AUTHOR'S NOTE I: This chapter is now incorporated into the August 2024 early retelling of Charah's relationship.
AUTHOR'S NOTE II: Despite my best efforts, this story has yet to reach a broad audience. I'm feeling lost and unsure of my next move. With each page, I find myself more and more invested in this story, and I can honestly say it's become my favourite. I'm eager to write it for myself, but the absence of Chucksters buying in makes it difficult to proceed.
Who Dares Wins
Chapter Four: Moral Conscience
Thursday, 11 October, 2007
Coming to you live from London on BBC Radio One, we are witnessing a sombre atmosphere as the city and the nation enter a state of mourning after the devastating terrorist attack that struck the capital less than twelve hours ago. The bravery of British Special Forces shone through during the attack on London Bridge, as they heroically confronted and shot dead five armed terrorists on the bridge, but the cost was high, with scores of lives lost before their arrival to neutralise the rampaging terrorists. At the music concert in Hackney, a second SAS team stormed the venue. Within seconds of their assault, they decisively neutralized all three terrorists, executing a flawless and aggressive operation to swiftly resolve the situation with no further civilian loss of life. In the last few moments, the Prime Minister has just made a statement outside 10 Downing Street, commending the actions of the Metropolitan Police in their storming of the Westfield London shopping centre and the SAS in bringing the three situations to a conclusion. We will have much more to share and will provide live coverage of this story all day long.
Chuck's hand fumbled for the radio's knob, his movements desperate and erratic, as he tried to silence the live feed that echoed the haunting memories and reminded him of the horrors he'd witnessed during the operation.
The radio ceased playing inside the first of four transport vehicles Chuck was driving to return Mobility Troop to their base in Hereford after a successful operation.
Despite their valiant efforts, Chuck and his teammates didn't feel like the operation was a success.
The reason was that dozens of his countrymen lay dead after the brutal and cowardly attacks on unarmed civilians.
Chuck felt like his insides were being twisted into knots, and he was on the verge of throwing up. The only thing that stopped him was that he had taken lives in the army before and saw death often, which made it somewhat easier for him this time. The first few times had shaken him, but now, being a seasoned veteran, he could control his reaction to the shock better, though he was struggling at this moment.
After the AW109s had dropped off Mobility Troop to the incidents, they raced back to Hereford in preparation to transport Mountain Troop to any further situations that may have arisen. Thankfully, if you could call it that, no further attacks occurred after the attack Chuck and his teammates confronted when they shot dead the five terrorists on London Bridge.
Several police vehicles quickly arrived for the SAS to use at their disposal to transport them around London to any further attack that may have occurred. Mobility Troop remained mobile throughout the capital for the entire night in the hunt for any additional terrorist attack, and only within the past hour had they been stood down from immediate action after almost twelve long hours in the thick of it.
After being stood down, command back at Hereford ordered Chuck and the rest of Mobility Troop to return to Hereford. And, in addition, Hereford had also recalled Air and Boat Troops of G Squadron back from their training exercises.
Captain Wallace had also informed Chuck and the rest of the team that the CO of 22 SAS was even considering calling in another squadron. That squadron was conducting training exercises to prepare for their upcoming deployment to Iraq.
Chuck's hands tightened on the steering wheel as an eerie silence enveloped the car, his gaze ending on Sarah beside him, the remnants of the intense operation clinging to her.
He felt an enormous sense of pride in Sarah and how she conducted herself throughout the entire night. Sarah had quite possibly saved several dozen lives by spotting the female suicide bomber Bryce had let pass after having believed her sad, sentimental story of not being able to find her child.
As soon as they were back on base, Chuck and most of the team would have some strong words with Bryce, that's for sure.
And who knew what his Commanding Officer might do?
Chuck wouldn't be surprised one bit if his Commanding Officer outright returned Bryce to his unit.
He was certain the only reason Bryce didn't properly vet and scrutinise that terrorist was because she was an attractive female, not wearing a hijab, and she probably gave him a seductive smile.
Bryce Larkin seemed to be that kind of guy.
To Chuck, Bryce came across as ostentatious, full of himself and the type of guy who threw himself at any female who wanted to open her legs to him. Chuck had seen many assholes like that during his eight years in the army, that's for sure.
