Hermione: Harry, quick, we need to grab Ron and get out of here.
Harry: We could do that. Or we can flee now and not worry about him.
Ron: Don't worry Harry, I'm never far from you.
Harry: Excellent. Be a good meat shield while me and Hermione escape.
Ron: Yes sir *stands in front of Harry as a Death Eater pulls out his wand*
Death Eater 1: PETRIFICUS TOTALUS! *fires spell in Harry's direction*
Hermione: And we're out of here *grabs Harry and Ron and apparates them all, letting the spell hit Aunt Muriel*
Death Eater 1: DAMN IT! So close…
Death Eater 2: Who were you even firing at? That guy just looked like a regular party guest.
Death Eater 1: I don't know, but they seemed important.
Death Eater 2: Come on, we have to find Harry Potter.
Death Eater 1: What if he's already left?
Death Eater 2: Well by all means, check somewhere else. But of the boss says he's here, he's probably here.
Death Eater 1: …I hate you *continues cursing party guests*
*meanwhile, in London*
Ron: Where the hell are we?
Harry: And when did you learn Side-Along Apparition?
Hermione: Tottenham Court Road, and never you mind. Just walk.
Harry: Okay, fine, but why here of all places?
Hermione: Because it's generally pretty busy, so we'd blend in.
Harry: Ah, yes, three people in dressrobes just appearing in the middle of a street will blend in perfectly, not to mention the fact that it risks exposing magic to the world. Also, given that most of the street is retail, why would there still be lots of people around?
Hermione: Leaving the theatre, duh.
Harry: Really? At 11pm on a… *checks date* …oh, wait, today's a Friday. This one's actually fine for once.
Hermione: Look, we need to change.
Ron: Excellent idea. Harry, let's get your clothes off.
Hermione: Actually, since the Polyjuice Potion is about to wear off, Harry should wear the Invisibility Cloak.
Ron: I like my plan better.
Harry: You do know I don't have my Invisibility Cloak with me, right?
Hermione: That's why I came prepared *hands Harry his cloak*
Harry: When did you have time to pack all this in-between all the wedding stuff?
Hermione: Never you mind *keeps pulling stuff out of her bag*
Harry: And how does a non-magic believer explain the almost unlimited space in that tiny bag?
Hermione: Hammerspace, duh.
Harry: Cartoon logic does not apply to the real world. And Ron, stop trying to take my pants off.
Ron: Never.
*later, in an all-night cafe*
Harry: Okay, so what's the plan?
Hermione: Well, first thing's first, we need to find somewhere to hide.
Ron: My place?
Harry: That is literally the second place they'd look, right after the Dursley's. And that's assuming they aren't still searching it. Though speaking of my place, I own Grimmauld Place, so that could work.
Hermione: Unless Snape can get in.
Harry: I don't think he can take both of us.
Ron: But Harry, there's three of us here.
Harry: Aww, it's adorable that you think you're a threat.
Hermione: I suppose we could try my place…
Harry: Didn't you Obliviate your parents, making them start a new life in Australia?
Hermione: Yeah, so?
Harry: Wouldn't they have sold their house now, so now there'd be someone else living there?
Hermione: …oh, right…
Harry: We just gotta think of somewhere that Voldemort *thundercrack* wouldn't think to look for us *two workmen walk in as Harry finishes his sentence*
Ron: Hey, do they look familiar to you guys?
Hermione: Ron, it's racist to assume all muggles look the same. Now, where can we go?
Ron: No, like, I think they're wizards.
Harry: Why would there be wizards in a muggle café? Anyway…
Ron: I think that one's pulling out a wand.
Hermione: Why would a muggle be pulling out a… *sees the wand* …oh shit.
Dolohov: Stupe…
Harry: *throwing off the Invisibility Cloak* STUPEFY! *hits Dolohov*
Rowle: HAHA! We knew this would get you out of hiding. Now, I'm going to…
Hermione: STUPEFY! *hits Rowle*
Barista: What the hell is going on?
Harry: …you saw nothing.
Barista: I saw everything.
Harry: No, you saw nothing. OBLIVIATE! *spell hits the barista*
Hermione: Harry, what the hell?
Harry: Hermione, we're on the run from Wizard Hitler. The less people who know where we are, the better.
Ron: Won't He just torture the information out of her, or at the very least invade her mind to find out what she forgot anyway?
Harry: And by then, we'll be gone. Now, what do we do with these guys?
Ron: Kill them?
Harry: WHOA! Ron, wasn't expecting that suggestion out of you.
Ron: Well, they were going to kill me, which would leave you heartbroken…
Harry: Of course that's what you think about. Though I still like the suggestion.
Hermione: We should just wipe their memories.
Harry: Aww, that's boring.
Hermione: You didn't mind doing it to the barista.
Harry: She wasn't trying to kill me.
Ron: You didn't drink the coffee.
Hermione: Harry, we don't want to be as bad as them.
Harry: Says you *Hermione stares at him* Okay, fine. Obliviate *wipes Rowle's mind*
Ron: Great Harry. I'll get Dolohov…
Harry: *writing something* Nah, I've got something else in mind for him *finishes writing, and puts his note on Dolohov, before thinking really hard. Dolohov suddenly disappears*
Hermione: Where'd he…
Harry: Trust me, he's in a much worse place now.
*back at the Burrow*
Ginny: *reading Harry's note* "Dear Ginny, I know it's a little early, but I promised you a new Death Eater to torture for your birthday, and I didn't know when I'd get another chance to send you one – Harry". Aww, he remembered *smiles wickedly as Dolohov whimpers*
*back at the café*
Harry: But now we have to go to Grimmauld Place.
Hermione: Are you sure that's safe?
Harry: Trust me, nothing is going to happen if we go there. Plus, we don't have any better ideas.
*at Grimmauld Place*
Harry: *walking in the door* See, nothing's happeni…
?: SNAPE YOU ASSHOLE, YOU KILLED ME! *charges at the trio*
Harry: Awfully alive for someone dead *dust cloud collapses*
Hermione: Was that…
Harry: Dumbledore? Looked like it, yeah.
Ron: Didn't you kill him?
Harry: Not even close, Ron. As much as I'd like it to be.
Hermione: Are we sure this place is empty?
Harry: *indicating how dusty everything is* Does it look like anyone's been here? *a Patronus weasel appears in the room*
Arthur-Patronus: The family's safe, don't reply to this, they're watching us.
Death Eater: Are you sending a message?
Arthur: No.
Death Eater: I can see you sending it right now.
Arthur: No you can't.
Death Eater: Yes I can.
Arthur: No you…
Molly: FOR GOD'S SAKE ARTHUR! *Patronus disappears*
Harry: Well, that's good to… *scar starts hurting* Oh God damn it *collapses, and sees what Voldemort sees*
Voldemort: So, you not only call me unnecessarily after letting Potter escape, but you lost Dolohov? Where is he, by the way?
Rowle: …I don't think we'll be seeing him again *gets hit with the Cruciatus curse*
Harry: Oh good, Ginny got my present.