet, and padded down the hallway toward the kitchen. As she passed the doors lining the hall, something caught her attention—Tomoyo's door was slightly ajar. She hesitated, peeking in, but the room was dark and empty. What she saw in Tomoyo's room changed everything.

Her breath hitched, and suddenly, her legs gave out. She collapsed onto the floor, her mind overwhelmed by what she'd seen. The image of Tomoyo crying, broken and vulnerable, was too much for her to process. She couldn't help her, couldn't comfort her. And that sense of helplessness only made it worse.

Memories—locked away deep inside—started to bleed into her consciousness, confusing her further. Flashes of the Mirror Card, distorted fragments of magic and memories she couldn't piece together, filled her mind. She pressed her hands to her head, trying to fight the onslaught of images that weren't fully hers.

Her body felt heavy, the weight of everything crushing her. She didn't know how long she sat there, frozen in the hallway, her mind trapped in a loop of helplessness and confusion. It wasn't until a familiar voice broke through the haze that she realized she wasn't alone.

"Are you okay?"

Sakura blinked, her vision slowly coming back into focus. She looked up to see Sonomi standing over her, concern etched into her features. Sakura hadn't realized she was still sitting in the hallway, her body shaking as the flood of memories and emotions coursed through her.

Sonomi gently guided her up, leading her to the living room where the dim light offered some sense of peace.

"You saw her, didn't you?" Sonomi asked quietly as they sat down.

Sakura nodded, still shaken. "Why was she crying?" she whispered, her voice hoarse from the weight of the emotions swirling inside her.

Sonomi sighed, her eyes softening with understanding. "Tomoyo has been carrying a lot of feelings for someone she's known for a long time... but she's too scared to tell them."

Sakura blinked, her mind racing. *Tomoyo... in love?* But with who? The idea felt distant, like a puzzle she wasn't sure how to solve. The idea that Tomoyo had harbored these feelings for so long planted a small, unfamiliar seed of jealousy in her chest.

Sonomi offered a small smile, though it was tinged with sadness. "She's been hurting for a long time, but she's too afraid of what would happen if she spoke the truth."

--

Sakura sat across from Tomoyo the next morning, the weight of last night still hanging over her. The kitchen was silent, the tension between them almost unbearable. Neither of them spoke, both lost in their thoughts.

Sakura glanced up, her mind replaying Sonomi's words. *Who could it be?*

She wanted to help her friend, wanted to figure out what was wrong. Maybe if she understood who Tomoyo liked, she could help her.

"Tomoyo-chan," she began softly, trying to keep her voice steady. "Who do you like?"

Tomoyo's hand froze, her fork hovering over her plate. She looked up, her eyes wide with surprise.

Sakura leaned in, her curiosity getting the better of her. "Is it someone from school? Maybe someone from our class?"

Tomoyo hesitated, her voice trembling. "It's... not a boy."

Sakura's heart skipped a beat. "Not a boy?" The words hung in the air, and suddenly, she felt a rush of something—jealousy? She wasn't sure.

She didn't know why, but the thought of Tomoyo liking someone else, even if it was a girl, made her chest tighten. Before she realized what she was doing, she leaned forward and kissed Tomoyo—more out of confusion and instinct than any real thought.

The kiss was brief, almost hesitant, but when Sakura pulled back, she saw the look of shock and heartbreak in Tomoyo's eyes.

"It's you, Sakura-chan," Tomoyo whispered, her voice cracking. "It's always been you."

The words hit Sakura like a punch to the gut. She stared at Tomoyo, her heart pounding, and all at once, the gravity of her mistake sank in. She had been so blind, so careless.

"I... I didn't..." Sakura stammered, her throat tight. Panic surged through her, and before she could think, she bolted from the kitchen, running as fast as her legs would carry her.

--

Sakura didn't know how long she had been running. The world around her blurred, and her mind was a whirlwind of confusion and regret. The next thing she remembered was walking into the playground where they used to play as kids.

She stumbled over to one of the swings and collapsed into it, her legs weak and her chest heaving. The swings creaked softly in the wind, the empty park around her eerily still.

Sakura buried her face in her hands, her mind replaying the scene in the kitchen over and over. How could she have been so blind? So thoughtless? She had hurt Tomoyo—one of the people she cared about the most—and now she had no idea how to fix it.

"Squirt?"

Sakura lifted her head, her eyes red and puffy from crying. Toya stood a few feet away, his usual calm demeanor replaced with concern.

"You look like a mess," he said, though his voice was gentle.