"Stop the car-"
Chuck shot his glance to his left, onto Sarah, the intruder responsible for the outburst, the breaker of the brief silence.
With narrowed eyes, he scrutinized her words, questioning their meaning.
"Chuck, stop the car right now! I'm going to be sick!" she commanded more urgently, her voice trembling in panic from what she knew was about to happen.
Chuck stifled a laugh, his nostrils flaring as he gave a nod in agreement. Thankfully for Sarah, a service station was nearby, so Chuck veered off from the motorway and pulled the unmarked police SUV to a halt.
With a heavy heart, he observed in pause as his new teammate yanked open the front passenger door, and then puked her guts out onto the floor below.
The actions of Sarah were the same as Chuck and so many before them had done after a substantial firefight and intensive operation.
For Chuck, such reactions were a common occurrence for his first year in the Regiment.
Taking a brief break from his solemn observations of Sarah, he glanced behind him to see Cole and Big Dan sharing an approving chuckle in the back of the SUV.
Chuck returned his glance to look at his troubled teammate hanging out of the vehicle again. "It's delayed shock and adrenalin, Sarah. It's quite normal and completely fine. We've been on intensive operations all night," he said softly, attempting to reassure her.
"Yeah, you'll be fine! A couple of pints and a nice juicy steak later on will sort you out!" Big Dan said with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.
The moment Big Dan uttered his chosen words, Sarah's stomach churned, and she vomited again.
With Sarah's actions the intended course from Big Dan, he shared sadistic laughter with Cole in the back of the vehicle.
Chuck shook his head, a small smirk playing on his lips, then sighed at his friends' humour towards their new teammate.
When Sarah finished, she shot an immediate glare at Big Dan. "Thanks for that!" she shouted, her tone dripping with sarcastic venom as she dangled out of the vehicle.
"I'm just trying to help. It's better out than in," Big Dan joked, amusing Cole and Chuck.
Chuck took a moment to compose himself, shaking his head to dispel the playful energy Big Dan had stirred, before patiently waiting for Sarah to return to the vehicle.
"All better?" he asked with a smile.
She nodded. "Better," she said, her voice lacking conviction, her face betraying her words.
"Jamie Hughes and John Murray still get it occasionally," Cole said.
Chuck nodded.
"What about you?" Sarah asked, glancing at Chuck, and then at her other two teammates behind them.
Chuck wore a sympathetic smile, his lips slightly curled as he looked at Sarah. "For the first year I did. But I haven't for a while now. After what we witnessed on the ground throughout the night and everything we heard prior, I feel like I could throw my guts up right now... But I'm too seasoned for that to happen anymore," he admitted.
Cole quickly interjected. "Same here. It's hard to block out everything you see in mass casualty situations like that. But there's nothing we can do about it. We went in there, got the job done, and sent the bastards to hell."
Sarah processed the remarks, shooting a troubled glance around her three teammates. "I felt so helpless seeing all those bodies as we advanced to confront the terrorists," Sarah confided, her gaze darting between the three of them in the vehicle.
"Sarah, you weren't helpless. You took out one, possibly two, of the fuckers! You've saved countless lives," Chuck reassured, feeling a surge of pride at having Sarah as his new teammate.
Once they got back on base, Chuck was sure that nobody on their base would forget what Sarah had done on that operation for quite some time, and if they did, then they would answer to him because Chuck would now have Sarah's back and he was one thousand percent certain that his other teammates would now do the same.
Sarah was a hero last night.
"Yeah, well said, fella," Big Dan said with a nod at Chuck, then turned to face Sarah. "I'm fucking proud to have you on my team," he said, his tone dripping with respect, matching the look in his eyes.
Chuck nodded, appreciating the camaraderie as the four teammates engaged in conversation.
"I fully concur with what those two chaps who know what they're talking about just said. You were outstanding all night. You should be proud of yourself," Cole said.
Chuck and Dan nodded.
"Thanks, but I don't feel proud right now…" Sarah said, puffing out a long sigh. "Is it always this bad?"
With a soft gaze, Chuck locked eyes with Sarah and shook his head in sympathy. "I promise it gets easier in time..."
