Harry: Look, I get why you don't want me to leave and all, but I already know how to beat Voldemort *thundercrack*, and the sooner I leave…
Molly: Nope.
Harry: Come on, it's gonna take me long enough as is to do…
Molly: Nope.
Harry: Listen, the sooner I get started, the sooner this will all be over.
Molly: Nope. I'm keeping you here until you're safely back at Hogwarts.
Harry: You really think I'm going back to Hogwarts?
Molly: I don't see why you wouldn't. It's probably the safest place for you.
Harry: Mrs. Weasley, I don't know why Voldemort *thundercrack* feared Dumbledore so much, but now that the latter is dead, I'm pretty sure the former is going to make sure that NOWHERE is safe for me.
Molly: Look, if you think I'm gonna let the three of you drop out of school…
Harry: They're choosing to come with me. I made it very clear this would be a dangerous mission.
Molly: Dangerous, eh? Just another reason to make sure you're not going anywhere.
Harry: Look, the longer you delay this…
Molly: Harry, how far do you think you'll get with The Trace on you?
Harry: …that's not…
Molly: Do you even know what you're doing?
Harry: Of course I…
Molly: As in, you know exactly where you're going, what you'll do when you get there, you've got all the tools you'll need…
Harry: Well, not yet, but…
Molly: Exactly, so you're staying here. Now, we're hosting a wedding in a little over a week, so we need this place spotless. If you could go clean the chicken coop…
Harry: You had Ron doing that as well, right? I suppose I need to speak to him about the mission anyway…
Molly: …on second thought, could you help with washing the linen?
Harry: Ah, Hermione's job. You're right, she's probably the better one to talk to.
Molly: Better idea: clean out the shed.
Harry: …God damn it.
*later*
Harry: So, your mum is trying to keep us apart.
Ron: I know, right? How dare she separate us from our love?
Harry: Missing the point as always. The bigger problem is we can't plan the hunt if we're always separated.
Hermione: There's always late at night when she thinks we're asleep.
Molly: *bursting in* I HEARD THAT!
Harry: You can't delay our leaving forever.
Molly: I can try. Now get back to work.
Harry: What work? We've done it all.
Molly: *waves her wand, causing several loud crashes throughout the house* Have you?
Hermione: But…you made that stuff happen.
Molly: *giving Hermione a look* Did I?
Hermione: Well, yeah, we just saw you.
Molly: *stepping closer to her* Okay, but did you?
Hermione: Yes, so we…
Molly: *right in Hermione's face* Did? You?
Hermione: …I guess we can help clean it up.
*later*
Harry: Okay, now that we've got some time to ourselves, I just want to say, you know, since I'm the one who has to kill Voldemort *thundercrack* anyway, maybe I should be…
Hermione: We already told you Harry, we're coming with you.
Ron: Till death do us part.
Harry: Please don't word it like that. Anyway, I was thinking that…
Hermione: Harry, do you know what I had to do before I came here?
Harry: How would I know? We've hardly had a chance to speak since we got here.
Hermione: I had to Obliviate my parents into thinking they didn't have a daughter, and that they wanted to move to Australia.
Harry: That…seems illegal. Also, since you refuse to believe in magic, how do you explain being able to do that?
Hermione: Hypnosis, duh. Also, what's more illegal: suppressing someone's memories, or the genocide of a type of person?
Harry: Just because what Voldemort's *thundercrack* doing is more illegal doesn't make what you're doing any better.
Ron: And I've done stuff to prepare to leave too.
Harry: Fantasising about us alone in a tent is not preparations.
Ron: No, better, come look.
Harry: No, I'd rather… *gets dragged out the door by Ron* …okay then, apparently this is happening now.
Ron: *shoving open the door to the attic* BEHOLD!
Harry: …what the hell am I looking at?
Ron: It's the family ghoul.
Harry: How long have you had that?
Ron: Silly Harry, we've had it the whole time.
Harry: I feel like we would have noticed that. And why is he wearing a wig and pyjamas?
Ron: So we can tell everyone I have spattergroit and no-one will be any wiser.
Harry: And your parents are okay with this?
Ron: Silly Harry, you know my mum isn't.
Harry: Right…I'm going to get out of here, because the stench is overwhelming.
Ron: Don't worry, that's just the ghoul shitting itself again.
Harry: Definitely getting out of here then.
*back in Ron's room*
Hermione: So you can see Harry, we've done a lot of prep work to go on this quest.
Harry: Yeah, but there's one thing you haven't prepped for.
Hermione: And what's that?
Harry: How the hell do you destroy a horcrux?
Hermione: Actually…
Harry: You've gotta be kidding me.
Hermione: I borrowed these from Dumbledore's office.
Harry: You robbed Dumbledore?!
Hermione: Borrowed from, yes.
Harry: Borrowed with no intent of giving back. Got it.
Hermione: *sigh* Anyway, according to these books, the only way to destroy a horcrux is to put it beyond magical repair. Like, say, stabbing it with a basilisk's fang.
Harry: Yes, and we certainly know where to get more of them.
Ron: Are we going to Greece to find more of them?
Harry: I thought we just needed to hatch a chicken egg under a toad to make one?
Hermione: How does a chicken egg and a toad make a snake?
Ron: What about this R. A. B. guy? He destroyed a horcrux, right? Maybe he has some spare basilisk fangs we can borrow.
Hermione: R. A. B. could be a woman, you know.
Harry: It doesn't matter what gender s/he is, just whether the horcrux is destroyed.
Hermione: How the hell did you pronounce those pronouns?
Harry: So, we need to decide where to start this journey. I was thinking Godric's Hollow…
Ron: Silly Harry, Death Eaters are probably watching that place.
Harry: Yeah, but I haven't got any…
Molly: *bursting in* YOU THREE! You need to help with getting the house clean before the Delacours arrive.
Harry: What the hell else is there to do?
Molly: I'm pretty sure there are still some rats around…
Ron: Scabbers came back?
Harry: Hopefully, so I can step on the bastard. But anyway, I'm sure Crookshanks can…wait, where is Crookshanks?
Hermione: Oh, I released him into the forest behind my house.
Harry: Are you sure that was a wise idea?
Hermione: Eh, I see stray cats in there all the time. I'm sure it's fine.
Harry: A bunch of cats running around a forest, eh? I wonder if Kieran's planning…
Molly: HEY! Work to be done.
Harry: You seem a lot more irritable than normal.
Molly: Because all this work is the only thing stopping me from remember that we couldn't recover Moody's body. Now, GET BACK TO WORK so the Delacours don't think we're poor.
*the next day*
Fred: *pointing at the approaching portkey* Here they come.
Mrs. Delacour: *looking around as they landed* Zis place lookz nize and tidy. Molly, you shouldn't have gone to zo much effort.
Molly: Oh, it was no trouble at…
Mr. Delacour: No, really, you didn't. We know you're poor.
Molly: God fucking damn it, they're rude.
Harry: What did you expect? They're French.