I don't own Twilight. What I own is my character's behavior, personality, background, and plot of the story.

Thanks to my Beta MadMooey18 for her constant support and help in making this story what it is today.

"Stop," Bella mutters to Jamie the moment his hands starts undoing her pants. Jamie pulls away and falls back into the backseat of his car with a scowl on his face.

He exhales loudly then tells her in a frustrated tone, "You know, Vicci and I did it by our three months anniversary."

"Well, you are welcome to go to Florida and fuck her," Bella tells him as she fixes her bra and puts her shirt back on quickly worried that some passing car will see her. She doesn't even know what came over her to let him get this far with her in public.

"Don't be crude. I didn't mean it that way," he tells her as he fixes his own clothes.

Bella barks a laugh and demands, "How else did you mean it then? Every time I pull the brakes you bring her up. What the fuck am I supposed to think?"

He shrugs at her and replies, "I guess I'm trying to give you some perspective. It's not that big of a deal. You don't need to build up having sex like it's this bigger than life thing."

Bella rolls her eyes and tells him, "Keep that perspective to yourself. I would like to continue making a big deal out of it. Now drive me home please."

"Fine," Jamie mutters and pulls from the side of the road and onto the street. They spend the rest of the ride in tense silence which makes Bella question all of her life choices that lead to dating him. Once he parks in front of their homes, she throws her door open. He tries to reach out to her, but she shrugs his hand away and quickly gets out of the car. She walks toward her house and gets in without paying any attention to Jamie calling. She locks the door behind her then leans against it as she tries to calm herself down. It was claustrophobic in the car with him. She felt like she was being choked and clawed at.

She rubs her hands against her face in frustration as she mutters to herself, "This is not how it was supposed to happen." She didn't get into a relationship with Jamie so that she would feel cornered. She started dating him so she could fell free.

As a kid, Jamie had a way of making her forget everything. She was hoping he can still do that.

She stuffs her fist in her mouth screaming. After she screams enough she remembers that screaming won't fix anything and decides to make herself a sandwich figuring that her hunger isn't helping her bad mood. She fixes it on autopilot, and takes it with her up the stairs to her bedroom. She places the plate on the table near her painting easel and eats her sandwich as she preps her canvas.

Bella puts all of her frustration, anger, and pain into her painting. Her emotions may as well be an extra color on the canvas and at the end, she finds herself staring at something that doesn't resemble anything she has ever painted. It's the face of a girl torn to shreds and sewn together. On closer look, she finds that it's her. She painted herself! Her first self portrait and the only painting that has ever unnerved her.

She takes it off the easel, and leaves it drying behind it where she can no longer see it and goes to lay on her bed, succumbing to what she has been talking herself out of doing for the last month, looking up Vicci.

Two minutes into her search, she calls Alice and tells her, "It's an emergency. Come to my home now."

Alice looks up from the phone as she looks at Bella trying to find the right thing to tell her, "I mean. I know she is pretty, but that's it." Alice shrugs at the end.

Bella rolls her eyes at her friend as she throws herself on her bed and tells her, "Pretty? That woman is gorgeous. Drop dead gorgeous with a capital G. She could run circles around me in the looks department."

"Bella, don't be hard on yourself. You're very pretty. Don't critique yourself like that. I thought you had more self confidence than this?" she admonishes her.

Bella raises her head to look at Alice as she tells her, "I have confidence in myself, but I am not blind. We are very different. Why would he go from her to me?"

Alice purses her lips as if thinking over her words before she tells Bella, "You're right. Why would he go for you?"

Bella glares at Alice and throws a pillow at her, but Alice simply giggles dodging it and tells her, "Who cares why he did it? The important thing is that he chose you. You are what he is interested in now. If he wanted another Victoria, he would have gone for Maya, or Miley." That is a reference to two girls in their class that look like another version of Victoria.

"I guess," Bella replies shrugging at her. She knows the comparison is supposed to make her feel bad about herself and want to be better for him, and to a certain extent, it does.

Thing is, she is more insulted by him, assuming he is too stupid to see through his manipulation than she is bothered by the comparison. It's a feeling she has been running from because to acknowledge it is to recognize that dating James isn't the right choice.

"There is more to it, right?" Alice states pulling Bella out of her inner musings.

"Huh?" Bella asks.

"Did he compare you to her?" Alice asks.

Bella nods her head and tells her, "Whenever I stop things from progressing, he will make a snide comment about how Victoria would do all the things I won't do."