-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-
Stirling Lines
Hereford
United Kingdom
Inside the situation room on their base, Mobility Troop gathered for a debriefing after their operation in London. Captain Wallace, their troop leader, and Colonel Wood, the Regimental CO, led the discussion.
The debriefing for Blue Team's extremely successful operation in Hackney concluded, related to when they had breached the music venue and eliminated three terrorists to rescue the hostages.
Now, it was time for Red Team's debriefing for their equally triumphant operation.
"Outstanding job, gentlemen and lady," Colonel Wood joked, glancing at Red Team.
A ripple of laughter spread through the room.
Chuck glanced at Sarah, noticing the corners of her mouth curling into a smile as she began to laugh along with the CO's humour.
"I can't say just gentlemen any more, but by god, I couldn't be any prouder! If other females are as good as you, Sarah, I hope many more apply for selection!" the Colonel shouted with exuberance.
"Well said, boss!" Chuck shouted, leading the praise for his new teammate as the situation room became loud, the rest of the troop voicing their agreement.
Chuck glanced around the large gathering in the situation room, the entire room sharing a look of respect for the actions of Sarah during the terrorist attack.
Sarah nodded half-heartedly at the CO, her eyes filled with exhaustion.
Chuck watched on, noting Sarah's weary appearance and the distress clear on her face as if something was eating at her.
Without hesitation, he mentally scheduled a reminder to himself to ensure he addressed Sarah's mental well-being with her at some point today.
The CO continued. "You executed a methodical job in the capital as a team, performing valiantly and to the high standard we expect of you. Both the coroner and the Metropolitan Police are happy with the reasonable force used to subjugate the terrorist threat. They will require none of you for any questioning as there won't be any kind of investigation," he said, allowing the information to register with the soldiers. "I've decided to remove Mobility Troop from immediate standby for the next three days to allow you to recover from the operation. Air and Boat Troops are now on immediate standby alongside Mountain Troop and will remain as such until we know what we are dealing with."
"Just what are we dealing with, boss?" Staff Sergeant MacDonald asked.
Chuck and the rest of the troop nodded in agreement with the SSgt's question.
"It's looking from initial investigations that the group were an Al-Qaeda cell. It will surprise me if we have the complete cell. Usually, the bomb maker remains behind, and we'll very much be hunting out that gentleman in the coming days to have a nice little chat with him," the CO said, his tone fiercely resolute, the grit in his posture clear.
The CO's remarks earned a lot of "Too right" remarks, including Chuck himself.
"Well, it's been a long night, and I have no desire to talk for thirty minutes blabbering away nonsense to you all, so get yourselves some rest. You have earned it with your professionalism and excellence in the line of duty. Dismissed," the CO finished.
With the debriefing now over, the room buzzed with activity and movement.
Chuck stood up from his seat, adding to the symphony of shuffling feet, scraping chairs, and lively conversations filling the air as he joined the team.
The anticipation of a team conversation hung on their faces, but before anyone could speak, the CO interjected again. "Trooper Larkin, remain behind," the Colonel demanded, his stern tone implying trouble ahead.
When the soldiers heard the name of Bryce, who could have gotten his team and many civilians killed, the entire room froze in place, including Blue Team, as they turned to glance at him.
The atmosphere in the situation room was palpable with animosity towards Bryce, clear by the onset of evil daggers and disapproving glances toward him from the entire troop.
After a moment, Jamie Hughes scoffed dismissively, then turned his attention back towards the rest of his team. "Let's get out of here," he said, breaking the tense moment in the situation room.
Chuck joined the rest of the team in shifting his gaze from Bryce and onto Jamie Hughes.
"We have a date with the canteen. I'm starving," Cole Barker said after a moment.
Chuck let out a hearty laugh along with the team as he draped his arm around his best friend as the team made their way to the canteen.
-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-
Sarah reluctantly joined the team as they entered the crowded cafeteria, her mind busy elsewhere.
Right now, she craved solace and the comfort of her own thoughts, needing time alone to process the harrowing mission and the overwhelming countless images, sounds and actions she witnessed on the streets of London throughout the night.
It was unquestionably the most intense mission Sarah had ever been on in her five years of being in the army, and those included combat deployments to Afghanistan and Iraq.
Once inside the canteen, she glanced around the room. It was jam-packed full of soldiers with most of G Squadron now present after being recalled from their training exercises.
