This is not an official update. It's an author's note.
Please read it even if this is the last story you read from me.
I have never spoken on politics here. It has always been my haven away from it, but I can't stay silent any longer. I am going to tell you my story.
My name is Aseel. I am a first-generation American-Palestinian born to an American-Palestinian father and a Palestinian mother. My four grandparents became refugees at a very young by age, three of them passed away never healing from what they went through and my maternal grandma, the sole one left behind, even in her happiest moments, still has the most haunted look in her eyes that I have ever seen in my life. She was only five when she escaped ethnic cleansing and genocide.
My father spent his entire childhood sleeping on a blanket in a tent, and it was through sheer hard work that he managed to get a full-ride scholarship to the University of Jordan and then an acceptance letter to a university in California. If not for his hard work, I would not have gotten a safe childhood and the privilege of being an American. Until his death a year ago, I never understood my dad's constant state of anxiety. Why is it that a college-educated man of the upper middle class who can afford to send his five kids to private schools is always scared? But how could someone who spent his entire childhood in a tent ever feel safe?
My mum had a much better childhood. She had a roof above her head. But don't ask her about going to school because most of her walks to school and back home involved darting behind trash cans to dodge live bullets. It took me 23 years to realize that this is the reason she calls us every 50 minutes when we are out and she blows our phone with fifty calls if it's been five minutes since we told her we will be back home. It doesn't matter that we are safe.
Her point is always the same. "How am I supposed to know that you aren't dead?"
I know what trauma feels like. It's something that sprouted inside of me before I even knew what the word meant.
I know what trauma looks like. I was raised by two parents who are more like traumatized children than adults.
Growing up like that is like having invisible flames lick at the walls of your house. You can smell the smoke. You know something is wrong, but you can't for the life of you know what is wrong with you, or what is wrong with the people around you.
As a Palestinian, you don't have the privilege of staying away from politics. As a child, I ate dinner while watching the bombing and shooting of children. How else will we know what is happening? What's the point of shielding your child from their own history?
Since 1947, Palestinians have been subjugated to some of the worst atrocities of modern history. Over the last 76 years, Palestinians have lived under colonization, occupation, and apartheid. They have experienced genocide, ethnic cleansing, and some of the most bloody massacres we speak of today. Hundreds of thousands of Palestinians have died since then. If it's a good year, hundreds will die. If it's a bad one, thousands will instead. Palestinians over the last 76 years have exhausted every option they have to receive justice.
On October 7, Hamas launched a counterattack on Israel. As someone who abhors violence, I will mourn the souls of the fallen ones every day.
I will also mourn the souls of every single Palestinian whose murder and crushed soul paved the way for what took place a week ago. I will also mourn the souls that will serve as revenge for them.
Gaza is under attack. Israel is currently targeting civilian buildings, hospitals, ambulances, journalists, and cars. No one is safe. They are currently using white phosphorus, a chemical that melts one's skin and bones. It's an internationally forbidden chemical to use. They are targeting hospitals with it.
They have cut off fuel, water, food, and electricity from Gaza. Families are currently rationing food inside their homes, and charging their phones from their car batteries.
Mums are teaching their toddlers their parents' names so that if their child is left behind, they can know their full names.
Brothers are dividing their children between each other, so if one of the brother's homes is targeted, at least some of his kids stay alive.
Other families choose to sleep in the same room together so that if a bomb hits their family, no one is left behind and they all die together.
2400 people have died so far and it feels like I have died 2400 deaths and no one is doing anything to stop it.
700 children have died.
The youngest baby in Gaza, seven day old, died yesterday. The first sound that infant heard was of bombing, and the last sound he heard was also of bombing.
1 person dies every five minutes. Do you know how many five minutes there are in a day?
Do the math.
Gaza is a 150 square miles open air concentration camp with 2.2 million people half of those are children. Hospitals are running out of place to put the dead bodies in and have to resort to placing them in ice cream trucks and are starting mass graves cause there isn't enough space to bury everyone individually.