"Oh," Alice mutters in understanding. She opens her mouth then abruptly closes it. While her knee jerk reaction is to tell Bella to do everything in her power to not let Jamie leave her available for Edward, the more rational part of her stops her. Hurt is hurt and she doesn't want Bella hurt by Jamie.

"Bella, in all seriousness, you're not even 16 yet. Jamie isn't the first or last guy to date you. If he dumps you cause you won't put out, so what? There is more fish in the sea."

Bella nods her head then tells Alice, "I really like Jamie, but I don't trust him yet. I want to trust him before we do anything."

Regardless of what she feels for Edward, Bella likes Jamie. She enjoys hanging out with him. He is funny, and adventurous, two things she really loves, but there are moments when he is hurtful and she finds herself doubtful of him being the same sweet boy that lived next door. Those moments scare her and they are precisely why she isn't sure Jamie should be the first person she should have sex with.

"I miss this," Edward tells her as they eat the vegan cheese sandwiches she made for them. They are sitting in a meadow they discovered while hiking five years ago and have visited it many times ever since. They eat their vegan cheese sandwiches she had made for them.

"Vegan cheese? I thought you hated it," Bella tells him after waiting to swallow her bite before answering.

Edward snorts then tells her, "No. I meant that I miss our hikes. We used to hike together all the times then suddenly Jamie appears and you don't want to hike with me anymore"

Bella snorts as she places her sandwich on a paper plate and tells him, "I thought you hated our hikes. You hate the dirt, insects, and long walks. That is why I started inviting Jamie with me instead. I figured I would be doing you a service."

"Well, yeah I hate hiking, but I like hiking with you," Edward replies.

Bella raises an eyebrow at that. "You hate hiking, but like hiking with me? You threw a hissy fit every single time we hiked together in the last five years," she snaps back.

"I didn't throw one this morning," Edward tells her defensively.

Bella barks a laugh at his ridiculousness then tells him, "Taking you on a hike is literally the best form of birth control I could ask for cause you are like a child on these hikes and every time we go on one, you remind me of how ill equipped I am to handle children."

Bella's frustration flies over his head as he finds himself hung up on her needing birth control, and before he can stop himself, he finds himself asking her, "You need it?'

"Huh?" Bella mutters in confusion unsure of what he is talking about before recognition dawns on her, and she shakes her head then tells him, "Nah, still too early for that, though not from Jamie's lack of trying."

"Lack of trying?"

Bella shrugs and tells him, "He is one of those dudes who think having sex isn't a big deal, and thinks he should have it on a regular basis."

"Good. That's good. It's too early for either of us to make such a big decision," Edward tells her in relief. The inclusion of himself doesn't fly over Bella's head, but she files that thought for another time.

They both finish their sandwiches in silence then continue their hike. The days pass by, and soon enough, Bella and Jamie have their six months anniversary, and Bella finds herself running out of excuses as to why she can't have sex with him. She knows deep down that the reason is because she doesn't love him even though she tells him she does. A quieter voice continues to tell her she loves Edward, but most of the time, she has that voice on mute.

She is lovesick, but not a lovesick fool. She will be damned if she pathetically waits around for Edward to notice her and see her love. She will live life to the fullest, even if it means living it without her heart.

Thus, on a Sunday afternoon, she finds herself in Jamie's bed under his heavy petting and clammy touch. She closes her eyes and tells herself that everything is fine as she feels his hands sneaking into her bra.

His words whisper into her ears a promise of pleasure and yet all she can think to herself is, "When will this be over? I don't want to be here."

She runs her fingers through his hair hoping that if she puts a little effort into what's happening, she might feel less coerced into it. She pretends that her discomfort is nervousness. She is ready for this, but is just feeling how every girl feels her first time. She tells herself everything will be okay. She will feel pleasure. It will bring her closer to her boyfriend. Jamie has been patient all of this time, he deserves something from her.

"Stop!" she yells and as soon as he is off her, she jumps out of bed and starts putting on her clothes like the devil is on her heels.

"What's wrong?" he asks her.

"I can't do this," she mutters under her breath as she jumps into her pants.

She hears the mattress sink from someone sitting on it before Jamie tells her, "We have been together for six months. Why can't you trust me?"

Bella shakes her head and tells him, "It's not you, it's me. I am just not ready for sex." That's the god's honest truth. Jamie is a great boyfriend. He is a loving one. He deserves a girl who can give her all to him, not one who thinks every kiss is a chore.

"You know, you can't do this to me. I can't keep holding on to someone who dangles a carrot in front of me then snatches it away. I deserve better than this," he tells her but his barely concealed threat doesn't have the effect he thought it would.