While Sarah joined the queue, soldiers from her entire squadron, even those she hadn't met before, made a point of coming up to her, expressing their admiration and approval for her actions in the capital last night.
If Sarah hadn't felt so overwhelmed by fatigue and distress, she would have eagerly taken part in a conversation. But right now, she yearned to escape the attention and retreat to her quarters, craving a moment of solitude to process the whirlwind of events from the past twenty-four hours.
After gathering her food, she joined her teammates in moving to find a spot on a bench.
Sarah's teammates chatted away as she focused intently on the TV, oblivious to the conversations happening around her as the anchor came on air. "We have some breaking news to bring to you right now. In the last few moments, the Home Office has raised the UK threat level from Severe, its second-highest level, to Critical, which is the highest level possible. For the watchers that aren't aware, the upgrading of the threat level by the Home Office means that another terrorist attack could happen imminently. Consequently, the British government has announced they have drafted maximum security measures into place. The Home Secretary has requested the immediate deployment of over 6,000 armed soldiers to reinforce key sites in the United Kingdom. The Defence Secretary has approved the deployment and the soldiers are already en-route from their barracks. We will bring you more news about this major development just as soon as we get it..."
-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-
Sarah entered the barracks housing G Squadron, her heavy steps echoing through the empty hallway, her face pale and weary from the mental anguish that followed her first mission in the Regiment.
In the SAS, they did not force you to live on base, and you could rent or purchase your own home within the immediate area of Hereford if you so chose.
Sarah planned to rent a home, but because it was just her first week, she had found no time to house hunt as she had been so incredibly busy and tired with all the training she had undergone throughout the week.
She planned to do some searching for somewhere to live off base in the upcoming three days that she had off before reporting back for duties once more. For the moment, Sarah's possessions were being looked after by her mother, Emma, and her sister, Molly.
However, for now, her living arrangements were the least of her concerns, for she needed to come to terms with everything that'd occurred the past day.
Her attempt to eat with her team in the canteen had been extremely unsuccessful, for Sarah had no appetite to eat.
Walking up to Room Four inside the barracks, which had her name on the door, she entered the small room. It contained a wardrobe to stow her gear, a bed, and two cabinets. Sarah placed her helmet, her respirator, and her MP5 into the wardrobe before she moved to sit on the mattress.
Once seated, she let out a long, sorrowful sigh, her shoulders slumped and her gaze fixed on the floor.
Sarah's body trembled as her mind replayed the operation, feeling the chill of the situation room and the piercing screams echoing all around London Bridge.
Overwhelmed by a wave of despair, she hesitantly lifted her trembling hands to shield her face from the looming darkness.
She tightly shut her eyes, her hands shaky as they clutched her face, drawing a deep sigh into her hands.
Sarah stayed like this for a long moment, trying to overcome every thought racing through her mind, experiencing palpitations and feeling a rush of heat and her skin sticky and sweaty as her mind continued replaying the female terrorist she'd killed at close range.
She could also see all the casualties and fatalities all around the market that her team had walked past and left. As a combat medic, it was formerly her job to help people. But she was just one person, and she felt so helpless that so many were laying injured and dying all over the pavement and road, and she couldn't do a damned thing to help them.
Even if she had helped, which she couldn't, she was just one person, and there were dozens of casualties. What stood out most from last night's events to Sarah were those two armed police officers she encountered close to their vehicle. They were both heavily armed, and the terrorists overpowered even those, so all those poor unarmed civilians were helpless.
Overwhelmed with grief, she felt an intense urge to weep, her eyes welling up with tears for every soul that perished in the heinous and vile assault.
Sarah remained like this for a long while, trying to come to terms with everything that had happened and desperately seeking solace from the intense despair consuming her, when suddenly, a knock on the door to her room disturbed her.
She moved her hands onto her cheeks instead, opening her eyes as she glanced up, her eyes connecting to her teammate Chuck, who stood inside the doorway of her on-base accommodation.
"Are you okay?" he asked softly, his voice filled with a gentle undertone, his eyes glistening with compassion.
Sarah's gaze fixated on her teammate, lost in a realm of her own, as the events of the last day relentlessly looped in her mind.