A war crime is happening as I type this to you. The Israeli leaders are referring to Palestinians as human animals and calling for the killing for every Palestinian in Gaza. Israel has dropped more bombs on Gaza in the last week than the US did in Afghanistan in an entire year.
46 Multi-generational family lines were wiped off the civil registry, and no grandparents, parents, or children were left behind to carry the family's name or bloodline.
UN shelters and schools have been bombed. UN workers, medics, doctors, and journalists have been killed. No one in Gaza is safe. Multiple war crimes are being committed right now as you read this. International law is being broken as you read this.
Palestinians were being ordered by the Israeli government to evacuate their homes and then those same roads that the Israeli government told them will be "safe" were bombed.
Now they are ordering doctors, nurses, and medics to evacuate hospitals. What do you think will happen to them? You don't need to think long enough to know the answer.
All of the mainstream media outlets aren't covering this, why?
Because they know that if they send their journalist into Gaza, they won't make it out alive.
If reading all of this doesn't make you sick to your stomach, I don't know what will. If your empathy encompasses the oppressor's tribulation over the last week but doesn't extend to the oppressed's 76 years of death, heartbreak, and trauma, you aren't against violence, you have selective empathy.
We all look back at history and think to ourselves, if we were there, we would have done the right thing. We would have been on the right side of history.
Well, history is happening now, and the international community is choosing to stay silent. This is the thing that your children and grandchildren will read about in history books down the line and ask you, "Why did you do nothing? How could you watch in silence?"
Learn about the history. If you don't believe me, listen to the Jewish voices that have been fighting for Palestinian freedom for decades. Jewish voices for peace and if not now org have been posting round-the-clock coverage of what is happening in Gaza. Norman Finkelstein and Ilan Pappe are some of the many Jewish voices in academia who have for decades been advocating for Palestinians and uncovering Israeli atrocities.
Instead of listening to the lies that the mainstream media keeps circulating about dead babies and raped women, claims that have been debunked by the Israelis themselves, listen to the people who are covering the truth and then act. Don't stay silent. Contact your representative and tell them that you do not support genocide. Join the rallies that are being held all over the world. Tell your friends and family about what is happening. Get them involved. Your voice might be the one voice that makes a difference.
I know a lot of you guys come here for fun and escapism. I do too. Nothing brings me more joy than to share my writing with people. It brings me immense happiness knowing that something I wrote touched someone or was a bright spot in their day, but I can't stay silent when silence is complacency.
My writing is something that I do for free. It's a labor of love, a labor of love that is reserved for people who care for me. If you support what is being done in Gaza right now, then it means that you want me, a Palestinian, dead. I will never labor for people who want me dead.
So, if you think that what is happening is acceptable, I want you to never read anything I write ever again. You do not get to enjoy the fruits of my labor. I know I sound harsh to many, but if someone thinks that the Palestinian suffering is entertaining, then that is all the entertainment they get from us. They don't get to be entertained by my art.
I refuse to engage with any accusations of anti-semitism. Judaism is to never be associated with the war crimes that the Israeli government has committed against Palestinians over the last 76 years, and any association between those two is in and of itself an act of anti-semitism.
I will not tolerate any hateful comments. They will be deleted. I will not tolerate, any racism toward Palestinians, Jews, or Muslims. Take that crap elsewhere. All will be deleted.
I don't know if I will be able to keep my account and stories up, after writing this. I have seen people lose their accounts on other platforms for saying less. That said, I have saved my stories and I will continue to write them regardless of what happens and if my account is removed, I will set up an account on AO3 under the same name and start posting all of my stories there. You also know where to find me on substack, and you can PM my beta and she will point you my way.
If you have questions about more ways you can help or more resources please PM. I will point you toward the resources that will draw your a fuller picture than the one I am drawing, people who can see better through their grief than me.
If you are just so shocked and can't process what is going on, please don't be too shy to PM me. I have been doing this for 24 years. I know all of the stages of grief and have become a pro at handling the feeling of betrayal. We can deal with this together. You don't need to be alone in this.
I finished writing the upcoming chapter. I will be sending it to my beta and it will be up by Wednesday, as per schedule.
Until my next update,
Stay Safe