Bella rolls her eyes and tells him, "I am happy with you doing what you want. If you want us to break up so you can pursue someone else, I will be happy to give you that."

She doesn't stick around to see the look on his face.

The next day, Bella finds herself nervously getting out of Garrett's car. No one knows what happened between her and James. Yesterday, when all she wanted to do was to get the hell out of his room, leaving things hanging sounded like a good idea. Now, it's not a great one anymore.

Garrett, who doesn't know what happened, but knows she isn't feeling her best, smiles reassuringly at her, then leaves for his class. She follows after him, dragging her feet hoping that the space between her and her first class will stretch. Jamie is in her first class and Bella is a coward who doesn't want to face him.

It turns out that all of her fears were for nothing as Jamie seems fine with their fight. "It's not like I am gonna die if I don't have sex. I can give you as much time as you need," he says whispers to her when their teacher isn't looking.

She smiles at him as she feels her heart drop. She realizes in that moment that she doesn't want to be with him anymore. She spent last night coming to terms with them breaking up, and now that they aren't, she wishes they did.

Bella spends the rest of her day as usual, until the lunch break when Edward doesn't come to the cafeteria. "Where is Edward?" she asks Alice.

Alice shrugs then asks her, "Did you text him?"

"He doesn't answer," Bella mutters worried. Emmett and him are always the first to arrive since their calculus class is the closest to the cafeteria.

"You know, your codependency is worrisome. You should see a therapist about it," Alice tells her not seeing the big deal in them being a couple of minutes late.

Bella kicks Alice under the table which makes her raise her hands in surrender and tells Bella, "Fine, fine. I will text Emmett and see what they are up to."

Right as she types the message, she looks up to find them making their way toward them. "See? They came. There is no need for you to worry."

Bella sighs in relief, but her relief is short sighted as on a closer look, Edward looks disheveled. His shirt is torn at the neck, and he walks with a limp, holding his glasses in his hands.

Bella moves her chair near his and fusses over him once he sits down. "What happened?"

"Nothing. Just an asshole who needed a lesson in respect," he tells her while glaring at the table that has some of the jocks including Jamie sitting in it.

Emmett snorts and tells him, "You would have gotten "said lesson", had I not gotten involved," then turns to Bella and tells her "The asshat was bragging to his friends that you have killer suction skills."

It takes Bella a couple of seconds to understand what that means and who he is talking about, but once she does, she is pissed as hell.

She should have known.

His calm attitude was too good to be true. Jamie has a temper and a lashing out attitude on his best days. He must have been planning to say this shit about her all along.

She pushes her chair back and then gets up and marches toward where Jamie is sitting ignoring her friends' calls to stop. It will be a cold day in hell before she lets someone disrespect her that way.

She bends behind him, grabs his ponytail, yanks it backward and then tells him in a voice loud enough for everyone to hear, "For a guy who starts crying about how he couldn't stop his daddy from hitting his mummy the moment his pants dropped, you are too comfortable talking about your sex life."

Then she stands up and looks at everyone sitting at the table and tells them, "Been there, done that. Wouldn't advise sex with him. It involves too much wetness and not the right kind."

Then she strides back to her table as she hears laughter explode at the table behind her. Guess his jock title isn't as permanent as he thought it was.

"What did you tell them?" Alice asks her the moment Bella returns while stealing glances at the table behind them laughing.

Bella smiles at her and tells her, "Why break the news for you when you will hear it through the grape vine."

She moves her food tray toward Edward figuring they could share since he didn't get himself one, and nudges him. He smiles back at her then slowly drops his broken glasses on the table and hesitantly picks an apple, his eyes downcast.

Bella, Alice, and Emmett take it upon themselves to joke as much as possible, but to no avail. It seems that while Jamie's punches would have little lasting harm on his body, they left an immeasurable one on his ego.

A couple of minutes before the biology class they share together, a junior named Lauren comes to their table and tells him, "It was quite noble of you to defend your friend like that."

"That is nice of you to say," Edward tells her, the first sign of a smile on his face. Lauren smiles shyly at him and leaves, and Bella is happy that Edward is smiling. She doesn't give too much thought to his face-splitting smile throughout their biology class. It's a colossal mistake on her part, for this smile paves the way for their ending.

Hello lovely people,

I know it's been a long time, but life gets in the way.

My family has been very busy taking care of a stray kitten that is a couple of weeks old. What have you guys been up to since summer began? I would love to know.

Here is to hoping I will manage to update the next chapter by the end of this months.

Until my next update,

Stay safe