She sighed a few seconds later. "I don't know. I don't know how I'm feeling, Chuck," she admitted, her gaze distant, trying to make sense of her emotions.
A gentle, melancholic smile played on his lips, his eyes brimming with unspoken sorrow and empathy. "Can I sit down?"
"Yeah," she nodded.
Chuck cautiously approached her on the bed, feeling a knot tighten in his stomach as a heavy silence engulfed the teammates in the room.
"This is all new to me... I don't know how to deal with it," Sarah admitted a long moment later, breaking the silence.
Chuck held a tender gaze, his smile never faltering, showcasing the compassion that consumed his heart. "Sarah, I can be an excellent listener. You can talk to me and get it off your chest. Is it the woman you killed?"
His question lingered in the air as Sarah contemplated it, eventually responding with a nonchalant shrug. "I'm not sure... Maybe… Or maybe it's something else…"
Chuck nodded, fully understanding her torment, for he too, endured it many times. "On your first day, when I picked you up at the gate, you told me you'd not killed before. It was her or us or more civilians, Sarah."
She nodded. "I know. And I don't regret doing it. But how do you live with it?" she asked, gazing at Chuck with a distant stare.
"It gets easier," he said with a consoling smile, his warm words offering comfort. "Sarah, after my first, I cried my eyes out, and I threw up violently. Life in the military is everything I have ever wanted. The ancestry of my family in the British Army dates back hundreds of years. I'm proud to serve, and it's never easy taking a life, but it's them or us. That's just the reality of it all."
Sarah looked into Chuck's eyes as he confided himself to help her, feeling a profound sense of understanding and a strong connection forming with him. "Where was your first?" she asked.
"Iraq. I was on patrol in the Grenadier Guards, and we ran into contact with insurgents. It was a heated exchange, and I killed two insurgents," he said, pushing a smile that showed no teeth.
She gave him one in reply, sensing he was the kind of person just as troubled by the violence as she.
He continued. "Just like you, I don't regret doing it because it was them or me. I think if anybody enjoys killing, then they are psychotic. But the people that the government sends us to fight really do want to kill us. So, it's up to us to show them that same aggression in return. But because we aren't monsters, and most of them are, it haunts us the second we get off mission."
She drew a heavy sigh as they held their glance. "What about all those innocent people, Chuck? How do you come to terms with seeing all of that carnage, bloodbath, and mayhem that we saw last night?"
"Sarah, we can't do anything to change that. We can't take that burden on ourselves," he stressed.
Sarah registered what he said, unable to disagree with it.
"We can only deploy when given the order. The deaths of civilians fall onto the politicians. It's just war, and it sucks..." he said, stopping to draw a heavy sigh.
She forced a smile in reply, hoping to help ease the despondency of the friendly guy in front of her.
After a moment, he continued. "Once we deployed, we quickly engaged and killed the enemy. Do I wish we didn't see the things we see on operations? Yes. But do I wish I wasn't there so that we didn't have to see what we saw? No, I don't. Because without us being on that bridge to help, many more would have died. So seeing all the carnage we saw together last night was the price we pay to save lives."
Sarah nodded, unable to find anything thing to disagree with.
"It would be the same even in the police or paramedics. They feel the same way that you are feeling right now. You feel helpless, but you aren't. Because without us being there, many more would have died. It took me a while to realise that, but for the sake of my mental well-being, I'm glad I now can. You should be proud of what you did last night and this morning," Chuck said, finishing in a confident but reassuring tone.
Sarah let her teammate's words sink in with her, then she breathed out a deep sigh as the events of her first operation in the SAS continued to overwhelm her.
A moment later, she flashed Chuck a smile. "You know, you're a really nice guy, Chuck."
Chuck grinned. "No, I'm just a good teammate."
"Bullshit," she shot back sharply. "You're the only one in here with me now. That shows you care at a level way beyond anyone else. You're here with me because you're a really great guy and I feel so appreciative more than I can tell you that you are right now…"
"I'll always be around for you to air whatever is troubling you," Chuck said with a smile. "I can also be a really great shoulder to lean on if you need it?"
Sarah took a moment in thought, her expressions guarded at the prospect of a hug with someone.
It had been a very long time since she could recall last hugging somebody.