Sakura sniffled, wiping her face with her sleeve. "I really messed up, Onii-chan..."

Toya walked over and sat on the swing next to her, the chains creaking under his weight. He didn't say anything at first, just sat there, waiting for her to talk.

"I... I hurt Tomoyo-chan," Sakura finally said, her voice barely above a whisper. She recounted what had happened, from the kiss to Tomoyo's confession, her words tumbling out in a rush. "And then I just... ran."

Toya listened, nodding slowly. When she finished, he sighed, leaning back in his swing. "Sounds like you've got a lot going on."

Sakura wiped her nose, her eyes downcast. "I don't know what to do. I've never thought about... about Tomoyo-chan like that. I didn't even realize she felt that way about me."

Toya studied her, his gaze soft. "It's a lot to take in. You're probably feeling confused, guilty, maybe even scared. That's okay."

Sakura nodded, feeling the weight of those words. "I... I don't know how I feel about her, Onii-chan. I love her, but it's always been as a friend. But now..."

Toya leaned forward, his arms resting on the chains of the swing. "Have you ever thought about liking girls, Sakura?"

Sakura hesitated, biting her lip. "I don't know. I never really thought about it before. I've always liked Li-kun... and I thought that was all there was to it."

Toya nodded slowly. "It's not unusual to feel that way. Sometimes we don't realize we have feelings for someone until something happens, and we're forced to look at them differently." He paused, then added more softly, "It doesn't make you any less you, you know."

Sakura looked up at him, her eyes wide. "But what if... what if I'm not ready? What if I don't know how to be... like that?"

Toya smiled faintly. "I wasn't sure how to be 'like that' either at first. Yukito and I... it took time. I wasn't always sure of myself, and the world wasn't exactly welcoming. But I learned that the most important thing is being honest with myself and with him."

He looked at her more seriously. "You don't have to have all the answers right now. What matters is how you feel. Don't run away from it, even if it's scary. You're allowed to figure it out."

Sakura's heart raced as Toya's words sank in. She had known about his relationship with Yukito for years now, and it had always been a source of comfort, knowing her brother had found someone who understood him. But she had never really thought about how that might apply to her.

"I don't even know if I... if I feel that way about Tomoyo-chan," she admitted quietly, her voice shaking. "But the thought of losing her... I can't bear it. And now I've gone and made everything worse."

Toya shook his head. "You haven't lost her. Tomoyo-chan loves you, and that's not going to change. But yeah, you've got a mess to clean up." He chuckled softly, then added, "We both know you're good at cleaning up messes."

Sakura gave a weak smile, though her heart still felt heavy. "But what if... what if I can't feel the same way about her? What if she hates me for it?"

Toya's expression softened. "If you're honest with her, she won't hate you. Love is complicated, Sakura. Sometimes we want things we can't have, but it doesn't mean the love we share has to disappear. You owe it to her—and to yourself—to be real about what you're feeling, even if it's hard."

Sakura stared at the ground, Toya's words sinking in. She hadn't been honest with herself, not about her feelings, not about the confusion in her heart. She had panicked, running away from something she didn't understand.

"I think I'm... scared," she whispered. "Scared of what it means if I do feel something more for Tomoyo-chan. Scared of what people will think. What everyone will say."

Toya reached over and squeezed her shoulder gently. "I get that. People aren't always kind. But you have to live for yourself, not for them. It's hard, but it's worth it. Yukito and I... we've been through a lot to get to where we are, but I don't regret any of it."

Sakura swallowed hard, her throat tightening. "Do you think... I could be like you and Yukito?"

Toya smiled, warmth in his eyes. "You could be anything you want, Sakura. Whether it's with Tomoyo-chan, or someone else, what matters is that you're true to yourself."

Sakura felt a tear slip down her cheek, and she quickly wiped it away. "I don't know what to do next."

"You talk to Tomoyo," Toya said simply. "Tell her how you feel, even if you're not sure what that means yet. It's okay to be confused. It's okay to need time. But running away won't solve anything."

Sakura nodded, her heart feeling a little lighter, though the fear was still there, lurking at the edges. "I'll... I'll try."

Toya stood up, giving her a reassuring smile. "That's all anyone can ask. And no matter what, you've got me and Yukito. You're not alone in this."

Sakura stood up, too, her legs still shaky but her resolve starting to form. She wasn't sure how she felt about Tomoyo, but she knew she needed to be honest—with herself and with her best friend.

"Thanks, Onii-chan," she said softly.

Toya ruffled her hair. "Anytime, squirt."