Sensing Chuck was completely genuine and he had no motive other than a friendly action, she relented with a nod.
He suppressed gentle laughter.
The teammates cautiously moved closer to hug, careful to maintain personal space boundaries.
She was hesitant at first, but after a moment, she felt the act was actually helping her, so she locked a tighter grip around him.
When she did, he returned the action, obviously waiting for her to instigate first in a bid to respect her personal space.
Hugging teammates wasn't something she expected to have found in the SAS, but she'd never expected to have encountered a heart-warming guy like Chuck here either.
After a moment, she felt some of her extreme tension ease into the embrace, Chuck's secure grip around her helping to achieve that.
They remained in that position, maintaining the embrace until it reached a point where the situation became uncomfortable for both of them.
When they were apart again, Chuck gave her a smile bearing no teeth. "I promise I won't ever tell anyone about anything. Anything you say or do in a private conversation with me will stay just like that, private."
Sarah smiled back at the genuineness and caring nature of the heart-warming friendly guy and teammate she was now serving alongside. "Thank you."
"Just please don't tell the lads I'm this kind and gentle or else they might throw me off the team," he joked, suppressing laughter.
For the first time in over a day, Sarah felt joyful, even if only briefly, at his joke. "Ok," she said with a smile. "We have a deal."
Chuck suppressed laughter, lighting up with a grin. "You know, a good way to help get over it is to go out with the team and get rotten drunk."
"I'm not sure I feel like it," she said with a sigh, wanting to engage with her teammates, but she didn't feel capable right now.
Chuck gave her a pleading glance, sure it would help her feel a bit better, so he pushed the issue. "Sarah, come on. The lads are all going, and they'll take offence if you don't come."
"I need to sleep for a week," she said dismissively, attempting to worm her way out of the invitation.
Chuck sighed, unrelenting in his attempts to help her. "Sarah, so do I, but they're your teammates. You were only saying the other day that you didn't feel wanted and valued and speak of the devil... Here they are," he said, nodding her over to the door of her room.
Sarah watched on as Staff Sergeant Chris MacDonald, Trooper Jamie Hughes, Trooper John Murray, Trooper Daniel Thomas, and Sergeant Cole Barker entered view inside her quarters.
"Oi, oi! What are you two lovebirds talking about, then?" Big Dan joked, which earned him an approving laugh from the arrived team members.
Chuck's face contorted with rage as he locked eyes with Dan, his glare intensifying. "Piss off, Dan!" he bellowed in anger, drawing a sigh to compose himself. "I was telling Sarah about our plans for tonight. But she's hesitant to come, and she's trying her best to get out of it."
"We don't take no for an answer, Trooper," Staff Sergeant MacDonald said, his tone firm, as the entire team, minus Bryce, pressed further into her quarters, the sound of their heavy boots reverberating through the room.
Sarah's teammates crowded around her, perching on her bed or finding makeshift seats on her cabinets and any available surface, their glances straight into her orbs.
"Stow away your gear, clean yourself up, change into some civvies, then let's hit the town. I can give it to you as an order if you want, Trooper?" Staff Sergeant MacDonald asked.
With a resigned smile, Sarah felt the collective approval and anticipation from her team.
"Well, when you put it like that, Staff, how can I refuse?" she said in acceptance.
Sarah watched as her entire team's faces lit up with joy, and then, in an instant, all but the Staff Sergeant gave approving pats from their positions.
"It's Chris to my friends," the Staff Sergeant said with a friendly nod, glancing at Sarah. "And the first one is on me for an outstanding job. Seriously, I'm bloody well proud to be on the same team as all of you in this room!"
"Wow, Chris must be impressed. It's a rare occurrence the wee tosser ever buys a round," Trooper John Murray joked, provoking laughter and creating a sense of camaraderie among the entire team.
"Cheeky bastard!" Staff Sergeant MacDonald said as he got Trooper Murray into a friendly, endearing headlock.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Next Chapter: The team heads out on their first of many heavy drinking sessions! Because that's what soldiers love to do! Sarah gets to know the team on a personal level, plus, there will be some one-to-one Chuck and Sarah conversations!
FOOTNOTES: I will make another plea for reviews. I can't stress enough how much I love to share Chuck stories with interactive readers. I love to hear your thoughts.